Gaijin Smash

Darndest Things Vol. 5

Posted in Blog by gaijinsmashnet on May 13, 2008

Is that right, volume 5? I dunno, I’ve lost count over the years.
I figure, having lived in this country for almost 5 years now, that I’ve pretty much seen and heard everything. Well, not everything mind you (I don’t live in Tokyo), but I think I’ve had my fair share of knock-you-on-the-floor-WTF moments. From The Greatest Question Ever (“how many women have you raped?”), to Ms. Americanized’s “c’mon America, come bomb the shit out of us”, and even the one time I was greeted by a 14-year old Japanese girl with “Hey nigga!” only to have the Japanese woman standing next to me exclaim “What the fuck?!”, all in English*, I kind of figured there wasn’t much else that could phase me anymore.
Boy, was I wrong.
*I’m still amazed that the universe didn’t collapse into itself upon this incredibly unlikely sequence of events converging upon each other at one specific point in time.



Baby Blues

Posted in Blog by gaijinsmashnet on May 1, 2008

Remember in the last update when I said that my wife wanting a baby was serious business? Well, actually, it’s far worse than I thought.
Faithful readers may remember that my wife got a little antsy about marriage when her two best friends, K-san and S-san, both got married at more or less exactly the same time. So now, you’re probably figuring that either K-san or S-san got knocked up, which is making my wife antsy about the parenthood thing. You would be close, but continuing with the “God Is Conspiring Against Me” theory – actually its something completely different.
Despite the usual Japanese tendency to get a newlywed wife knocked up as soon as possible, both K-san and S-san don’t have any buns in the oven yet. Apparently, with S-san’s husband working the typical life of a Japanese salaryman, he comes home tired on the weekdays and unable to do anything*, therefore the two only have sex on the weekends. So, no baby yet.
*While I suppose this is a decent sex life, it goes against my fundamental theory of “If I Can, I Will.” The theory goes a little something like this – if I can, I will. It really doesn’t matter what state I’m in – dead tired, sleepy, drunk, sick, injured, melancholy, emo, retrospective, whatever. I can be on the brink of death – as long as I can rise to the occasion, I’ll do it. I didn’t even let my broken collarbone break my stride. I think this is the result of me being sexually frustrated all throughout high school, and college for the most part. I’m like a starving Ethiopian child – can’t turn your nose up at whatever scraps might come your way, because you never know when the next meal is gonna be.