Gaijin Smash

Mr. Cicada – Comment Response

Posted in Blog by gaijinsmashnet on August 29, 2008

This entry racked up the comments rather fast. I guess many of you hate bugs just as much as I do.
Usually, if I want to respond to a comment I’ll just edit the comment with (Az’s Note:), but this time as there were far too many comments to do that with I just collected them and will post it here. Its a nice feeling of nostalgia, as I usually don’t do this type of thing unless its for a hate mail, and I haven’t gotten any hate mail in a good long while.
…I wonder why… =P
Anyway, if I didn’t respond to your comment it doesn’t mean I didn’t read it, because I read them all.
***
You know, unless I missed something during your time as a teacher…I’m glad that you never even MENTIONED your hatred of bugs around those kids…Kancho and “Noisy-****ers” would have been the LEAST of your concerns.
Those kids would have done so much worse…I shudder to think of it.

You are absolutely right. Showing school kids that there’s something in this world that drives you crazy is a lot like giving Pre-Crisis Mike Tyson the finger and then turning your back to him. You are just inviting your own destruction. As much as I hated insects, I held it in. Sometimes during the summer an insect would fly through an open window…a lot of kids, boys and girls, would freak out while the bug buzzed around the classroom. I simply stood there, kept my cool, and said “its just a bug, what’s the problem?”
And then I’d go home and shower 17 times.

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Mr. Cicada

Posted in Blog by gaijinsmashnet on August 28, 2008

I hate summer in Japan.
Its supposed to be a wonderful season. Festivals, fireworks, the beach, girls in bikinis (oh my GOD, girls in bikinis…), and yes, all that stuff is nice. But it doesn’t make up for all the other stuff during summer that’s just absolutely shitty. The weather is of course a factor. I’m from California, and I even spent a few years living in the Mojave Desert (with a father who didn’t believe in air conditioning…try to wrap your heads around that one…), so I’m no stranger to hot weather. Japan, especially Kyoto where I live, is just humid and muggy, and that’s what makes it so miserable. Go outside past the confines of your air conditioner, and you will sweat buckets simply for existing.
But the heat is one thing. I could deal with the heat. What I cannot deal with…are the bugs.
In summer, every species of creepy crawly nasty motherfucker insect comes out of the woodwork. and plagues this tiny little island country with their pestilence. It sucks especially for me, because I don’t just get bitten by mosquitoes, I get fucking harvested by them. I never have just one bug bite, no. Just the other day I had 7…on one arm. My blood must be absolutely delicious. Bugs must be getting on the bug network about this or something…
Bug 1: Hey man, you gotta check this out. I’ve struck GOLD.
Bug 2: Eh? What’s up?
Bug 1: This is, like, the Grey Poupon of blood right here. This shit is scrumptious. I’m not even hungry anymore and I’m already on my third helping!
Bug 2: F’real? Allright, hold up, I’ll be right there!

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The Devil IS Prada II

Posted in Blog by gaijinsmashnet on August 22, 2008

If Hollywood can abuse the shit out of sequels*, then so can I.
*Did you know that they might make a Lethal Weapon 5. …Lethal Weapon 5. Seriously? C’mon now. What’s the tagline going to be? “Now We’re REALLY Too Old For This Shit”? “Senior Citizens Who Pack A Punch”? “Because Jackie Chan and Chris Tucker Let Us All Down With Rush Hour 3”? What’s going on here?
So, I went shopping last weekend. And amazingly, I am still alive.
I had a secret weapon this time around: my iPod. I put my headphones over the left ear and kept the right ear uncovered. This was perfect for drowning out the psudo-trendy beats and the choruses of “kawaii!” and “irrashaimase!”*, but still allowed me to converse with my wife. And listening to music also helped the time to fly by. The system isn’t perfect of course…
Wife: Hey, this is a pretty nice bag, what do you think?
Me: Oh I…keep hearin’ footsteps baby…in the dark…in the daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaark! Woo. …Oh, what? Sorry, were you saying something?
But it was an invaluable tool in keeping me in the game.
*That’s another thing I forgot to mention last time…quick cultural lesson, often times when you enter a store, the Japanese clerks will say “irrashaimase!” Kind of hard to translate, but roughly it means “Welcome!” That’s all well and good, but the problem is that in these fashion stores, it can be hard to keep track of who is weaving in and out of the store. To solve this problem, the clerks will just shout out “irrashaimase!” at 3-second intervals. This becomes particularly annoying when you’re standing right next to them and they just keep saying it! Goddamnit, you already welcomed me to this hell stop, stop doing it!

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The Devil IS Prada

Posted in Blog by gaijinsmashnet on August 7, 2008

I love my wife. I just…hate her fashion.
I have been told that Japan is a leading country when it comes to fashion. And I suppose that it is fairly easy to spot a lot of cute and trendy girls walking around. At the same time a lot of the fashion here…just sucks.
I’m not even going to get into the extreme fashions. Y’know – gothic lolitas, visual kei, that kind of stuff. It would be easy to write pages and pages on this stuff and file it in the “Japan’s Weird, Didya Know That” file, but honestly, I’m not going to hold this against Japan. I’m sure every country has its own fucked up fashions, and America is no exception, not by a long shot. (*Ahem*emo*ahem*)
When I speak of sucky fashion, I mean the type of fashion that looks a lot like the girl got into a fight with a Salvation Army…and lost. Like she’s suddenly been thrown out of her house and had to resort to wearing everything she has in her closet. Or when she woke up this morning, she found that her entire fashion collection had been replaced by a crate of burlap sacks. Big, loose, baggy, layered, balloony, clothes. I believe Maddox called them “Tit Curtains”.*
*Which apparently means that this horrendous fashion has made its way to America as well. …Do I even have a reason to go back now?

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Just Checking In

Posted in Blog by gaijinsmashnet on August 1, 2008

Hey. I’m still alive. Sorry for the extended absense again. It’s a combination of life being kind of shitty, having no time, and the aforementioned two factors taking away from my ability to write (I don’t want to throw up any nonsense). I don’t really want to get into details about it, just that my job really sucks and I’ve been forced to quit at the end of this month. I’ve also been looking for part-time work to help foot the bill for the wedding next month, but I’m still short and time is running out. And now I’ve got to look for full-time employment as well. So yeah, stress abound.

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