Gaijin Smash

Ms. Grinch

Posted in Blog by gaijinsmashnet on May 22, 2007

There is one English teacher I’ve nicknamed that I failed to mention before. She gets her own editorial.
I call her Ms. Grinch. It’s difficult to tell her age, because she’s wearing enough layers of makeup to effectively shield her from shotgun shells to the face. I wonder if she’s actually ever taken off makeup in her life–like the rings on a tree trunk, perhaps we can determine her age by counting the layers of foundation. I am going to guess no younger than 50. For a 50 year-old, she’s in pretty good shape, but she dresses like a trendy 20-something. Mercifully, nothing revealing, but still, with jeans and shirts perhaps tighter than they should be. I’ve said before that I have no problem with Mrs. Robinsons, but I’m afraid I do have to draw the line at Estelle Getty.
In planning our first classes together, she wanted my self-introduction to include a quiz about San Francisco. As such, she asked me about what SF was most famous for. Jokingly, I suggested Gay Pride, thinking way, way back to the young student who answered that question with “Gay Bridge.” Ms. Grinch’s face lights up (I suppose–under all that makeup who knows what’s going on…)–“Oh, Gay Pride!” she says. “Oh, so there are a lot of gay people in San Francisco then!” I said there were, but that I was really only joking, and if we wanted to talk about the history of San Francisco, surely we could cover anything ranging from the gold rush and the Golden Gate Bridge, to Alcatraz, how Sean Connery and Nicholas Cage survived Alcatraz, or hell, even Rice-A-Roni. “No no, I want to talk about the gays!” Ms. Grinch insists, and that is how it was decided that, during my first classes with very impressionable Japanese 15 year-olds, I would give a talk about Gay Pride.
Not that I have anything against Gay Pride–I am from San Francisco after all–but I don’t really want to talk about Gay Pride when I’m, y’know, not gay. I’m sure most homosexuals out there wouldn’t exactly leap at the chance to talk about the wonders of being straight. We can’t ask Kate Moss to give a talk about being dangerously obese, can we? Or, how about asking women to be thrilled to talk about how great it is to have a penis.*
*Although, ladies, you have NO idea what you’re missing. Cause it’s fuckin’ awesome.
Ms. Grinch asks me to outline my potential Gay Pride talk with her. I try to think of the most straightforward explanation I can think of. I say that, perhaps in America, on the coasts people are more open and accepting of alternative lifestyles, but in the middle of America (red states!) people aren’t quite as accepting. Ms. Grinch nods along as if I’m revealing some long-hidden truth to her. “The middle of America…oh, so you mean, like Arizona?”
…So, Arizona is considered the Midwest now? Who knew? You hear that all you Arizonians out there? You guys are the Midwest now. Time to start hating gays and worshiping football, if you haven’t already. I also expect a fine herd of cattle and the dogged cowboys to properly wrangle them. I don’t wanna hear any “desert wasteland” excuses outta you either.
I can’t really blame her for this too much though, it’s not like Americans are any better…
Mom: Hey, I heard on the news that there was an earthquake in Hokkaido…are you okay?
Me: Yeah Mom, Kyoto doesn’t really feel earthquakes that happen over 600 miles away…
Can it get worse? Oh boy yes it can.
Grandma: Boy, are you eating right? I heard that food’s real scarce thanks to that Kim Jong Il character…
Me: …That’s not even the right country!


Once Ms. Grinch and I were doing a skit during class. I forget what the context was, but Ms. Grinch asked what I would like. The textbook had me say orange juice or something boring like that…but I like to ad-lib a lot during class, so I put on a pouty face and said that I would like a hug….Didn’t expect her to actually do it….By GOD, those were the hardest tits I have ever felt IN MY LIFE. And I’ve been to a lot of strip clubs in my day. I’m not even exaggerating, it felt like having two slabs of granite be pressed into my chest. That shit HURT, and it continued to hurt for a day afterwards.
Now, I don’t know why Ms. Grinch has Tits of Iron…and I don’t want to know either. There is no explanation that will bring me any measure of joy, so I choose to remain blissfully ignorant.
Ms. Grinch gets her name from the fact that she somehow finds a way to completely kill all the fun in any activity we might plan to do. I could come up with a “Let’s Learn English Through Blowjobs!” class, and Ms. Grinch would find a way to suck all the fun out of it (not literally…oh GOD, not literally…). The first big problem is that when the students are divided into groups and told to move their desks together, we spend about 15 minutes with Ms. Grinch bitching about “tsukima”–open spaces between the desks. Yes, in Ms. Grinch’s world, things are brought to a grinding halt if the students don’t have their desks perfectly aligned with one another.
I wasn’t aware that having the desks be in contact with each other was so VITAL to the enjoyment of an English activity.
Because she makes such a big deal out of it, the students make it a point to try and rebel against her, either gradually opening up subtle little spaces between their desks, or Grand Canyon-sized rifts. Ms. Grinch is deeply and personally offended–I think the the male students could get up, pin her to the ground, and take turns tea-bagging her, and she’d be less bothered by that than she would be by the tsukima. So we spend 15 minutes (sometimes longer) with Ms. Grinch screaming “tsukima! Tsukima!” while students try to move their desks apart when they think she’s not looking.
The Japanese version of Dangerous Minds, ladies and gentlemen.
Once, one boy, in flat-out open defiance, left a chasm of tsukima between him and the girl in front of him. It was huge, roughly equivalent to the size of the space between Mariah Carey’s breasts. To further spit in her face, he put his head down on the desk and went to sleep. Ms. Grinch comes along, and with a hearty shout of “TSUKIMA!” she *kicks* the desk forward, with the student still sleeping on it. I’m not talking about some weak-shit granny kick either, she put all the might of a Japanese obasan into her leg and Kazuya Mishima’d the damn thing. The desk goes FLYING right into the poor girl’s desk. The girl, who is already kind of shy and introverted to begin with, nearly dies of a sudden heart attack. Can you blame her? Ms. Grinch goes to the (now wide awake) boy and berates him over the tsukima–“How rude you are to her! Isn’t it offensive to her to have that much tsukima!” Meanwhile, I was wondering what was more offensive to the poor girl–the guy across from her leaving a little space between the desks, or nearly getting a flying desk to the grill from a crazed obasan in makeup armor.
Aside from the TSUKIMA!, she will also stop an activity and berate the students if they aren’t doing exactly what she wants them to do, in the manner she expects it. In some cases, she’ll take away points from groups in a game/activity. And once a group’s gotten on her Shit List…they’re just royally fucked. In one sannensei class, a group of more or less good kids came under Ms. Grinch’s watchful eye. One of the boys had been singled out for talking when Ms. Grinch expected silence. Was he chatting with his friends in the back, or dissing other students? Nope. He was simply enjoying the game more than Ms. Grinch thought he should be. She began to take away points from this group, in some cases when the boy was breathing in a manner she didn’t like. As you might imagine, the rest of the group members were getting very frustrated over being punished for the actions of ONE boy who wasn’t even really doing anything wrong to begin with. After they’d lost a full six points, one girl, who had been playing with a fake rose, extended it towards Mrs. Grinch. “Why do you hate us? Why can’t we be friends?”
Ms. Grinch’s response? Deduct another point from this group. …You’re a mean one, Ms. Grinch.
Words simply cannot describe the dejected look on the girl’s face. Her rose, despite being plastic, also seemed to droop lower than flaccid Japanese penis. She looked kind of like Bambi, when he learned that his mom had died…except in this version, the hunter cooks Bambi’s Mom up into veal Parmesan and eats her right in front of Bambi too.
And that is why games with Ms. Grinch just aren’t fun. This Christmas, you’d better watch out, for if you have any TSUKIMA! between your study desks, you might just wake up to find that Ms. Grinch has beaten you silly with her Ben Grimm tits.

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89 Responses

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  1. draglancer said, on May 22, 2007 at 12:50 am

    Sounds like a teacher I had back when I was in 8th grade.. With the the exception of the whole desk thing going on. Boy I hated those days.. Now you get to teach with a similar person. I hope you survive this trip with Ms. Grinch.

  2. Zuuk said, on May 22, 2007 at 1:01 am

    She’s got quite the grapple attack there; Quick obason counter followed by ‘mortar and pestle breasts’.

  3. DunnDeegan said, on May 22, 2007 at 1:23 am

    Wow. Some of my co-teachers have these qualities split up between them. None of them have the complete package like this though. I hope for your sake your classes with her are few and far between…even the stories you write about her classes would become depressing after a while! Maybe your just giving me bad flashbacks from some of my co-teachers of the past though πŸ˜›

  4. Mark said, on May 22, 2007 at 1:25 am

    First comment! Yeah, that is one funny story…I love your style of writing, very inspiring style.
    But the events…very funny and humoring, it just shows how ironic and crazy life can get. I can’t write the same stories at my high school (Korea), so yours just warm up the day.
    “She Kazuya Mishima’d it…” that’s classic material baby. I love the VG references.

  5. First said, on May 22, 2007 at 1:39 am

    First;)

  6. celestisal-salamander said, on May 22, 2007 at 1:57 am

    wow!! i’m like the first hear. makeing a post now just so mine will be the first.
    on a forum i use to visit alot this was called spamming.

  7. Bully said, on May 22, 2007 at 2:01 am

    Open your stocking and she comes jumping out, screaming and howling and beating you to death with her chest if the other stockings aren’t touching.

  8. Anonymous said, on May 22, 2007 at 2:06 am

    Sounds like my Japanese teacher in High School.

  9. Anonymous said, on May 22, 2007 at 2:06 am

    Sounds like my Japanese teacher in High School.

  10. Crowley said, on May 22, 2007 at 2:16 am

    Dude, she’s an android. She keeps lasers in her tits. Call Will Smith.

  11. Amanda said, on May 22, 2007 at 2:20 am

    lol, “had been died”…new phrase of the week ^_^ Kinda reminds of how you’d say your dog died and it affected your family. It’d literally translate as “Our dog was died by my family!” Hee XD (“Kazoku ni inu ga shinareta”)

  12. Anonymous said, on May 22, 2007 at 2:23 am

    “…So, Arizona is considered the mid-west now? Who knew? You hear that all you Arizonians out there? You guys are the Midwest now. Time to start hating gays and worshipping football, if you haven’t already. I also expect a fine herd of cattle and the dogged cowboys to properly wrangle them. I don’t wanna hear any “desert wasteland” excuses outta you either.”
    You know what’s funny? I lived in AZ for 15 years in a town populated by rednecked haters, football was God, and real cowboys who herded cattle weren’t that hard to find.

  13. Anonymous said, on May 22, 2007 at 2:23 am

    “…So, Arizona is considered the mid-west now? Who knew? You hear that all you Arizonians out there? You guys are the Midwest now. Time to start hating gays and worshipping football, if you haven’t already. I also expect a fine herd of cattle and the dogged cowboys to properly wrangle them. I don’t wanna hear any “desert wasteland” excuses outta you either.”
    You know what’s funny? I lived in AZ for 15 years in a town populated by rednecked haters, football was God, and real cowboys who herded cattle weren’t that hard to find.

  14. Anonymous said, on May 22, 2007 at 2:32 am

    Well, we all have our pet peeves. Some are just more screwy and whacked-out than others. On that note, at least she’s not kancho’ing anyone.
    You know, it would be kind of funny if Ms.Grinch did meet Mariah Carey.

  15. Kelly said, on May 22, 2007 at 2:34 am

    “The middle of America…oh, so you mean, like Arizona?”
    Has everyone forgotten about poor ol’ Kansas? D:

  16. Eureka said, on May 22, 2007 at 4:12 am

    I think Mrs Grinch will get along splendidly with Kim Jong II. They are both in Japan afterall.

  17. vertigociel said, on May 22, 2007 at 4:20 am

    Az, you show the usual coast-dweller’s ignorance regarding the Midwest (I’m a Minneapolis-ite). Nonetheless, great post – my friend in the hotel room with me wonders why the hell I’m laughing so hard. I particularly enjoyed the description of the girl’s rose as a flaccid japanese penis… although I think the term is redundant.

  18. Prodigal Priest said, on May 22, 2007 at 4:40 am

    For once…. I’m almost at a loss for words.
    Almost πŸ˜‰
    “Because she makes such a big deal out of it, the students make it a point to try and rebel against her, either gradually opening up subtle little spaces between their desks, or Grand Canyon-sized rifts. Ms. Grinch is deeply and personally offended – I think the the male students could get up, pin her to the ground, and take turns tea-bagging her, and she’d be less bothered by that than she would be by the tsukima. So we spend 15 minutes (sometimes longer) with Ms. Grinch screaming “tsukima! Tsukima!” while students try to move their desks apart when they think she’s not looking.”
    Ms Grinch sounds like she has too much tsukima between her ears πŸ˜€
    and…
    “The Japanese version of Dangerous Minds, ladies and gentlemen.”
    (sings offkey)
    They been spending most their lives living in the kancho’s paradise…
    ^_^
    Hope the remainder of the week is better. Peace to you.

  19. Kyle said, on May 22, 2007 at 4:44 am

    Wow I think that’s all I got. Good luck with dealing with irrational old Japanese women…

  20. Ashley said, on May 22, 2007 at 8:06 am

    Arizonans, dammit. Arizonans.
    And being a midwesterner now and all, should I start hiding the fact that I’m bisexual and go to one of those psycho camps that try to worship the gay right out of you?
    I think I just might have to move to California to continue to partake in my girl-fucking ways. Anybody need a roommate?!

  21. Ramchip said, on May 22, 2007 at 8:43 am

    Couldn’t you try to drop her a subtle hint when stuff like that happens? Like casually tell her “it might be good for the learning atmosphere if we stopped worrying about tsukima, since they’d enjoy english more” or something like that? I’m sure the students would respect you a lot if you stood up a bit for them when it’s obvious that they’re right (like the girl with the rose). If you’re really diplomatic with it even the Grinch shouldn’t be offended…
    Unless she’s effectively an insane obasan. Well, gotta live dangerously πŸ˜›

  22. eL Thorsen said, on May 22, 2007 at 9:25 am

    I didn’t know Baba Yaga taught english.

  23. Anonymous said, on May 22, 2007 at 9:39 am

    Love your editorials. They’re always great fun to read.
    So do you have to put up with Ms. Grinch every class, or is it just an occasional/temporary thing?

  24. Anonymous said, on May 22, 2007 at 9:39 am

    Love your editorials. They’re always great fun to read.
    So do you have to put up with Ms. Grinch every class, or is it just an occasional/temporary thing?

  25. chaosrainz said, on May 22, 2007 at 9:54 am

    Rock that straight Gay Pride!

  26. Miss J said, on May 22, 2007 at 10:06 am

    Az wrote: *Although, ladies, you have NO idea what you’re missing. Cause it’s fuckin’ awesome.

    But wouldn’t it (maybe) be interesting to know what’s it like – Without having to do some surgery or taking hormones. ^^
    “TSUKIMA!” *Crying with laughter* same goes for the old “BREAST!” *poff* gone…

  27. Jamie said, on May 22, 2007 at 11:04 am

    I really enjoyed this story about Ms. Grinch. Oh, how it makes me hearken back to my own days on JET… lol.
    BTW, I hope you don’t mind me saying so, but I noticed that it’s “sukima” rather than “tsukima” to talk about a space or gap between two things… just thought I would put that out there πŸ™‚ Thanks!
    –Jamie (formerly from Kagoshima)

  28. Becky said, on May 22, 2007 at 11:29 am

    … Are you sure that Ms. Grinch is an English teacher, and not a music one? Oh, and that she teaches at your school and not at mine?
    Because you just gave a damn accurate description of my school’s music teacher. Well, I wouldn’t know about the boobs of steel. Thank God.
    We have her 1st period Wednesday mornings, and if she doesn’t like our greeting, she starts screaming ‘GENKI! GENKIII!!!!!!’ at us… a room of 37 shy Catholic school girls, 3 slightly wise-guy girls and me, a trained soloist actively trying to hide the fact that she sings louder and better than everyone else in the room combined.
    And thats just the beginning of a 50 minute class.
    Do you have any tips on dealing with a Grinch?

  29. Dave D. said, on May 22, 2007 at 12:30 pm

    Good lord that woman sounds scary….eep I mean this is an unGodly combo if there ever was one.
    -Invincible makeup barrier
    -Adamantium boobs
    -Thunder Obasan kick
    She should be the next Kaiju monster that toho makes if Godzilla ever returns..

  30. Kohaku said, on May 22, 2007 at 1:11 pm

    Thank u Az for effectively remiding me of my high school English teacher. I was all relaxed from the bathhouse and now I’m having reliving horrifing English classes (which was a subject I actually liked!) Mine only shouted “SILENCE! AND MY NAME IS FRAIZOR LIKE RAZOR!! OPEN YOUR BOOKS AND READ IN SILENCE!!!” sigh….thank GOD high school is LONG over. now I just deal with crazy kids….and I’m terrified by the Iron tits….
    Becky, the best way to deal with that is to graduate…then its all over. I used to just drive her crazy (she retired after i graduated…ha ha ha) it makes u feel better.

  31. Anonymous said, on May 22, 2007 at 1:58 pm

    Seems like she didn’t have sex in the past two decades.

  32. Anonymous said, on May 22, 2007 at 1:58 pm

    Seems like she didn’t have sex in the past two decades.

  33. another FC n00b said, on May 22, 2007 at 3:03 pm

    FIRST COMMENT WOOHOO! Just like comments #4, 5, and 6. hahahaha

  34. Kat said, on May 22, 2007 at 3:04 pm

    I hate crazy controlling teachers like that.. one of my friends has this insane teacher in elementary who used to pull on students’ hair and even outright slap them sometimes if they misbehaved.

  35. Chris said, on May 22, 2007 at 3:15 pm

    Oh god. ‘Iron Tits’, I so imagining that as I read it. Thanks. You’ve ruined my already screwed up mind all the more!
    You should really just kick her out of your room in the good old fashioned way that all Americans do to the elderly. Put her in a nursing home!

  36. Freedom III said, on May 22, 2007 at 4:09 pm

    I don’t mean to be a pain the butt, but it’s “sukima” (ιš™ι–“), not “tsukima”…

  37. Julia said, on May 22, 2007 at 4:51 pm

    But but but… what did you say about Gay Pride???

  38. TheRoyalFamily said, on May 22, 2007 at 7:04 pm

    You know what’s funny? I lived in AZ for 15 years in a town populated by rednecked haters, football was God, and real cowboys who herded cattle weren’t that hard to find.
    Prescott? Except for the football thing (I never cared, so I didn’t notice), sounds a lot like there.

  39. Patrick said, on May 22, 2007 at 9:01 pm

    Az, sometimes, I wonder if you live in some alternate universe when I read this shit.
    Then I remember that Japan IS an alternate universe. Where some fun things are common and other things are really wrong. And I both laugh and shudder, which is a neat trick if you can do it.

  40. Anonymous said, on May 22, 2007 at 9:03 pm

    When i was in school we had teachers like her. One was bad enough that one of the students who went by the name “D Boy” busted her upside the head with a fist full of those linkin log size kindergarden crayons. Public school blows.

  41. Anonymous said, on May 22, 2007 at 9:03 pm

    When i was in school we had teachers like her. One was bad enough that one of the students who went by the name “D Boy” busted her upside the head with a fist full of those linkin log size kindergarden crayons. Public school blows.

  42. dre said, on May 22, 2007 at 9:20 pm

    She reminds me of my old 10th grade honors english teacher, Mrs. King. Bitch was an old, “FRENCH” grammar Nazi from hell. and the bitch couldn’t speak english. And as pet peevs go, she had way too many, even with her favorites, and god help you if u wern’t. If you turned in a paper and it wasn’t exactly how she would’ve wrote it, and god forbid you had a different opinion, she’d read that shit in class, and make you sound all sorts of retarded. only thing that saved me was that sum of people in my class would proof read my shit for burned CDs (back in 2002 when it was 2-300 dollars for cd burner.

  43. Mac said, on May 22, 2007 at 9:30 pm

    Nice article, try to avoid American political and cultural landscape. You came off about half as bad as your mother example.

  44. Anonymous said, on May 22, 2007 at 10:07 pm

    “TSUKIMA!” Should go on your next T-Shirt.

  45. Anonymous said, on May 22, 2007 at 10:07 pm

    “TSUKIMA!” Should go on your next T-Shirt.

  46. Anonymous said, on May 22, 2007 at 10:18 pm

    What is “Tsukima” ? Isn’t is supposed to be “Sukima”?

  47. Anonymous said, on May 22, 2007 at 10:18 pm

    What is “Tsukima” ? Isn’t is supposed to be “Sukima”?

  48. Mary Liz said, on May 23, 2007 at 12:29 am

    wow, dude, I do feel for you. but then, I’ve grown up with people who have that attitude my entire life. I understand what you’re going through.
    however, I will never understand your, dislike? of the red states. :p eh, whatever maintains the buoyancy of your aquatic vessel.

  49. James C said, on May 23, 2007 at 12:46 am

    Aw fuck. You’re reminding me of Mrs. Bergantz, my old history teacher, Az. Not cool, man. NOT cool.

  50. Azrael Macool said, on May 23, 2007 at 1:27 am

    Hell, reminds me of my 8th grade Advanced English teacher. She hated my guts. Once, we were reading a story told by some guys from Siberia; it was written about 50 years ago, and it involved a wierd crash, which they said was a giant tiger. It was a good story, and supposedly true. Well, she said that it was a crashed jet, even though the story and the supplemental material said no one ever discovered what it was, they only found its bones, and it indeed looked like a giant tiger. I pointed this out to her, and she explained that they were savages, and had no knowledge of anything mechanical. I pointed out that not only do they use guns in the story, the Russian government shows up in snowmobiles, and they don’t freak out or anything. Hell, one of them wrote the damn story, probably on moving type. She sent me out to the hall. Once, when talking about the game Digimon World with a friend of mine, I mentioned the crap Digimon, Sukamon (he literally looks like a giant yellow crap with eyes and arms), she yelled at me and sent me to the hallway (and class hadn’t started yet, so it was okay to talk). For this essay we had to write, we also had to turn in folders with our sources and notecards, in a particular order, rubber-banded. I missed the first day we worked on them, and so the next day, when I tried to get a rubber band from her, she wouldn’t give me one, because she wouldn’t believe that I had missed the day before. So, when I turned it in rubber-band-less, she wrote that my folder was all out of order and gave me a D on it, and a C on the total assignment; the only thing wrong was the missing rubber band. And, in history class, I got an A+ on it. She was a fucking bitch, and retired at the end of that year. And she did worse to other people; one guy, she “lost” his essay the day they were due, and gave him an F on the assignment, and another guy she sent to the office for sayign the word “hubcaps”. I am dead serious. I can’t even figure out any bad words that even sounds like.

  51. Zac said, on May 23, 2007 at 1:58 am

    I feel like a dick for saying this, but veal is baby cow, not deer. I think that deer is venison.

  52. Hikari said, on May 23, 2007 at 4:14 am

    There was a fourth grade teacher in my elementary school who threw chairs…but this is much more entertaining.

  53. Shamie said, on May 23, 2007 at 6:11 am

    Oh dear God, your description of her breasts remindes me of my “rich southern belle” aunt and her breast implants of death. You think that shit hurts on a mans chest, think about them things digging into another unfortunate woman’s breasts (NOT sexual what-so-ever). What’s even worse is my mother knew that it would hurt and didn’t tell me!

  54. Brandon said, on May 23, 2007 at 9:05 am

    The tons of corrections about the finer points of Japanese nomenclature are amusing.
    I think we’ve all had instructors like this one at some point, but this is really bad. Don’t give in to the dark side, Az.

  55. Becky said, on May 23, 2007 at 11:26 am

    The sad part about graduating as a solution for dealing with a Grinch-
    I already did that. This year is of my own free will, doing the exchange student thing.
    I must be insane.
    Its too bad that none of you guys had my air horn honking, egg throwing, student’s notebooks burning, surprise electrical shocking, meter stick shattering Physics teacher. Because he was one of the best teachers I ever had…

  56. Anonymous said, on May 23, 2007 at 1:24 pm

    Ben Grimm Tits…line of the year right there

  57. Anonymous said, on May 23, 2007 at 1:24 pm

    Ben Grimm Tits…line of the year right there

  58. Marty said, on May 23, 2007 at 2:51 pm

    Oh you Californians, with your Homosexualness and your Weed.
    See, I can sterotype too. πŸ˜›
    Kidding. Just had to get a jab in there for Wisconsin. And despite the sterotype of gay-bashin cowboys, I think Az’s editorials have shown us that idiots live EVERYWHERE.

  59. cutepiku said, on May 23, 2007 at 3:50 pm

    Usually rock hard boobs equal breast implants.. πŸ™‚

  60. Anonymous said, on May 23, 2007 at 4:31 pm

    Sweet reference to “The Rock”
    πŸ™‚

  61. Anonymous said, on May 23, 2007 at 4:31 pm

    Sweet reference to “The Rock”
    πŸ™‚

  62. football worshipper said, on May 23, 2007 at 5:56 pm

    venison not veal

  63. kilreli said, on May 23, 2007 at 6:47 pm

    “Mom: Hey, I heard on the news that there was an earthquake in Hokkaido…are you okay?
    Me: Yeah Mom, Kyoto doesn’t really feel earthquakes that happen over 600 miles away…”
    WOW. switch Kyoto with Kumagaya, and there was my situation. whenever anything like that happened, a call. whenever ANYTHING happened in Saitama Prefecture(which it closer, i guess) i would get a call.
    :/

  64. Anonymous said, on May 23, 2007 at 9:07 pm

    I’d just like to point out in a Japanese Dorama series called Gal Circle, Arizona was hit by not one hurricane, but two. Horray for geography.

  65. Anonymous said, on May 23, 2007 at 9:07 pm

    I’d just like to point out in a Japanese Dorama series called Gal Circle, Arizona was hit by not one hurricane, but two. Horray for geography.

  66. danny b said, on May 23, 2007 at 9:54 pm

    oh god, arizona may as well be part of the midwest. pretty much everywhere except for tucson, where i live, is on the socially conservative side. especially up north…mormon country. eegh. plenty of footballing and gay-hating goes on in this state; we just have cactus as well.

  67. Zantetsu said, on May 24, 2007 at 12:45 am

    So… For them, a Maltese person would be from a third-world country in Africa? Boo. 😦

  68. Thomas said, on May 24, 2007 at 12:48 am

    So the mystery of where my ex mother-in-law vanished to is solved.

  69. Defectron said, on May 24, 2007 at 1:18 am

    Holy crap! It sounds like your co-worker is a villain from some go-nagai anime!
    AZ’s co-worker is Gold Claw in disguise!
    Opai Missile!

  70. Ljufa said, on May 24, 2007 at 2:32 am

    Augh! Why won’t they change the name of the area where I live! I’m in Michigan, which is technically in the “midwest” (wiki it), but geographically it’s clearly more like mid-north-eastern or something. I’ve had several friends now shit-talk the midwest to me even though I’m positive they aren’t referring to my area and have no idea it’s even considered midwest.
    Is my state predominantly red? Blue? Who gives a fuck, we all know they both suck don’t we? Aren’t we all getting a bit too much experience in the matter to be consoled by having a choice anymore? There’s no choice.
    And I’m going to go out on a limb and say that more people than you realize aren’t shit-for-brains, that’s just the image that’s being sold to us, so we’ll think we’re the minority and powerless. It’s working.

  71. Mr. Bomberman said, on May 25, 2007 at 10:02 pm

    “The girl, who is already kind of shy and introverted to begin with, nearly dies of a sudden heart attack.”
    That actually hsppened?

  72. HiEv said, on May 26, 2007 at 2:58 pm

    @Mr. Bomberman,
    No, that was what’s called “hyperbole” (pronounced high-PUR-buh’-lee):
    1. obvious and intentional exaggeration.
    2. an extravagant statement or figure of speech not intended to be taken literally, as “to wait an eternity.”

  73. Gomez said, on May 26, 2007 at 9:36 pm

    So you’re fairly certain she’s 50. Hm… I noticed you made her nickname Ms. Grinch, would that imply that she is still not married? That would make some sense about her attitude with regards to the kids. Think about it, if she’s not married now she never will be, plus she’ll never have her own kids to torture so the next best thing to scar for life would be her students.
    Just a thought is all.

  74. Anon said, on May 27, 2007 at 7:20 am

    I dont know much about Japanese, but as far as Az’s spelling goes “Tsukima” is pronounced the same way as “Sukima” since the T is silent. So unless there is an official standard romanized form of the Japanese word, then Az’s spelling is correct.

  75. Kiron said, on May 29, 2007 at 8:31 am

    Damn, did she teach Japanese in Australia about 6 years ago?, had a Jap teacher just like that and got pissed about the exact same thing, eventually though she actually somehow injured herself in a rant and we never saw her again.

  76. Ruela said, on May 29, 2007 at 3:44 pm

    Hmm… I really thought Arizona was in the middle of the US and A. Sorry then.
    By the way, are those “red” states communist? πŸ™‚

  77. Fealuinix said, on May 30, 2007 at 3:06 am

    Ughhh…seriously, I live in Nebraska, it’s not *that* bad. Not so much what Az said…they don’t exactly embrace homosexuality here (I’m hoping the football/gay *hating*/cattle stuff was pure hyperbole)(okay, maybe not the football…*sigh*…sometimes I feel I’m the only one that hates football in all of Nebraska), but yeah, some posters here are a little ignorant. I grew up in Oregon, and I had similar notions when I moved out here. It’s not that bad, honest.
    Also I echo Ljufa concerning Red vs. Blue states…who gives a fuck? I vote libertarian anyway.

  78. Iddy said, on June 3, 2007 at 11:52 am

    Sounds exactly like the long-term French sub I had earlier this year. Right down to the obsessive-compulsive desk issues.
    Creepy.

  79. Kyle said, on June 5, 2007 at 11:32 am

    Veal is made from baby cows. Venison is deer. πŸ™‚

  80. Anonymous said, on June 11, 2007 at 12:08 pm

    ιš™ι–“ 【すきま】(n) crevice, crack, gap, opening, (P)
    透き間 【すきま】(n) crevice, crack, gap, opening
    Whichever one of those two you choose, it’s ‘sukima’, not ‘tsukima’. ‘Su’ and ‘tsu’ are two different characters.

  81. Anonymous said, on June 11, 2007 at 12:08 pm

    ιš™ι–“ 【すきま】(n) crevice, crack, gap, opening, (P)
    透き間 【すきま】(n) crevice, crack, gap, opening
    Whichever one of those two you choose, it’s ‘sukima’, not ‘tsukima’. ‘Su’ and ‘tsu’ are two different characters.

  82. Anonymouse said, on June 16, 2007 at 11:32 am

    Isn’t “tsukima” something to do with moon-viewing?

  83. violet_rain said, on November 24, 2007 at 4:51 pm

    Okay, that’s just nasty. As … also pretty mean as it is to suppose so, people like her always make me think they didn’t get any love from daddy and mommy back in the days. Maybe that’s why she was immediately ready to hug you. *ehem*
    Funny she’s making a fuss over the tsukima though, where I come from teachers are desperate to get as many space between pupils as possible. There are absolutely no empty desks in the classrooms, because as soon as an additional one has been forgotten there by a bigger class, the first thing before Good Morning is to put an empty seat somewhere in the middle of the cause of the worst noise in class.
    But, from what I experienced in TΓ΄kyΓ΄, this would only result in bypassing the distance yelling, so…
    Anyway, I hope Ms. Grinch won’t live up to her name and ruin Christmas too.

  84. Anonymous said, on January 6, 2008 at 9:57 pm

    “Time to start hating gays and worshiping football, if you haven’t already.”
    My father’s well ahead of you.

  85. Anonymous said, on January 6, 2008 at 9:57 pm

    “Time to start hating gays and worshiping football, if you haven’t already.”
    My father’s well ahead of you.

  86. Anonymous said, on July 11, 2008 at 5:28 pm

    Silicon implants were slightly different in ye olden days.
    On the plus side, you’d still have a pert chest at 70.
    On the minus side, they’d be rock solid. After a couple of decades, the silicon would solidify.
    …Just so you can imagine your lovely Ms Grinch having implants.

  87. Anonymous said, on July 11, 2008 at 5:28 pm

    Silicon implants were slightly different in ye olden days.
    On the plus side, you’d still have a pert chest at 70.
    On the minus side, they’d be rock solid. After a couple of decades, the silicon would solidify.
    …Just so you can imagine your lovely Ms Grinch having implants.

  88. Alxndr13 said, on September 24, 2008 at 4:44 pm

    Google ads appearing in the middle of this post:
    Teach English in Japan
    ALT (Assistant Language Teacher) Jobs in
    Japanese Public Schools
    http://www.interac.co.jp/recruit
    aaaand…
    Breasts
    Get Breasts Information. Articles, Medical Facts
    & More.
    Health.com
    That pretty much sums up a lot of the (extremely amusing) content in Gaijin Smash, yeah?
    πŸ™‚
    A

  89. Trench Kamen said, on April 27, 2009 at 11:07 pm

    I’ve lived in Arizona AND Texas. Arizona is less red than Texas, but it’s still red. Thank you, Mormons.


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