Lord of the E-mail
Back before the Japanese teacher editorials, I used to check my Outpost Nine email everyday, hoping for a little reader feedback. I was always disappointed to find none. It was like finding a fire-truck shaped present under the Christmas tree, only to unwrap it and find a sweater with a yellow duck on the front.
Then I wrote the first 6 school teacher editorials. I posted the then-unfinished link on a message board I frequent, in response to a “What’s your job?” topic. The next day, I checked my email, expecting to find nothing as usual, and was surprised to see thirty new, shiny emails. It was a lot like finding a fire-truck shaped present under the Christmas tree, only to unwrap it and discover a Playboy Bunny.
However, it would all go snowballing out of control from there.
Happy to have people reading, I made my best to reply to every single mail. But as more people started reading, the number of mails I got in a day increased. My ability to answer mail started to decrease as well, and before I knew it I had a huge backlog. Before I stopped counting, I was over a thousand emails behind. I think it was at that point where I threw in the towel and conceeded that my mailbox was bigger than I was. Like I was Little Mac, preparing to take on pre-crazy Mike Tyson. Or like I was Mega Man trying to take on Magneto. …Not old ass Magneto from the X-Men movie franchise, not even comic book Magneto either. I mean video game Magneto, who is a Jewish ninja mutant on crack.
Nevertheless, I DID manage to at least read every mail I received. It was nice reading all the messages of praise, inspiration, and the handful of people who understood some of the obscure references I made (such as the MvC2 one above). I got a LOT of questions, and I tried to answer what I could. I also got some hate mail too – but really, that was more humorous than it was offensive.
Incidentally, for all readers who weren’t with me at Outpost Nine, you should really read the hate mails. They’re extra special. I’ll list them here for your convenience –
Hol ‘On Boy
Last One, I Swear
Black Man Lies
You Don’t Need to be Around Kids
More Mailbox Goodness
So now I’m on this blog software thing which allows for comments right there in the post. I have a love/hate relationship with the comments, I really do. But, I realized that I do actually miss getting mail from time to time. A little personalized note here or there. And occasionally, your coked-out hillbilly who thinks I’m molesting little boys.
For whatever reason, my outpostnine.com mailbox is really difficult to log into. Therefore, I’ve created another mailbox for Gaijin Smash/Outpost Nine use. If you want to shoot me an email for whatever reason, please do so at gtazrael atmarkhere gmail.com.
…Before you do that though, I do have a few mail guidelines, if you don’t mind.
Mails I Don’t Need
— Questions regarding JET. I’m only a (past) participant, not the spokesperson. I addressed many of the more common questions here in my FAQ. If you have questions aside from that, please ask JET directly, either through their website, or get in contact with the local branch through a career center. You might also try the Outpost Nine message board, where there are plenty of other former and current JET’s who might be able to answer your question, and if you search, you might find your question has already been asked and answered. …I’ve been known to show up from time to time as well (after all, it is MY board…)
— “Where’s good in Japan?” I’m not a Lonely Planet. I have no suggestions for you.
— “What’s the octopus?” I haven’t answered this question in three years. I’m not going to start now.
— Bots advertising cheap meds. I’m happy with my penis size, and I don’t need viagra, thank you very much. If you are a bot, go fuck yourself. (…Yes, I know the bot can’t read/comprehend/feel that…but writing it just made me feel a little better)
Mails I Would Love to Get
— Thoughts and comments regarding the latest editorial, or just in general. Good or bad, all are welcome.
— Any question that can’t be answered by a Google search.
— If you just want to share a similar experience, or how the such-and-such post reminded you of this one time…
— If I make an obscure reference that you catch, and you just want to shoot the breeze about it, be my guest.
— If I rant about not finding/not knowing/lacking something, and you happen to have some answers for me.
— Girls/women sending pictures of themselves scantily clad or otherwise naked are always welcome. Clothed is all right too, I suppose. Declarations of love or undying lust are also accepted. As always, men, you may keep your pictures and confessions to yourself.
— Occasionally, I get an email from someone who’s going to be visiting the Kyoto/Osaka area and would like to meet up. I don’t mind that at all. However, I do have a somewhat busy schedule, so it may or may not be possible. But do feel free to at least contact me, and I’ll see what I can do.
Again, I will read all mail. I can promise that. I can’t promise replies to everything, but gosh-darnit, I’ll do my best.