Gaijin Smash

An Extremely Happy Mascot

Posted in Blog by gaijinsmashnet on February 3, 2009

Well, its been awhile, but I’m going to have to dust off the “Japan’s weird, did you know that?” file. Not that the insanity ever stops, mind you, but at some point you just get accustomed to it. Like, it happens and you’re just like “eh, been there done that”. The bar is effectively raised, so it will take some awesomely jaw-dropping shit to really make you pause and go “wow…that’s fucked up”.
So I was dragged shopping somewhere again by my wife. But it was okay this time – my brother-in-law was also there, and despite being male he actually LIKES shopping. So the wife was able to get the male input of “oh, that’s cute!” or “I don’t think that suits you” that she desperately craves for* without having to torture me to do it. Given a stay of execution, I was allowed to go off and sit down wherever I should find a place to sit.
*Despite wanting to drag me along shopping and ask my opinion on stuff, when I do give an opinion she never listens to me. I think I’ve ranted about this before though.
I wandered off and eventually found a bench in what appeared to be a kids section. In front of the bench were those dispenser machines that spit out some cheap $1 toy in a bubble. At first I didn’t really pay attention to them. It was your standard fare – Gundam, something with little girls who have oversized breasts and magical powers, and I dunno, maybe something Disney.

However, I happened to be sitting right in front of a rather peculiar one. It struck me as odd at first, because the animation was so…well…simple. Just this green-pea-looking dude among all the Gundams and lolita bishoujos. It looked like something any 5-year old could draw.

But upon closer inspection, I found that this was peculiar for an entirely different reason. Haven’t figured it out yet? Well here, take a closer look.


Still clueless? Well, I guess that’s understandable. I mean, when looking at an animated character marketed to kids, the last thing one would expect to find is a raging fuckin’ boner.

Look at him. Look at how happy he is about that shit. I can almost hear the voice of Stuart from MadTV. “Lookit at what I can do!”
So the character is named Mari Mokkori. This being a bit of word play – “marimo” being the word for green algea clusters of which Hokkaido apparently has plenty (thus the character’s green disposition), and “mokkori” being slang for “boner”. I’d never heard of the word “mokkori” before, apparently I haven’t been hanging out in the right circles or something. But this almost certainly begs the question – who was the genious who thought “hey, why don’t we make a green algea character who also sports a nifty hard-on?” It seems like a bad punchline, but not only is this real…its a popular and highly marketable children’s character in Japan. The guy who thought to combine aquatic flora and male erections and market that to children is probably rolling in mad bank right now. Just let the reality of THAT sink in for a few moments, and when you come back I’ll have tissues for you to cry in.
When my wife and brother IL came back, I pointed out my new discovery, only to find them not even remotely fazed. Brother IL had recently been to Hokkaido, and he tells me that the character is extremely popular there. My brother-IL also tells me that in Hokkaido, Mari Mokkori has his own theme song. He even sang a few bars for me, at which point I think I lost the final shreds of hope I had for humanity.
Almost in desperation, I try to point out the absurdity of the situation.
Me: But, look where we are! This is the KIDS section! Isn’t this highly inappropriate to market to children?!
Bro: Nah, it’s okay, right? Kids are too young to understand this stuff. Its harmless.
Me: Isn’t this the country where guys can get $40 blow-jobs from sex shops in the middle of the city, and where train lines had to institute “women-only” cars because the groping problem got out of hand?
Bro: ….Oh yeah, huh?
I, of course, had to buy two of the cheap toys. They turned out to be rubber balls. So now I can bounce around a rubber ball in my house featuring a seaweed with a boner. Nice.
Later at home, I was still kind of stunned about the whole thing, so my wife tried to point out that Japan isn’t the only country guilty of oddities.
Her: Okay, yeah, he’s erect and all, but that one American toy is worse I think.
Me: …What could possibly be worse.
Her: You know, you showed me the video on YouTube…that bukkake gun or whatever it was.
She is, of course, referring to The Oozinator.
Me: …Oh. Oh! But I dunno, that wasn’t intentional. I don’t think they realized what they were doing.
Her: A kid furiously pumping a long shaft until thick, sticky gobs of white goo shoot out from the tip? How could they not know?
Me: …Oh yeah, huh? Come to think of it though, its amazing this toy didn’t catch on in Japan.
Her: I think most Japanese guys would think, “If I’m going to be covering someone in sticky white goo, why do I need to use this gun?”
So there you have it. A brand new entry for the “Japan’s weird, did you know that?” file. On one hand, I kind of like that Japan isn’t nearly as uptight about all things sex as America is. On the other hand, its still a green little algea boy with a boner. I can’t imagine having my little daughter one day rush home to show me the drawing of her favorite character – Mari Mokkori. “Look daddy, I made mine brown just like you, and I made sure to draw his erection a little bigger too!” And people keep asking me why I don’t want to raise kids here.

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80 Responses

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  1. Brian said, on February 3, 2009 at 1:12 am

    There is a giant inflatable one of these outside a pachinko parlor near my place. Some kid, maybe 4, ran up to it and started punching the “Mokkori”. Mom didn’t even seem concerned. I, on the other hand, fell off my bicycle because my brain couldn’t decide which to do harder, laugh or cry.

  2. Wayland said, on February 3, 2009 at 1:54 am

    Man, I don’t even know what to say anymore about this kind of stuff. Um…Street Fighter IV is the bomb.

  3. Louis said, on February 3, 2009 at 2:39 am

    This is also an energy drink, it comes in bottles about the same size as ウコンの力 and apparently has viagra-like effects. Well, that’s as much as I could tell before common sense told me to put that shit down while I was somewhere where a student might see me.

  4. Kyle E said, on February 3, 2009 at 3:27 am

    I was in kyoto this summer and my friend got a keitai strap of the guy cus he thought it was funny

  5. NeN said, on February 3, 2009 at 3:50 am

    That Oozinator is questionable, but its not exactly the same kind of situation.
    – A Super Soaker looks nothing like a penis.
    – The pump was used for all of them. It’s how it works. It needs pressure in order to fire well, it’s not attached to anything, so naturally you’ll have to build pressure manually. It’s not that the pump resembles a penis, but that the penis is a pump. This was just a bad, bad combination.
    – Kids like goo and slimey things. Boys in particular. A goo gun is nothing surpring. White goo….bad call.
    – To my knowledge, bukkake isn’t that popular in North America anyway. Quite a few people have probably never even heard of it.
    Questionable as it is, I think it’s totally jumping the gun to call it intentional.
    Mari Mokkori’s raging hard on is clearly an actual RAGING HARD ON. There’s not exactly room for interpretation.

  6. Gino said, on February 3, 2009 at 4:06 am

    you know that on some weird basis you could show your gear to your young azie boy and he’ll forever think that his dad has the biggest african burrito in the world… if you have a daughter that would just be wrong. but it is japan after all.

  7. Michael said, on February 3, 2009 at 5:33 am

    LOL…
    I live in Hokkaido and I can tell you it’s like an official mascot here.
    There’s better toys of him though. I think the best one is the one where you pull on his boner (it’s attached to a string into the doll), and as his boner pulls back into his body, the doll vibrates!
    Seriously, I can find and send one of them to you if you’d really like; just give me an email 😉

  8. Liv said, on February 3, 2009 at 6:21 am

    Sigh.

  9. Gaikokujinocchio said, on February 3, 2009 at 7:27 am

    I’d like to ignore how my cute little japanese students are exposed to “Green algae happy boner man”.
    Oh, perhaps, because Japan’s population isn’t having enough children to support itself, these characters are needed to get children interested in genitals…as early as possible! Subtle Genius!

  10. AapoAlas said, on February 3, 2009 at 7:52 am

    Haha, that’s just way too weird to even think about.
    Then again, your wife does have a point, maybe at least a part of the same kind of toys exist in US and Europe etc, we just don’t really notice it.

  11. Sam said, on February 3, 2009 at 8:15 am

    Oh come on Az! Am I to believe that after like the 4 years or whatever you’ve been over there, you’ve NEVER seen that character before? It’s like Hello Kitty in the way that they’ve got different ones for different regions. They sell them in a big display in anything that remotely resembles a souvenir shop!
    I ended up buying a bunch, along with Kitty keitai straps for Japanese friends in Tokyo when I visited Kyoto. One of my friends actually collects them. I’m more concerned about the mindset of the guy who came up with the character in the first place, than the fact that he’s popular.
    Admittedly, it was a little too weird to buy as a souvenir anywhere in the states…

  12. tehmoe said, on February 3, 2009 at 9:07 am

    wow, and when you think it doesn’t get worse, watch akikan… that might come true…

  13. Fabio said, on February 3, 2009 at 9:23 am

    man I had a lugh when you talked abou the “cum gun” it may have not catched on in Japan but in portugal, damn… you couldnt see a set of teens, yeah 16 and over without one of them having the a toy designed for 8 year-old wich left me with mixed feelings about that:/

  14. code monkey said, on February 3, 2009 at 9:43 am

    Hey, they let Hard Gay into children’s playgrounds (while the children are still there) and hump stuff. And I think he’s popular with the kiddies. Go figure.
    And speaking of toys, there’s that Dora the explorer water game that looks like a penis.

  15. Karsh said, on February 3, 2009 at 2:26 pm

    Az, you should consider dredging up your old days of dodgedick as a counter to this… I bet this thing is at least partially responsible for your former students’ curiosity.

  16. Akaki said, on February 3, 2009 at 2:39 pm

    Pull the mokkori and he vibrates. No joke.

  17. Jerry said, on February 3, 2009 at 2:50 pm

    Ah I dunno. It’s mostly kids who think boners are funny anyway. I never got how crude humor is considered so inappropriate for kids when they are the ones who get the biggest laugh out of it. I think sometimes people forget how it was to be a kid.

  18. Aria said, on February 3, 2009 at 3:16 pm

    All I have to say is wow!. Actually, I find it incredibly funny (funny ha ha and funny weird) that the Japanese find an American toy more obscene than their own. Gotta love culture shock.

  19. Anonymous said, on February 3, 2009 at 3:35 pm

    An English pun equivalent might if there was a Radish called “Radi Shwing”. But we’re not so into anthropomorphizing plants, thank goodness!

  20. Anonymous said, on February 3, 2009 at 3:35 pm

    An English pun equivalent might if there was a Radish called “Radi Shwing”. But we’re not so into anthropomorphizing plants, thank goodness!

  21. Ryan said, on February 3, 2009 at 3:58 pm

    Despite the numerous times I shook my head in frustration in Japan I have to say one thing. I actually like the fact that Japan does not suffer from the massive Victorian and puritanical hangovers that affect a lot of the Western world. This is just another example, kids will think nothing of it – and adults should be able to just laugh at it.

  22. RD said, on February 3, 2009 at 4:18 pm

    Eh, your BIL (hey why not call him Bill? Nicknames for everyone!) might be right: Kids might be to young to understand.. Though that makes it even more perverse.. Normally, parents watch their children play with their toys and smile.
    But the thought of a parent looking at his/her child with a smile for joy and pride while it’s playing with a little guy with a frakkin boner?
    Oh Japan, you so craaaaazeh..

  23. Rob said, on February 3, 2009 at 4:44 pm

    The rotating add I got was for Joe Snyder Bulge thongs complete with pictures of dudes bulging junk in thongs…

  24. jazzorion said, on February 3, 2009 at 5:44 pm

    This by far has to be the most hilarious entry you’ve made yet. HAHAHA I CAN’T STOP LAUGHING!

  25. Chase said, on February 3, 2009 at 7:07 pm

    I’m surprised you didn’t run into this guy sooner. Not only has he been migrating out of Hokkaido in hordes over the past year, but you can also find them in UFO catchers, and there are even Mari Mokkori energy drinks at the convenience stores. I know you live in Kansai, so you can definitely find it in one of the Convenience store chains in the area.
    I haven’t checked what the energy drink is “for”… it is usually in the normal cold drinks in a can section, not the “late night energy in bed” section.

  26. kairs said, on February 3, 2009 at 7:20 pm

    i’ve seen red ones too… i think it was in nagano. definitely shocking at first but now kinda funny/odd. it’s one of those ‘oh japan’ moments.

  27. Chrono said, on February 3, 2009 at 7:24 pm

    I think the term “Mokkori” came from the anime City Hunter (very popular anime in the late 80 early 90s) about a Bounty hunter of sorts that was very perverted.
    oh and first time poster

  28. Karen said, on February 3, 2009 at 7:30 pm

    Oh yeah, that guy! My friend gave me a keitai strap with him on it for my DS. Then, she expained to me mokkori… apparently it’s the sound of a boner popping up… I couldn’t help but get creeped out with him watching me from my DS every morning while on the train.

  29. Misty said, on February 3, 2009 at 7:40 pm

    That oozinator gun cracked me up. Really! I had to shove my face into a pillow at 1 am to smother the laughter (no was I going to explain why I was laughing so hard to my folks….)
    However, I think I like Mr. Bucket better. Ah, the joys of growing up and becoming a raging pervert.
    I had no idea Hokkiado had such a mascot though…. To me, Hokkiado seemed like such a contrast to the main land. More wilderness (I guess), not as many big cities, perhaps a bit more innocent then people in Tokyo? Evidently not though. Who knew a seaweed with a boner would be all the rage (though I suppose they could’ve made it wrose and made it a seaMAN har har har!)

  30. Arikel said, on February 3, 2009 at 11:53 pm

    Well, that thing is weird but I can see Anpanman in the same set of machines, a really cute and popular cartoon… that is based on cannibalism… I don’t think Japan has any normal mascots at all 😄

  31. Alita said, on February 4, 2009 at 12:23 am

    Meh considering my students run around going CHIN CHIN and adding it into random game words until I give them an angry glare, this doesn’t shock me. I think I’d seen it before but never looked that close.
    I mean there’s the “Bug that shakes its ass” that was popular a couple of years ago.
    I love it, I like that sexually related things aren’t so hidden, and yet it’s not really perverted in most people’s minds, just funny.
    One of my younger girl students told me about how she’d accidentally kicked her dad in the nuts when she was a couple years younger.

  32. Kimmykat said, on February 4, 2009 at 1:17 am

    In Hokkaido I had a friend introduce me to lady in her early thirties named Mokkori. I thought nothing of it for years. I didn’t understand why people giggled when I told them it was her name (I found out after a few months that it was a nickname, I still never found out what her real name is).
    Wow. finally I understand what it means.
    Also, am I crazy for thinking that Japan is actually very prudish when it comes to sex? Sure there are crazy sexual elements, but most people I talk to (granted in the Hokkaido inaka) refused to talk about sex and highly disapproved of Japan’s crazy sexual side, but they choose to ignore it because it embarrasses them rather than try to put a stop to it.
    It was super for me to come back to the states and be able to talk about all kinds of sexin ways with my male and female friends. I just couldn’t do that at all over there. Maybe I just need to live in a bigger city.

  33. donna said, on February 4, 2009 at 1:29 am

    My brother brought me a phone charm of that little green guy last spring… He is sitting in a bowl of udon with his boner poking up through the noodles… I like to see the looks on my friends the first time they realize what it really is. God I love my heritage. 🙂

  34. anon said, on February 4, 2009 at 7:46 am

    It’s funny but your Oozinator counterexample actually ends up making Japan look more fucked-up. It took me a while to realize this, but the reason it shows the fucked-upness is NOT because it’s such a bad example. Yeah, it’s a bad example. You have to really try to see the pervertedness in it. I had to, even after being prepped by Az’s post.
    What’s really damning is that Az’s wife had no problem seeing the pervertedness in it.
    As a friend of mine pointed out, unless you watch hardcore porn, you are unlikely to be able to make the connection between ooze-shooting gun and bukkake. So the fact that Az’s wife, someone who presumably doesn’t watch a lot of japanese porn, can make the connection is damning. I mean, let’s face it, how many posters of all kinds of sex acts have we walked by in Japan? I wouldn’t be surprised at all to see a really hardcore porn poster or ad in front of a kindergarten in Japan.
    Now is this more fucked up than what happens in America? Probably not. After all, America is so fucking puritan that people get freaked out if they learn that you have seen your parents naked when you were a child.

  35. Michael said, on February 4, 2009 at 8:22 am

    Misty – Hokkaido is actually has the 5th largest city in Japan, Sapporo, as its capital. And the people here are no more innocent than in Tokyo; if not, less innocent. How can I prove this? Well, the STD (or STI rather) rates in Hokkaido are the highest in the country, with Clamydia being the forerunner for most infections.
    When you’re under snow for almost half a year, you have to do something, right? Apparently, the thinking and the doing aren’t too different 😉
    Anyway, Hokkaido is very different in many ways, but very similar in many ways also. The one main thing to remember is that it’s nothing like the picture that the mainland people paint of it; to really know Hokkaido you have to come here and experience it for yourself.

  36. Seraph said, on February 4, 2009 at 8:26 am

    This toy is a subtle way of telling the younger generations to “eat your vegetables so your boner can grow big and strong.” Sort of a really odd way to promote healthy eating, well that and to get them interested in their own genetials (versus yours) to “up” the baby production over there. And I can totally hear Stuart’s voice too.
    Maybe you should apply to the Diet as the “official impregnation specialist” and start a JET similar program that brings waves of horny gaijin over to Japan to help raise the birthrate. Then everybody is happy (The Japanese get their babies and We get to cure the yellow fever; plus Street Fighter IV arcade matches).

  37. Random Gaijin said, on February 4, 2009 at 9:39 am

    Okay that oozinator thing was fucked up man! But i think that little green character is WAY worse man.

  38. AutumnFire said, on February 4, 2009 at 11:29 am

    So if you can pull the mokkori and it’ll vibrate, why haven’t there been incidents where women pull on men’s dicks on the trains to see if they will vibrate also? Maybe the women think it’s a lost cause since the birthrate is plummeting?
    Heh. If they did go around doing the dick-grapple, you’d have a completely gender-segragated train system in Japan.

  39. drunkgaijin said, on February 4, 2009 at 11:49 am

    you have been in japan for how long and you have never heard of mari mokkori? ive been in japan for a little bit over one year and i know of this dude. granted i didnt know he was some kids superhero. im study aboard in hirosaki city, aomori ken, and my friend brought me back a mari mokkori key for when he went down to tokyo. i even had this coming out at my old baito at a hotel working weddings as a waiter. it was brought up by my pervert old man of a boss. needless to say i dont work there anymore. i didnt know the back story behind it but i atleast know of some random boner sporting green japanese icon.

  40. Pyro01 said, on February 4, 2009 at 12:53 pm

    Damn it Az, you made LOL in Psychology class!

  41. Patrick said, on February 4, 2009 at 6:59 pm

    Wow, more weird shit from Japan. You should definitely see about getting a show here in the states called, “Japan is Fucking Weird.” You’d get at least 3 seasons out of it easy.
    And Seraph has it right. Start a JET-like program for horny foreigners to impregnate young Japanese women. I’m sure the Diet will put some money towards it.

  42. lukos said, on February 4, 2009 at 8:22 pm

    Japan is horribly over crowded as it is. They don’t NEED more babies.

  43. BubbleRum said, on February 4, 2009 at 11:51 pm

    Is that Mari Mokkori thing recent? I was in Hokkaido five years ago and my host family took me to see the marimo. I saw enough marimo related merchandise to last me a life time (marimo filled lighters and tape dispencers, marimo plush dolls, mariomo pins, about 80 different sized Hello Kitty dolls dressed in green spheres etc.) Somehow these highly aroused masses of smiling green fuzz evaded me.

  44. polerin said, on February 4, 2009 at 11:56 pm

    I’d have to second the “US has some unintentionally creepy toys” thought. Seriously.. do you remember Mr. Bucket? you know.. the toy with the jingle “I’m Mr. Bucket, Balls pop out of my mouth!”

  45. Tkyosam said, on February 5, 2009 at 1:49 am

    Dude! Are you coming to the blogger party tomorrow in 青山 (you live in Tokyo currently, right?)?
    Did he email you telling you about it before now?
    laterz man
    -sam
    (Az’s Note: Nope, I live in Kyoto…)

  46. newtype said, on February 5, 2009 at 7:43 am

    Aside from that ‘Marimokkori’, I recognize other drawings. The next two besides Mokkori are characters from ‘Kattekyoushi Hitman Reborn'(Ironic is, Mokkori is beside Reborn, an infant hitman).
    Also, I first heard ‘mokkori’ from City Hunter series and its alternate sequel, ‘Angel Heart’.
    I know you’re not much into anime and stuff but perhaps you can check http://www.sankakucomplex.com. Its geared towards otaku audiences but you may find weird things you can add to your ‘Japan is weird’ memo.

  47. ItAintEazy said, on February 5, 2009 at 9:20 am

    Yes, it does vibrate when you pull his boner
    Let me repeat: WHEN YOU PULL. HIS. BONER!

  48. Xoras said, on February 5, 2009 at 11:29 pm

    I spy two little Hitman Reborn! cheap toy dispenser things. I want one now. T.T
    Anyway, that thing is most definitely the creepiest thing I have or ever will see, and he and his happy spot will be haunting my dreams for the rest of my life. D: I’m afraid to sleep now.

  49. Tkyosam said, on February 6, 2009 at 1:06 am

    Aw man, that sucks. Well Danny Choo from dannychoo.com organized this big event for all these foreigners blogging about Japan together so we could all finally meet each other and suff.
    WOuld you have been able to leave from Kyoto all the way to Tokyo so fast anyways?
    No worries, there will be more coming. But that would be really cool to finally meet you, out of all the bloggers I asked Danny to invite you were the dude I wanted to see the most (your blog is the funniest out of all of them).
    Well, if you are down for coming to the next one, then I will email you a week or so in advance.
    stay black dude
    -Sam

  50. Aurora Moon said, on February 6, 2009 at 7:45 am

    I can also assest to “Usa Toys can be creepy too” thing.
    I remember when I was a kid during the 80’s I actually had this toy that if you kept on spinning one of her arms, this doll would roll in her ranpzel-like hair. to make it go long again, you had to yank hard on her hair. but when you did that, she would let out this little noise that sounded like a pleasurable moan. Horray for macosasdistic dolls? when I was a little girl, I didn’t think much of it but when I got older I did wonder about the person who actually designed this doll.
    there was also this barbie doll where you did a simlar thing with her arms but instead of her hair it would be her breasts growing bigger.
    didn’t have that one but I remember there was a public fuss over it on TV.
    There’s also those:
    http://swench.blogspot.com/2007/03/toy-design-gone-wrong.html
    gonna love the hulk with a boner!

    http://www.night4joy.com/index.php/20080403102/Weird/Bizarre-Toys-from-around-the-Globe.html
    (other toys that seems innocent at first, until you take a second look…)

  51. Komachi said, on February 6, 2009 at 10:53 am

    Man, am I ever addicted to those capsule machines. When I found a One Piece one in our town, I descended on it with a fervor that scared the friends I was with at the time.
    And I thought that was more widespread… maybe Marimokkori is a Tohoku thing? I’m an ALT in Akita, and tons of my students have Marimokkori stuff. Heck, the Green Team for the school sports day even painted him on their flag this year – although they left out the boner, mercifully.

  52. ItAintEazy said, on February 6, 2009 at 6:08 pm

    Crap, the YouTube video link didn’t show up. Oh well:

    WHEN YOU PULL HIS BONER!

  53. john smith said, on February 7, 2009 at 1:22 pm

    First heard and learned “mokkori” from the anime City Hunter… http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mokkori
    you would be surprised of all the perverted words you can learn from anime.

  54. Anonymous said, on February 7, 2009 at 11:22 pm

    “Now is this more fucked up than what happens in America? Probably not. After all, America is so fucking puritan that people get freaked out if they learn that you have seen your parents naked when you were a child.” That’s because nobody, but nobody, wants to see that, or think about it.
    I do agree that America is REALLY uptight about sex and nudity.
    This actually doesn’t weird me out. I have never been to Japan, but this doesn’t weird me out really. And the kids don’t get it anyway. I remember watching the movie “Wild Wild West” when I was 7 or so, and loved the movie. I watched it again when I was 18, and realized how much innuendo was in that movie (especially the part when Loveless is driving off with their train and talking about something “hard and steely” he replaced his nether regions with. I didn’t get this at all as a child and didn’t care then. Now I just laugh) People shouldn’t be so uptight about sex anyway. We cause more problems that way. It’s either Sweden or Switzerland (I think) that starts sex education at 7. The result? One of the LOWEST teen pregnancy rates. Over here in the US, lot’s of pregnant teens (there are like 10+ pregnant girls/girls with kids at my sister’s high school school alone). Si, when you think about it, if we weren’t so up tight about sex, things wouldn’t be so screwed up.
    *end rant*
    On a side note that is exceptionally off topic, When are you going to post wedding pictures?

  55. Anonymous said, on February 7, 2009 at 11:22 pm

    “Now is this more fucked up than what happens in America? Probably not. After all, America is so fucking puritan that people get freaked out if they learn that you have seen your parents naked when you were a child.” That’s because nobody, but nobody, wants to see that, or think about it.
    I do agree that America is REALLY uptight about sex and nudity.
    This actually doesn’t weird me out. I have never been to Japan, but this doesn’t weird me out really. And the kids don’t get it anyway. I remember watching the movie “Wild Wild West” when I was 7 or so, and loved the movie. I watched it again when I was 18, and realized how much innuendo was in that movie (especially the part when Loveless is driving off with their train and talking about something “hard and steely” he replaced his nether regions with. I didn’t get this at all as a child and didn’t care then. Now I just laugh) People shouldn’t be so uptight about sex anyway. We cause more problems that way. It’s either Sweden or Switzerland (I think) that starts sex education at 7. The result? One of the LOWEST teen pregnancy rates. Over here in the US, lot’s of pregnant teens (there are like 10+ pregnant girls/girls with kids at my sister’s high school school alone). Si, when you think about it, if we weren’t so up tight about sex, things wouldn’t be so screwed up.
    *end rant*
    On a side note that is exceptionally off topic, When are you going to post wedding pictures?

  56. Misty said, on February 8, 2009 at 4:39 am

    Michael-Hey, thanks, I see your point. I’ve lived in the desert for quite a while now so the whole “well we’re snowed in, might as well get it on” thing never occured to me. At least I was right though about Hokkaido being ass biting cold. ^^;
    To everyone who’s recognizing whats on those little machines-I was gonna laugh and call you guys a bunch of dorks. Then I realised that the machine on the very top right is Pokemon related. So I humbly join your ranks of “dorks who have no lives”.

  57. s. said, on February 8, 2009 at 1:23 pm

    >Maybe you should apply to the Diet as the
    >”official impregnation specialist” and start a JET
    >similar program that brings waves of horny gaijin
    >over to Japan to help raise the birthrate. Then
    >everybody is happy (The Japanese get their babies
    >and We get to cure the yellow fever; plus Street
    >Fighter IV arcade matches).
    NO. Japan does not need more c0cksucking white dudes. Japanese women are far too prissy to mate with smelly cows like you anyway.

  58. Saben said, on February 8, 2009 at 9:25 pm

    I dunno, I find the Oozinator more disturbing. Especially given it’s the older kid firing his goo all over the younger kids. And the younger kids find it gross and the older kid finds it “awesome”…
    An Algaeman with a boner, well… 8 year olds would find that funny. Pre-8 and they wouldn’t understand it. Nothing wrong with a boner and/ or nudity, imo. Firing white goo is taking it a bit too far, though. Vibrating Marimokkoris are a bit much, too…

  59. Cailin Arena said, on February 9, 2009 at 1:32 am

    Tell me about it. I went to Hokkaido on vacation and when I asked my co-workers what they wanted as お土産, this was the almost unanimous request. My COWORKERS…. In a school…. where children are.

  60. Leidbag said, on February 9, 2009 at 7:49 am

    LOL at the guy that’s trying to rationalize the Oozinator and claiming it’s not as bad as the horny seaweed.

  61. evil_tennyo said, on February 11, 2009 at 3:33 pm

    LOL!!! I want one of those plushies 😄

  62. Colin said, on February 16, 2009 at 11:10 pm

    I know I haven’t commented in a while, but…
    I just finished watching the Youtube video of the Oozinator. I just about peed myself laughing.

  63. Anonymous said, on February 17, 2009 at 7:45 am

    haha, a friend brought it as a present for me from japan! At first i though “oh, kinda nice…toy” but then i saw the boner and now i love it! ^^

  64. Anonymous said, on February 17, 2009 at 7:45 am

    haha, a friend brought it as a present for me from japan! At first i though “oh, kinda nice…toy” but then i saw the boner and now i love it! ^^

  65. Anonymous said, on February 19, 2009 at 1:01 am

    this reminds me of how a guy in my japanese class said in a previous year one of his friends asked the teacher “What does bukkake mean?”
    i then laughed.

  66. Anonymous said, on February 19, 2009 at 1:01 am

    this reminds me of how a guy in my japanese class said in a previous year one of his friends asked the teacher “What does bukkake mean?”
    i then laughed.

  67. CLL said, on February 19, 2009 at 11:14 am

    Hey Az,
    Long-time lurker, first time poster. Don’t know if you have an iPhone or access to one, but there’s Wobble, an iPhone app that has been making the rounds (I hear it’s a hit in Japan). You place these targets on a picture of your choice, shake the screen (using the phone’s accelerometer), and “watch those parts of the photo bounce in realistic 3D!”
    So of course, one of the screen shots (fourth one in the US iTunes store, as of this posting) is a picture of Mokkori with a target centered on you-know-where….
    Wobble website link:
    http://chillifresh.com/wobble/
    iTunes link:
    http://itunes.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewSoftware?id=301166113&mt=8
    -CLL

  68. Seraph said, on February 23, 2009 at 7:41 am

    s. dude, that’s just rude. Besides, how do you know if I’m a smelly cow (not drop-dead gorgous or anything, but I take my personal grooming and such very seriously). That, and how did you know I could suck my own cock?
    Plus, Az gets a job (which is good), Japan might not be so xenophobic (also good), and (most importantly) there is Street Fighter IV arcade matches galore.

  69. cjb said, on March 12, 2009 at 2:05 am

    Mokkori means necklace in Korean. It’s funny to overhear Korean girls talking about mokkori

  70. Courtney said, on March 15, 2009 at 11:56 am

    I’m sad I didn’t see this post sooner! I LOVE marimo! We like to keep real ones in our aquariums. I bought a Hello Kitty dressed up as the marimo character and sure enough, she has the little round boner. People see it on my phone and say “what the hell…” It’s a great conversation starter!

  71. Lisa-Marie said, on March 22, 2009 at 2:55 pm

    I have actuly been looking into the JETS program so i thought it to be rather funny when i found your website here 😀 When my friend went to japan, she brought back a BUNCH of little toys a presents for us all, and she had quit a few of those little toys. I had to take one for myself and my japanese teacher at school bursted out laughing at it herself cause she saw them the last time she went to viset her sons.

  72. nii said, on March 24, 2009 at 4:29 pm

    LOL I just wanna say ive been reading this for awhile and to most of it i can relate, but this is solely to the fact that my highschool has a higher asian population than white and most of the awkward groping/touching/romantic affection between males/weird customs occurs daily and is part of the ‘norm’ but this thing? brought me to TEARS in laughter, i laughed for a good five minuets(no exaggeration) This stuff is GREAT keep posting 🙂

  73. cclemon said, on April 9, 2009 at 7:40 am

    doood, it’s that guy from hokkaido. all of a sudden he just exploded and was EVERYWHERE. he’s even down in shikoku and kyushu already. that bum’s stealing spots where they could be stocking my shinchan phone straps

  74. yasun said, on April 27, 2009 at 10:42 am

    That Oozinator. with the white goo is bad but i think this slide is worse http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bOXnxmlEkY0&feature=related

  75. FutureTechie said, on May 3, 2009 at 4:24 pm

    So why is pornography censored in Japan? Is it merely a law that politicians are too embarrassed to touch?

  76. transmitablossity said, on May 20, 2009 at 9:18 pm

    WOW what a messed up, whack-in-a-good-way place. Im packing up and MOVING TO JAPAN!!!
    Post again soon!!

  77. Anonymous said, on May 24, 2009 at 6:04 pm

    Ryo Saibas catch phrase in city hunter was mokkori, I always wondered what the hell that meant. Now I know, and knowing is half the battle. This has been a very educational day.

  78. Anonymous said, on May 24, 2009 at 6:04 pm

    Ryo Saibas catch phrase in city hunter was mokkori, I always wondered what the hell that meant. Now I know, and knowing is half the battle. This has been a very educational day.

  79. Melly Bean said, on August 14, 2009 at 10:02 am

    this is the same Japan that blurs out sexual intercourse–yet shows two naked girls throwing up on each other… you are surprised? lol.
    When I lived there I also remember seeing a talk-humor show where these guys were running around punching each other in the privates and everyone in the studio audience & the Japanese celebrities looking on thought it was hilarious…
    yeah… I remember “women-only” cars… pretty bad when a geek like me has to ride in them… but I also had insanely red hair at the time, which seemed to be a novelty of sorts… *shrugs*
    interesting culture, indeed… I still loved living there… 😛

  80. Jake said, on December 1, 2009 at 10:57 am

    I know I am about a year late but I just started reading your posts a few weeks ago. I also have a Japanese friend that has this toy and thinks it isn’t that big of a deal. In fact, he brought it with him for his study abroad here! I remember visiting his dorm room and seeing this interesting toy. Only for this toy, you pull on the little guy and it comes out as if you were pulling on Woody to get him to say something. So naturally I had to take a picture. You have probably already seen something like this, but if not I would be more than happy to show you this odd toy.


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