Gaijin Smash

Mr. Cicada

Posted in Blog by gaijinsmashnet on August 28, 2008

I hate summer in Japan.
Its supposed to be a wonderful season. Festivals, fireworks, the beach, girls in bikinis (oh my GOD, girls in bikinis…), and yes, all that stuff is nice. But it doesn’t make up for all the other stuff during summer that’s just absolutely shitty. The weather is of course a factor. I’m from California, and I even spent a few years living in the Mojave Desert (with a father who didn’t believe in air conditioning…try to wrap your heads around that one…), so I’m no stranger to hot weather. Japan, especially Kyoto where I live, is just humid and muggy, and that’s what makes it so miserable. Go outside past the confines of your air conditioner, and you will sweat buckets simply for existing.
But the heat is one thing. I could deal with the heat. What I cannot deal with…are the bugs.
In summer, every species of creepy crawly nasty motherfucker insect comes out of the woodwork. and plagues this tiny little island country with their pestilence. It sucks especially for me, because I don’t just get bitten by mosquitoes, I get fucking harvested by them. I never have just one bug bite, no. Just the other day I had 7…on one arm. My blood must be absolutely delicious. Bugs must be getting on the bug network about this or something…
Bug 1: Hey man, you gotta check this out. I’ve struck GOLD.
Bug 2: Eh? What’s up?
Bug 1: This is, like, the Grey Poupon of blood right here. This shit is scrumptious. I’m not even hungry anymore and I’m already on my third helping!
Bug 2: F’real? Allright, hold up, I’ll be right there!


An especially prevalent bug problem are cicadas. In the mornings especially, these things are louder than two girls cat-fighting over a loud speaker. They also tend to die and leave their festering corpses in the street. These bugs are HUGE (bug standard) and especially disgusting. I don’t care that they’re dead, its nasty and I hate it.
Sometimes, ones that are still alive can jump out at you too.
I was on the train heading somewhere, and as the train pulled into a station, stopped, and opened its doors, suddenly I heard the loud buzzing of the cicada. This time, it was 3x louder/more powerful than I’d ever heard it. What, had my train accidentally pulled into the Cicada Collective or something? Was there a Cicada Karaoke competition going on nearby? I look around and soon discovered why – just like any ordinary passenger, the cicada had boarded the train, and was now on the floor…directly next to me.
Other Japanese people sitting on the train also noticed our new passenger…but instead of getting up and running the fuck away as I thought they would…they just…sat there. I have to say that this was the absolute last reaction I would have expected. Especially remembering back to Ms. Butterfly’s reaction to a harmless little butterfly. Have you ever seen a Japanese girl go apeshit as an insect buzzes near her general vicinity? It truly is a thing of wonder to behold, and I suggest you all find a way to make this event happen so you can watch it at least once in your life.
I too tried to blow off the cicada. After all, I’m a big, black, scary gaijin. I can’t be running scared of no bugs. I tried to just ignore its presence…but I couldn’t. Who knows what this little terrorist was planning? Perhaps he was going to jump up on me when I let my guard down. I often sleep on the trains…what if I fell asleep and my mouth was hanging open, and this flagrant little bastard flew right up into my open mouth? That makes my stomach turn just thinking about it. I may skip dinner tonight.
So…I got up and changed train cars. And I could feel the watchful Japanese eyes on me as I did it. “Big black scary man is afraid of a little bug? FOR SHAME.”
……….FUCK YEAH I’m bothered by that nasty little hell spawn, why aren’t you? So butterflies then are nasty little creatures of evil but cicadas are a-ok? Who in the name of Foghorn Leghorn decided this nonsense?!
Now, I can anticipate in the comments many of you, feeling your e-penis throbbing to massive new lengths thanks to the viagra that is internet anonymity, will be saying something like “Wow Az, I didn’t know you were such a baby. It’s just a bug, right? Grow up and be a man.” To that, I can only say this. You know the myth of how elephants are afraid of mice? Doesn’t really make sense, does it? I mean, an elephant is like a bajillion times bigger than the itty bitty little mouse. All the elephant needs to do is raise a foot and stomp the mouse into oblivion. But for however much an elephant is terrified of mice (if the myth is true), it can and will not hesitate to stomp the shit out of a human. So, don’t tempt the elephant.
I fucking hate bugs. I always have and I always will. Everyone has their Achilles Heel, this is mine.
***
It occurred to me that little boys, for some odd reason, have a fascination with bugs. I wasn’t so twisted – I hated them from the start. I liked cars, jet planes, robots, robots that could transform into cars and jet planes, and women (I got started early on that). Fuck bugs.
This concerns me, because I will be having kids someday in the near future (if my wife had her way; yesterday), and if I have boys and somehow fail in their upbringing, there is a chance that little Az Junior will come home with some sort of bug discovery he’s made…with the specimen alive or even dead.
If this ever happened…the kid would be grounded so hard, by the time he saw sunlight again North and South Korea would be a unified country. The DMZ would have been turned into a McDonalds FunHouse.
Drugs, sex, stealing things, fist fights, whatever, I’ll deal with it. Bring home a bug? Nuh-uh, no way, dame, niet, es muy bad, no. My boy would learn then and there that there are several things in this world that one simply cannot do…walk into Mordor, tempt the Dark Side, and bring insects into my life. Aside from being grounded until the world sees peace, I’d probably lock myself up in a room to contemplate my complete and utter failure as a parent.
Now, if I have daughters, girls usually tend to be grossed out by bugs so this isn’t a problem. I think though, when one is dealing with daughters, the level of potential parental failure gets kicked up a few notches. Like, if boys are playing with firecrackers, girls are playing with nuclear missiles. As far as Ultimate Parental Failure as far as daughters are concerned goes, I think the scale goes something like this –
— She becomes a slut.
— She becomes a bitch.
— She becomes a bitchy slut.
— She has that annoying loud laugh where she has to gasp for breath every 2 seconds.
— She becomes a gold digger.
— She becomes a crack whore.
— She becomes an actual whore.
— She starts to mimic/idolize the behaviors of Paris Hilton, Nicole Ritchie, Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears, or Amy Winehouse, except without the money.
— She becomes a street-walker prostitute.
— She does a few amateur porns.
— She becomes a porn star.
— She becomes a major porn star.
— She does porn that includes fucked up shit, like scat or bukkake.
— You have two daughters/twins, both of whom do porn.
— Both girls do fucked up porn.
— Your daughters/twins do lesbian sister/twin incest porn together.
If there is a failure harder than that…I just can’t think of it.
Now, this is why only fools are (internet) heroes – because you never know when some lunatic will come along with a sadistic choice. I can already anticipate someone asking me – “Az, which would be worse? Your two daughters doing incest porn together, or your son bringing home a half-dead cicada?” …Don’t make me choose between such horrible options, you sick fuck. On one hand, you have the complete and utter fail of not only having one of your daughters become a porn star…but both of them…and not only do you have two daughters in the business, they partake in one of the unholiest of all taboos…but then you also have those nasty, disgusting, awful, menacing cicadas. Don’t make me think about which hell I would prefer, for they are both full of misery and torment.
Yes, that is how much I hate bugs. I hate bugs and I will make no apologies for it. If you asked me to take on a wild bear I could do it with a little mental prep and some light armor, but if you ask me to stomp on a spider, I’m coming back with a huge can of Raid and I’m going biological warfare on his ass. And when itsy bitsy spider chokes on the nerve gas I’m going to scoop him up with the most powerful vacuum cleaner I can find from maximum distance away, and then take the waste bag to the nearest incinerator and fry that sumbitch into oblivion. And then go home and shower 3 or 4 times.
Man, I’ll be glad when it’s winter and all these creepy-crawlies are finally dead.

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123 Responses

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  1. Louis said, on August 28, 2008 at 12:32 am

    You forgot about the species of bug- rhino beetle or whatever it’s called (I forget the Japanese name) that kids keep as pets. They sell them at my local produce store. NEXT TO THE PINEAPPLES! IN FRUIT CONTAINERS!
    And then there’s the mukade…
    No, no, as a guy in rural southern Japan I know what you mean about bugs. The cockroaches here- oh my god. But the spiders are pretty cool. One spider at my place caught a cicada, that was pertty impressive. Those things scream when they’re caught though. Pretty effin scary.

  2. Hilary said, on August 28, 2008 at 12:58 am

    Yeah when I went to Italy last summer they had those cicadas, they were extremely loud and annoying. Though I didn’t actually see one. They also had these 5 inch bugs! AND THEY FLEW. I ran so fast. I’ll never stay in rural areas of Italy ever again.
    As for heat, I heard in Asia it’s mostly muggy but I’ve been to Michigan and Indiana so I can handle it. Don’t worry, since Japan has all it’s seasons it’s almost fall for you. Lucky.
    More summer in California until December, if I’m lucky it may go down a few degrees.

  3. Someone said, on August 28, 2008 at 1:35 am

    Mythbusters tested the elephant-mice myth and found out that although it isn’t the stampede kind of scared, elephants really don’t like mice and will avoid them.

  4. Jacqueline said, on August 28, 2008 at 1:39 am

    according to Wiki:
    The adult insect, sometimes called an imago, is usually 2 to 5 cm (1 to 2 inches) long, although some tropical species can reach 15 cm (6″).

  5. Ja7on said, on August 28, 2008 at 1:50 am

    I hate to say it … most bugs don’t die during the winter, the just hibernate. 😦
    Eggads, I need a shower now …

  6. Marijica said, on August 28, 2008 at 1:57 am

    Uhhh… You OK, Az?

  7. not a doktor said, on August 28, 2008 at 1:58 am

    What if your incest daughters did porn where cicadas ran around on top of their nipples and landing strip? And your wife walked in with you pants to your ankles.
    :0

  8. Renan said, on August 28, 2008 at 2:02 am

    anything worse than a giant monster bug, is a giant monster bug that THROWS ITSELF AT YOU… and I thought my local bugs where annoying! (PS: i live in Brazil) (PS2: Hi mom!)

  9. Zantetsu said, on August 28, 2008 at 3:20 am

    I bet you love Mushiking Az.

  10. Vidgmchtr said, on August 28, 2008 at 3:26 am

    I fucking hate bugs. I’m a total pussy when it comes to insects and arachnids.
    If I hear that dreadful buzzing of a yellowjacket flying around my window, I leave the room and tell the first person I find that there’s a wasp in my room and they should kill it and not to look at my computer monitor because it has gay porn on it.
    Back a couple of months ago, I’d have to deal with at least one, sometimes two crane flies (huge-ass mosquito lookalikes) flying around my room every night. They suck at flying and are pretty easy to kill, but I hesitate at the thought of being close to one of the wretched things.
    But I still get scared of any insect that CAN’T bite/sting me. A fairly big moth was able to enter my room one night this summer, and it scared the fuck out of me. I ended up killing it by spraying it with Lysol. Fuck its cleaning power, it’s a multi-purpse spray, good for killing these 6-8 legged fuckers (it might piss them off initially, but if you douse it in it I’m sure they’ll die).
    I think my fear stems from the fact that I got bitten in my sleep by something a few years back, and I was able to feel it in my sleep. Woke up seeing two fang marks on my arm. D:

  11. anonymous said, on August 28, 2008 at 3:32 am

    Az, you’re out of luck. I hate, loath, despise, and detest bugs.
    I have a 5 year-old son and live in Japan. And whether I like it or not (Dammit!!) every summer our genkan resonates with the horrible rustle of stag beetles and elephant beetles that the kid’s grandparents give to him – and he ALWAYS ASKS FOR MORE!!!
    It gets worse – he’s not alone. The same is true of the genkans of every single male classmate of his.
    Face it Az, you’re out of luck.

  12. neutrinos said, on August 28, 2008 at 3:37 am

    Or your daughter can turn out weird like her… =)
    http://otakuinternational.com/2008/08/shokotans-unique-cosplay/

  13. Shin said, on August 28, 2008 at 3:58 am

    I feel your pain!

  14. CF said, on August 28, 2008 at 4:04 am

    “Japan, especially Kyoto where I live, is just humid and muggy, and that’s what makes it so miserable.”
    No lie — I was there during the dead of summer, and here’s the AAR:
    http://www.bidalaka.com/picofarad/pf11/disney.html .
    Oh, By The Way: I have no memory whatever of the first day of that trip. (The thunderstorm, OTOH….)
    “An especially prevalent bug problem are cicadas.”
    Hell, you don’t even have to leave the US to put up with them — I used to have to visit Texas in summer on a regular basis, and the cicadas there were driving me… well… buggy.
    “If there is a failure harder than that…I just can’t think of it.”
    Eight daughters performing an eight-way around-the-world in an open-trench toilet full of cockroaches?
    “I hate bugs and I will make no apologies for it.”
    So I guess you had to put up with a lot of Other Kids Ramming Bugs Into Your Face So They Can Watch You Have A Panic Attack?
    Yeah, I know the feeling. Tho’ my problem is a bit bigger than an insect — about 20′ long, weighing four tons, with lots of teeth and a very nasty disposition. (And as I recall, the Japanese don’t much like those, either….)

  15. Ihmhi said, on August 28, 2008 at 4:16 am

    Mythbusters covered the elephant and mouse thing:

    Whether or not they’re actually afraid of them is debatable. The elephants could simply be trying not to hurt such a small creature.
    Aaand of course, Snopes also has something to say about that:
    http://www.snopes.com/critters/wild/elephant.asp
    As for Cicadas, I live in New Jersey. We have them hear, but we only hear them every couple of years. I live in the city so they’re rarer, but even out in the sticks they’re not as prevalent as I’ve heard they are in Japan.

  16. Anonymous said, on August 28, 2008 at 4:27 am

    I think becoming a prostitute is much worse than becoming a porn star. As a porn star you can get famous and make a million dollars. As a prostitute you hardly make any money and only get famous if they put your mugshot online or you f&ck Hugh Grant.

  17. Anonymous said, on August 28, 2008 at 4:27 am

    I think becoming a prostitute is much worse than becoming a porn star. As a porn star you can get famous and make a million dollars. As a prostitute you hardly make any money and only get famous if they put your mugshot online or you f&ck Hugh Grant.

  18. dmh said, on August 28, 2008 at 4:27 am

    I think becoming a prostitute is much worse than becoming a porn star. As a porn star you can get famous and make a million dollars. As a prostitute you hardly make any money and only get famous if they put your mugshot online or you f&ck Hugh Grant.

  19. Matt said, on August 28, 2008 at 5:00 am

    What’s worse is when the cicadas drop out of trees RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU on their backs and just make that screeching noise on the ground as they struggle in vain. Thank God I went to Japan in late summer and left mid-winter.

  20. Mukund said, on August 28, 2008 at 5:24 am

    Lol. Funny as always and the Ms. Butterfly comment made me feel nostalgic and prompted me to go read all your earlier editorials…again. Think about it, today you would actually prefer dealing with those nasty school boys and girls rather than those cicadas.
    M

  21. Andrew said, on August 28, 2008 at 5:26 am

    Hmm. Back in 2004 around my hometown in DC the cicadas only come out every 17 years. (approximately according to the news reports then)
    I remember because I was 17 at the time. Apparently these cicadas only come out after maturing 17 years underground to mate lay their eggs and die. The new generation is then to only come back after 17 years of maturation underground to complete the cycle.
    These cicadas were EVERYWHERE, I mean there was almost no place to go where you wouldn’t see entire swarms of them. Especially where there were grassy areas.
    Lol, me and a friend even played a prank on a bug-phobic friend, planting a cicada on his back and having it crawl up his back until 30 minutes later it finally crept upon his neck. I’ve never seen a fully grown guy scream the way he did. Hilarious; We couldn’t stop laughing if we wanted to for at least 20 minutes.

  22. Lissou said, on August 28, 2008 at 5:56 am

    I hate to brings this to you, Az… But most little girls I know or knew do/did like bugs, as well. I’ve never considered it a boy thing. So I don’t think you’re safe for that either…
    Take it as a warning, I guess. Don’t let your guard down bug-wise because you have a girl.

  23. Scimitar said, on August 28, 2008 at 6:13 am

    Actually, Mythbusters tackled the elephant/mice myth.
    They hid a fake mouse under a fake rock and somehow made the fake rock tip over releasing the mouse-like robotic creature. It may’ve even been a dead mouse. You know how Mythbusters is.
    Anyways, the Elephants shied away from it. At first, they thought it was the moving rock. Then, they just hid it under a bush.
    The elephant wasn’t running away in terror. However, they did stop, and turn around/went around the mouse in a wide circle.
    So, the analogy still stands.

  24. Crash said, on August 28, 2008 at 6:29 am

    Jacqueline is right my far flung friend. They do not die, much like Chuck Norris, they wait.
    They wait four you. They wait while your world freezes, huddled in their little holes warm and cozy. It’s a vacation really.
    And when the sun shines fully on Japan once more, once they have finished their spring induced orgies, they will come for you. They will look at you and see that this large mother trucker is full of delicious.

  25. Mr. Son said, on August 28, 2008 at 6:30 am

    This post… Really doesn’t fit the tone of your normal work. It sounds out of place, like someone younger and angrier than you hijacked your blog. It’s kinda weird.
    Personally, I like (some) bugs, as long as they’re not *stinging* bugs, but I’m not going to try and convince you they’re all great wonderful creatures. If you don’t like ’em, you don’t like ’em. *Shrug*

  26. Saitama-rama said, on August 28, 2008 at 7:06 am

    Hi Az,
    Long time listener first time caller.
    Just arrived in a small city in Saitama last month. I must say that the Cicadas haven’t quite dropped dead yet but yes, the giant mutant bugs that live all over Japan give my San Diego-born soul a hell of a shiver.
    Also, HEY EVER HEARD OF AIRI AND MEIRI? Man, parental failure sure can be adorable.

  27. Mayhem said, on August 28, 2008 at 7:30 am

    Bugs don’t freak me out but you do get a healthy respect for certain spiders you come across! As for cicadas, the only thing against them is that noise… I’ve been to many parts of the US and a couple of times the sound has been absolutely deafening in the morning such is the concentration of the little buggers around where I was staying. Can I see them though hiding away, making that racket? Of bloody well course not! :p

  28. Steve said, on August 28, 2008 at 7:56 am

    I totally get the bug fears. I cannot fucking stand insects. Well, except spiders. Spiders don’t bother me. They don’t move the same way as other bugs(scarily) or jump on you.
    Even the cicadas we get here in Ohio are bad enough, but I hear they’re way bigger in Japan. And you guys have those massive, crazy-pissed-off hornets that follow/sting you for like half a mile.
    I want to go to Japan, but this post has struck fear in my heart. Fuck.

  29. Milko said, on August 28, 2008 at 7:57 am

    I know exactly how you feel. I hate bugs with a similar passion. While in Japan, my girlfriend told her host sister that I hate bugs. This cute little Japanese girl comes up to me, tells me to hold my hand out. Stupidly, I do. She then drops a MASSIVE, DISGUSTING, BUG, into my hand.
    I hate children.

  30. Rabe said, on August 28, 2008 at 8:04 am

    Glad to see I’m not the only one who hates insects with a passion. Here in Sweden we have no cicadas though, but instead we got lots and lots of wasps, swarming around bus stops and all manner of public places where there is a garbage can nearby, just waiting to mercilessly stab innocent bystanders with their stingers.

  31. Anonymous of /jp/ said, on August 28, 2008 at 8:05 am

    Az, you forgot if your daughter started doing japanese insect porn.
    WARNING: NSFW, MAY LEAVE MIND SCARS
    literateperversions.com/?p=72

  32. Maggy said, on August 28, 2008 at 8:11 am

    THANK-YOU AZ!!! FINALLY SOMEONE WHO AGREES WITH ME!!! I always talk about how much I hate the cicadas here in Japan but all my ALT friends talk about how nice they sound…like they’re trying to be all Japanese or something. I HATE them. They fly, they’re HUGE, they buzz on the floor while they’re dying, they sound like they’re in my ears while I’m jogging..yeah…I really fucking hate them.

  33. Mariko said, on August 28, 2008 at 8:28 am

    I was at my grandmother’s house a few weeks ago visiting, and one night, baby centipedes and this BIG FAT SPIDER popped out of nowhere…my relatives told me not to kill the spider, because it ate bugs. Bastards.
    It did, therefore, give me great joy when my auntie who was sleeping on futon with us suddenly jumped up in the middle of the night. Probably the spider poked her.

  34. Sarcasmo said, on August 28, 2008 at 8:42 am

    “Now, I can anticipate in the comments many of you, feeling your e-penis throbbing to massive new lengths thanks to the viagra that is internet anonymity . . .”
    Effing BRILLIANT!

  35. Adam said, on August 28, 2008 at 9:26 am

    @Hilary: Michigan and Indiana? Try living in the deep South. Then you can talk to me about heat and humidity.
    Az, I hate cicadas too, in fact, they’re buzzing outside my window right now. Ugh.

  36. tom said, on August 28, 2008 at 10:01 am

    I feel for you when it comes to mosquitoes. After one fun night in Thailand I had 20 bites on one foot, and another 20 on the other. They find me delicious.
    Now because mosquitoes love me so much, I actually like spiders, since they can catch and eat them. When I see a spider I don’t kill but instead give it words of encouragement to kill as many mosquitoes as possible.

  37. Becca Stareyes said, on August 28, 2008 at 10:03 am

    Maybe you should be more worried about your future daughters, Az. I mean, I was the only middle schooler, male or female, who was willing to handle the hissing cockroaches at the zoo, and last time I checked, I was a girl.
    (Of course, even I didn’t like cicadas as a kid. Partially because one of them landed on my neck when I was five during one of those crazy swarms.)

  38. Julio said, on August 28, 2008 at 10:10 am

    I’m brazilian too! And I hate the damn bugs too: cicadas, roaches, flies. spiders… They are proof that Hell exists and is throwing shit at us – especially in tropical countries where it’s hot and damp most of the time.
    So, you are not alone in your hatred of bugs, Az: around the world we suffer too.

  39. Rene said, on August 28, 2008 at 10:32 am

    Wow Az, I didn’t know you were such a baby!!!!!! Well to be honest I hate bugs too… specially thos who fly an has stings… like bees… I hate bees with all my mitochondria… once I got stung by five of those african beetches, thank God I wasn’t allergic…

  40. bugophobe said, on August 28, 2008 at 10:37 am

    Try Costa Rica, where I saw a friend accidentally step on a 4-inch long (the body, not including the wings) moth, stand on it for a few seconds, then walk away, and the damned moth was still alive. Broken, but alive. I also saw another moth on the ceiling of an open-air restaurant that was at least a foot across in wingspan.

  41. Harry said, on August 28, 2008 at 10:59 am

    Hahaha, I was in Fukuoka last summer so I can relate.
    However, growing up in Korea (yes, I’m part of the race that gave Az access to Transformers), has allowed me to develop an ability to tune out cicadas. For example, I was in Korea with a caucasian buddy of mine a month ago or so, and he kept complaining about the noise… of the countryside. I thought he was on crack, but in hindsight, he was hearing cicadas roaring away while I just considered the noise of the cicadas as “normal.” The best way to put it is that I EXPECT the noise to be there in the summer, as I’d expect there to be trees in the mountain, water in the sea, and so on. To put it simply, my subconsciousness hears it, but my brain doesn’t register it as a separate noise.
    Anyway, before I get ahead of myself, your post brought back some memories. :]

  42. Artemis said, on August 28, 2008 at 11:14 am

    Oh Christ. When I see a bug as far as ten feet from me, I run like a crazed lunatic escaping from an asylum.
    Speaking of cicadas in Japan, have you come across anyone doing cicada cosplay?
    I kid you not: http://www.pinktentacle.com/2008/08/cicada-shell-cosplay/

  43. Nate said, on August 28, 2008 at 11:15 am

    You think a few cicadas are scary imagine billions. We just had our crop of 17 year cicadas here in Chicago. Once every 17 years a swarm of cicadas shows up and for the next few weeks there are cicadas everywhere and on everything. Imagine standing in a field with a carpet of living cicadas surrounding you on every side.

  44. IgwanaRob said, on August 28, 2008 at 11:16 am

    When I was 3 or 4, and we lived in Florida, I remember waking up and seeing a Palmetto Bug on the ceiling (picture a giant green flying roach thing – yikes!). I went to yell, and the thing flew right into my mouth. I’ve been traumatized about giant flying insects ever since.
    FF 5 or 6 years to NY, where my teenage neighbor walks up to me, opens his mouth, and out flies the cicada he had been keeping in there (WTF?) causing me to scream like a girl and run like hell.
    I. Hate. Giant. Flying. Bugs.

  45. Vendacious said, on August 28, 2008 at 11:17 am

    The insect related purchase I ever made was something that looks like a badminton racket with electrified strings. You just mash the power button, and stick the strings on top of whatever bug you want to die. There is nothing more satisfying than hearing spiders go “pop” from two feet away without any lingering smell or mess.
    I doubt it would work on cicadas though. On larger bugs it acts more like a stun gun.

  46. Jais said, on August 28, 2008 at 11:48 am

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Cicada_molting_animated-2.gif. that’s nasty. Say that in Cleveland’s voice. Your not the only one who hates those little shits.

  47. Savio Mathews said, on August 28, 2008 at 12:01 pm

    Ha ha ha ha ha
    Pure genius.

  48. Anonymous said, on August 28, 2008 at 12:06 pm

    “As for heat, I heard in Asia it’s mostly muggy but I’ve been to Michigan and Indiana so I can handle it.”
    Maybe my memories are skewed, but I have spent time in Michigan in the middle of summer. It isn’t as bad as you make it out to be. I came home to Southern Illinois, walked out my door to go to the post office, and almost suffocated.
    Az: Be glad you don’t live in Illinois. Cicadas are as normal as…well, normal junk. I have literally grown up with them every summer, it doesn’t even bother me anymore. In fact, the sound is relaxing to me now.
    So to give the Japanese some credit for ignoring the cicadas, you are probably one of the only people who even pay attention to them.

  49. Anonymous said, on August 28, 2008 at 12:06 pm

    “As for heat, I heard in Asia it’s mostly muggy but I’ve been to Michigan and Indiana so I can handle it.”
    Maybe my memories are skewed, but I have spent time in Michigan in the middle of summer. It isn’t as bad as you make it out to be. I came home to Southern Illinois, walked out my door to go to the post office, and almost suffocated.
    Az: Be glad you don’t live in Illinois. Cicadas are as normal as…well, normal junk. I have literally grown up with them every summer, it doesn’t even bother me anymore. In fact, the sound is relaxing to me now.
    So to give the Japanese some credit for ignoring the cicadas, you are probably one of the only people who even pay attention to them.

  50. Sleepy Ninja said, on August 28, 2008 at 12:32 pm

    Man i agree i hate insects. Those little things creep me out son.

  51. Anonymous said, on August 28, 2008 at 12:32 pm

    Be happy you haven’t seen these suckers yet.
    http://weirdtales.net/wordpress/2007/10/23/the-year-of-ninja-spiders/
    http://www.fazed.org/blog/view/1/clock-spider/
    And I thought bug collecting was a long-time tradition of Japan? 😀

  52. Anonymous said, on August 28, 2008 at 12:32 pm

    Be happy you haven’t seen these suckers yet.
    http://weirdtales.net/wordpress/2007/10/23/the-year-of-ninja-spiders/
    http://www.fazed.org/blog/view/1/clock-spider/
    And I thought bug collecting was a long-time tradition of Japan? 😀

  53. Anonymous said, on August 28, 2008 at 12:51 pm

    http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1070/543215375_9a16f8df57.jpg?v=0
    Fear! FEAR!!!!!!!!
    MUHAHAHAHAHA!!!

  54. Anonymous said, on August 28, 2008 at 12:51 pm

    http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1070/543215375_9a16f8df57.jpg?v=0
    Fear! FEAR!!!!!!!!
    MUHAHAHAHAHA!!!

  55. Ryan said, on August 28, 2008 at 12:53 pm

    Hey, as for getting the mosquitoes to leave you alone, people with high sugar levels are attractive to them. Get some Vitamin B1 and take one of those every few days, not only is it healthy, bugs HATE the taste/smell and will leave you alone. Also, potassium, so eat bananas. One question though, how is being a whore better then being a porn star? At least porn stars have sex with (relatively) clean guys, compared to whores who do the dirty gonasyphilitis patients and get all sorts of fun infections…

  56. Celina said, on August 28, 2008 at 1:22 pm

    Apparently, elephants fear mice because they’re concerned the mouse with find its way into its trunk. Once in there they’re pretty much guaranteed to die and start decomposing, as well as block the only way an elephant can drink. So yeah, their fear is quite valid. As is your fear of bugs, Az *pat pat*

  57. Ethan said, on August 28, 2008 at 1:40 pm

    You should read the Cicada chapter of Yotsuba&! (a manga). Actually, you should just read Yotsuba&! on principle alone. But the Cicada chapter would have you crawling right out of your skin.

  58. Joe said, on August 28, 2008 at 3:21 pm

    Don’t visit my house, Az. I once wanted to be an entomologist (to study insects). I have lots of different insects mounted on the wall.
    At least you were correct, though. Cicadas belong to the order of true bugs (and are, therefore, in the only group of insects that can correctly be called ‘bugs’).
    Around here, though, they’re not as noisy or as common, though I did see one flying around a light the other day. Most of them also live underground for many years, so you might only see a significant number of them every 7 years or something.
    We used to call them ‘army bugs’, but they’re not so bad to handle. For one, they don’t have any mouth parts capable of biting you. They are big & ugly, though. And the shells they leave behind when they molt are pretty funky-looking. But they can’t actually hurt you. Not even a little.
    Just be glad you don’t have twins who go into some sort of incest/cicada porn. They’d have to put you into an institution. You’d probably go around mumbling, “if it was just porn, I could deal, but why’d they have to add the damn bugs!? There were OVER 9000!!!”

  59. Church said, on August 28, 2008 at 3:27 pm

    Ya know, I’m from what would be technically classified as “The Country”. Bug’s don’t bother me, I just dislike the brown recluse. It’s a little brown spider, like all the other little brown spiders, except this one can kill you. Good luck with the bug-phobia Az, just don’t ever move anywhere remotely considered country and you’ll be fine.
    Also, don’t name your daughters after cars. If your daughter is named after a car, and has daddy issues, sure way to put her on the path to stripperdom or worse.

  60. giniro said, on August 28, 2008 at 4:00 pm

    Heh, a harder failure would be your twin girls liking bugs as kids and then growing up with bug fetishes and doing crazy screwed up twincest stuff together.
    Or, your twin boys doing the same.

  61. Brandon said, on August 28, 2008 at 4:08 pm

    Hey Az,
    Man I just looked up cicada at Wikipedia. Man, those fuckers are huge. It’s strange that the Japanese ignore them. If people ever saw one of those in Boston (guess were I am from!), people would think it’s the rapture. They would start praying in hopes to get in to heaven.
    I would just use my boot!
    Keep up the good work, hope all is well.

  62. Xak said, on August 28, 2008 at 4:30 pm

    You want bad? People eat cicadas. They were a delicacy in America before Europeans invaded. SOooo, your twin daughters doing incest porn while eating cicadas. There’s an ultimate nightmare for you. Japan certainly has some fucked up shit–our cicadas don’t jump O_O They just sit there being some of the ugliest bugs ever. And leave their cocoon things on everything. My daughter has your mosquito luck, by the way. I took her out, covered in bug spray, she’s 20 months at the time, her thighs had 5 bites in about a minute (we were going swimming). And she’s allergic (thankfully, we’ve found a way to stop the allergy before it gets bad) on top of being their favorite food. It’s totally ruined the summer, because I don’t want to take her out and let them eat her up. Fucking bugs.

  63. ItAintEazy said, on August 28, 2008 at 5:38 pm

    First the fish allergies, now bugs. Are you sure Japan is the right place for you?

  64. Anonymous said, on August 28, 2008 at 6:05 pm

    Links to previous articles have not been working.

  65. Anonymous said, on August 28, 2008 at 6:05 pm

    Links to previous articles have not been working.

  66. Anonymous said, on August 28, 2008 at 6:14 pm

    Oh yeah Az?
    Well what would be worse of THESE:
    You walk in to your (see: YOUR) bedroom, and catch your daughters making Satanic Twincest porn, Or
    Your son wakes you up at 6:30 by sticking a half-dead cicada oozing bug puss in your mouth?
    Address all complaints to the Monsanto corporation.

  67. Anonymous said, on August 28, 2008 at 6:14 pm

    Oh yeah Az?
    Well what would be worse of THESE:
    You walk in to your (see: YOUR) bedroom, and catch your daughters making Satanic Twincest porn, Or
    Your son wakes you up at 6:30 by sticking a half-dead cicada oozing bug puss in your mouth?
    Address all complaints to the Monsanto corporation.

  68. Mel said, on August 28, 2008 at 6:19 pm

    This reminds me of the time I was still in Indonesia, and cockroaches are literally at least 10 times bigger than the cockroaches in California.
    One time, I was at my computer desk and a cockroach jumped on my back. I thought it was my nanny playing with me by throwing paper or something. Then it jumped on my arm, and I still ignored it.
    When it finally jumped off, I turned around only to see a huge cockroach on the wall in front of me.
    Needless to say, I avoided the area for about two weeks.

  69. tittat said, on August 28, 2008 at 6:20 pm

    If there is a failure harder than that…I just can’t think of it.
    Your daughters are mass murderers who also do sister incest porn together. And are into bug collecting.
    =/

  70. Anonymous said, on August 28, 2008 at 6:44 pm

    I TOTALLY share your pain on the whole bug thing!

  71. Chase said, on August 28, 2008 at 6:45 pm

    Sorry, but you are screwed. My (japanese) fiance told me that in elementary school the kids are actually given a net, a cage, and have a long homework assignment of catching the little bastard cicaedas and watch over them for about a month. If you walk around an elementary school these days, you can see the boys AND girls stalking the bugs in the trees on their school ground. That is why no one cares here, it is just like how kids in the US have caterpillars they watch grown butterflies (assuming your school had the money for it). Good luck!

  72. jessek said, on August 28, 2008 at 7:14 pm

    Check this.
    http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/campaigns/our_boys/article1615470.ece
    Afghan mega spider bit dog to death

  73. Justanothermom said, on August 28, 2008 at 7:28 pm

    *SHUDDER*
    I thought it was bad enough to be in an area where the June Bugs are about 2 – 2 1/2 inches long. I’ve been buzzed by one, and screamed in utter terror. Not a big fan of any kind of large bug. And the bugs do only hibernate. In the U.S., there are three species of the Cicada that lives up to SEVENTEEN YEARS!
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Magicicada
    – oh, and some girls are fascinated by bugs. I’m obviously not one of them.
    I saw that Mythbusters episode; the elephants literally turned around, or looked to give the mouse a wide berth in order to pass it. I could feel their pain.
    You caved on the baby thing, huh? I’m disappointed, but you can’t call the troops back now. Get ready for Ultimate Adulthood (you didn’t like having to be grown up before? Heh-heh-heh just wait until you have your first new arrival). ANy way, I’ll be happy for you & give you as much emotional support as I can over the internet. Got plenty of prayer support for ya.
    BTW, how’s the job hunt going? Any nibbles?

  74. Megan said, on August 28, 2008 at 7:33 pm

    I hate the bugs in Japan too. I just found maggots eating the orange slice that came with my popuri. And before that i had a massive tiny ant problem – not too mention the normal assortment of bugs i have in my house. It doesnt help that I live by a river in the mountains either.

  75. SLD said, on August 28, 2008 at 8:38 pm

    You know, unless I missed something during your time as a teacher…I’m glad that you never even MENTIONED your hatred of bugs around those kids…Kancho and “Noisy-****ers” would have been the LEAST of your concerns.
    Those kids would have done so much worse…I shudder to think of it.
    Anyway, does your fiancee’ hate bugs or is she neutral to them? Won’t talk about your kids. I think they’ll be fine. They’ll probably be Street Fighter Champs or something. 🙂

  76. Kai said, on August 28, 2008 at 9:48 pm

    Hey Az,
    I know your fear I have it too. My worst experience by far is stepping one of those (Earwig?) centipied looking insect with like a crescent moon ass. I didn’t see it until I felt something abnormal on my heel which did not feel like tile floor. Hoping back quickly, I noticed the bug and screamed the most girlish scream ever… Then it was off to the nearest sink on my clean feet (becuase I didnt want to spread the grossness around) – washing for almost 30 mins with soap. I then came up with courage to return to the scene. I noticed the bug still there, not thinking, I ran to get a cup to cover it; so it couldnt escape. To ensure no escape, I placed a paper weight on the cup. Then I noticed the cup was clear and I can still see the bug, so I took a shoe box and covered it. Afraid to clean it, I had no choice but to sissy up and call my buddy who lives a block away. Fortunately he’s my best buddy and all I got was a humiliating laugh from him when he came over to clean it up. Till this day…(4 years) there is one tile in my house I’ll never step…

  77. Patrick said, on August 28, 2008 at 9:55 pm

    As others have said, the Mythbusters have makred plausible that elephants are afraid of mice (It was a live mouse under a hollowed-out pile of elephant poo. They used a string to pull the poo away. Tested with and without mouse on near-wild elephants. Those poor bastards were SPOOKED of the mouse.)
    We had a few cicadas here this year. They are noisy little fuckers. As for getting on the train, maybe he had a meeting?

  78. Schizm said, on August 28, 2008 at 11:12 pm

    First time in comments. Love the blog.
    I completely agree about the weather in Kyoto…….Coming from Australia, the heat doesn’t bother me, but the humidity kills. I tend to spend as much time at Ohmi-maiko in Shiga during the summer.
    As for the bugs, they don’t bother me too much. Japanese bugs may be big and noisy, but they can’t kill me like many Aussie bugs…..

  79. well said, on August 29, 2008 at 12:09 am

    Are there screen doors? Screens on windows? If not, maybe that could be a lucrative business in Japan.
    Amazing you tolerated the cicada. I would have screamed for sure.
    I had a giant ichneumon wasp try to fly into my house recently and that was kind of creepy. It had a big tail (really an ovapositor) that was about half a foot long.
    Luckily we don’t get too many big bugs but even little ones like ants can be depressing in sufficient number.

  80. Anonymous said, on August 29, 2008 at 12:37 am

    Michigan like many areas has variations in the weather so if you come during a heatwave you will be stifled about as well as you can be anywhere.
    I just compared forecasts and the highs btn MI and Kyoto are going to be almost identical this week, but the lows in MI for the week are avg of about 10 degrees (F) lower.
    Not sure about humidity. Although currently it’s around 90 percent in MI and around 60 percent in Kyoto.

  81. Anonymous said, on August 29, 2008 at 12:37 am

    Michigan like many areas has variations in the weather so if you come during a heatwave you will be stifled about as well as you can be anywhere.
    I just compared forecasts and the highs btn MI and Kyoto are going to be almost identical this week, but the lows in MI for the week are avg of about 10 degrees (F) lower.
    Not sure about humidity. Although currently it’s around 90 percent in MI and around 60 percent in Kyoto.

  82. Joe said, on August 29, 2008 at 1:53 am

    All stingers for bees & wasps are ovipositors. That’s why the drones are all all female; their ovipositor is used as a stinger.
    Most hymenopterans (bees, wasps & ants) are female. They only make a few drones for mating season.

  83. katzgoboom said, on August 29, 2008 at 1:37 pm

    I like bugs, actually, and I’m a girl.
    Then again, I kind of liked to play acupuncturist with Barbie dolls and dissect fire crackers to see what happens when I mix all of the powder together and light it on fire, and I often tried to catch garter snakes to keep them as pets.
    So I’m not exactly a good measure of “normal girl tendencies”.
    I don’t care what anyone says, baby snakes are still cute.
    I hate bees, incidentally, and cicadas would only be cool to look at if they were dead. They annoy the hell out of me too, Az, and I’ve only witnessed one in action at those bug sanctuary places for about fifteen minutes.

  84. YL said, on August 29, 2008 at 7:28 pm

    I live in NC, which is very close to Japan weather wise in the summer. Hot and humid. I was in California for nearly 4 months and just came back. I may have missed most of mosquito season but I’m still averaging about 4 bites a day(I got 7 1st day back). I feel your pain.

  85. Kat said, on August 31, 2008 at 11:28 am

    I know what you mean about cicadas! They are so bloody NOISY!!!

  86. ArcherHawk said, on September 1, 2008 at 6:37 pm

    At the risk of invoking Gaijin wrath, most bugs are actually pretty cool. Granted, I’d be very happy if mosquitoes and ticks became extinct because they seem to love my blood. Sheesh, I’d think I’d be surrounded by dead mosquitoes and ticks with all the diabetes medication I’m on, but who knows, maybe it’s making them stronger… or into metformin and lipitor addicts! The roaches and other non-vampire bugs here in north-central FL are pretty neat though.
    Oh I don’t like butterflies much either, they’re awfully over-rated. Now dragonflies and praying mantises and spiders, those are cool, especially when they catch and eat some annoying bug!

  87. Anonymous said, on September 1, 2008 at 11:09 pm

    I’ve heard so many horror stories from other JETs about bugs in their apartments. One girl told me she came home to find her door absolutely covered in creepy blue caterpillars that had migrated from a nearby tree. Sometimes they fell down out of the tree too (like when I was there! *shudder*). She had to get the neighbour’s kid to swat the caterpillars off the door so she could fun inside.
    Another girl said she had bugs living in her faucet, which would come out when she turned on the water.
    My boyfriend’s shower sometimes had frogs (not a bug, technically, but the kanji says it’s a bug so close enough). And once he had a cockroach climb up his legs. Fortunately, I never saw any of this when I was at his place.
    Regarding mukade…apparently they like CO2, so they like to drop on people’s open mouths when they’re asleep. From what I hear. (I lived up in Tohoku, so I never met a mukade)
    Incidentally, I don’t like bugs, but I kind of think cicadas are okay. Worms, on the other hand…

  88. Anonymous said, on September 1, 2008 at 11:09 pm

    I’ve heard so many horror stories from other JETs about bugs in their apartments. One girl told me she came home to find her door absolutely covered in creepy blue caterpillars that had migrated from a nearby tree. Sometimes they fell down out of the tree too (like when I was there! *shudder*). She had to get the neighbour’s kid to swat the caterpillars off the door so she could fun inside.
    Another girl said she had bugs living in her faucet, which would come out when she turned on the water.
    My boyfriend’s shower sometimes had frogs (not a bug, technically, but the kanji says it’s a bug so close enough). And once he had a cockroach climb up his legs. Fortunately, I never saw any of this when I was at his place.
    Regarding mukade…apparently they like CO2, so they like to drop on people’s open mouths when they’re asleep. From what I hear. (I lived up in Tohoku, so I never met a mukade)
    Incidentally, I don’t like bugs, but I kind of think cicadas are okay. Worms, on the other hand…

  89. Anonymous said, on September 2, 2008 at 2:43 am

    Interesting how pretty much all of the Parental Failures Regarding Daughters involve sex.
    I would hope they apply to sons as well. Double standards much?

  90. Anonymous said, on September 2, 2008 at 2:43 am

    Interesting how pretty much all of the Parental Failures Regarding Daughters involve sex.
    I would hope they apply to sons as well. Double standards much?

  91. Alla the Awesome said, on September 2, 2008 at 9:23 am

    My friends and I decided that Kyoto is located directly above Hell. We had the worst time there in the summer with all the heat. Ick ><

  92. William said, on September 2, 2008 at 7:15 pm

    I always had a problem with Bees. Well stinging incests of any kind really but with good reason. They can kill me. Bees = death. Cicadas not so much. Bumble bees = low flying horror louder than a B-52 on final approach.

  93. ty said, on September 2, 2008 at 7:43 pm

    Az,
    I’m surprised you never heard of the Asian Giant Hornet. Here a picture that will fuck your whole world up.

    Apparently they are very territorial and kill on average 70 japanese people each year. They spray an acid like venom into the victims eyes to blind them (true). The venom is a pheromone that attracts other hornets and they sting you to death.

  94. Hugh said, on September 3, 2008 at 12:00 am

    Personally I’m OK with bugs, except bugs in Japan. Japan, you see, is home to a three-inch fucking hornet that spits acid in your eyes (vespa mandarinia japonica). What the fuck is that shit. If your in Japan and you see a bug of any appreciable size, run the fuck away my friend, their are alot of good ways to die but being swarmed by huge acid spitting hornets is not one of them. By the way heres proof for the whole acid-spitting hornet thing
    http://www.cracked.com/article_15816_5-most-horrifying-bugs-in-world.html
    note that he has the hornet on his hand, whats the thought process behind that.

  95. commodorejohn said, on September 3, 2008 at 12:58 pm

    I used to think Beedrill was just an typical Pokemon exaggeration. Then I saw a picture of a Japanese hornet. God almighty, no wonder the characters are so damned scared of them.

  96. JackL said, on September 5, 2008 at 4:04 am

    Az, I don’t know if you’ve ever seen Bear Grylls on the television show Man vs Wild/Born Survivor. But yea…you won’t like it.

  97. Dead Sexy Vocab said, on September 6, 2008 at 5:07 am

    2 Twins 1 Cicada?

  98. ryan said, on September 6, 2008 at 12:07 pm

    woot think i got first comment. i so agree on the bug issue!

  99. soulpaladin said, on September 7, 2008 at 7:33 am

    Hey Az,
    About 2 weeks ago my friend came back from Japan after spending 3 years there. He was telling me about the heat which was exactly how you said it. The he also talked about bugs, the once he got were huge spiders that you could hear them move.
    Yeah, I’ve always wanted to visit Japan for maybe a month but I have to think which season would be the best for that.
    Btw, some of your links are broke, like:
    The Devil IS Prada
    The Devil IS Prada II
    And much more.
    You may want to check on that.
    Have a good one and wait for winter. hi hi hi
    I HATE WINTER… here in Canada it’s like 6 MONTHS!!!! long. *sniff*
    P.S. Yeah, I do typos too. ha ha ha

  100. Alex said, on September 7, 2008 at 7:29 pm

    Hey Az, don’t feel bad. As bad as you may be with bugs, I’m pretty sure I’m just as bad or worse. I’ll admit right now, I turn into a little girl when bugs are around. I mean, I’ve been spotted running away from moths. MOTHS. And I’m no small guy, either. So at least you had the dignity to walk away on that train car. If it were me, I probably would’ve jumped, done one of those weird, twitchy, grossed out convulsions and then sprint-walked to the nearest exit or far corner.

  101. D-san said, on September 7, 2008 at 10:13 pm

    Wow, bug hatred is strong with this one, eh?

  102. Louisa said, on September 7, 2008 at 10:27 pm

    It’s the same in China. I got 6 mosquito bites the size of half dollars on my arm once. And the cicadas, after a month and a half of living there I couldn’t sleep when I got back to the US, too quiet. They also sell cicadas as pets, I saw in in a gigantic cage, next to a fruit stand.

  103. Anonymous said, on September 8, 2008 at 5:31 pm

    I am the EXACT same way, Az, thank you so much for making me feel like I’m not alone… I’m afraid of anything with more than four legs. The end. Seriously. So I agree with you on ALL levels.
    ^-^

  104. Andy said, on September 10, 2008 at 5:42 pm

    I hate cicadas for the sounds. I’d rather not see one up close unless it’s dead and seperated between glass.
    But the other day, I found a spider fall into the sink near the drain. Just plug the drain and let the hot water pour. Eventually the spider will die in the burning water and then you just let him go down the drain.
    Oh and mosquitoes? Heh. I was camping in Manitoba, Canada and this one place… I could count 24 mosquitoes just on my end of the trailer. Next morning, we just left without eating.

  105. Beoulve_Black said, on September 11, 2008 at 8:53 pm

    oh Az…you’re not THAT afraid of bugs, now are you?
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    …well, are you?

  106. pf said, on September 12, 2008 at 7:43 am

    i’m not a fan of bugs but i’m not bothered by them. my mom was a biology teacher so i grew up with all sorts of weird things around.
    i do hate mosquitoes though, their bites swell to the size of nickels and quarters. once while camping in the badlands of south dakota i ended up with over 100 mosquito bites in one day. man that trip sucked after that.

  107. Anonymous said, on September 14, 2008 at 10:29 am

    Hey Az, since you live in Japan I’m sure you know about them (I’ve never been to Japan and I know about them, unfortunately…) but have you ever seen the Japanese hornet?
    To quote one of my friends, “it’s like Japan has actual Beedrill pokemon, except these things shoot acid…at your eyes.”

  108. Anonymous said, on September 14, 2008 at 10:29 am

    Hey Az, since you live in Japan I’m sure you know about them (I’ve never been to Japan and I know about them, unfortunately…) but have you ever seen the Japanese hornet?
    To quote one of my friends, “it’s like Japan has actual Beedrill pokemon, except these things shoot acid…at your eyes.”

  109. Jonadab the Unsightly One said, on September 16, 2008 at 5:35 pm

    There’s always a worse, more spectacularly horrible way to fail (as a parent, or in any other context). Worse than incest-porn? How about incestual, non-concensual porn, with their parents and grandparents as victims. Snuff flicks. Running for congress. Running for congress on a platform that favors big tax breaks for personal injury attorneys and telemarketers. Running for congress using incestual non-con snuff porn as campaign adverts, on a platform that favors big tax breaks for personal injury attorneys and telemarketers. Sending fraudulent unsolicited bulk commercial email featuring non-concensual incestual snuff porn. There’s always worse. Always.
    As far as the bugs: rationally speaking, cicadas are totally harmless to humans, and a lot cleaner and so less disgusting (objectively) than many kinds of bugs. Granted, they are larger than your average bug and look kind of weird.
    Of course, fears aren’t always rational. I’ve got a couple of fears of my own, not least a medium-grade case of ochlophobia. So I can identify somewhat with the sentiment that, rationality aside, you just can’t deal with certain things. Been there, done that. Nonetheless, it *is* irrational. Just saying.
    The only bugs that really bother me are mosquitos. I *HATE* mosquitos. (Err, okay, I also don’t like whole nests of stinging insects, especially if they’re located in close proximity to a place I have to be on a regular basis. Individual bees and wasps don’t bother me, though.) The thing that really bugs me about mosquitos is the fact that they actively hunt me. That’s not okay, as far as I’m concerned.
    As I said, though, I have other, non-bug-related phobias that aren’t any more rational.

  110. Jonadab the Unsightly One said, on September 16, 2008 at 5:38 pm

    Also, a can of Raid would be chemical warfare. Biological would be if you designed a custom bacterium or virus or whatnot to wipe out whole bug populations.

  111. ijmo joe said, on September 22, 2008 at 12:30 am

    FIRST!!!

  112. Anonymous said, on September 30, 2008 at 12:46 am

    Man, I hate bugs too (and I live in Australia. We have lots) but dude. Don’t you live in Japan?
    …don’t you guys have these? http://weirdtales.net/wordpress/2007/10/23/the-year-of-ninja-spiders/

  113. Anonymous said, on September 30, 2008 at 12:46 am

    Man, I hate bugs too (and I live in Australia. We have lots) but dude. Don’t you live in Japan?
    …don’t you guys have these? http://weirdtales.net/wordpress/2007/10/23/the-year-of-ninja-spiders/

  114. Gongo said, on October 1, 2008 at 7:19 pm

    Sorry to tell you this but you have never heard loud Cicada’s until you live in Australia, We have not just the fucking loudest but there all stay in hordes of around 200 in one small area. but you get used to them after a few many years…

  115. Ccronshaw said, on December 7, 2008 at 11:33 am

    I live way up in Hokkaido, so we don’t have big roach or cicada problems like folks down south do (I wanted to tear my ears out in Tokyo last time I went.) Unfortunately, I live in a very old teacher’s housing apartment, and occasionally we get cave crickets. Imagine a regular cricket blown up to twice or thrice its regular size, and then plated with what looks like steel armor. Fucking creepy.
    Now imagine waking up one morning to find it staring down at you from atop the bridge of your nose.

  116. Anonymous said, on January 9, 2009 at 5:39 pm

    Being a slut wouldn’t necessarily mean that the parent’s of said slut failed. I find it hypocritical that men seem to want women to want more sex, and yet, sexually liberated women are looked down upon.
    Just because a woman may be a “slut” doesn’t necessarily mean that she’s emotionally-damaged or immoral; it could be that she just likes sex.

  117. Anonymous said, on January 9, 2009 at 5:39 pm

    Being a slut wouldn’t necessarily mean that the parent’s of said slut failed. I find it hypocritical that men seem to want women to want more sex, and yet, sexually liberated women are looked down upon.
    Just because a woman may be a “slut” doesn’t necessarily mean that she’s emotionally-damaged or immoral; it could be that she just likes sex.

  118. spike.stampede said, on January 23, 2009 at 10:58 pm

    u should see the size of the ones in Greece. I’m def not afraid of bugs but i think even I would request light armor to face these things in battle.

  119. PocketBoy said, on February 9, 2009 at 7:15 am

    I came to Japan in summer during cicada season and I had no idea that the country housed these monsters of the insect world. Got sneak attacked by on one the toilet once. I had to take a dive out from the booth die hard-style. But the worst ones are the nearly dead ones littering the streets. At least the dead ones are avoidable.

  120. Anonymous said, on April 6, 2009 at 5:32 pm

    So if all men were successful fathers Porn would cease to exist? and yet…how many of these same men are watching porn as I type this? I wonder how can people have such conflicting views of porn? If porn is okay, it should be okay for your daughter.
    People always say porn isn’t degrading, porn is okay as long as it involves consenting adults who know what they are getting into. Personally, I agree with this statement but what gets me is how many men can say this and then you ask them how they would react if their of age daughter was involved in porn….Freak out!
    So, I guess fathers are either going to have to reconcile their opinions about porn or hentai is the way of the future.

  121. RogerZan said, on August 22, 2009 at 9:06 am

    Cicadas are even worse than you expected – they taste like crab, and I know how much you had seafood.

  122. T said, on November 19, 2009 at 4:24 pm

    Keep out of Australia, Az. The real reason we like to claim we’re Japan’s ‘sister country’ is because this is where those cicada’s go when its winter over there. I swear, they’re the only insect I’ve never witnessed a spider eat.

  123. Misty said, on November 20, 2009 at 6:05 pm

    @ Roger
    WHY WOULD YOU EVEN EAT ONE TO KNOW THAT?! I’m sorry, but eating BUGS is one of the last things I’d ever do. I’d have to be starving first.
    Az, I know where you’re coming from. I don’t mind insects so much (though I am thankful that there are few Cicadas in the desert…). That said, there is one thing I absolutely can’t tolerate, even the mere thought gives me the creeps.
    Centipedes. I HATE them and I want all of them to die. They’re freaky and huge and unnatural and horrible! And I can’t even decide which end is wrose! And they can be HUGE, the ones around here can grow up to 16 inches long! That’s just disturbing….
    So while Cicadas are creepy and loud nasty, be thankful its not a centipede.


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