Gaijin Smash

Catch-Up Part 1 – Skanks ‘R Us

Posted in Blog by gaijinsmashnet on April 24, 2007

Looking back over the archives (which are chronologically correct now, stop hating), I noticed that there are a few entries that somehow got left out. Perhaps quality control decided they weren’t up to my usual literary excellence? Through, compared to other entries on this site, I’m not quite sure what that literally excellence is. “When Az talked about getting his dick grabbed by 13 year old Japanese boys, I felt as if I knew exactly what he was going through! Even though I’m Norwegian! And female!”
Anyway, I kind of like these entries, so I’d like to repost them. I have gone through and updated the writing to meet my quality control standards though (at least one obscure Transformers/Street Fighter reference in every editorial. Damnit). So if you’ve never read these before, enjoy, and if you were a fan of the Outpost Nine site, why not give the new sexy revised version another spin? It’s like your girlfriend comes home one day and her breasts have gotten one cup bigger. Its not like the sex changes any…but hey, it’s a lot more bouncy, and there aint nothing wrong with that.
Additionally, the re-post here will give me time to work on other things that desperately need my attention now. Such as my book proposal, which I have not given the attention it deserves for far too long.
This is the “Skanks ‘R Us” story. It originated from my “In-Defense FAQ” where I casually mentioned having been propositioned for sex from some underaged girls. Silly me, I thought that people would just read that and kind of forget about it. Somehow, I didn’t realize that this was the ultimate bait. It’s like the biggest, fattest, juiciest worm on that hook, and I somehow expected the fishies NOT to bite. Or, you know, its like waving a picnic basket in front of Yogi Bear and expecting him not to lunge for it. So my bait became an editorial, and really, it was inevitable.
In true Rocky & Bullwinkle style, this editorial is “Skanks ‘R Us”, or “How Az Ran Away From a Foursome…and Why That Was The Right Call”.


The Story:
Me and a friend went to a town not too far from here. Going into Kyoto city is nice, but it’s 50 minutes and about $7 one way. Sometimes, you just want to keep it local. We had dinner, and were looking for a place to get some drinks. This was maybe a Thursday or Friday night. We were in the middle of a sort of main street in front of the station. We knew a friend who lived in the area, so my friend phoned her to see if she knew where any bars were.
Bars in Japan are not blatantly obvious. In America, usually you can tell at a first glance where a bar is. Maybe its the lights, maybe its the atomosphere, maybe its the drunken frat guys falling down in their own puke outside. Who can tell? But in Japan, bars don’t really stand out from any other building here. It could look like a antique shop or a bowling alley or even someone’s house. Even the final tell-tale sign fails, as Japanese people are falling down in their own puke everywhere. While this little town wasn’t that big, neither me or my friend felt like wandering around aimlessly, entering an establishment with a drunken, puking Japanese person in front of it only to find out that it was actually a library. Which is why we stopped and waited as my friend put in the call to someone who might be able to point us in the right direction.
While he was on the phone, I noticed 3 Japanese skanks sitting down in the main part of the street. You may ask me, “now, how do you know they were skanks just by looking at them?” This is something you’re just gonna have to trust me on. Its about the same as if I were to say “Richard Simmons is a flamboyant homosexual”. Maybe you’ve never seen Richard Simmons ever in your life, but if you did…you’d understand. These girls were Christina Aguilera Dirrty. They were all wearing *really* short skirts, and smoking cigarettes. The Head Skank kept staring at me, which I noticed. With my friend still on the phone, she waves me over.
Head Skank (In English): Picture. Picture.
Me: Picture?
Head Skank: Yeah, picture. (She points to me, and then herself and the other three girls)
Me (In Japanese): You want to take a picture with me?
Head Skank: You speak Japanese?
Me: Yeah, a little.
Head Skank: (turns to the other three) Wow, better than I thought! (back to me) Yeah, let’s take a picture.
There was the skank aspect, sure, but honestly I didn’t have a good reason to turn them down. At least, not that I could see. Besides, skanks flock to bars, maybe they knew a good place.
Now, there had been a couple of police officers hanging around the square. When we’d first come, they tipped their hats to us and said “Good Evening”. We were a bit relieved that they seemed to be nice, and weren’t keeping an extra eye on us because we were Gaijin. We also wondered why they were just standing around in the square. But this wasn’t too ununsual, as the crime rate in Japan is low (not counting the stuff the police just flat-out ignore), I imagine being a police officer in Japan must be pretty damn boring. If there were a Japanese version of the COPS TV show, instead of breaking up violent domestic disputes, we’d get to follow them around as they randomly stopped people on bicycles, checking to make sure its not stolen. Meanwhile, instead of just the suspect’s face, everything would be mosaic’ed – the street, the buildings in the background, everything except for maybe the police officer. …And people keep wondering why I hate Japanese TV so much.
Anyway, as my friend finished his phone conversation and headed towards me, one of the officers went to walk past him…but bumped into him with his shoulder intentionally. He didn’t say or do anything other than bump into him with his shoulder as he went by. My friend caught up with me, and I said I was going to go take pictures with these girls. He came along, but as he did he told me about what happened with the officer. At the time, we didn’t know what to make of it.
As we walked, the Head Skank was asking me all sorts of questions…where I’m from, what I do, etc. I was kind of weary, so I kept my answers as brief and general as possible. We found a picture booth and took a few pictures. My friend is also trying to talk to the girls using English and his broken Japanese.
Friend: So, how old are you girls anyway?
Skank #2: We’re 17.
Friend: 17?! High school students?!
Skank #2: Yep.
Friend: Weren’t you guys just smoking? It’s bad for you girls to smoke! Very bad.
Skank #2: (in Japanese) Oh, you don’t know how bad we can be.
Friend: (to me) What’d she say?
Me: (translates her line)
Friend: Ho-oly shit.
The pictures developed, and the skanks went to get some scissors to cut the pictures and divide them. I turn and look, and my friend is completely gone. I mean, he teleported like a Japanese person the hell out of there! The skanks came back and gave me my portion of the pictures. I noticed they’d written stuff on them pertaining to me, like “This guy is really interesting” and “International relationships”.
Head Skank: Hey, your friend’s gone.
Me: Yeah, I don’t know what happened to him.
Head Skank: That’s ok. We can play with just you.
I think it was here that I realized that these girls wanted to have sex with me. Which is a new record, I’m usually completely oblivious to when a girl wants me until well after the fact. I’m not talking hours or even days, I mean YEARS later. When I think about all the pussy I missed out on in high school, it makes me want to go into a recording studio and record songs that go something like “CRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWING IN MY SKIN! THESE WOUNDS, THEY WIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIL NOT HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAL!”
But with my friend having taken the first Space Bridge back to Cybertron (Transformers Reference: COMPLETE), that left the count 3 girls and just one me. In other words, me in a three-girl foursome.
Az’s Penis: OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG! This is the greatest day of our lives!
Az’s Anxiety: Now, wait just a minute…
Az’s Penis: You shit-stain motherfucker, you’ve ruined my plans ONE too many times…
Az’s Anxiety: No, seriously, listen up. These girls are only 17. If that! Who’s to say they’re not lying about that?
Az’s Penis: And may I remind you, 17 is legal in Japan.
Az’s Heart: Well, 17 is still just a child.
Az’s Penis: Look, if you’re having problems with their ages…just add ’em up. Three 17 year old girls is one 51 year old. Surely, you have no problems with that, right? C’mon, let’s go.
Az’s Anxiety: More than that, they’re still only high school students. And we ARE a teacher, after all.
Az’s Penis: They’re not OUR students!
Az’s Heart: Anxiety’s right. They’re still students, and its wrong regardless of whether or not they’re our students.
Az’s Penis: Okay, I hear and understand you guys. But I have an excellent counter-point – 3-girl foursome.
Az’s Heart: …That is an excellent counter-point.
Az’s Penis: And seriously, who’s gonna find out?
Az’s Anxiety: You expect three high school girls to keep quiet about banging a big black guy?
Az’s Penis: So? Even if they talk, who says it’ll lead back to us.
Az’s Anxiety: Dude, we’re like the only black guy in a 100 kilometer radius.
Az’s Heart: Yeah, that’s right.
Az’s Anxiety: Furthermore, do you see these girls? They’ve been around the block enough times to reset the odometer. With Japan’s lack of safe-sex practices, and sky-high clap rates, these girls are dirty, guaranteed. And with three of them, that’s 3x the risk of catching something.
Az’s Anxiety: But…it’s a 3-girl foursome! We’ve been DREAMING of a threesome for years! YEARS! And now, its like we’ve got the threesome, and with a bonus girl too! And you’re honestly gonna let something like bad public stigma, possibly getting fired, and STD’s stop us?
Az’s Heart: Don’t forget our girlfriend too, this would be cheating on her.
Az’s Anxiety: Brain, it’s your call.
Az’s Brain: …What? Oh, sorry, I was busy thinking about Bea Arthur in a bikini to keep Penis from stealing all my blood. Anyway, I guess I’m gonna have to side with Anxiety and Heart. We’ve got far too much to lose here.
Az’s Penis: Y’know what, FUCK YOU GUYS! FOURSOME! You’re passing up…ON A FOURSOME! Fuckin’ lame! I quit this bitch, I’m outta here!
Az’s Brain: You can’t quit, you’re contracted at least up until we turn 45.
Az’s Penis: Read the fine print, bitch!
Az’s Brain: (reading) “Contract becomes null and void if Brain ever decides not to go ahead on a 3 Japanese girl foursome.”
Az’s Heart: How in the world did he have the foresight to put that clause in the contract?
Az’s Brain: Well, at any rate, he’s gone now.
Az’s Anxiety: What are we gonna do now?
Az’s Brain: We’re just gonna have to turn lesbian. Tongue, we’re counting on you from now on!
Az’s Tongue: What? Ah damn. Well, better get started training I guess…
With the decision having been made, I took it upon myself to make an exit, stage left.
Me: Ho-oly fuck. Um, I think I need to find my friend.
Head Skank: Hey, where are you going?
Me: Um, I gotta find my friend, kthxbye!
And I wave-dashed the hell outta there. I met up with my friend outside, who was still stunned from the age revelation. He told me that he realized something about the police officer though – he was trying to warn us. While my friend was on the phone, he noticed the officer watching the girls very carefully. Apparently, when I went over, he became concerned, but didn’t want to interfere…so his walking past my friend and bumping into him was his way of trying to tell us to stay clear of that. We were sure that wasn’t the first night those skanks were lounging around looking to pick someone up.
For those of you swearing me out for having passed up a potential (probable) foursome…I kick myself sometimes too (I don’t think Penis has ever truly forgiven me yet). As tempting as it was, I had to consider that, as a teacher, sex with a student would have been bad, very, very bad. Especially as a Gaijin in their country. The chances that the girls would not talk about it, and the rumor eventually being connected to me would have been exponentially low. If I wasn’t fired outright, I would have forever had that negative stigma hanging over my head. And, I guess, since I was in a relationship at the time, I would have been cheating. Although I was dating the bitch ex at this time, and in retrospect given what she did (or, would do later on in the future), I wish I had. Even with three girls in one night, I’d *still* be behind her in the “how many people can you cheat on your partner with?” count. Venom for my ex aside though, it just wouldn’t have been smart.
I still sometimes though think of the missed opportunity.
But oh! The worst part is, my friend and I finally did find that bar. We were sitting at the bar, talking casually to the bartender, who actually spoke English, about what had just happened. We even had the pictures to prove it. We weren’t quite prepared for his reaction though.
Him: Oh…you guys are very lucky!
Me: …’Scuse me?
Him: Oh, 17-year old girl is ideal! That’s a good age. You should go and find them.
Friend: Dude, how old are you?
Him: I’m 37. I’m married. But that is my dream. To have my wife, and a 17 year old mistress.
Me: (to my friend) Japanese men are fucked up.
Friend: Kiyaa. (back to the bartender) Isn’t that a little young?
Him: No, not at all! 17 is ideal! But 16 is still good. 15 is good too. 14 is actually very nice. 13…
Me, Friend: No! Stop right there!
Friend: Lower limit. Please.
Him: Next time you guys go out, can I come too?
Friend: Why’s that?
Him: (pointing at me) I think he is very good at attracting 17 year old girls. If I go with you guys, maybe I can have your leftovers?
Friend: …Uh…yeah….sure…absolutely.
Sadly enough, that actually wasn’t the last time I would have a conversation with a Japanese bartender over the appeal of underage girls. …My life is all sorts of wonderful fucked-up.

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60 Responses

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  1. mob said, on April 24, 2007 at 7:22 am

    Wow, as tempting as that would be you definately made the right decision. I think a little bit of me just died saying that though.

  2. Brandon said, on April 24, 2007 at 7:32 am

    This was funny the first time, and yes, it’s better the second time. I remember this from OP9, and my reaction’s still the same: You did do the right thing.

  3. Myst said, on April 24, 2007 at 7:39 am

    Dang man, I read it once before, and it’s still one of those things that…it’s just amazing. You probably would have caught something, and no matter the bragging rights a foursome would have gotten you, the repercussions would have been severe.
    I like the added in Transformers reference, and I’m glad you kept the Linkin Park reference too.

  4. Matt said, on April 24, 2007 at 8:59 am

    Yes, the transformers reference definitely made it better

  5. andre said, on April 24, 2007 at 9:04 am

    lol, first to comment. That’s a fucked up story, but so true. Japanese men don’t care about age. lol, this whole thing was funny, especially that skit between Hear, Penis, and the other people…hahahah, your blogs are funny

  6. Kohaku said, on April 24, 2007 at 9:40 am

    One of my friends is obsessed with 17yr old Japanese girls too. (he’s a 29yr old Japanese guy) SOOO sad…and when we called him on it. he says (in Japanese) “Wouldnt you want a 17yr old boy?” like thats just PERFECT! We QUICKLY told him why not, and we are STILL teasing him about it. I dont get it? Why would you want a child???? I prefer guys my age or a few years older…*sigh*

  7. Nils said, on April 24, 2007 at 9:51 am

    Damn, man, that reminds me of something that happened to me a few years ago…
    I happen to be a bisexual goth, and a few years ago, I was at some party where I met three young goths, a boy who was probably not yet 20 years old, and two girls, 16 and 17 years old, and they wanted me for a foursome! Well, all of them were rather cute, but despite what popular rumour has to say about bisexuals or goths, I’m not into casual sex. I didn’t have any problems with the girls’ ages – here in Germany, the age of consent is 14, and even though that is much too young for me, I know more than just a few 16 or 17 year olds that give me a stiffy… but as I said earlier, I’m not really into casual sex, one night stands or things like that, I need to get to know people before I can seriously consider sharing the pleasures of the flesh.
    Except, maybe, when I’m in altered states…
    At that party, I was high on weed, and I had had more than just a little wine, and since those three were rather yummy (I was 26 or 27 back then, but nobody could have told, I looked like 19 or 20 – hell, I’m 32 now, and I still look like I’m in my 20s), I just let them do to me what they wanted to do, since it felt really good.
    Then they tried to take me away from that party, and all of a sudden, I felt my mind clear up again, I was almost completely sober, and I just couldn’t do it. I had to flee from them and get back to the party.
    All those years, I have been wondering about what might have happened if I had gone with them… but for some reason, I need to know what kind of person somebody is before I can get physical with them.

  8. sev said, on April 24, 2007 at 10:00 am

    *Az’s Brain: You can’t quit, you’re contracted at least up until we turn 45.
    Az’s Penis: Read the fine print, bitch!
    Az’s Brain: (reading) “Contract becomes null and void if Brain ever decides not to go ahead on a 3 Japanese girl foursome.”
    Az’s Heart: How in the world did he have the foresight to put that clause in the contract?*
    That was soooooooo funny, Thanks Az that made my day.

  9. noot said, on April 24, 2007 at 10:21 am

    i understand totally on not figuring out if a girl wants to have sex with ya till way after the fact, Az. When i think back to the amount of meaningless sex i missed out on in high school and college, i cry myself to sleep!

  10. Wasat said, on April 24, 2007 at 10:58 am

    And I thought it was bad being hit on by a 16 or 17 year old when I worked at a grocery store this summer. (I was 23 at the time)
    Love the little internal conflict dialogs

  11. Mayhem said, on April 24, 2007 at 11:49 am

    Thankfully I’m working from home this week otherwise a lot of people around me in the office would have wondered what I was laughing my head off at. I don’t think anyone can do internal conflict dialog like you now Az πŸ˜‰

  12. Random Gaijin said, on April 24, 2007 at 11:50 am

    Him: Oh…you guys are very lucky!
    Me: …’Scuse me?
    Him: Oh, 17-year old girl is ideal! That’s a good age. You should go and find them.
    Friend: Dude, how old are you?
    Him: I’m 37. I’m married. But that is my dream. To have my wife, and a 17 year old mistress.
    Me: (to my friend) Japanese men are fucked up.
    Friend: Kiyaa. (back to the bartender) Isn’t that a little young?
    Him: No, not at all! 17 is ideal! But 16 is still good. 15 is good too. 14 is actually very nice. 13…
    Me, Friend: No! Stop right there!
    Friend: Lower limit. Please.
    Him: Next time you guys go out, can I come too?
    Friend: Why’s that?
    Him: (pointing at me) I think he is very good at attracting 17 year old girls. If I go with you guys, maybe I can have your leftovers?
    Friend: …Uh…yeah….sure…absolutely.
    WHAT THE FUCK! That is seriously fucked up man.

  13. sharky said, on April 24, 2007 at 1:38 pm

    Pussy!!!!

  14. Ceirnian said, on April 24, 2007 at 1:55 pm

    I remember this article on OP9, however it made me laugh again. Especially the smash brothers reference.

  15. DaveJ said, on April 24, 2007 at 2:33 pm

    Very funny, and you did the right thing. I don’t think I would have though.

  16. Hailey said, on April 24, 2007 at 2:53 pm

    I-… Wow.
    Good choice. Just… good choice.
    For making that choice, your karma has gone up X2. Therefore, likelyhood of you getting sex from 3 women your age through ten years older at once is twice as likely as it was before.
    Hopefully the likelyhood wasn’t 0 to start with though.

  17. Justin said, on April 24, 2007 at 3:28 pm

    Watch that man, seemed like those were either some Scheming Hoodrats or some Hoes-In-Training. They probably thought you were going to pay them some cash afterwards or they were going to take you to somewhere and set your ass up with either the cops or some goons hiding behind somewhere, ya feel?

  18. Gabe said, on April 24, 2007 at 4:05 pm

    Az, not only did you make the right move but you avoided a situation that would have been worse than you could know. The reason that the cop warned you is because it is a common thing for girls like that to get a guy, sleep with him and then steal his wallet when he is asleep. The cop may not have carred if you slept with them, but he sure as hell cared that if your wallet got stolen then the U.S. military would have shown up again with a few new complaints. After all, they did learn first hand that America is the world’s greatest country in the art of blowing stuff up.

  19. lena said, on April 24, 2007 at 6:46 pm

    oooooooooooooo…I congradulate you Az, you have more of a moral center than all of the men in Japan. Shit, when I was 13 I definately would not have appreciated a nearly 40-year old man trying to pick me up…..

  20. cutepiku said, on April 24, 2007 at 7:14 pm

    To Hailey:
    If his karma was at 0… if you do the math, no matter the number you times it by, it will never equal anything but zero.
    So give him a +10, so he WILL have karma! πŸ™‚

  21. Corey said, on April 24, 2007 at 8:10 pm

    yikes, it’d be the same way for me, hard to pass up but I’d force myself to.
    I already knew Japanese men were like that ever since I started noticing something about animes, so many girls (basically always in high school) look like they’re 10-13 (ESPECIALLY Lucky Star). It freaks me out. When I first watched the anime version of Lucky Star (haven’t read/heard of the manga) I was like “ah, so the main characters are in elementary school, probably won’t have too much comedy potential but might as well give it a chance.” About half way through the first episode they mention that they’re in high school. Me: “WHAT?!?!?!” *pauses on that scene and rereads subtitle* ” C’MON!!! THEY’RE LIKE 10!!! NOT 15!!! C’MON….They’re 10..*shaking head*… screw you they’re 10.”

  22. Patrick said, on April 24, 2007 at 10:29 pm

    Like I said the first time on OP9, good call, despite your penis reneging on the contract. And I, too, missed out on a lot of pussy in HS and college. But I had bad social skills to blame. What’s your excuse?

  23. RecurveHawk said, on April 24, 2007 at 11:54 pm

    Good call there! I love it when your various parts have their dialog — really adds a lot of character to your already fun stories.

  24. Shinkada said, on April 25, 2007 at 1:39 am

    “When I think about all the pussy I missed out on in high school, it makes me want to go into a recording studio and record songs that go something like “CRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWING IN MY SKIN! THESE WOUNDS, THEY WIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIL NOT HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAL!””
    Best quote you’ve ever writen. XD! Friggen’ gold.

  25. Az's Penis said, on April 25, 2007 at 9:57 am

    I still hate you for that, you know.

  26. Mobilesuitpilot21 said, on April 25, 2007 at 10:22 am

    Yeah i have to agree, you made the right decision, me on the other hand probably would have bought titanium condoms, seran wrap, and enough anitbiotics to cure south america, and then had me some Japanese Skank, lol that sounds like something you order at a restaurant

  27. BrianfromNazareth said, on April 26, 2007 at 1:45 am

    I think Az’s Penis would have quickly forgiven the other parts of body if he had seen some ghonorea pics. No sane penis would want that πŸ™‚

  28. V said, on April 26, 2007 at 5:32 am

    I’m actually kind of surprised at all the agreeing, because I definitely don’t. All I know is legal is legal and hot is hot. Now, actively pursuing girls that age is sketchy, no question, but I don’t see any reason to have to turn them down if they come after you. Of course, if the main reason you turned them down was for the whole people talking about it/VD reasoning, that is perfectly legitimate.

  29. Anonymous said, on April 26, 2007 at 8:17 am

    Like a day after I read this, this popped up on vampirefreaks: http://vampirefreaks.com/events/?e=Cybertron
    And I laughed and for some reason I thought you were connected somehow

  30. Anonymous said, on April 26, 2007 at 8:17 am

    Like a day after I read this, this popped up on vampirefreaks: http://vampirefreaks.com/events/?e=Cybertron
    And I laughed and for some reason I thought you were connected somehow

  31. Mike said, on April 27, 2007 at 11:01 am

    But what would you have done if you weren’t a school teacher? πŸ˜‰

  32. SKS said, on April 29, 2007 at 7:27 am

    Az… you sir are a much more stronger willed man than I. Good Call.

  33. Anonymous said, on April 30, 2007 at 7:05 am

    Man they would have stolen your kidneys and eaten them right in front of you while you cried in a bath of ice.
    Cop was right.
    *cough* Not that I actually believe that to be a common situation in Japan…

  34. Anonymous said, on April 30, 2007 at 7:05 am

    Man they would have stolen your kidneys and eaten them right in front of you while you cried in a bath of ice.
    Cop was right.
    *cough* Not that I actually believe that to be a common situation in Japan…

  35. genjinfan said, on May 1, 2007 at 11:38 am

    Wwow ! what a story. Second time I read this but still you DID make the right choice. I personally don’t get Japan’s underage obsession either though… it’s very popular there though, even for older women who try to make themselves look almost like teenagers. I assume they do it for the sake of their twisted husbands. Kinda fucked up I think. Wonderful country though

  36. Anonymous said, on May 12, 2007 at 5:15 am

    Wary is word for cautious, weary means tired πŸ˜‰ I’ve never got my head around why people mix those up.
    Anyway. Pedantic moment over.
    That internal monologue…wasn’t that an Ayreon album?

  37. Anonymous said, on May 12, 2007 at 5:15 am

    Wary is word for cautious, weary means tired πŸ˜‰ I’ve never got my head around why people mix those up.
    Anyway. Pedantic moment over.
    That internal monologue…wasn’t that an Ayreon album?

  38. Anonymous said, on May 12, 2007 at 5:23 am

    Know when karma turns around and bites you in the ass?
    Pretty sure I wrote monologue there. Which is, of course, wrong.
    *sigh*

  39. Anonymous said, on May 12, 2007 at 5:23 am

    Know when karma turns around and bites you in the ass?
    Pretty sure I wrote monologue there. Which is, of course, wrong.
    *sigh*

  40. Guilherme said, on May 12, 2007 at 8:15 pm

    Look, it’s just sex. What’s the big deal with it? It’s not like they were innocent, little girls; they knew what they were doing… And if they want to do it, what’s the problem? They weren’t even your students.

  41. ChΘ―-Gaijin said, on May 13, 2007 at 9:10 am

    Just …wow. I swear, some of this stuff, I’ve absolutely got to see with my own eyes…

  42. Lauren C. said, on May 19, 2007 at 6:49 pm

    the only thing I can think of is that I really want to see those pictures you took with them.
    but yes. I think you made a good choice by steering clear of them. they could have been so dirty. D:

  43. J.P. Black said, on June 11, 2007 at 8:48 pm

    OMG This was hilarious! You should’ve taken that guy’s offer to hang with you two, then write about it!

  44. DolorDecorus said, on July 8, 2007 at 8:06 pm

    You did the right thing. I mean you never know…
    You could’ve head a trible bill of Takishi Miikes’ “Audition” on your hands…and worse…
    On your penis O.O

  45. hmm said, on July 25, 2007 at 1:27 am

    why are japanese men f’d up?
    the legal age of consent in 95% of the earth is 16, some even low as 12 (though that is pushing it in my eyes). just because america and brazil think women have to be 18, that means THE WHOLE PLANET has to agree?
    no az, maybe you are the f’ed up one.

  46. Xerone said, on July 31, 2007 at 12:02 pm

    “And I wave-dashed the hell outta there. I met up with my friend outside, who was still stunned from the age revelation. ”
    Someone said this is a Smash Brother’s reference. I thought it was a Tekken reference.

  47. Anonymous said, on August 24, 2007 at 12:36 pm

    What’s interesting is that the cops were watching out for the men. In America it’d totally be the opposite.

  48. Anonymous said, on August 24, 2007 at 12:36 pm

    What’s interesting is that the cops were watching out for the men. In America it’d totally be the opposite.

  49. Karma said, on August 24, 2007 at 12:36 pm

    What’s interesting is that the cops were watching out for the men. In America it’d totally be the opposite.

  50. Anonymous said, on September 5, 2007 at 1:23 am

    I would have gone for it. If I got an untreatable STD, at least I would’ve died incredibly happy.

  51. Anonymous said, on September 5, 2007 at 1:23 am

    I would have gone for it. If I got an untreatable STD, at least I would’ve died incredibly happy.

  52. Agon said, on September 16, 2007 at 12:09 pm

    …Wouldn’t that normal count as backstabbing? You’re friend left you alone… He knew what was coming, and saved his own ass.

  53. Anonymous said, on September 21, 2007 at 11:18 pm

    Yeah, I think that would have been baaad news. Even without the whole teaching thing, I don’t think that cop would have given the warning if it had JUST been their age, considering how Japanese men are. They might have even tried to rob him or something!
    That said WHOAAA. I hope I would have had the brains to think through something like that and realize it was a bad idea!

  54. Anonymous said, on September 21, 2007 at 11:18 pm

    Yeah, I think that would have been baaad news. Even without the whole teaching thing, I don’t think that cop would have given the warning if it had JUST been their age, considering how Japanese men are. They might have even tried to rob him or something!
    That said WHOAAA. I hope I would have had the brains to think through something like that and realize it was a bad idea!

  55. Anonymous said, on November 18, 2007 at 8:33 pm

    As an old friend told me, “You only get one penis, so you should be careful what you do with it.”

  56. Anonymous said, on November 18, 2007 at 8:33 pm

    As an old friend told me, “You only get one penis, so you should be careful what you do with it.”

  57. Skiba said, on November 23, 2007 at 4:37 pm

    Hmm, well, I once made out with a 23-year-old when I was 12… but that’s beside the point. o.o

  58. RJ said, on April 18, 2008 at 10:55 pm

    Az, you made the right decision, obviously. You are a smart man.
    Reminds me of being hit on by a girl who was 14 at work. She just turned that age…the…day…before. She looked her actual age, tops. It didn’t help that her dad was huge…and an ex-convict. And that she was hitting on me with her dad right there. Girl was trying to get me killed….
    Or that time an aquaintence hooked up with a girl at some anime convention bathroom. Except he was in his twenties and she was not even 16. Oh God. She later went on to get into a relationship with some fat, and I mean f*ckin fat bastard who has a daughter who is like 5. So creepy. So very creepy.

  59. Anonymous said, on August 29, 2009 at 10:12 pm

    hey long time reader first time commentor whats up i would love to one day come to japan lol yes ill heed your warnings but i ust gotta see the country it been my dream well anyway the qustion i wonna ask you is do you remember the uring video link u used to have on here?
    it was the one that had the penis shaped ring pop and it was for kids for some reason well anyway if you do please repost it so i can show my friends they dont beleave me lol

  60. Anonymous said, on August 29, 2009 at 10:12 pm

    hey long time reader first time commentor whats up i would love to one day come to japan lol yes ill heed your warnings but i ust gotta see the country it been my dream well anyway the qustion i wonna ask you is do you remember the uring video link u used to have on here?
    it was the one that had the penis shaped ring pop and it was for kids for some reason well anyway if you do please repost it so i can show my friends they dont beleave me lol


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