Gaijin Smash

Prepare For Trouble, and Make It Double!

Posted in Blog by gaijinsmashnet on November 9, 2007

Maybe guys with a girlfriend can sympathize with me here – ever have one of your girlfriend’s friends get married?
Maybe you’re thinking about marriage with your girl, maybe not, but its something you want to do on your own time and be ready for. But then along comes this friend who’s getting married. Your girlfriend says she’s fine with it, and at first she is, but then the date of the wedding gets closer and closer, and by the time she gets to the ceremony she’s a crying, emotional mess. That’s one thing, but in meeting all the friends she hasn’t seen since God knows how long, they all also reveal their wedding plans to her and then ask “What about you? When are you tying the knot?” She makes an excuse, but the Seeds of Destruction have been planted, and before you know it, she’s mad at you for seemingly no reason at all. You ask, you pry, you call Miss Cleo for any psychic tips she might have, and finally it comes out that she thinks she’s nothing more than a sexual plaything to you because she’s the only one among her friends without solid, definite marriage plans.
So yeah, ever have that happen to you? Sucks, don’t it? But see, here is concrete, definitive proof that God doesn’t just hate me, he hates me with a fiery burning passion – this happened to me two-fold. That’s right, my girlfriend had not just one best friend get married, but her two best friends get married within one week of each other.
Ain’t that some shit?


Riddle me this for coincidence. My girlfriend has two girls she considers to be best friends, S-san and K-san. Last year around this time, both S-san and K-san emailed her at pretty much the exact same time. I mean, their emails were only minutes apart. Both tell her they have “big news” they want to tell her in person. So the gf goes to see K-san the following week, who says she’s getting married. The next week she meets S-san, who is also getting married. Both of these women have been dating their boyfriends for roughly the same amount of time…which also happens to be the same amount of time that me and the gf have been dating. Both S-san and K-san plan their wedding for October, and only about a week apart. The best part is that S-san and K-san have NEVER met each other, their only point in common is being best friends with my girlfriend.
Brilliant.
You know, if this kind of thing were an isolated incident, okay maybe I could chalk it up to coincidence. But the fact that my life is composed of incidents like these strung one after another leads me to believe that somethin’ fishy is goin’ on Lucy.
I asked her around the time of the engagements if she was okay with her friends getting married and with no plans pending for her. She said she was, and at the time she actually was. Of course, as the weddings approached, she became remarkably less okay. Before I knew it, she was talking about 10 years from now, and how we would best divide up our time living in Japan/America so our kids could become bi-lingual and properly adjusted to both cultures.
…Shit.
Not that I’m opposed to children, no. I would like kids some day. Especially half-Japanese kids, because halflings are always beautiful for some reason. It’s like your genes and her genes do a fusion dance and take the best traits of each to make the ultimate human or something. And the ultra-curvyness of the black genes actually combines really well with the super-flatness of the Japanese genes to create very attractive women.
This is actually Az’s Get Rich Quick Scheme #23 – produce beautiful little halflings and send them into the Japanese entertainment industry, and live comfortably off my daughter’s salary. Hey, it worked for Beyonce’s daddy…
Anyway, I would like kids…someday. Not today. I still feel like a kid myself. I look into my living room and I see a PS2, PS3, Sega Dreamcast, and about 7 Transformers action figures lined up next to the TV, and its hard not to feel like a big kid in grown-up clothes. On the other hand though, the Transformers are awesome (will be required reading/watching for whatever offspring I spire) and my kid better hone up his or her Street Fighter skills, or else Dad is going to mop the floor with him/her.
***
I hate to make broad sweeping generalizations, but sometimes it seems like Japanese girls move at LUDICROUS SPEED when it comes to dating and relationships.
Marriage in general seems to be be treated fairly lightly. Like, a couple meet, and after a couple of months if they both don’t totally suck ass, then they’ll decide to get married. Literally, like “Well, you don’t suck ass, so I guess we can get married.” Proposals don’t seem to be a big thing either. In the case of S-san, she was in a long distance relationship with her boyfriend (S-san lives in Kyoto, boyfriend in Tokyo). They were talking one day about how difficult the distance is, and the boyfriend said something to the effect of “Well, it would be nice if you lived with me…maybe we should get married?” For K-san, she and her boyfriend live together. They went to go renew the contract on their apartment, and the realtor asked if they were engaged.* They lied and said yes at the time, but upon returning home, the boyfriend said something to the effect of “Well, instead of lying about it, why don’t we just go ahead and get married then?” I will pause here and allow the ladies to run and get some tissues, what with having witnessed the pinnacle of romantic proposals here, I’m sure there are quite a few wet eyes in the house.
…I think I just used up my sarcasm allowance for this month.
*Realtors will ask this question for any couple who rents an apartment together. If you’re just dating, I guess the possibility that you’ll break up and end up breaking the lease is a big concern.
Even the L-word gets tossed around quite casually. In a relationship with a certain evil troglobeast from hell, she was throwing around that word after one month into the relationship. ONE MONTH! One month is still, what, the Masturbatory Assistant stage?
She was very clever about her timing/delivery too.
*We’re half watching TV, half fooling around*
Her: Mm, that’s nice. Ok, go there.
Me: Sure thing!
Her: Oh yeah. I love you sweetheart.
Me: *Metal Gear Solid ! appears over my head* Um…thanks?
Her: And you love me too right?
Me: Um….
Her: …Right??
See, here’s where things become a little complicated. I have two choices here. Lie through my teeth and get to have sex, or be brutally honest and spend the rest of the night in the dog house in my own cramped little apartment. As a young male fresh into the country…well…the choice was clear.
Me: Of course I love you sweetheart. I mean, it’s already been a whole month, right?
Her: Of course! Say, how about a BJ? I just thought up this great technique, and I’ve named it after an oceanic creature…
Me: Sure! I’m sure your new technique won’t harm or physically scar me in any way shape or form. I mean, what could go wrong?
The other problem is that the Japanese female biological clock starts ticking around, oh, 25. As I’ve said repeatedly, Japanese men like their women young. With this disturbing tendency, once a woman hits 30, if she’s unmarried…she’s kind of screwed. Men her age are too busy porking the 19 year olds (and younger) who don’t mind having a sugar daddy. Plus, with chances to meet guys getting fewer and fewer…well, its a thing to be worried about. Get married in your twenties while you’re still marketable.
This is, of course, another area where I am in complete opposition to Japanese men. I LOVE older women. Women’s sexual drives don’t even really get started until they hit their 30’s. Men always talk about young girls or whatever, but you get a woman in her 30’s who takes care of herself and has that astronomical sex drive – it’s like comparing bottle rockets to the mo’fuckin’ space shuttle. So, yes fellas, this does mean that there is an entire crop of 30-something Japanese women who are sexually amped up and just not getting it. I have tasted the sweet, sweet nectar from the crop twice, and let me tell you – it is truly awesome.
…*Ahem*. Anyway, yeah, so relationships and marriage can move kinda fast in Japan. Something we Gaijin should take into considering when dipping into the Japanese dating pool. My girlfriend has calmed down a bit from the wedding ceremonies, but I still sense that she’s waiting. I don’t have to spell out “Honey will you marry me?” on the snow-caps of Mt. Fuji, but I would like my proposal (with any luck, the only one I ever do in my entire life) to be somewhat special. I don’t want to be like “Hey, check this out – McDonalds has a special happy meal set for married couples. Well, shall we tie the knot?” Just doesn’t feel right.
Ironically, I had decided a while ago that if we were still together and doing well this Christmas, I’d pop the question. There’ve been a number of issues and what not lately that have made me sort of question/doubt myself regarding that. But who knows? Maybe I’ll stick to my plan and propose in…geez…a little over a month.
And don’t think I’m ruining the potential surprise by posting about it here. She doesn’t speak English. Which is kind of convenient at times…
Guy Friend: Hey Az, wanna tag along tonight?
Me: What’s up?
Guy: We’re going to hit every Japanese strip club in the country, and go on a wild binge of boozing and dancing with naked Japanese women. You in?
Me: The question isn’t whether or not I’m in, but how far to the nearest club, and how much money do I need to bring along?
Girlfriend: (in Japanese) ……? What’s going on?
Me: (in Japanese) Oh, nothing much. I’m just gonna go with the guys here to help put out fires in orphanges across the country.
Girlfriend: (in Japanese) Oh wow. Well, do your best!
Me: (in Japanese) It’s tough work, but someone’s got to do it.
I kid, of course. There’s no way we can cover every strip club in the country in one night, I mean, the best we can do is the greater Kansai region before we end up passing out due to exhaustion and alcohol poisoning somewhere on a dirty Osaka city street. …Purely hypothetically speaking, of course.
But hey, if I do end up getting married soon, I will be looking forward to retiring comfortably off my beautiful little halfling’s nice celebrity income. I mean, this is what kids are for, right?
———————————————————————–
As you may have read over at Outpost Nine, I’m not exactly the richest guy around at the moment. The little lady doesn’t need extravagance, but I would like to get her a nice ring should I pop the question. My entries have always been and will always be free to those who want to read them, but if you may feel inclined to donate some holiday cheer, I would appreciate it very, very, very much.
Head over to Outpost Nine for more information on donations.
Absolutely nothing is required or expected.

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69 Responses

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  1. Azrael said, on November 9, 2007 at 7:50 pm

    I fixed the error that was preventing people from posting comments.
    You may now praise me, flame me, or attempt to sell your car insurance/viagra/penis enlargement pills.
    Please note that the owner reserves the right to edit/delete any comment that is a flame, or an advertisement for car insurance/viagra/penis enlargement pills.
    …But I usually don’t do that, right?
    …Usually. πŸ˜‰

  2. Anonymous said, on November 9, 2007 at 8:14 pm

    Good luck with your plan. I would suggest a nice romantic weekend. Maybe take her to see something she hasn’t seen before. Or to a nice restaurant. Propose there. Whatever you decide on i know she will love it. I think i have used up my “nice” quota for the month so ill leave it at that. Peace.

  3. Anonymous said, on November 9, 2007 at 8:14 pm

    Good luck with your plan. I would suggest a nice romantic weekend. Maybe take her to see something she hasn’t seen before. Or to a nice restaurant. Propose there. Whatever you decide on i know she will love it. I think i have used up my “nice” quota for the month so ill leave it at that. Peace.

  4. Justin Noel said, on November 9, 2007 at 8:36 pm

    I really feel for ya and I’ve really enjoyed all of your articles so much. So in return I give you $10. It’s not much but I myself am not particularly rich. It’s about enough for a day pass on the train. Good luck man.

  5. ItAintEazy said, on November 9, 2007 at 9:26 pm

    That’s great Az, and if taking the plunge doesn’t work out, the worst she could do is take half of your Transformers stuff.
    Wait, that might actually be the worst :-/

  6. Alpha said, on November 9, 2007 at 9:59 pm

    Pending your decision to propose, I wish both you and your little lady the best of luck. Especially after all the crap you’ve been through with the troglobeast.

  7. some guy said, on November 9, 2007 at 10:05 pm

    would you like to purchase penis enlargment insurance from viagra?

  8. Shinkada said, on November 9, 2007 at 10:21 pm

    WEED!
    WEED!
    WEED!
    WEED!
    GONZALES BROTHERS MARIJUANA FARMS TRY TO MAKE BAIL SALE!
    95% off all stock due to police discovering the plantation!
    95% OFF?! CHRONIC!
    It’s all going OUT THE DOOR in our BIGGEST CLEARANCE SALE EVER! CHRONIC!
    Never again will this deal be repeated! Never again will we let Antonio’s cousin tell his friends about the farm!
    Come and grab a bargain! Grab a deal! And grab some munchies from the servo on the way, could’ja?
    GONZALES BROTHERS CHRONIC CLEARANCE SALE! Must end 6pm this Monday, ‘cus our flight leaves at 8 and we have to be there an hour before! CHRONIC!
    … You never said anything about drugs. :3
    (Joke courtesy of Rohnny John’s Half Hour)

  9. xerophinity said, on November 9, 2007 at 10:26 pm

    well, nothing more romantic than a christmas proposal.

  10. Tone said, on November 9, 2007 at 10:58 pm

    *Ahem…
    *Deep Breath*
    FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS GOOD AND HOLY MAN, DON’T DO IT! Resist the pressure, let her know that she is special and that you want your relationship to be about how you feel, not about how others might look at you/the feeling of being left out.
    ..y’know..STALL!
    Negotiate for time!
    ex: give up a transformer for a 2 year extension, promise ring for 5!)
    Rebuttals:
    g: why are you afraid of commitment?
    you: why are you so committed to being afraid I’ll leave you?
    DO WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO!

  11. Tannim Murphy said, on November 9, 2007 at 11:50 pm

    Ha! Not really. It doesn’t work if you try to access them from the main page. I had to go to the archives to do this.

  12. Webbster said, on November 10, 2007 at 12:09 am

    I live in Osaka and have been dating a Japanese girl for 3 years, and we’re close to getting engaged. The problem is, the longer I put it off, the more forceful she seems to become. I swear, Japanese women get this “propose to me now or it means we are doomed” mindset going.
    Also, information you might not have heard, but apparently once you are engaged in Japan, if you break it off your ex-fiance can demand money from you and it is supported BY LAW. Kinda like how divorce means you each get half of everything you have together in the US, but sooner.
    Good luck

  13. HiEv said, on November 10, 2007 at 2:06 am

    Well, if you ever get the “why not you too” question from your girlfriend again, don’t forget you can honestly play the “well, I’m from a different culture” card. It sounds like both of her friends got married on a whim, so just say that if/when you propose you want it to be special and to sound like you mean it. If/when you do go through with it, give her a proposal she’ll remember and her friends will be jealous of. I think all will be forgiven. πŸ˜‰

  14. Anonymous said, on November 10, 2007 at 2:31 am

    I can’t remember how long I’ve been reading your blog–well back into the days of Outpostnine when you still really were a Japanese school teacher, before all these school changes and ascended Kancho senses.
    I feel oddly connected to a man I’ve no intentions of ever meeting, and as the advice I’ve given to my two friends also seriously dating Japanese girls, please wait for a long time.
    I feel like the blog will die if you get married, just as my drinking buddies will.

  15. Anonymous said, on November 10, 2007 at 2:31 am

    I can’t remember how long I’ve been reading your blog–well back into the days of Outpostnine when you still really were a Japanese school teacher, before all these school changes and ascended Kancho senses.
    I feel oddly connected to a man I’ve no intentions of ever meeting, and as the advice I’ve given to my two friends also seriously dating Japanese girls, please wait for a long time.
    I feel like the blog will die if you get married, just as my drinking buddies will.

  16. Some Gaijin said, on November 10, 2007 at 3:07 am

    He, I hope you jest – marriages in Japan are EXPENSIVE – close to the million yen mark.

  17. not a doktor said, on November 10, 2007 at 4:05 am

    About the ring, you might be able to get an antique/used one for cheaper than a new one, and you can pull some sappy bullshit about the ring having experience/family heirloom/etc.
    on the downside if it’s cursed she might loose -5 constitution every fifth turn

  18. Rick Steed said, on November 10, 2007 at 4:20 am

    You are the reason why I want to stay single.

  19. CF said, on November 10, 2007 at 6:11 am

    It’s times like these I am glad my SO has no friends (at least, none who are not already safely married).
    Hey, here’s a thought: For your ringbearer, get Watson — he’s already got a ready-made ringholder. [makes Kancho Gesture] >;)

  20. Mos said, on November 10, 2007 at 6:59 am

    Man I remember when my gf brought me to her friend’s wedding, biggest mistake of my life. Immediately after, she started talking about our future(house, kids …).
    Good luck on your proposal and don’t make the same mistakes as my friends, make sure you have enough loot for the wedding and for the honeymoon because there’s nothing worse then starting a ‘new life’ with a debt.

  21. TheWeltner said, on November 10, 2007 at 8:33 am

    Az, I’ve been reading your stuff for awhile. You are an amazing man. Haha.
    So, the marriage seems kind of odd and all, but what can you do? You do speak highly of her at times, and she sounds like an alright girl.
    Hey, and as for another detail. PS3? if you have Vegas or Warhawk, hit me up sometime dude, my PSN name is my comment name. πŸ˜‰

  22. hhw said, on November 10, 2007 at 10:07 am

    “…Az’s Get Rich Quick Scheme #23 – produce beautiful little halflings and send them into the Japanese entertainment industry, and live comfortably off my daughter’s salary.”
    I’d say that this plan is anything but quick…

  23. lmh said, on November 10, 2007 at 12:44 pm

    I love Crystal Kay! I’ve always wanted to ask her how she feels about being a (dark) bi-racial woman living in Japan, but then again, she is a celebrity, so in the eyes of the Japanese, she’s forgiven, right? Haha.
    As to your girlfriend, you do what you think is right. Japanese like the idea of “put up and shut up”, but so many married couples are miserable, so do what’s in your gut. I’m rooting for ya (and your girl!).
    One last thing: If you ever had kids with a Japanese woman, how would you feel about raising them in Japan? Would you send them to Japanese schools? I”m kinda in the same position as you (except with a guy), ad I’ve been waondering about people’s opinions on this.
    Ganbatte!

  24. Mayhem said, on November 10, 2007 at 12:55 pm

    Maybe I got lucky, or maybe because it was very early in our relationship, but the other half and me went to one of her cousin’s wedding and she never got “that way” during or afterwards.
    Even though afaik all her immediate relations are married, she is the only one single. Maybe that’s my blessing and/or curse for now!
    Oh and expect a donation in due time… November might be a little expensive…

  25. Produce Stand said, on November 10, 2007 at 12:59 pm

    Oh My God. I hate Crystal Kay! I HATE HER!! Her voice is so weak and she’s so plain… I’m dissapointed.

  26. Anonymous said, on November 10, 2007 at 2:33 pm

    “…Az’s Get Rich Quick Scheme #23 – produce beautiful little halflings and send them into the Japanese entertainment industry, and live comfortably off my daughter’s salary.”
    I’m in on that one too. But like the previous poster said, it’s more like a pension scheme.

  27. Anonymous said, on November 10, 2007 at 2:33 pm

    “…Az’s Get Rich Quick Scheme #23 – produce beautiful little halflings and send them into the Japanese entertainment industry, and live comfortably off my daughter’s salary.”
    I’m in on that one too. But like the previous poster said, it’s more like a pension scheme.

  28. Mary Liz said, on November 10, 2007 at 3:32 pm

    Just thought you might want to know, from a girl, why relationships go at warp speed. So. as a girl who can speak guy relatively well… they go at warp speed because …
    of sex. that’s right, that thing y’all guys love so much is the reason relationships go at warp speed is because you involve sex. The sad truth is, if you don’t have sex, relationships go at a slower pace, the less physical involvement there is at all, the slower a relationship moves; however, if you want to involve sex, then, these are the consequences. Unfortunate for you guys, but true. Sorry dude.

  29. Lyrea said, on November 10, 2007 at 4:31 pm

    I think there is no worst marriage plan than a plan that was caused by peer/family/society pressure.
    Maybe you have to loosen up a bit. It would do no fair to both of you and your girlfriend if you wake up one day after all of the marriage and honeymoon process and screamed in horror, “OMG!!! I’m marrieeeddd!!!!”—> Get what I mean(*_*)?
    You should think about it through and through, and do propose to her not just because you want to please her. Do it because you truly mean it, because you want to spend the rest of your life with her, because you’re ready to face the big difference in culture and traditions.
    If you’re married on a whim and suddenly find yourself locked in an uncomfortable situation, please remember that you won’t be able to go through divorce and things like that without devastating your emotional and physical sources. Especially the fact that you’re a foreigner and Japan’s famous tendency to put foreigner on the worse side of a justice.
    SO my point is, think about it seriously. In the end, though, it’s your life, not someone else’. Whatever major changes in it, you should be the one who decide it for yourself, not someone else too.
    Good luck!

  30. Corey said, on November 10, 2007 at 4:51 pm

    Wish you all the luck Az.
    As for the get rich quick scheme #23, I think it’ll work very well. She won’t even have to be a good actress to get a job lol.
    And I would like to donate a good chunk of cash but I’m only 15 so I don’t think it would actually be possible. Too bad the world cares more about age then responsibility and intelligence. I would’ve probably donated about $200 (or more later on since I think you deserve it) too since I have a job and currently no bills, therefore a lot of extra spending money that a good chunk would go into savings while the rest goes towards whatever is needed or wanted if theres nothing that I need. Also, it would be in CAD which is currently at $1.10 U.S at the moment??? Well it was two days ago, not sure now though.
    It would have been in small chunks though since I still need money for Christmas gifts and I’m not completely sure what I’m going to get them, therefore I don’t know how much it’s all going to cost me. Anyways, I’m going to shut up about it now as I’m positive I’m not making you any happier.
    On to something else now, you’ve got a PS3??? Cool. We should play some Resistance or Warhawk. My PSN is Liu_Bei if you actually care at all.
    Again, I wish you all the best.

  31. Lissou said, on November 10, 2007 at 5:45 pm

    Good luck πŸ™‚
    In her defense, I have people ask “What? You’re not married yet?!” all the time, and I’m 22!
    And I don’t think my fiancΓ© would understand you, as he was talking about “after we get married” the day after we became a couple.
    Of course, we told each other we were in love BEFORE starting dating, so I guess we’re going backwards compared to most people.
    (Although I still don’t understand why you’d want to date someone you’re not in love with)
    Anyway… I’m planning my own wedding (it will be in June), and I don’t really have money to spare right now, but I hope you’ll get lots from other people.
    Keep us informed πŸ™‚

  32. rachel said, on November 10, 2007 at 7:49 pm

    Strangely, you haven’t really mentioned if you’re in love with the girl. Not trying to deny the fact that many couples get married even though they don’t love each other (wonder what the divorce rate is like in Japan? but leave it to them to live in their misery for as long as possible…) but at least in the American culture, it’s important. Also take into account that you’ll want to live in Japan forever… and will you want to take her to America to meet your parents?
    Truly, dude, think of everything. Last thing you want is to be stuck in Japan with a woman that you don’t love and with a job that leaves you stuck in front of a computer 24/7…but at least you’ll have beautiful halflings. If you’re sure, I wish you the best.

  33. Mary Liz said, on November 10, 2007 at 11:32 pm

    I thought I’d add in, that any woman’s biological clock that isn’t ticking by the time she’s 15 is abnormal. most women want marriage and family, and have the idea of how soon they want it by the time they are 12. It’s just a fact of life, no one wants to wait until it’s too dangerous physically to have children to get married, it’s just, men have a longer “fertile” period. You might like older women, Az, but, older women having children usually doesn’t happen, and when it does, they have special precautions they have to take, etc. Unfortunately dude, your girlfriends biological clock is right on time, if not even behind. (and I say this as an american girl)

  34. Ken said, on November 11, 2007 at 1:09 am

    no, az! you cannot succumb to the deadly ‘onegina’ syndrome! her clock may be ticking but is yours?? hahahaha

  35. mrlike said, on November 11, 2007 at 5:52 am

    I’m confused as to why people are discouraging you from getting married. I think you, of all people, would instantly see the benefits. Haven’t you ever thought about how nice it would be if your girlfriend had bigger breasts? Wouldn’t you pay any price for that to happen?
    God, in his infinite wisdom, has set the market price. Get married and get your girl pregnant, and your reward shall be bigger, fuller, softer breasts. Did I mention she’ll have an insane sex drive?

  36. Ben said, on November 11, 2007 at 6:18 am

    I think it says a lot about Japan that everyone I’ve talked to about Crystal Kay says ‘Oh yes, she’s half black half korean right?’ when in fact her mother is 3rd generation Japanese. In England, you’re English from the first generation. In Japan, 3 generations down the line, never been to Korea and only speak Japanese, and you’re STILL ‘korean’.

  37. slenes said, on November 11, 2007 at 6:31 am

    show us ur gf pic when ur both engaged πŸ˜€

  38. money said, on November 11, 2007 at 6:44 am

    At Outpost, you listed your expenses and said you would not sacrifice your gym membership or cable tv. If you aren’t willing to sacrifice, why should I? I mean, no offense, I feel for ya, but you are not a child anymore and I don’t feel like giving money to someone that won’t sacrifice something superficial like a gym membership. Go out and run, it’s not like you are in frigid Hokkaido. You should take responsibility. Sometimes being an adult means making sacrifices. Good luck with the engagement….but remember, saying “I do” should be the easiest decision you’ll ever make. If you have been fighting lately, don’t be too quick to make a commitment. Do you really want to be cornered, pinned down, and guilted into marriage? If she dumps you because you won’t pop the question next month, then you’re better off without her. Don’t rush into such an important decision.

  39. Anonymous said, on November 11, 2007 at 8:05 am

    im curious (and not too keen on going back over many old entries), how long have you been together with her? if its anything less than 3 years if my girlfriend started on in the marriage bit i think i’d be out the door and halfway across the city by the time she turned to look at me. if it’s less than three years at this point you be a brave brave man in my books.

  40. Anonymous said, on November 11, 2007 at 8:05 am

    im curious (and not too keen on going back over many old entries), how long have you been together with her? if its anything less than 3 years if my girlfriend started on in the marriage bit i think i’d be out the door and halfway across the city by the time she turned to look at me. if it’s less than three years at this point you be a brave brave man in my books.

  41. Chris said, on November 11, 2007 at 10:08 am

    I too am too poor to contribute directly (can you rearrange this wedding for when I’m old and loaded?), but I hope it helps a little if I spread around a link to GaijinSmash… hopefully the increased traffic will do something for your pocket. Best of luck!

  42. Claire said, on November 11, 2007 at 11:07 am

    Before you go through with the proposal, ask yourself a few questions: Do you really love her? Do you think that your marriage will work? Does she possess everything that you want in a woman?
    If your answer to any of those questions is “no”, then it’s best for you and your girlfriend to break it off totally.
    As a long time reader, I’ve been lapping up your wonderful stories and I can’t help but notice that you’ve been talking about wanting to get it on with busty women. You’ve mentioned that you’re a ‘breast-loving’ man and those are just fantasies but think about it – if your future wife isn’t busty, your fantasies will NEVER be fulfilled. Sexual fulfilment is very important in a marriage so it’s better to think twice. If you do get married then it’s only right to be faithful and respect your wife (and cease the visits to the strip clubs).

  43. Jenna said, on November 11, 2007 at 3:07 pm

    To whoever said weddings were 1 million yen. That’s only 9000 american dollars. lol. that’s like a trailer park wedding.

  44. Anonymous said, on November 11, 2007 at 9:13 pm

    better stand tall when they’re calling you out
    don’t bend
    don’t break
    baby don’t back down

  45. Anonymous said, on November 11, 2007 at 9:13 pm

    better stand tall when they’re calling you out
    don’t bend
    don’t break
    baby don’t back down

  46. Jay said, on November 11, 2007 at 11:29 pm

    WTF?
    that’s the scariest thing i’ve read in a while on the net
    think about it
    don’t forget to familiarize yourself with the divorce laws in Japan
    you know wife owning all your future earnings etc
    http://www.themenscenter.com/busterb/dont_get_married.htm
    http://www.nomarriage.com/

  47. P Cash said, on November 12, 2007 at 1:10 am

    Well since she got to take you to two weddings i think it would only be fair if you get to take her to two divorce proceedings at a court house. That might cool her heals down, exp if it is a nasty divorce. Of course she probably wouldn’t really appreciate it very much, i couldn’t think of any kind of gf that would.
    i have been reading your blog for years all the way back to your school teaching days at OP9. I can sort of relate to you being an American (although white) living in Malaysia for the past 4 years with my Chinese-Malaysian wife. We also have a halfling, and your right they make the most pretty babies in the world. Our wedding was ultra cheap, a judge outside of a courthouse back in the US, i think it took my wife 6 or 7 months to build up the nerve to tell her parents that she is married. They didn’t particularly like the idea of an American son-in-law, but i think they are ok with it now, exp since they are the ones employing me.
    Here is something that may help a bit, my mother-in-law said it and it made since. Come up with a top 10 list of things you want in a future wife, if you can find someone (your gf) that meet 7 of the 10 points that is good enough, the chances that you will get 10 out of 10 are very unlikely.
    oh and i like the Spaceballs reference.

  48. Anonymous said, on November 12, 2007 at 1:53 am

    It seems God needs to get a better random life generator. The one he’s using for you looks pretty outdated.

  49. Anonymous said, on November 12, 2007 at 1:53 am

    It seems God needs to get a better random life generator. The one he’s using for you looks pretty outdated.

  50. Justanothermom said, on November 12, 2007 at 2:51 am

    As a woman, I can say that most of us who are of a mind to get married “some day” (my some day came several years ago), don’t want to admit how much we are in a hurry to do so. My current husband is actually my second, for exactly that reason. I learned my lesson the first time. It sounds like this mentality is even more prevalent in Japan because the culture encourages it.
    That said, think carefully about your reasons for proposing. If none of them include love or the desire to be with this girl FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE, then don’t do it! Marriage is not something to be entered into to “give it a try,” if you decide to get married it should be with the intent to stay that way. If you haven’t already done so, you should talk to your Dad about the reasons he had for marrying your Mom, and his views on marriage in general. If you take his advice, once you do marry, it should last (after all, your parents are still together, so they must be doing something right).
    Last of all, whatever your reasons are for deciding to propose, if you do, be sure you are ready for that kind of commitment. You may not be mature enough yet for it, since you say there are certain creature comforts you don’t want to have to give up. Marriage is often about sacrifice and compromise (not giving in compromise, but working things out together compromise), so if you’re not willing to do one or the other, you probably haven’t grown up enough to begin considering marriage.
    All that in mind, you know that whatever you decide, your fans here & at OP9 (myself included) will be happy for you & support you in whatever way we can.
    (Az’s Note: Why, thank you very much.
    I do feel that marriage is something I only want to do once, which is why I’m being very careful in thinking about it. I won’t even ask if I don’t think she’s the one I want to spend the rest of my life with, and have her be the mother of my children.)

  51. J-hoosier said, on November 12, 2007 at 6:18 am

    Good luck man, dropped a few in the box for ya. Gotta save my cash too.
    My girl’s YOUNGER sister got married just after we met, and she’s probably been to 5 or 6 weddings since. Not to mention she turned 30 this year. She’s either really cool with everything and taking it slow, or she’s the best poker player in the world.
    For the proposal, a one-night trip out to a ryokan (doesn’t have to be that expensive, either) and pop the question over dinner is nice. Unless you’re doing the gorilla suit at a baseball game.

  52. Salagir said, on November 12, 2007 at 10:03 am

    Many people may have said it already a long time ago, but I’m quite sure a compilation of you blog would sell well in paper book.
    Your blog is also your child, it can give you income too πŸ™‚

  53. Jen said, on November 12, 2007 at 11:11 am

    Trust and communication are the two most vital parts of any relationship. It helps foster a friendship once the infatuation ends and real life returns.
    And the person who thinks you’ll only feel sexually fulfilled by screwing women with large breasts…WOW. That’s shallow and his relationships are highly likely to end in failure. The sexuality in a marriage shouldn’t be about your little fantasies, although they do help keep the romance, but about maintaining and creating intimacy.

  54. Mrbill said, on November 12, 2007 at 11:12 am

    For what its worth from a guys point of view, and speaking purely for myself:
    1) You’re always still a kid inside – only difference is your toys just get more expensive.
    2) There is no such thing as ‘being ready’ for marriage and kids. If you wait for that, you may well wait forever.
    Personally, I felt the same way – I felt immature, and wasn’t sure if I was ready. I was 26 at the time and just dove in head first. I can’t say I regret it, though there are always the ups and downs. You will give up alot of yourself to make this work – especially when you have kids (oh boy!)
    If you do love this woman and see yourself as best friends then go for it. Life is too short not to seize the day. It will be scary, but hey that’s part of what life is about.

  55. Guille said, on November 12, 2007 at 2:33 pm

    Shame on me. I did exactly the same think as S-san! I proposed my (EX!)-wife because she was about to move a few miles away (~10) and it would become inconvenient for us to see each other every day. I wonder why “us” didn’t work out well… πŸ˜›
    Mmmm…. doesn’t your girlfriend has anybody to translate your blog for her? You daredevil! Anyway, ganbare!

  56. Claire said, on November 12, 2007 at 3:40 pm

    Wait a minute, Jen. If you feel that there IS something lacking in a relationship on your spouse’s part, for a while you’ll think maybe it’s fine, maybe you can compromise (and what if the thing you want can’t be compromised?). However, if you continue to feel deprived after a long time, there’s a high chance that you’ll be eventually attracted to someone who can bring what you’re missing out on, to the relationship. What he/she lack could be just about anything: desire to have kids, a sex drive that matches yours, giving you sufficient care / love / attention / space, time to spare for you, so on and so forth.
    I had mentioned big boobs earlier on as an example, since Az seems to love them. Well, all humans are superficial to a certain extent. Dare you say that you have no physical criteria in choosing a boyfriend? Trust and communication are indeed important but please bear in mind that not all people are realistic enough to base a (satisfactory) relationship on trust and communication alone.

  57. PTJW said, on November 12, 2007 at 4:20 pm

    How much money do you make with this site? Perhaps you should go bugger Tucker Max and his lackeys instead of your readers?

  58. Kaitou1412 said, on November 12, 2007 at 6:30 pm

    The money goes to the ring, not your booze okay =p

  59. TenPercenter said, on November 12, 2007 at 6:31 pm

    Here’s a lil’ bit o’ wisdom, from a divorced guy.
    I was gonna say if you’re *DEAD* sure you wanna get hitched, I’d even send you the old engagement and wedding rings, maybe you could trade them in or what not. You’d just have to wait till after Christmas.
    Anyway, make DAMN SURE, this is what you want. Don’t get married because you think it will make someone else happy. That doesn’t work. I learned that the hard and expensive way. I could live in that world, provide for the family, give up the wild living, ,and what not, she couldn’t. And she was the one who wanted to get married.
    Just make sure it’s what you want in your heart of hearts. And that you and her are both headed in the same direction. You only want to do the job once, as I’ve seen you mention. Just make DAMN SURE you’re both on the same page, in the same book.
    We all just want AZ to be ureshii, but love doesn’t conquer all. And I’m glad at least I didn’t have a failed marriage in a foreign country.
    Sorry if I bummed you out or anything. Just be careful. And let me know if you’re willing to push things back, I might see about sending you that ring.

  60. Rose said, on November 12, 2007 at 6:37 pm

    Hi there!
    Just stumbled upon your blog via a link in another blog and saw your dilemma ;p I’m kinda experiencing the same thing: met a guy in the Philippines this summer (was there visiting, I’m half Filipina), and our relationship is more or less on the Autobahn! (a famous expressway in Germany) Now, since I’m also half Swedish, I was not prepared at all for this: on our first evening together, he said the three big words; less than 2 months later he proposed. over the phone, half a world separating the two of us. and might I add that he’s asked me a couple of times more??? (I said no, because it’s too early to decide sth like that…) The last time I tried telling him the difference between relationships in Sweden and the Philippines, hope it got through :p And I guess age is a big thing here as well, he’s 30 (ten years older) and thinks it’s time to, you know, settle down o_O And here I am, just started uni…
    And about the ring: if you’re actually seriously thinking about asking her, then try and get some ideas from her about what kind of ring she would like, because she’ll have it for the rest of her life, and if she’s not happy about it, she’ll remember that every time she sees it. Ask her about her friends rings (the ones who are getting married, and the ones who already have), what she thought of them, try and get her point of view. was it too big, too small, too few/many diamonds/other kinds of stones, how about the material in the ring? gold, silver, white gold, etc. As you see there are as many choices as there are women in this world :p you will probably not be able to be subtle enough to not get her into thinking you’re about to pop the question. On the other hand, your future wife will adore and love you even more for taking so much time and thought to what kind of ring you will be getting her (at least I would), and THAT will be what she remembers when she sees the ring on her finger, every day, for the rest of your lives.
    Rose
    PS. If you’re worried about your assets, try looking into pre-nuptial agreements. I know I will, even if what I have is not worth much here, it’s worth a lot in the Philippines…

  61. Gomez said, on November 12, 2007 at 11:42 pm

    Good luck with the proposal. If you know when fireworks might be going off I’d recommend doing it there and then. Also just a precaution don’t make the proposal when either of you are torn up drunk, ’cause then I doubt that either would believe it actually happened and you’d have to repeat the whole thing all over.
    Also remember this, Barring an untimely death all women turn 30 eventually…

  62. nanashi said, on November 14, 2007 at 2:25 pm

    When you say “L-word” in reference to Japanese people, do you mean the S-word, the DS-word or the A-word?

  63. evil_tennyo said, on November 17, 2007 at 5:52 am

    “Me: Of course I love you sweetheart. I mean, it’s already been a whole month, right?
    Her: Of course! Say, how about a BJ? I just thought up this great technique, and I’ve named it after an oceanic creature…
    Me: Sure! I’m sure your new technique won’t harm or physically scar me in any way shape or form. I mean, what could go wrong?”
    HAHA omg past reference, I actually got that one lol. Well Az, sorry to hear about your finances, this time of the year is always the worst and I hope things go good with the proposal

  64. Kenak said, on November 19, 2007 at 6:20 pm

    The ideal proposal method is to give her a Megatron action figure as a Christmas present, but sneak in a wedding ring inside the package. Hide some friends in the closet to film the change in expression.

  65. ehsteve said, on November 22, 2007 at 10:41 pm

    Hey Az, I’ve been a long time lurker/reader. I maybe one of the few people who say, “go for it.” Think about it, with all you’ve been through and all you want to do. Ask yourself if woke up somewhere ten years from now, and she wasn’t there, would it hurt? If your answer is yes, then you should be wed. And for hhw and other interested, I have a lot of faith in the International Baccalaureate programme, as I’ve attended it back here in the states. IB and MYP are top notch, take a lot of work, and give kids notable and impressive high school degrees that can be taken around the world. So, there you have it. Best of luck. I look forward to a post with new information. And since you’re probably not celebrating over there, and it’s still this day for the next hour or so: Happy Thanksgiving.

  66. Stan said, on November 28, 2007 at 9:16 pm

    Love the blog, chief. Love it.
    But ya gotta spring for the ring on your own cause it’s the symbol of the union. I don’t care if it cost $230 from the department store or whether it’s a ring from a Cracker Jacks box.
    Good luck, chief.

  67. Anonymous said, on November 29, 2007 at 5:11 am

    You say you feel immature still, but I think you’re also underestimating yourself. You’ve gone from college boy to hopping over to a completely different country and learning to adapt and going through experiences most people don’t get to do. Half the time you just grow through learning.
    My dad is like a grown up kid himself, with that touch of time-given maturity over the years, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. If he wasn’t a kid at heart, he’d be too strict and growing up for me wouldn’t have been quite the same. Don’t worry about kids, as I’m sure you’ll be a good parent by instinct and with a bit of research (you have taught at schools, after all).
    The girl you’re going to marry, as well as finances, are probably the biggest concerns. I haven’t re-read any of your posts recently, but I believe you had mentioned you moved in together? Living together should have given you a taste of what things are like, and it’s up to you to decide if that’s what you want for the rest of your life. You will need to learn to compromise, as a marriage is the combination of two people that grew up in different ways with different habits and whatnot, making middle grounds essential. All marriages take work, but how much work you want to put into it will be up to you. If you’re having issues with the relationship now, make sure you are able to patch through them before taking any bigger steps. With you saving up for a ring, it sounds like you’re getting a bit more confident of yourself. Just don’t be afraid to take it slowly.
    Take the time to plan things out, try talking it out with her. Not just hop to conversations babies and houses, but more immediate things (like finances, again. I’ve heard that finances can be really stressful on relationships, so it’s best to start out solid). You could always tell her you’d like to get married but you want to wait for a more concrete foundation upon which to create a family and such.
    Anyways, it sounds like she’s a pretty good person. If not her, then could you imagine yourself with someone else? I think you’ve been doing well making decisions for yourself (and learning from them, for those that turned out poorly) so far, so I’m sure you’ll be able to handle this as well. Let her know if you feel serious but want to take it slowly, that way she doesn’t feel like she’s hanging in limbo. If you’re going to pop the question in December, then I hope you do so with the confidence that it’s what you want.
    I wish you the best of luck ^^

  68. Ishi said, on June 30, 2008 at 2:55 am

    wow,the more i read your editorials the more i feel like you are simply a larger blacker more American version on myself…i love the T&A, older women=HUGE FETISH, and Street Fighter is the only extreme sport I enjoy.btw im a halfling(more like octoling)

  69. Jimbo Jones said, on August 21, 2009 at 1:39 am

    Heh. I read “K-san” and kept thinking of Cold Chisel’s rock anthem “Khe Sanh”. Wrong country, I know, but it just fit.
    Last plane out of Sydney’s almost gone…


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