Gaijin Smash

What’s in a Name?

Posted in Blog by gaijinsmashnet on May 15, 2007

New schools. New students. New teachers. New nicknames. You know it had to happen.
Mr. English – An older male English teacher, he gets this nickname because, the moment he found out I could speak Japanese, he breathed the HUGEST sigh of relief. “Thank GOD you can speak Japanese!” he says. “I absolutely hate English.”
THEN WHY THE FUCK DID YOU NOT ONLY LEARN ENGLISH, BUT BECOME AN ENGLISH TEACHER AS WELL?!
Sure enough, his classes are pretty much 99% Japanese, with him only speaking English when is absolutely, positively, unavoidably necessary.
And we wonder why Japanese people can’t speak English.
The Jolly Green Giant – This female English teacher is really tall for a Japanese woman. She’s only a few inches shorter than me. She also has this lumbering, oompa-loompa way of walking, and her hair is in some kind of permanent Diana Ross Frizz mode, so she gets to be the Jolly Green Giant.
How does this make her a Jolly Green Giant, you ask? I dunno. Probably goes back to my childhood. I once had a nightmare about the JGG. In all his giant muscular green glory, he picked me up, with his rotting, peeling green hands, and after a failed attempt to squish me like a tiny little bug between his fingers, he then tried to drown me in a can of creamed corn. I haven’t trusted the fucker ever since. I know, one day, he’s gonna get me. He’s just biding his time, smiling at kids in his artichoke toga, waiting for the day until he can drown us all in his rich, creamy corn juices. I’m warning you.
Ms. Forehead 2 – It is disturbing how much this woman looks like the original Ms. Forehead. Like God decided that Japan needed more than one Ms. Forehead, and XCOPY’ied/Kage Bunshin’d her to this school. They even have similar personalities. They even have the same first name! (The kanji is different though)
I sort of wish for an XCOPY of Ms. Americanized, but then I realized that you can’t copy her. And if you did, there’d be TWO Japanese women out there who could bust out with gems like, “Man, I hate it when bitches like that are getting laid, and I’m not getting laid!” I don’t think the universe can handle that.


Quackers – This ninensei girl gets her nickname because she brought some kind of duck horn to school one day, and decided that as Japanese just wasn’t good enough anymore, she was going to now communicate with everyone with the duck horn.
Where the fuck do 14 year-old Japanese girls get duck horns anyway? One free in every box of Tofu Flakes? They’re GLLLLLLLLLLLLATE!
I suppose had she only had the duck horn for a day or so, this wouldn’t have been so bad. But this went on for like a whole week. The teachers humored her with it too!
Teacher: Hey, you didn’t turn in your homework…
Quackers: Quack quack, quack quack quack quack.
Teacher: Well, why didn’t you do it?
Quackers: Quack quack!
Teacher: Okay, no need to get all snippety.
Quackers: Quack quack quack, quack?
Teacher: Ha ha ha ha, you’re so interesting!
Me: What the fuck, are you channeling Donald Duck or some shit?
Porn Star Omega – You may remember the first time around, I named a girl from the School of Peace, ‘Porn Star.’ I didn’t even think she was headed for the world of porn, there was just something about her energy and her spunk that made me think porn star. Yes, we found out at that time that I was a horrible person.
Well, before the duck horn week, I was going to name Quackers Porn Star. Quackers is actually kind of cute…but I’m 100% certain she’s headed for the porn world. It’s not me being slime of the Earth this time…there’s just something about the girl that screams, “You’ll be seeing me and my mosaic-censored genitals in a few years!” If she isn’t already doing porn, I think that’s a real possibility.
Then the duck horn week happened, and my would be Porn Star became Quackers. I’ve sort of decided that I always must have a Porn Star, so I gave it to this ninensei girl. Although I don’t really sense that she has a future getting fucked by Japanese guys in front of a camera. I sense that she has a future getting fucked by Japanese guys, but a camera may or may not be there.
Whereas the Ghetto School had like one girl who was the designated School Whore, this school’s got at least five of them. So really, it was just a race to see who could take the nickname first. The winner was revealed after I witnessed her talking to a boy during break-time. It was a windy day, and as such, the wind blew her skirt up, exposing her panties to both the boy and me. I swear to God, this dialogue actually happened…
Girl: Oh, you just saw my panties.
Boy: Oh. Yeah, but not like I haven’t seen that a billion times before.
Girl: Yeah, huh. Whatever.
BLOWS MY MIND.
At 26, I’m still *thrilled* to get a glimpse of any panty, so long as they’re not pedo-bear approved, or they didn’t originally go into circulation when America and Japan were still at war. I just can’t imagine having worn a pussy out so hard, that you see panties and you’re just like, “Eh, been there, done that.” ESPECIALLY AT 14 YEARS-OLD. I also can’t imagine a girl having given it up so much, that she just don’t care who sees her junk anymore. I mean, even when strippers come down off the stage, they’re still scrambling to cover themselves up with towels and their angel hair bikinis. STRIPPERS!
Where is your Yellow Fever now?
Fishnet – The aforementioned girl with the fishnet garter belt stocking. Much like Porn Star Omega, she’s one of the Official School Whores. I think even a few of the teachers have tapped dat azz. I have issues getting close to her, for fear of catching The Clap. Although The Clap is not technically an airborne virus, I can’t help but think that in highly concentrated doses, it could be.
Simba – Also mentioned in the previous entry. Her puffed-up golden locks sort of look like a lion’s mane, so, Simba. You know, if Simba were Japanese. And a raging slut.
Fucked Up Hikki – This was was just…weird.
As I prepared to introduce myself to a class of ichinensei, a girl walked in, marched straight to her desk, flopped down in the chair, then proceeded to brush her fairly long hair away from her eyes before putting her head straight down on the desk. I suppose this in itself wasn’t too weird. Perhaps she heard some distressing news during the break-time? Like, maybe her boyfriend broke up with her after only one day of dating, and decided to hand her a breakup letter written in English. Or maybe somebody told her that Santa Claus doesn’t really exist. Or maybe, she heard about that survey that found that Japan was the least sexually satisfied country in the world, and she realized that she would be doomed to a lifetime of orgasm-less, motion-less, once a month *if* that, cardboard sex. Shit, that would have made *me* cry.
However, as I gave my self-introduction, during the humorous parts, she’d lift her head, stare RIGHT at me, give me this crooked little half smile…and then take a moment to meticulously part her hair again before replacing her forehead upon the desk. Considering that there were quite a few humorous parts (I give a WICKED self-intro) and that she did this EVERY time…well, it struck me as weird, that’s all.
Where does the “Hikki” part come from, you ask? Well, for the rare moments when her head wasn’t stuck to the desk, and when she parted her hair, she sort of looked like the Japanese pop singer Hikaru Utada (whose nickname is Hikki). Well, she looked like Hikaru Utada, if one were to take an Optimus Prime-sized semi, and swing it right into her face. Therefore, “Fucked-up Hikki.” Hey, I warned you last time I wasn’t a nice person, and these names aren’t rocket science.
Daniel Powter – As we prepared to play some sort of interview game in a ninensei class, Ms. Forehead 2 brought out a stereo and asked the class what American music CD they wanted to listen to. One boy had a very strong, very particular objection…
Boy: Please, please dear God, if you have any feelings of mercy towards me, even just a little, tiny bit, you won’t let them play…
Pretty much the entire class: DANIEL POWTER! BAD DAY!
Boy: You hate me THAT much, do ya Big Guy?
The rest of the class broke out into riotous laughter. I asked Ms. Forehead 2 what was going on–turns out the boy absolutely HATES this song. Which is why the class makes it a point to request it every day, just to torment him….You’d think that, as an educator, she might choose to overrule the majority and play something that would not bring absolute pain and misery to one of her students….NOPE! In goes the “Greatest Hits” CD, and before long, Mr. Powter was telling us that we had a bad day, we sing a sad song just to turn it around. Majority rules in Japan, of course. One for all, and…that’s the end of the story. Resistance is futile.
Well, it’s not the greatest song in the world, but it certainly is leagues better than The Carpenters, so I decided to see why this boy hated the song so much.
Me: Do you really hate it that much?
Boy: YES. Why don’t they understand, this song is MY bad day.
Me: But, why? It’s a nice song, isn’t it?
Boy: Yeah. I liked it the first 30,000 times. From 30,001 though, every time I hear it I just want to die inside.
Can’t say I blame the kid. In fact, I rather like the way he thinks.

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57 Responses

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  1. kristin said, on May 15, 2007 at 1:02 am

    i have to admit i am thrilled that you are teaching english still. i am new to the racket and you are kinda a guru on the topic. so thanks!
    kristin in takahama-cho

  2. Gabe said, on May 15, 2007 at 1:34 am

    I think you should take DP under your wing. Make sure that at least one Japanese born male sees the evils that is his MTV fueled world. You may not be able to change things in Japan, but when he grows older he sure can. It is a long shot but it just might work.

  3. Adam S said, on May 15, 2007 at 3:37 am

    Glad to see that you’re back in action, kind of >_>
    I’m sure there are lots of jobs you’d rather have at the moment, but at least you being an English teacher benefits everyone! (except for your sanity :p)

  4. Eureka said, on May 15, 2007 at 4:53 am

    Explain to us again why did a girl bring a duck horn to school? Did no one even bat an eyelid to that?
    By the way, this Hikki character is starting to scare the bejeesus out of me.

  5. Char Chris said, on May 15, 2007 at 6:37 am

    This Hikki character, interesting.
    I put my head on the desk too =D Sometimes.

  6. Sven said, on May 15, 2007 at 6:58 am

    I don’t know how you mage to find these gems of schools, I’ve had nothing but positive experiences at junior highs in my 2 years here in Tokyo. Very entertaining to read about the similarities though. 🙂

  7. Prometheus said, on May 15, 2007 at 7:02 am

    About Ms. Forehead 2:
    You say she has the same first name, but a different Kanji. Can you elaborate for those of us who don’t speak or write Japanese? My understanding was that, as opposed to words composed of letters (i.e. English), Japanese was composed of kanji symbols, each of which had a unique sound and meaning. So, how is it possible for her to have the same name, but with a different symbol?
    Cheers.
    (Az’s Note: If you think about it, you realize that the Japanese phonetic system isn’t that big. Certainly not big enough to give all 2000 kanji their own unique sound.
    For example, I can combine the kanji for “school” kou, and the kanji for “song” ka, to make kouka – “school song.” 校歌
    Or, I can combine the kanji for “efficient” kou, and the kanji for “reward” ka, to get kouka – “effect” 効果
    Same sound, different kanji, different meaning. It’s like that.)

  8. ted said, on May 15, 2007 at 7:13 am

    are you now employed directly by the BOE?
    Whats the pay like?

  9. HiEv said, on May 15, 2007 at 8:52 am

    Remember folks, this story isn’t taking place in real time. All of this stuff happened a while back now.

  10. Kohaku said, on May 15, 2007 at 8:57 am

    Hilarious….absolutely hilarous. Granny Panties has become Simba…you have now ruined the Lion King for me Az. Porn Star Omega??? Fucked up Hikki (who is begining to remind me of Ringu now…) You are going to hell. But like I said, many of us also teaching here are in the same boat, so there’s probably a level playing the carpenters 24/7 with Watson trying a ninja kancho and Simba and Fishnets raining down STDs on you.
    Im with you, that jaded on seeing panties at 14? What the hell has he been doing to get THAT much action that he’s jaded by it before his 2nd decade? You should name him Deuce Bigalow for being too big a man whore…or boy whore.
    Keep up the stories! I love comparing your adventures to mine! (no matter how bad a day I have, YOURS is worse.) Arigatou Gozaimasu!!

  11. Yitzy said, on May 15, 2007 at 11:55 am

    I know EXACTLY how “Daniel Powter” feels. The first time I heard it, it wasn’t bad. Then all of a sudden, it exploded, and you couldn’t walk three feet without hearing that damn song.

  12. Anonymous said, on May 15, 2007 at 1:10 pm

    Heh, I feel that DP kid’s pain.
    Also, how does Azrael know what Pedobear is?

  13. Anonymous said, on May 15, 2007 at 2:56 pm

    “He’s just biding his time, smiling at kids in his artichoke toga, waiting for the day until he can drown us all in his rich, creamy corn juices. I’m warning you.”
    Never mistake sneering for smiling. The Jolly Green Giant is just evil. And while I’ve never had a nightmare involving the bastard, I always hated sitting at the dinner table with him…. his food, anyway.
    And…
    “I sort of wish for an XCOPY of Ms. Americanized, but then I realized that you can’t copy her. And if you did, there’d be TWO Japanese women out there who could bust out with gems like, “Man, I hate it when bitches like that are getting laid and I’m not getting laid!” I don’t think the universe can handle that.”
    Damn straight, man. Nature hates sameness. That’s why Japanese society’s birthrate is dropping so fast. They’ve made it their goal to standardize all their people. Standard mindset, standard working classes, standard tentacle porn… you get the idea. Nature’s thinking is: “So, ‘the nail that sticks out will get hammered back into place’, eh? BZZZZT!”
    Besides, having more than one Miss Americanized would upset some physical laws or something. What was the name of it? The Murphy’s Law of Awesomeness? I can’t remember the name. Even so, if you could replicate her Ms A’s double presence would probably cause the universe to collapse from sheer amazement.
    Too bad.
    Interesting bunch of…. students you have to deal with. Hope they give you at least less trouble than the Ghetto and Watson’s schools.
    Peace.

  14. Anonymous said, on May 15, 2007 at 2:56 pm

    “He’s just biding his time, smiling at kids in his artichoke toga, waiting for the day until he can drown us all in his rich, creamy corn juices. I’m warning you.”
    Never mistake sneering for smiling. The Jolly Green Giant is just evil. And while I’ve never had a nightmare involving the bastard, I always hated sitting at the dinner table with him…. his food, anyway.
    And…
    “I sort of wish for an XCOPY of Ms. Americanized, but then I realized that you can’t copy her. And if you did, there’d be TWO Japanese women out there who could bust out with gems like, “Man, I hate it when bitches like that are getting laid and I’m not getting laid!” I don’t think the universe can handle that.”
    Damn straight, man. Nature hates sameness. That’s why Japanese society’s birthrate is dropping so fast. They’ve made it their goal to standardize all their people. Standard mindset, standard working classes, standard tentacle porn… you get the idea. Nature’s thinking is: “So, ‘the nail that sticks out will get hammered back into place’, eh? BZZZZT!”
    Besides, having more than one Miss Americanized would upset some physical laws or something. What was the name of it? The Murphy’s Law of Awesomeness? I can’t remember the name. Even so, if you could replicate her Ms A’s double presence would probably cause the universe to collapse from sheer amazement.
    Too bad.
    Interesting bunch of…. students you have to deal with. Hope they give you at least less trouble than the Ghetto and Watson’s schools.
    Peace.

  15. Jeff said, on May 15, 2007 at 3:59 pm

    The concept of someone’s rich, creamy corn juices disturbs me.

  16. Stray cat! said, on May 15, 2007 at 5:37 pm

    ^^^ How does he know what Pedo-bear is?
    This isn’t a dig at Az, but how could he *not*? :p

  17. Nemphre said, on May 15, 2007 at 5:44 pm

    Haha, oh wow. You should have named the Daniel Powter kid “Mitchell”. It would have been so godamned perfect.

  18. Patrick said, on May 15, 2007 at 6:16 pm

    Research. Wikipedia has some weird stuff on it.
    As for the article, yeah, I know how someone can be jaded that early. It’s Japan. He’d probably been watching porn since he was 6 during dinner. Hell, he probably thinks that if he ever has a girl take her panties off, he;s going to get a cloud of pixels.

  19. B-B said, on May 15, 2007 at 6:28 pm

    Ahhh That ended too fast
    I was having fun with these names.. such an abrupt end too

  20. LFV said, on May 15, 2007 at 6:45 pm

    Lol, a mini Hikki-chan in your class? I’d take her over a mini Ayumi Hamasaki any day! She looks like a bug and it creeps me the fuck out. And at least Hikki-chan speaks perfect English ^^
    Apparently the lack of sexual satisfaction is also causing Japanese workers to have the lowest morale:
    http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20070514/lf_afp/lifestylefranceireland;_ylt=AvESS4.dJ6qvaO1sFX8Z5jEDW7oF
    Of course, if I also had to put up with some of this shit at work, I’d have pretty low morale, too o_O

  21. Anonymous said, on May 15, 2007 at 6:49 pm

    Pedo-bear?
    Let’s not forget rules one and two, Az.

  22. Anonymous said, on May 15, 2007 at 6:49 pm

    Pedo-bear?
    Let’s not forget rules one and two, Az.

  23. LoR said, on May 15, 2007 at 7:21 pm

    Are most of these from the same school? You mentioned having two this time, I think.

  24. Tommy said, on May 15, 2007 at 9:29 pm

    Dude, your my hero…well sort of

  25. jay said, on May 15, 2007 at 10:00 pm

    oh god, the gaijin is back… and smashing more than evar.
    awesomeness. smash on, dude.

  26. LeeGuy said, on May 15, 2007 at 11:19 pm

    Hey Az, if those kids like DP, I bet they go crazy over sappy love song master James Blunt.
    Okay, she’s beatiful, she’s beautiful. Who gives a shit? NOBODY Thank God that song’s not on regular radio rotation in the US anymore.

  27. Anonymous said, on May 16, 2007 at 12:00 am

    Cool stuff. You got the best site around. Keep up the good shit!!
    Aloha

  28. Anonymous said, on May 16, 2007 at 12:00 am

    Cool stuff. You got the best site around. Keep up the good shit!!
    Aloha

  29. Megan said, on May 16, 2007 at 2:07 am

    I hate that song too…

  30. Amanda said, on May 16, 2007 at 2:34 am

    I prefer Weird Al’s “You’re Pitiful” version, anyway 🙂 The original one is annoying as all heck.

  31. Billy Nitro said, on May 16, 2007 at 5:05 am

    I think it’s funny that you called that girl Simba. My friends and I call the girls with the puffed up blond hair lions.
    Yeah word.

  32. zippo said, on May 16, 2007 at 11:31 am

    My God, all these 4chan references. Last week it was OVER NINE THOUSAND and now pedo-bear? Plz post some CP next week Az.

  33. Creston said, on May 16, 2007 at 6:23 pm

    “Hey Az, if those kids like DP”
    Oh God, that comment is just so wrong on SO many levels… And sadly, some of your slut students probably do like it.
    The one thing I’m wondering about, Az, as I’ve been reading your stories for some two years now, is that you do seem to be a glutton for this kind of punishment. I mean, here you’re finally rid of the Ghetto school, and you go right back and sign up for TWO more! 😀
    Ofcourse, we all love it, since it makes for great stories. (your school of peace stories were cool too, but the Ghetto ones are just more funny and unbelievable)
    I gotta ask, maybe someone knows this, if MIDDLE school is this bad, what is high school like in Japan? I mean, gang bangs in the middle of class and such?
    Thanks for all the entertainment Az. If you ever write a book, let us know, I’ll buy a few copies. 🙂

  34. Shinkada said, on May 16, 2007 at 7:31 pm

    Daniel Powter (the kid, not the ‘musician’) sounds pretty decent, if he really did say that. It’s not usual for a schoolkid to crack out a line like that.
    I’m more on your side, though. Sure, Daniel Powter pretty thuroughly sucks, but he’s not of the earbleeding quality of the song that plagued ME throughout MY school years: P.I.M.P.
    Nice job on the Pedobear reference. XD I know some people are complaining, but I really never expected any 4chan refs out of you, so if you continue to do them well, continue to do them. X3

  35. Wayland said, on May 16, 2007 at 10:47 pm

    I think Daniel Powter is pretty cool and that his song is overplayed. I was actually hoping for about the length of a year that “Lie To Me” would catch on with people but it hasn’t.

  36. Mark said, on May 17, 2007 at 12:17 am

    Sup Az:
    My friend and I in Korea talk about your blog frequently and just how crazy your stories are.
    We’re both teachers at public schools, and even though the stories are not as crazy as yours, it still gives us relief for a long day at the office.

  37. Annoynimus Coward said, on May 17, 2007 at 11:39 am

    Simba – Also mentioned in the previous entry. Her puffed-up golden locks sort of look like a lion’s mane, so, Simba. You know, if Simba were Japanese. And a raging slut.
    How about Kimba?

  38. Anna said, on May 19, 2007 at 9:06 pm

    Apparently, Mr. English just got freaking tired of teaching English for so long. 😛

  39. aL said, on May 19, 2007 at 11:38 pm

    It would be hilarious if one of your kids found this page.

  40. Karl Speer said, on May 19, 2007 at 11:38 pm

    Ah, Hikaru Utada. Personally, I’m a big fan of her work on Kingdom Hearts (I know this is kinda shallow for a fandom, but pardon my fanboying). I have some of her other stuff, but haven’t really listened to it yet. Any suggestions out there for other favorites?

  41. eric said, on May 20, 2007 at 10:53 pm

    I also hate that song. working at a job over the summer, it would play on the radio two or three times every hour. for 8 hours. daily. i worked full time. so 2 x 40 = 80. 80 x 10 weeks of summer vacation = 800 times of hearing that song. at least. maybe more. the carpenters and the fray and shakira also were repeated throughout that day. oh, the agony…

  42. aju said, on May 20, 2007 at 11:57 pm

    You didn’t used to be so mean, and your language was much nicer. Is writing getting harder for you? Are you getting home sick?

  43. Powter2 said, on May 22, 2007 at 12:34 am

    I can totally feel for Daniel Powter here. I hate this song with a burning passion. It was cute the first few times. Like, “Aww. He drew her an umbrella!” kind of cute. Then it turned into an ugly horribly over-played mindless song mess. Everyone was playing it. Constantly. Even on TV. My friends, knowing how much I loath the song, made a point to call me everytime it came on the radio. So I send props to my Powter-loathing Japanese Male Counter-part (Even though I’m a chick). Word.

  44. powter3 said, on May 23, 2007 at 8:51 pm

    Get the story straight, Daniel Powters is CANADIAN!

  45. Rachel said, on May 27, 2007 at 11:36 pm

    Omg.
    I find your stories absolutely entertaining, considering I am a Canadian fourteen-year-old girl who is WAAY beyond her years. I am fascinated by Japanese culture and a friend recommended this site to me. I love this! Please continue. 😛
    -Rachel ❤

  46. Greg said, on June 1, 2007 at 12:44 am

    About the Daniel Powter kid – that is some Twelve Monkeys shit right there, Az. You are looking at your junior high, Japanese self. Someday soon that kid is going to see God strike you down as part of a bet, and then he’s going to say, “FUCK this, man.” Then he’s going to move to America and get surgery to become a black man. AND THEN HE’S GOING TO BECOME YOU.

  47. Anonymous said, on June 3, 2007 at 9:28 pm

    You know…I agree with Daniel Powter. I hate the song only because it’s played too much. And the description you gave of F-ed up Hikki reminds me of that girl from the Ring.

  48. Anonymous said, on June 3, 2007 at 9:28 pm

    You know…I agree with Daniel Powter. I hate the song only because it’s played too much. And the description you gave of F-ed up Hikki reminds me of that girl from the Ring.

  49. Anonymous said, on June 4, 2007 at 4:40 am

    MY GOD, I HAVE A JAPANESE TWIN. Daniel Powter should burn in hell. That song is so fucking annoying it could become the NINTH circle of hell by itself. I even came up with a plan to wipe that song off the face of the earth: edit it so that it has subliminal messages of “I love Satan, eat babies” when you play it backwards or some crap like that, and release it to the public.
    ..Whew, got it out of my system.
    It never ceases to amaze me how you end up with people like Quakers and Ms. Americanized. (And by the way, you can’t clone her. Japan would explode from the sheer amount of awesomeness in such a small place. It’s like trying to clone Ultimate Sweetness: instant heart attack. Imagine if they were both cloned, you would violate some scientific law and the universe would collapse upon itself, unable to contain the level of awesome/cuteness, (each of which would be well OVER NINE THOOOOOOOOUSAAAAAAAAAND on my scouter.)
    Only in Japan can you get jumped kicked in a Santa costume.
    In closing, I think you slap this on a billboard and it would be accurate. –> http://www.ratemyeverything.net/ImageFetch.ashx?Size=0&ImageID=1748

  50. Anonymous said, on June 4, 2007 at 4:40 am

    MY GOD, I HAVE A JAPANESE TWIN. Daniel Powter should burn in hell. That song is so fucking annoying it could become the NINTH circle of hell by itself. I even came up with a plan to wipe that song off the face of the earth: edit it so that it has subliminal messages of “I love Satan, eat babies” when you play it backwards or some crap like that, and release it to the public.
    ..Whew, got it out of my system.
    It never ceases to amaze me how you end up with people like Quakers and Ms. Americanized. (And by the way, you can’t clone her. Japan would explode from the sheer amount of awesomeness in such a small place. It’s like trying to clone Ultimate Sweetness: instant heart attack. Imagine if they were both cloned, you would violate some scientific law and the universe would collapse upon itself, unable to contain the level of awesome/cuteness, (each of which would be well OVER NINE THOOOOOOOOUSAAAAAAAAAND on my scouter.)
    Only in Japan can you get jumped kicked in a Santa costume.
    In closing, I think you slap this on a billboard and it would be accurate. –> http://www.ratemyeverything.net/ImageFetch.ashx?Size=0&ImageID=1748

  51. Nate said, on June 26, 2007 at 11:12 pm

    hoy! what’s wrong with the artichoke toga?

  52. the only black woman to ever want to go to japan said, on June 30, 2007 at 8:55 am

    Kage Bushin…?
    Either thats a Streets of Rage/Bare Knuckle reference or it was used in another game or anime (Gundam, maybe?).

  53. Great K. said, on July 5, 2007 at 2:57 pm

    least sexually unsatisfied?
    I smell untapped market…as well as azz.

  54. SnowmanSam said, on July 31, 2007 at 8:50 pm

    the Jolly Green Giant statue will come to life and hunt you down! I can just see that statue all pissed off coming outta the ocean to terrorize japan in his efforts to find you.
    and heres wiki article on that statue should you wanna amuse yourself for about 9.2 seconds.
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jolly_Green_Giant

  55. Yaaka said, on August 2, 2007 at 7:33 pm

    “Boy: Yeah. I liked it the first 30,000 times. From 30,001 though, every time I hear it I just want to die inside.”
    yeah… that reminds me of the first time I heard that lump of shit…

  56. Ceri Cat said, on September 28, 2007 at 1:43 am

    Heh, Simple & Clean one of the single most enjoyable moments I had playing Kingdom Hearts was at the beginning when it’s used. Even had it as my ringtone on my old Nokia (One Winged Angel just doesn’t work as a standard ringtone nor polyphonic for that matter).
    With the amount of anime I watch (so sue me), and
    my preferred PS2 games I own (so I like games with a storyline, why not), I’m familiar with more than a few of the Japanese singers, but visuall and aurally, maybe if that girl quit leaving her head on the desk she’d resemble Ms. Hikaru Utada more flatteringly… Of course taking a bicycle pump out and trying to reinflate her face might help too.
    Note before anyone makes the mistake of assuming I’m a hopeless fanboy, it’s not actually that accurate a call, I watch a lot more anime than western films for the simple fact they frequently have better stories, even if they are sometimes a tad silly. Of course I’ll beat you to death if you bring a dub near me, I’m sick of hearing Southern American voices coming from Japanese faces, especially since a big chunk of them are also pornstars.
    Still I can picture how that girl looks pretty well.

  57. Momoko said, on September 2, 2009 at 7:02 pm

    Simba must be a himegyaru! Does she look like this?-


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