Ah, Christmas. I remember when it used to actually mean something.
So, it looks like the Rudius Media network is down…
If you can’t beat em…join em?
By now my seething hatred of Japanese television should be fairly well known. If Hollywood has taught us anything about life, its that when one person hates something so passionately, so derisively, that there are only two possible conclusions – an all-out fight to the death, or for the hate to turn into romance of some sort. While my plan to rain down unparalleled destruction on Japanese TV networks is still in the planning phases (do you have any idea how hard it is to gather Satan’s minions…?), I may have to put it on hold for a while, as…well…now I’m actually appearing on TV.
Calm down, I haven’t become the next Bob Sapp or Bobby Ologun *shudder*. So far its only been a few random appearances on one TV show. …So, how does that happen anyway?
Last year with my wedding ceremony coming up I was crunched for cash. I was also working the Job From Hell (see the Sour Apples entries), so I was regularly checking job postings – something part-time I could do in addition to my job to help with the wedding costs, or a full-time job to replace the nightmare I was working at then. I came across an ad for a talent agency for foreigners. The office wasn’t located too far from my workplace, so I figured why not – I contacted them one day and went for an interview/screening during lunch break.
They explained that they are an agency that provides foreigners for various roles in the Japanese entertainment business. TV spots, movie extras, commercials, etc. I gave them my information and took some profile pictures. They said they would give me a call if any good projects came up that would be suited for me.
As most of you know, I don’t really care about celebrities and entertainment news. They’re just ordinary people who happen to appear on TV and in movies and what not, so I don’t understand the obsession with following their lives. I do try to keep up with the news and current events, and unfortunately in doing so I’m exposed to celebrity news. Its almost unavoidable. Anyway, looking at some celebrity “incidents” that have happened in Japan over the past year got me thinking about how differently these things are handled/viewed back home.
First off, for those who don’t follow Japanese celebrity news (most of you I hope…?) a brief recap.
Thank you for your feedback.
Anpanman – a popular Japanese anime character created by Takashi Yanase
Chidori – an attack name from an action anime called Naruto
daikon – radish
dekai – huge, large
gaijin – outsider
gaikokujin – person from an outside place (Gaijin Smash)
Gaijin Optic Blast – Foreigners get stared at alot, but if the stare is returned, the recipient instantly turns away
Gaijin Perimeter – This is the gaijin’s natural ability to just repel people. (Gaijin Smash)
Gaijin Power – Ability to get any girl
Gaijin Smash – anytime a Westerner exerts inherent dominance over the Japanese people.
Gaijin Telepathy – No one tells Gaijins anything out of fear, expecting them just to ‘know’ what is going on (Gaijin Smash, You WILL Love Me)
Ganbatte – Go for it or Do your best (Ichinensei After Lunch)
heiwa – peace
ichinensei – 1st year students
Japanese dinosaur – a term my friends and I have started using recently, but I don’t think we coined it. Japanese girls have this weird habit of carrying their (oftentimes multiple) bags in the crease of their elbow…so then their forearm bends up and off to the side. The other arm is often elevated, either thanks to a cell-phone or… God only knows why. Then they have their feet stuffed into some expensive designer uncomfortable shoes, which makes them walk pigeon-toed. The entire stance is pretty comical to look at, and reminds one of a velociraptor, or a t-rex. Thus, we call these girls dinosaurs. With apologies to the velociraptors and t-rexes for being compared to these brainless slaves of fashion.
kancho – Japanese game school children play; “kids clasping their hands together, sticking out their first fingers, and shoving them up your butt.”
Kancho Sense – The ability to detect, predict or deflect a Kancho attempt.
Kimigayo – Japanese national anthem
kotatsu – a table with a small heater underneath. You can put a large blanket over the kotatsu, so everyone can sit around it, put their legs under the blanket, and share the warmth. Used instead of a ventilated heater for the entire house.
ninensei – 2nd year students
Ohayo gozaimasu – Good morning!
oppai – Woman’s breast
Rasengan – an attack name from an action anime called Naruto
Sabaku Sousou! – Desert Coffin! from an action anime called Naruto?
sannensei – 3rd year students
Sekai! – Correct!
sumaru dikku – small dick
yakiniku – Raw meat served at a restaurant in small portions, which you cook yourself
yakuza – Japanese mafia (Az Fails at Dating)
Zannen! – Too bad!
Email at azrael (at-thingy) outpostnine.com, or use the form below.
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