Gaijin Smash

Barking Up The Wrong Tree

Posted in Blog by gaijinsmashnet on May 28, 2009

If you all thought “uiiiiiish!” Daigo* was bad, let me introduce you to – IKKO.
*I was pleasantly surprised to see most of you think of the Street Fighter player Daigo first and foremost. I was also happy to see that entering in “Daigo” in YouTube returned more results of him than the Japanese rocker Daigo. Maybe the world isn’t as hopeless as I feared…
In the words of Austin Powers, that’s a man, baby!
I guess you would call IKKO the RuPaul of Japan. S/he rose to fame for being beautiful (????) and an expert on fashion and makeup. So many young Japanese girls follow IKKO’s advice on how to do their makeup and look beautiful. …Just think about that for a moment, let it roll around in your heads – Japanese girls turning to a cross-dresser dude on how to look pretty. …Yup.
So IKKO will point out some beauty or health care product that s/he uses, and Japanese girls will FLOCK to go and buy it. Gotta love the group mentality, huh? I remember thinking, after seeing s/he endorse some beauty product on TV once, “I wish IKKO would endorse negro penis or something, have Japanese girls flocking to me in the hundreds of thousands.”
And y’know…you really must be careful about what you wish for.


The wife had dragged me into yet another department store one day. As we were walking, we noticed a large group gathered in front of some brand-name store (Louis Vitton? I don’t know or give a fuck…). As I was in the middle of Shopping Hell, I was doing as I always do – wishing for the sweet release of death and daydreaming about yellow kittens. My wife however wanted to see what the commotion was about, so she dragged me over. We were standing behind the large group…but remember that I’m tall and Japanese people are tiny, so as their heads only came up to my chest at best I could see clealy into the store.
It was IKKO.
S/he was doing a segment for a TV show. I don’t know what about, I guess whatever cross dressers do in brand name department stores. I told my wife and of course she bugged out, and pulled out her cell phone to take pictures of the person she usually sees on TV, so she can show her friends and family a distant and blurry cell phone pic of a person they see on their HDTV’s every other day. As my wife was doing this, something caught IKKO’s eye: me. S/he looked out at the crowd, looked back at the camera, then actually turned her/his head to look out this way, at me specifically. I didn’t think too much of it at first, I mean I do stick out like a sore thumb here, especially in female-dominated department stores. Its like playing Where’s Waldo if Waldo were dumped into (insert an incredibly outlandish and implausible scenario here.)*
*Thought I was going to do that joke twice, didn’t ya?
But here’s the thing – at one point it went past the “Hey look, there’s a big tall black Gaijin” and well into the “Hey, check out that prime piece of meat!” territory. I’m not a cross dresser or gay, but I can tell when a guy sees a target that registers over 9000 on the “I’d Hit It” scouter. I think I broke IKKO’s scouter.
…The sad thing is, this isn’t even the first time I’ve been checked out by a cross-dresser/transvestite in Japan. First time its been a famous cross-dresser though. …Sigh.
So I tell my wife that IKKO just totally checked me out…and her response is unexpected to say the least. Somehow, this elates her. She immediately jumps on her cell phone to start informing her friends and family that her husband just caught IKKO’s eye. …And as an aside, how would you even react to that? You’re sitting at home watching TV, and you get a text from your friend – “Hey, this famous cross-dresser just checked out my husband!” …Um…OK? Would you care for a delicious Hot Pocket?
My wife even suggests that if I wanted to, I could go on a date with IKKO. “If you hang out around the filming location, she might come talk to you – then you could invite her on a date! That would be cool!” …No, it wouldn’t. This eventually leads to a conversation where I find out that, were I so inclined, I could have all the extramarital sex I wanted to. All the extramarital gay sex I wanted to. Not just famous cross-dressers, no no. Any random dude I wanted to pork would be A-OK.
Me: WTF…so lets say we’re at home, and I get up and I’m like, “Well, I’m gonna go have some gay sex.”
Her: I’d say, “Well, see you later! Have fun!”
Me: And when I came back?
Her: I’d just say “Welcome home. Was it fun? You missed having a nice pair of tits to play with, didn’t you?”
Me: …No seriously, WTF?!
I then asked her about extramarital heterosexual sex, and the answer was a resounding no. No exceptions for any famous actresses, musicians, or otherwise. No people I knew, no random encounters, and apparently no horrendously ugly women either. How in God’s name does that work? I asked her, and she didn’t know. Just, me and some dude having sex is fine, me and any other woman is a big, big no no.
So, let’s review.
This? I could hit to my heart’s content.
This? Nope, shit would hit the fan at 200mph.
This? Go tap dat ass!
This? You horrible, horrible human being.
I really don’t understand women.
Disclaimer 1:
I asked my wife about the reverse – if I would be expected to be cool with her having sex with other women. She told me I didn’t have to worry about that, since she had absolute zero interest in women. Damn, there goes that fantasy…
Disclaimer 2:
Before the “I am completely and totally morally disgusted by you!” comments come flooding in, I’m not actually interested in extramarital sex, even if I had the opportunity for it. I doubt I could actually be motivated to do it (I don’t think any woman tops my wife, so it’d be pointless and stupid). I just found the topic to be fascinating.
Ultimately, my “permission” doesn’t even matter, as I don’t even have a little bisexual in me. No offense to guys who swing that way. But men just do nothing for me. I don’t like the male form at all. I can barely even tolerate my own penis.
Az’s Penis: Hey, I heard that! I’m so making you pay for that later.
Me: …Fuck.
Az’s Brain: Hey, if Penis goes on strike, can I get some of that blood supply back? I’ve been working on this theory for world peace…

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94 Responses

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  1. Tronke said, on May 28, 2009 at 2:42 am

    Seems like japanes people accept … well … “other thinking” people far more.

  2. Marijica said, on May 28, 2009 at 2:55 am

    Of course, I just had to go check other IKKO videos… Which produced another fit of laughter, along with a rising concern for the well-being and mental health of the Japanese.
    Although, I sort of get your wife on that whole “feel free to sleep with other men” thing. In the obscure labyrinths of our feminine minds it just makes some weird sense… like it’s an experience we couldn’t ever provide, so… errr… it’s sort of hard to explain.
    But I just think she was teasing you, if she’d thought for one second you’d actually be interested she wouldn’t have said it. Yes,we are that devious.

  3. mike said, on May 28, 2009 at 2:56 am

    … and just when I thought this day was going to be shit, I end up falling of my chair laughing. That is a very funny story, though it got me thinking.
    I never got the lady-boy meme. You hear about gay people eveyday, so it kinda got to the point where it’s just a fact of everyday modern life.
    But when you see someone you might actually get a boner from – and then find out they’re a guy – well, you tell me what that does to you.
    They could at least have the balls to go all the way through with a sex-change … no, wait … I mean guts … yeah, yeah, they should have the guts to go all the way through …

  4. ShibuyaLover said, on May 28, 2009 at 3:43 am

    Are you serious?!! Hahahah Ikko the women that everyone or well the crossdresser that everyone looks up to… hahah and I guess he wanted himself some chocolate 😉 oooooo ^_^ somone got some cocofever!!

  5. Alex said, on May 28, 2009 at 4:02 am

    Your wife is cool! She’s probably just a yaoi fan, that’s all. And it’s always surprised me that most men are so flabbergasted by the fact that many women like the thought of men having gay sex, when so many men (including the men bewildered at the thought of those weird weird perverted women) are so into the thought of women having lesbian sex. Same principle applies.

  6. Michael said, on May 28, 2009 at 4:02 am

    IKKO was a famous fashion designer and commentator. He became famous for that long before he decided to become a crossdressing homo-whatever. The reason the girls flock to what he says is because they’re sheep and they wouldn’t know what true fashion and style was if it bit them on the ass. However, IKKO’s fashion style is actually very good and would be better than leaving the girl’s to their own devices. (I mean, if someone told these girls that it would be fashionable to strap cats to their feet and walk around like that, they would -_-;; )

  7. Marjorie said, on May 28, 2009 at 4:24 am

    Great story! But mostly I just wonder what you Googled to get those unattractive pictures. 🙂
    (Az’s Note: I knew who I was looking for. =P )

  8. Xander said, on May 28, 2009 at 5:31 am

    Loving these new, almost daily updates Az!

  9. Lee said, on May 28, 2009 at 7:35 am

    I once asked my Japanese friend’s family about Ikko. They thought she was beautiful and everything but when I asked if they would want her as a daughter or granddaughter it was a resounding “No.” So she’s acceptable to them as long as she’s not related to them.

  10. LongSteve said, on May 28, 2009 at 8:04 am

    Excellent post, had me laughing all lunchtime.

  11. Anonymous said, on May 28, 2009 at 8:33 am

    Hey — great post, and as usual you are hilarious with the recounting of bizarre conversations with your wife. 😀 But I have to be honest, even if you don’t mean to, you come across as homophobic when you’re talking about IKKO. :/
    Seriously… is it really that bad if a transgendered person checks you out? You won’t die (maybe of your own embarrassment… but that’s hardly IKKO’s fault).
    Also, it’s best to just say “she” rather than “S/he,” as IKKO’s gender is something that she’s chosen for herself. The latter is pretty disrespectful (and dehumanizing).
    (Az’s Note: I wasn’t bothered by being checked out, so much as I was surprised/intrigued/confused by the wife’s reaction.)

  12. Anonymous said, on May 28, 2009 at 8:33 am

    Hey — great post, and as usual you are hilarious with the recounting of bizarre conversations with your wife. 😀 But I have to be honest, even if you don’t mean to, you come across as homophobic when you’re talking about IKKO. :/
    Seriously… is it really that bad if a transgendered person checks you out? You won’t die (maybe of your own embarrassment… but that’s hardly IKKO’s fault).
    Also, it’s best to just say “she” rather than “S/he,” as IKKO’s gender is something that she’s chosen for herself. The latter is pretty disrespectful (and dehumanizing).
    (Az’s Note: I wasn’t bothered by being checked out, so much as I was surprised/intrigued/confused by the wife’s reaction.)

  13. Jay said, on May 28, 2009 at 9:27 am

    I enjoy the gay sex ad in this post

  14. Kane said, on May 28, 2009 at 10:09 am

    Mr. Anonymous, you should stop with the gay marginalization strategy here. IKKO is S/he. I know it pains you to see people who dont agree with your way of thinking (your opinions are not facts btw) but come on. Dehumanzing? What a joke.

  15. harris said, on May 28, 2009 at 10:29 am

    nice post, az. liking how it’s more regular now. any chance of working on OP9 again? 🙂

  16. Ljufa said, on May 28, 2009 at 11:16 am

    Just call him a he. Sorry, but ovaries = female and balls = male. I never cared about trannies before, hey it’s just appearance right? Until I met one, was accused of being a man myself after it was revealed that he was not a woman, he had a perfectly functioning penis he was born with, and his lesbian relationship was actually with another man. Sorry, but I’m not in your little group of sexually confused assholes.
    I CANNOT HELP MAKING THIS RANT EVERY TIME THE SUBJECT OF MALE/FEMALE CONFUSED BEINGS OCCURS. This person came up with all these pity stories before we knew the truth, about how he could never have babies because he “didn’t get to choose” his sex (claiming to be a halfling) and they cut his ovaries out at birth (a complete lie, he was born with boy parts, he makes sperms). It makes me so mad… I get grilled by his boyfriend to this day because I refuse to call him “she”. Yeah, that’s what triggered my loosely related rant.
    For the record, I totally want to play with some boobies that aren’t mine, and I’m dying to have a boyfriend who’s at least bi enough to pretend a bit. I agree with “boyfriend sexing men = awesome; boyfriend sexing any other women = BAD” 😛

  17. Roger Monticello said, on May 28, 2009 at 12:27 pm

    Insert fifty page dissertation on why you’re being disrespectful to (Japan/Women/Shemales/Whatever) and why I hate you because of it

  18. Anonymous said, on May 28, 2009 at 12:32 pm

    “Also, it’s best to just say ‘she’ rather than ‘S/he,’ as IKKO’s gender is something that she’s chosen for herself.”
    (Or alternately, ‘he,’ as it is hard fact by dictionary definitions).

  19. Anonymous said, on May 28, 2009 at 12:32 pm

    “Also, it’s best to just say ‘she’ rather than ‘S/he,’ as IKKO’s gender is something that she’s chosen for herself.”
    (Or alternately, ‘he,’ as it is hard fact by dictionary definitions).

  20. D said, on May 28, 2009 at 1:14 pm

    busted a gut laughing at that… it’s a good thing the wife was with you. Oh, and I should comment that the popup ad that appears on your site today is for gay dating… I prefer the Japancupid one REALLY.

  21. Josephine said, on May 28, 2009 at 1:19 pm

    WHAT?! You should totally hit that.
    Hahha, kidding.
    Well, I can kinda understand your wife’s reasoning lol even though it’s kinda crazy. I’m sure you do too a little bit, a girl can take her place, but a man can’t lol. Even though I can say by reading your posts your pretty loyal.
    This was a good post, pretty hilarious. Those pictures too were classic…and what was sad is that I could actually tell who a few of those people were. 😀

  22. Francisco said, on May 28, 2009 at 2:13 pm

    good god that was funny as hell…
    reminds me that one time that me and my cousin went drinking we were heading home all of a sudden
    COusin: wow that chick is really hot!
    ME:uhh cuz…..
    Cousin: i want to tap that!
    ME: Uh cuz…. Thats a GUY! WTF is wrong with you!
    Cousin:HOly shit you are right what the hell ewwwwwwww nasty..
    ME: (laughing my ass off)

  23. Onyx said, on May 28, 2009 at 2:29 pm

    “but I can tell when a guy sees a target that registers over 9000 on the “I’d Hit It” scouter. I think I broke IKKO’s scouter.” LOLOL We SRK’rs are all the same.. But sometimes i think in Predator vision as well.

  24. HiEv said, on May 28, 2009 at 3:04 pm

    I watched the video before reading the rest of your comments, and the moment (s)he spoke, the phrase “It’s a trap!” popped into my mind.
    Thanks for writing more again. 🙂

  25. Duralsilver said, on May 28, 2009 at 4:25 pm

    I…am a bit disturbed. Eh, let’s face it, Your wife is and perhaps always will be a perv. There I said it.

  26. Goats said, on May 28, 2009 at 4:27 pm

    That was f’ing hilarious–especially the pics! Glad to see you back on your regular schedule Az!

  27. Naota said, on May 28, 2009 at 5:48 pm

    My girlfriend claims I can sleep with anyone I want, as long as she knows about it (i.e. she gets to watch), but any three-way would strictly be a two-guy thing (even thgough she’s had a girlfriend in the past). Feh. Girls are weird.

  28. Jeroen said, on May 28, 2009 at 6:43 pm

    Az, your stories make my day! They have ever since outpost nine.
    Oh, and the convo’s you have with your wife, brilliant!

  29. Anonymous said, on May 28, 2009 at 6:55 pm

    Excellent post Az. I’m happy to see you take it in stride.
    I think I would probably have the same reaction as you though, flattered but ehhhhh. My reaction on looking at Ikko was: “that boy is far too pretty.” See I’m a male interested in males that … well … look like MALES. I was pleased that this IKKO was not promoting the typical tranny frosty eye shadows because that would make Japan a very very scary place.
    As for your GF, and her being willing to let you cruize around, lots of girls *say* that but it’s because it’s seen as a sexual object that they aren’t comparable to. Trust me, let feelings get shown in any way and she will turn into an evil evil beast.
    People, people, people, let the trannies be. Not all of them want operations and some see themselves as differently sexed. It’s complicated but it’s not that much of an effort to let someone be called what they want and leave it at that. Keep the drama on the stage sweeties.
    As for those other pics: cute in an almost shota way o_0, lol ew, eh cute, what a convenient shot c.c
    Wow, that post was more gay then I usually let off. *shrugs* Well we’re all allowed to “sparkle” now and then. You’re awesome Az! Keep it up!

  30. Anonymous said, on May 28, 2009 at 6:55 pm

    Excellent post Az. I’m happy to see you take it in stride.
    I think I would probably have the same reaction as you though, flattered but ehhhhh. My reaction on looking at Ikko was: “that boy is far too pretty.” See I’m a male interested in males that … well … look like MALES. I was pleased that this IKKO was not promoting the typical tranny frosty eye shadows because that would make Japan a very very scary place.
    As for your GF, and her being willing to let you cruize around, lots of girls *say* that but it’s because it’s seen as a sexual object that they aren’t comparable to. Trust me, let feelings get shown in any way and she will turn into an evil evil beast.
    People, people, people, let the trannies be. Not all of them want operations and some see themselves as differently sexed. It’s complicated but it’s not that much of an effort to let someone be called what they want and leave it at that. Keep the drama on the stage sweeties.
    As for those other pics: cute in an almost shota way o_0, lol ew, eh cute, what a convenient shot c.c
    Wow, that post was more gay then I usually let off. *shrugs* Well we’re all allowed to “sparkle” now and then. You’re awesome Az! Keep it up!

  31. Alita said, on May 28, 2009 at 7:44 pm

    I love Ikko. I’m not sure why. She’s just always amused me. Well any of the famous okama in Japan are great. Kaba, Chris-san, etc.
    And I understand the letting a guy go off with another guy thing, I dunno it’s kinda hot. I think it’s the same thing as a guy fantasizing about his girlfriend with another woman.

  32. CanadianGal said, on May 28, 2009 at 9:14 pm

    Hey Az,
    This might be more common than you thought. I’ve long been turned on by the idea of my bf and a hot guy. Think of it as the same way you might fantasize about your wife and a hot girl.
    I’ve long told my bf that he should feel free to indulge with men, and I can do the same with women because I DO find some of them very attractive(Kate Moennig and Angelina Jolie)!
    LOL, but like you, my bf has zero interst =)

  33. Shelby said, on May 28, 2009 at 9:55 pm

    Hey I’m the same way with my boyfriend. He can have all the gay sex he wants as long as I get some kind of photographic evidence.

  34. Nakamura-san said, on May 28, 2009 at 10:12 pm

    Wow…normally, I’d scream and pour bleach into my eyes at this moment, but…IKKO was kind of hot. How is that possible? I’m so confused!
    Great to have you posting again. I started to worry a little after you said that your wife would kill you after she found out you posted pics of her (yes, I read everything and looked at all the pics…and I have to say that your old apartment is pretty small).

  35. Davey said, on May 28, 2009 at 10:35 pm

    I think I come up with a new word while reading this. Maybe someone else did too, but I’m the only one sad enough to voice it.
    S’he(pronounced Suh-hee) – man or woman of questionable gender.

  36. Nick said, on May 28, 2009 at 11:51 pm

    good god… the Sisko facepalm made me fall out of my chair laughing.

  37. Morrigan said, on May 29, 2009 at 12:04 am

    Great story! I read segments of this story to my boyfriendand we were all laughing like idiots. And then I told him, “For the record, NO, IT’S NOT A-OK!”, to further hilarity. But yes, I don’t agree with your wife at all: my boyfriend having sex with anyone or anything other than me is NOT ok, period. 😛

  38. CF said, on May 29, 2009 at 1:07 am

    Has this “Ikko” ever done a cover of “You Spin Me ‘Round”…? >:)
    (Yes, I *do* use jokes twice. Three hits on the same one, tho’, is overdoing it. 🙂 )

  39. Moe said, on May 29, 2009 at 5:44 am

    You should keep a list somewhere. Like, “Weird thing #24782 about Japan: Was checked out by a famous transvestite in public.”
    Also, I think Icko’s scouter broke down a looooong time ago, if you know what I mean.

  40. nemuri said, on May 29, 2009 at 5:44 am

    My Wife (japanese too) totally hit me with the same thing the other day ! I can sex up all the guys i want. I want none. I asked her if she’d go with girls ? “Certainly not”
    not fun.
    also, she keeps showing me those newhalf who get regularly invited on TV shows, and all the time she says something like “do you think this girl is pretty”
    i always reply “no, it’s a dude”
    “how did you guess ?? i thought she was a girl !!”
    “it’s clearly a dude”
    but i guess japanese TV would present a small cat and say it’s a very small lion, everybody would go “wao, i thought it was small, but yeah it’s definitely a lion ! no doubt possible !”
    dont you think ?

  41. Nakamura-san said, on May 29, 2009 at 11:23 am

    As a side note…I really should have had the sound on when I saw the IKKO video on youtube…the voice would have given it away…and it would have saved me about a month of therapy.

  42. lllcc said, on May 29, 2009 at 12:24 pm

    I love your post as always.
    Also, ppl going to comment ‘Gaijin Smash’ in every Youtube video link that you post. I think sooner or later the whole Japan gonna know about this blog. What gonna happen then is what I’m waiting for….

  43. Ignorance said, on May 29, 2009 at 1:16 pm

    You must be having an interesting week.
    No posts for nearly two months then four in one month, three during the same week.
    Very cool.
    Enjoy your extramarital gay sex…

  44. code monkey said, on May 29, 2009 at 1:58 pm

    the japs never fail to boggle the mind…
    I’m so glad, in a sense, I don’t get to Japan anymore. On the other hand, I kinda all the fun stuff…fun for me anyway.

  45. code monkey said, on May 29, 2009 at 2:00 pm

    I just remember posting something about dudes dressing up as girls in skimpy clothing in your previous editorial. How creepy is the coincidence that this is now about Ikko?

  46. Athlynne said, on May 29, 2009 at 2:49 pm

    LOL, I like your wife. Must be a fellow yaoi fan!
    I totally get her reasoning on this. Sorry Az, it’s a chick thing. Even if you were able to get more blood rerouted to your brain, I don’t think you’d be able to get it. 🙂

  47. Arti said, on May 29, 2009 at 10:03 pm

    That was pretty funny. 😀 Glad for your latest burst of stories, they bring a bit of cheer to an otherwise annoying life. 😀
    Also, to people “Well, girls want to see their boyfriends with other guys, but it is the same as the guys who.. ” I just want to point something out to them. ^_^ While I have found that most girls I have ever met seem to feel that guy on guy is fine, I have only met one or two guys who jokingly said something about his girlfriend and another girl, or even girl on girl.
    That isn’t as common, and it is to often used as an excuse for girls who seem like gay guys together. >_<
    Anyways, love your stories, and I don’t get tired of going through your archives. Thank you, again.

  48. Celina said, on May 29, 2009 at 10:54 pm

    wow, this sounds just like my relationship! Except my boyfriend is nice enough to try…
    Much like men towards women who love women, it warms the cockles of my heart to know there are pretty men loving up other pretty men.

  49. crab said, on May 30, 2009 at 3:09 am

    Mm. S/he’s not bad. I’m not much for transvestites, although drag queens are OK (no, I don’t know how that works), but I’d hit that.

  50. Ivan the Terrible said, on May 30, 2009 at 3:38 am

    Damn, man, judging by the posts here your married life seems to consist of about 85% being dragged to places you don’t want to go. Can’t your wife do her own damn shopping and fashion showing!?

  51. rie said, on May 30, 2009 at 4:08 am

    Now personally, I’d totally be willing to tap ARASHI (saving that picture, thank you), but I’m also female. 😉
    Don’t you love that you can have a whole conversation about IKKO in Japanese without the need to drop a single pronoun, but you have to come up with some variety of “s/he” for English?

  52. evil_tennyo said, on May 30, 2009 at 2:47 pm

    LMAO!!!!!!!!
    Hilarious as always. Hey, at least your wife has some good humor about it all 🙂

  53. sairawr said, on May 30, 2009 at 2:55 pm

    Oh. My. God.
    I’m not sleeping tonight. That scared the crap out of me ~.~
    I actually thought s/he was a beautiful woman! S/he had nice skin! I liked the lip gloss!
    AND THEN IT SPOKE. *cry*
    If you ever bang a Japanese guy, make sure to tape it. It’ll sell like hotcakes and you can title it ‘Gaijin Butt Smash’ har har har.

  54. NeN said, on May 30, 2009 at 11:56 pm

    What’s with these people thinking you can decide not to be male? That’s as if I were to decide not to be white, and would kindly ask that others consider me black instead – it seems like a pretty unreasonable expectation.

  55. Anonymous said, on May 31, 2009 at 2:13 pm

    Nothing to do with the topic at hand, but having just read this http://www.onemanga.com/Cyborg_Grandpa-G/11/01/ chapter of a very peculiar manga, i was reminded of your oft expresses reverence and fear of the japanese elderly females. I am posting this to show how apparently japanese themselves are aware of their sovereignity, and for shits and giggles. Very interesting read.

  56. Anonymous said, on May 31, 2009 at 2:13 pm

    Nothing to do with the topic at hand, but having just read this http://www.onemanga.com/Cyborg_Grandpa-G/11/01/ chapter of a very peculiar manga, i was reminded of your oft expresses reverence and fear of the japanese elderly females. I am posting this to show how apparently japanese themselves are aware of their sovereignity, and for shits and giggles. Very interesting read.

  57. ScottyQuick said, on May 31, 2009 at 6:49 pm

    Your wife is a yaoi fangirl! I wonder who she ships you with.

  58. Anonymous said, on May 31, 2009 at 8:09 pm

    My first thought when I saw that IKKO video was “damn, she hardly has any chest at all…oh, that’s why.”

  59. Anonymous said, on May 31, 2009 at 8:09 pm

    My first thought when I saw that IKKO video was “damn, she hardly has any chest at all…oh, that’s why.”

  60. Binx said, on June 1, 2009 at 9:52 am

    Huh… you know honestly my first thought was that she just isn’t a very pretty queen. I’ve seen WAY prettier cross dressers before, especially growing up in the SF Bay Area. Ikko just doesn’t seem to be trying very hard.

  61. Anonymous said, on June 1, 2009 at 12:11 pm

    Haha. You used JE guys for the pictures of the guys. xD

  62. Anonymous said, on June 1, 2009 at 12:11 pm

    Haha. You used JE guys for the pictures of the guys. xD

  63. jpac said, on June 1, 2009 at 2:38 pm

    Great post Az, I’ve been reading your site since the Outpost 9 days and I havent missed a post yet. I just started a site at http://howaboutablumpkin.com, if you could give me some tips or just check it out I would really appreciate it. Thanks
    Jpac

  64. vonbootystein said, on June 1, 2009 at 3:23 pm

    Keep up the regular posts az, we’re still reading! 🙂
    Just so you know, I didn’t find your comments concerning “s/he” in any way wrong or homophobic. I’m a huge supporter or having choices in life, but I don’t think there’s anything wrong with you being weirded out by a drag queen wanting some hot gaijin chocolate.
    They way I see it, it people don’t like the things you say, they can choose to not read your stuff. I don’t see any point to complaining, since its your site.
    Sorry for the long comment, I’ve been holding that in for quite some time.

  65. kadian1364 said, on June 1, 2009 at 9:07 pm

    Reading the posts on your little blog always results in:
    Mind => blown

  66. Dakota Red said, on June 1, 2009 at 11:52 pm

    Why aren’t you on youtube Az? You would be a top channel with a bi-weekly video blog, and could even earn a little cash.
    (Az’s Note: I’m a writer, not an actor.
    I have given some random thought to a podcast/radio thingy though)

  67. Slughead said, on June 2, 2009 at 2:45 am

    You know Az, she is probably down with you sleeping with other guys because she knows you wouldn’t do it… The reality of her walking in and seeing you under some other dude, would probably still cause a little bit of shit to careen into the fan. Its kinda like how my wife would be fine with the idea of me moving to the sun… since there is no chance of it happening, why not give permission? Of course, she could also be into the boy-love stories too…
    The other thing, you have to have noticed that many japanese men are prettier than japanese women… hell its not like the women even have noticably larger breasts in most cases either… You could always slip up and say, “Shit honey, I didn’t know it was a chick until it was too late!!”
    LOL keep up the good work, always a fun read!

  68. Neal said, on June 2, 2009 at 9:25 am

    Dude! Not saying you should have gone on a date with Ikko, but a little flirting might have gone a long way! By which I mean you would probably have some of the best sex ever (with your wife) afterwards. I think your wife sounds like my ex — anytime a gay dude expressed obvious interest in me, she got extra-frisky.
    And yes! The podcast would be friggin’ awesome! There’s nothing I like more than laughing hysterically to myself while riding a packed train…

  69. Zantetsu said, on June 2, 2009 at 5:40 pm

    Though not a woman myself I can see the reasoning behind what your wife thinks. It’s more or less something about “cheating” instinct, where their mind tells them it’s not cheating unless the deed is done with another woman, so anything with a man doesn’t count. While I’m sure you may not mind her going at it with another hot lady you certainly wouldn’t appreciate someone else in the mix.
    … Or she could be into yaoi.

  70. Andrea said, on June 2, 2009 at 10:57 pm

    Oh noooo.. is this that creepy green mascot with *ahem* prominent genitalia you talked about before?
    http://secure.giantrobot.com/products.php?code=MARIHANGPLSH&catid=A004
    They have a couple other ones, too. So creepy!

  71. Athlynne said, on June 3, 2009 at 12:51 pm

    Az, I love your stories, but I shall have to cease commenting on them, because my name keeps showing up with coments that I did not type and have no idea where they came from.
    *is very scared*
    (Az’s Note: Names show up at the bottom of the comment, not above.)

  72. Xak said, on June 3, 2009 at 2:37 pm

    OMG, Az, I just hurt myself laughing. That was classic. Thank you so much for coming back with a vengeance.
    Oh, and I feel the same as your wife. I don’t know what it is, but men just aren’t threatening, no matter how gorgeous. Maybe it’s the comfort of having a straight husband that makes it acceptable? Maybe it’s just the reverse of the guy-lesbian equation (except that it’s not reciprocal–I’m not allowed to go after hot female celebs).

  73. Francisco said, on June 3, 2009 at 10:42 pm

    can you definitely do a pod cast please?
    i swear this would be like an early Christmas present

  74. kris said, on June 4, 2009 at 1:34 am

    Az, you always deliver greatness in text form. IKKO is just scary, but what is even scarier is that my defenses against any sort of encounters of gay/transexual love get bypassed by the frighteningly beautiful Tsubaki Ayana. If i were you, this person would be the one and only one that i would even have a sliver of thought towards…but anyways, cheers on your continuing fight against all that you deem plain wrong. keep up the great work man, im a big fan. wishing you luck with finding normalcy within the deep pile of plain wacky known as japan…
    -kris

  75. Raj said, on June 5, 2009 at 12:46 pm

    HAHAHAHAHA. I just googled Ikko. Jayus man, what is in the water there? Seems like they have a love of ambiguity there. The men look like women, the women look like boys, and the boys are wanna be thugs. You have some real fortitude man.

  76. Su said, on June 5, 2009 at 2:31 pm

    I’m going to have to agree with the other comments and say that she approves it because she knows that you’re straight.
    However, given the chance with most of the members of Arashi, I would hit it and never quit it.

  77. Kit said, on June 6, 2009 at 12:15 am

    Ok, this just made my week, I just about died of laughter. I don’t 100% get your wife’s thought process. If my boyfriend even thought of such, he would be in the dog house for a long, long time. Also, if my boyfriend and I ran into RuPaul at the mall, and s/he hit on him the LAST thing on my mind would be telling my friends.

  78. Multipartite said, on June 6, 2009 at 3:32 pm

    *notes http://www.sankakucomplex.com/2009/05/08/akiba-trap-bar-newtype-opens/ *
    Homosexual accepted, heterosexual not: reproduction-related? (Instinct-wise, close to zero chance of a husband ending up paying for a male associate’s child (as it couldn’t be his), whereas one way or another there’s always a risk of said husband’s resources being partly diverted to a female associate’s child.)

  79. James said, on June 7, 2009 at 1:11 pm

    I watched the video before I read the post to the end. My thought process went a little like this:
    0.01-What’s Azs problem with a pretty dancing lady?
    0.06-Hmm, thats a remarkably masculine facial bone structure, there…
    0.12-WOW thats flatchested…
    0.14-Seems like a pretty lady.

    reads on

    NOOOOOOOOOO! DAMN MY MIND!

  80. Logic said, on June 8, 2009 at 9:01 am

    People need to stop being so butthurt. Transgenders *are* what-the-fuck type beings, and thus have forfeited their basic human-rights.

  81. wole said, on June 8, 2009 at 11:10 am

    hey Az this has nothing to do with this post but i finally figured out the octopus act ur ex-girlfriend used..be warned all the following gets graphic: she uses her tongue to rap around the tip of ur second head while mouthing as much as she can in a sucking fashion. so while sucking with her lips she is also constricting with her tongue. the pressure from the constricting and sucking is what ruptured ur skin….
    seeing as no one had solved it and i just started reading a few months back i wanted to be the one that solved it for all the guys out there like myself who were curious

  82. omnipresentdmat said, on June 8, 2009 at 8:41 pm

    I’m usually a big fan of this blog and I think you’re a funny guy, but I find your transphobia disgusting. Ikko-san is transgendered and very clearly identifies as female. Your refusal to call her by the proper pronouns is really ignorant. It strikes me as really unnecessarily hurtful; transgendered people have enough to deal with, they shouldn’t have to deal with ignorance on the part of otherwise intelligent people. I understand that transgender issues aren’t widely thought about on a regular basis, so I’d venture to guess that you didn’t really think about how many people you’d hurt with this post. I suggest you look into the matter further before insulting people who don’t deserve to be insulted.

  83. Eurasian Sensation said, on June 9, 2009 at 10:00 pm

    I am completely and totally morally disgusted by you!
    Nah, just kidding. That’s some funny shit you’ve written.
    “Tap that ass!” Well, indeed. Quite an appropriate context for using that phrase.
    Oh and omnipresentdmat @ 8:41PM, chill out with that “transphobia” stuff, k? The majority of people don’t know how to make sense of the intricacies of transgender issues, so give Az a break, he’s just being real, not hateful.

  84. Anonymous said, on June 10, 2009 at 1:38 pm

    I’m not going to call you out on being “trans/homophobic”, because it’s entirely likely that, like most people, you simply aren’t aware of what transsexual, transgendered, or genderqueer people think is offensive. In my opinion, timid ignorance is not as harmful as willful ignorance or blatant disregard. So, you’re forgiven 😛
    On the other hand, the people who claim that IKKO has no right to be called “she”, or that transgendered people don’t deserve basic human rights, perhaps we ought to treat you like a non-person for a year or so, or treat you like a woman when you identify as male.
    If someone feels like they should have been born a different gender, is it really your place to tell them they can’t act as though that it their gender? You people make me absolutely sick.

  85. Anonymous said, on June 10, 2009 at 1:38 pm

    I’m not going to call you out on being “trans/homophobic”, because it’s entirely likely that, like most people, you simply aren’t aware of what transsexual, transgendered, or genderqueer people think is offensive. In my opinion, timid ignorance is not as harmful as willful ignorance or blatant disregard. So, you’re forgiven 😛
    On the other hand, the people who claim that IKKO has no right to be called “she”, or that transgendered people don’t deserve basic human rights, perhaps we ought to treat you like a non-person for a year or so, or treat you like a woman when you identify as male.
    If someone feels like they should have been born a different gender, is it really your place to tell them they can’t act as though that it their gender? You people make me absolutely sick.

  86. Jacqueline said, on June 10, 2009 at 8:30 pm

    LOL girls love (hot) guys having sex with each other!! That’s why yaoi is sooo popular! Im 100% with your wife on this one heheh I think its totally sexy 🙂

  87. ScottyQuick said, on June 11, 2009 at 10:00 pm

    Hear that kids? Institutional discrimination isn’t discrimination! It’s not hateful! Nobody has the right to call anyone out on it!

  88. yalie5 said, on June 13, 2009 at 11:00 pm

    Omg. lol your wife wants you to tap johnnys. All I can say is, don’t listen to your wife. And I don’t know if i should find it sad to recognize 3 out of the 4 pics you showed XDDD. As for ikko… Haruna Ai is much prettier. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gs3owwEARFw

  89. Mimi said, on June 15, 2009 at 2:23 pm

    To Anonymous at June 10, 2009 01:38 PM,
    As someone who is part of the LGBT community, I am going to tell you to give it a rest! Neither Az nor anyone else on this page has even MENTIONED anything about transgendered people not having basic human rights. Please take your pity party somewhere else! Sheesh!

  90. NucleaRaptor said, on July 1, 2009 at 3:34 pm

    Wow,the amount of trannie butthurt in the comments is staggering.

  91. Lady Echo said, on July 9, 2009 at 7:57 am

    To Anonymous at June 10, 2009 01:38 PM,
    As someone who is part of the LGBT community, I am going to tell you to give it a rest! Neither Az nor anyone else on this page has even MENTIONED anything about transgendered people not having basic human rights. Please take your pity party somewhere else! Sheesh!
    Posted by: Mimi at June 15, 2009 02:23 PM
    Actually, I have to say that someone did:
    People need to stop being so butthurt. Transgenders *are* what-the-fuck type beings, and thus have forfeited their basic human-rights.
    Posted by: Logic at June 8, 2009 09:01 AM
    I am transgender. I am a MtF. I am also an advocate for change. I’m writing this post to hopefully enlighten some of you of the nature of our struggle.
    I know there’s a lot of confusion on the issue, and I respect other people’s right to have an opinion. It’s easy to make fun of things you don’t fully understand, and I’m fine with that. Words don’t hurt me after all. Anything that moves the focus from “assault the tranny” to “make fun of the tranny” can only serve to continue in a positive direction.
    That said, I would like to point out two of the many different kinds of transgender people. Bear in mind that this is a very brief description and it hardly does the subject justice. “Transgender” is more of a blanket term that encompasses a host of different “gender-benders.”
    The confusion mainly seems to come when the general public fails to distinguish “crossdressers” from “transsexuals.” Crossdressers are men at heart, and they have men’s bodies. They can be gay or straight or anything in between. They just like to wear women’s clothing for whatever reason. “Transsexuals” are women at heart. They happen to have a male body. They can be straight, gay, or anything in between. Often, when they discover the problem, transsexuals will try to readjust to society by changing their lifestyle. Most of the time, it is a very liberating experience, even though they realize it will be a very long road ahead.
    It is very difficult to “prove” transsexuality. The science behind it is not fully understood, but the emotional impact is obvious:
    Imagine if your wife, sister, girlfriend or mom were dressed up in male fashion and she were sent “undercover” into a group of men who saw her as a man. Inside, she is still a woman, and being a part of this group might give her some interesting insights into the world of men, but ultimately she will never really understand what’s going on around her. In fact, trying to live up to the same level of machismo or risk being ridiculed and possibly physically abused would be difficult.
    It’s similar for a transsexual. The difference of course is that we are raised in that kind of environment and the discovery doesn’t come until later.
    For those who wish to be respectful, I suggest using feminine pronouns for any crossdresser or transsexual you encounter. The former will most likely not be offended and should tell you if they are, and the latter will take it as a compliment.
    For those who do not wish to be respectful, well, I cannot help you 🙂

  92. Skiba said, on July 20, 2009 at 9:27 am

    I’ll bet your wife just loves yaoi. ;3

  93. Micka said, on November 7, 2009 at 1:53 pm

    Dude, if it were T&T or Arashi I’d let you hit it too. Hell, I’d ask if I could watch. Morisanchu(?), I’d be offended. So perhaps not the best examples.

  94. Hipolito M. Wiseman said, on December 2, 2009 at 3:15 pm

    Good post mate!! Keep ’em flowing!


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