Gaijin Smash

3 Year Profile – The School of Peace

Posted in Blog by gaijinsmashnet on March 27, 2007

The Ghetto School was one end of an extreme – chaos ruled the classrooms, the problems were numerous and out in the open, and both students and teachers grew weary of their everyday lives. The School of Peace was the other end of the extreme. No kid ever got entirely out of line, and teachers were quick to jump on a kid if he or she even showed the slightest inkling of doing something not quite right. I don’t call it “The School of Peace” solely in comparison to the Ghetto School – no, the school is extraordinary on its own.
Though kids will be kids, and there were still things such as circles of friends and cliques, for the most part just about all of the students were able to co-exist without any problems. If there was any bullying, it happened very scarcely – I never saw anything of the sort, and no student ever talked to me about it. The students were all very polite to the teachers, even lining up in the morning in front of the school gate in order to greet the teachers coming in (students always made sure to say “Good morning!” in English if an English faculty approached). Most kids actually did do their work, and were quite serious about it. The only troublemakers I saw during my three years there were Rico Suave (think way, way back), Mousey, Penis Boy, and Gropey. Even then, they were more rambunctious than anything (except for Rico, who tried to play the “I’m too cool for everything” angle), and could at least be corralled as necessary. It was what you would think of a Japanese school – clean, ordered, efficient.
This could be attributed to the harsh discipline policies employed at The School of Peace. Although Japanese schools really don’t have any disciplinary procedures, the teachers used the one thing they actually did have – authority. They let the students know they were boss, and weren’t afraid to bust them down a few levels if the kids showed signs of getting out of line. In one English class, the teacher stopped the entire lesson for fifteen minutes to lecture one boy, and the whole class, on proper classroom etiquette after the boy playfully smacked one of his friends over the head. Another time, a male teacher singled out a boy for not paying good enough attention. Mind you, the boy wasn’t talking to friends or sleeping or anything like that. He was really only perhaps looking out the window a bit longer than he should have.


At first, I thought that the teachers were being much too harsh. I mean, a playful smack on the head? Gazing out the window? Were these things really deserving of stopping the entire class and lecturing on proper behavior? I thought the teachers to be too extreme, but seeing things get worse and worse at the Ghetto School, I realized that it was necessary. After all, it was literally all they had. If a student learned not to care when the teachers came down on them…well, then we’d have another Ghetto School. The kids didn’t seem to mind either, as the vast majority of them loved the school and enjoyed their time there.
Oddly enough, for all the harmony that the students enjoyed, things in the teachers room were a much different story. The teachers just did not get along, and clashed frequently on a number of issues. As mentioned in the Story of Ms. Cinderella, Ms. Cinderella got bossed around quite a bit by one of the obasan teachers, who also liked to exert her power over whatever teacher would let him. One of my English teachers disliked two of the others – one for his “lax” teaching methods, and the other just because he really did suck. I was witness to a full-scale argument during a teacher’s meeting once, as one of the younger teachers suggested to, *gasp*, actually change something, and of course all of the older teachers just weren’t hearing it. The faculty also went through quite a few changes, and had changed considerably from the time I came by the time I left.
At any rate, even if the faculty were at each other’s throats, at least the concept of Japanese tatemae keeps the teachers civil at least, and my weeks at the School of Peace were nothing if not enjoyable.
Year 1
I originally started out with 4 English teachers. Ms. N, Ms, O, Mr. F, and Ms. Y. Ms. Y, however, went crazy as described in the Missing in Action entry. To this day, I still don’t know what happened to drive Ms. Y over the edge, and considering that it IS the School of Peace, it’s hard to even imagine. Ms. Y was replaced by Ms. Cinderella in December.
I actually met Principal Peace before I started at the schools. The board of education held a welcome party for me, and invited the principals from all three schools. At one point in the evening, we all received cups of coffee, and me being the gluttonous American that I was, I put 4 spoonfuls of sugar in my coffee. …To Principal Peace, obviously I was trying to commit suicide. It blew his mind that any sane, rational human being would actually put that much sugar into their coffee. He regaled all the teachers at the School of Peace (several times over) about the story, and always made sure to check my lunch everyday to make sure I wasn’t just eating Snickers bars and candy canes.
There was also a bowling tournament. It was held for all schools in our little region down here. As I would be at the School of Peace during the week of the tourney, they invited me to participate as a representative of their school. Principal Peace gave me shit about beating me in bowling, primarily because my sugar-weighted American heart would probably collapse before I ever got to the fifth frame. What I didn’t tell Principal Peace was that I bowled league in middle school, and took actual bowling classes in university. …Really, all that went out the window on the Japanese lanes, but it was enough to edge out a victory over Principal Peace. Principal Peace swears revenge next year. …Also, we both bowled wearing speciality wigs I’d bought – we interchanged between a silver afro, and a blonde bob wig. Why? Just because we’re crazy like that.
There was a young art teacher who seemed to have a bit of a thing for me. She kind of looked like a Japanese version of Jeri Ryan – this appealed not only to my red blooded male aspect, but whatever traces of Japanophile-induced Yellow Fever I had left, AND my inner nerd. I guess for other guys, an equivalent would be Jessica Alba giving you sexual service while cooking a steak dinner and helping you put together a fantasy football team. And for the girls, it’d be like Brad Pitt handing you a lifetime gift certificate to Bloomingdale’s while telling you how pretty you are, and that a recently released study found that not only does chocolate not make you fat, but clears up your skin and makes your breasts bigger too. …Or, I dunno, whatever you women get off on. Unfortunately, I never pursued it because I was dating my ex at the time. Words simply cannot express how disappointing this is. Not that I’m for cheating or anything like that, but given how much of a whore she turned out to be, any cheating I would have done would have only restored balance to The Force.
The students were all great. The sannensei had a lot of energy and personality – these are the majority of the kids I nicknamed. I got along well with them, but unfortunately since they graduated in March my time with them was short. I REALLY wanted to go to their graduation, but instead I was sent to the Ghetto School graduation where I got to hear clown girls call their fathers fat pig sons of bitches. Their legacy lived on though, as many of their younger brothers and sisters would also come to the School of Peace. Although the Jr really didn’t take on the properties of the elder – Rico Suave Jr had NONE of the Suave (and thus, was infinitely more like-able), Velma Jr really once gave off the Velma vibe once, and Porn Star Jr would go on to be known as the Cupid Mayonnaise girl who was also a fat pig for eating a triple-scoop of ice cream.
The ninensei were also great. Not quite as vibrant as the sannensei, but they still took a great interest in me, and I enjoyed having class with them. The ichinensei were also good, except really, really quiet. Which is good sometimes, except when you try to do something crazy to get a rise out of them, and you get thirty blank faces, staring at you with “why did you just do that?” expressions. I can still remember meeting ichinensei Moeko during my first week of school, and mistaking her for a sannensei because of her great English abilities.
Year 2
Year 2 was quite an adventurous year at the School of Peace. Ms. N was replaced by a new English teacher, Ms. S. Ms. S is the “English teacher” from the vast majority of any story involving the School of Peace. Although I did not like her at first because she seemed to come on too strongly, ultimately she would end up being my favorite teacher out of all the schools (including Ms. Americanized). Ms. O was reassigned – I’m not sure where exactly, but I sometimes she’d show up for random stints at the Ghetto School. For whatever reason, the board of education didn’t send a replacement, so the English faculty dropped from 4 to 2 1/2 – with Ms. Cinderella still brand spankin’ new, she couldn’t hold classes on her own yet. Ms. S and Mr. F had to work extra hard, and I helped however I could.
Another new addition at the School of Peace was Hot Nurse. Hot Nurse was a replacement for the regular nurse, who had recently gotten married, and therefore was pregnant. Maybe it’s just me, but Asian men seem to waste NO time on this, it’s like as soon as the vows are exchanged its time to knock her up! Anyway, Hot Nurse came to the school, and she was, well, hot. She had full red lips, some meat on her bones for some good T&A, and she was 10 years older than me (I love older women). Somehow, we ended up becoming friends as well.
Now, I’ve said repeatedly in the past that I didn’t come to Japan just to bang my co-workers. And I mean every word. However, I wanted to get with Hot Nurse. Really, really badly. Especially when she kept inviting me to come to the nurse’s room when I had free time. It was like, every adolescent fantasy I’ve ever had, all rolled up into one package. We actually went on a few date-like activities, but the closest I ever got to hitting it was getting her on my bed, topless, receiving a massage from me.
…AND IF THERE WAS ANY WAY TO HAVE GOTTEN FARTHER THAN THAT, TRUST ME, I WOULD HAVE. I tried everything I could, I really did.
Speaking of teachers I wanted to sex up, Japanese Jeri Ryan had left the school last February, but I ended up randomly running into her once around town. It took her approximately .74 seconds to ask “How is your girlfriend doing?”, to which I replied that we’d broken up. She said, “Oh, that’s too bad”, but you could see that there was zero sincerity behind that sentiment whatsoever, and she was trying to conceal her pleasure at hearing that. After a short conversation, I wished her good luck at her new school, and 10 minutes later, on the way home, it finally struck me that I should have asked her for a phone number or email or something. Meanwhile, up in Heaven, God buries his head in his hands, once again amazed at how many times I’ve been oblivious to the free pussy he’s been throwing me. Sometimes, I think this is why so many oddball things happen to me, it isn’t so much God’s entertainment, as it is The Big Guy being pissed at me for having dropped every opportunity he’s given me. If I was some omnipotent being, and there was some dumbass out there who was squandering every opportunity for play I was dropping in his backyard, I think I’d send legions of Japanese school kids to go poke him up the ass too.
Meanwhile, The Bowling Tournament rolled along again. I kind of didn’t take Principal Peace’s threats of revenge seriously, and he ended up beating me by 5 pins (we didn’t wear the wigs this time). As a result, for pretty much the whole year, I had to listen to his “you need to cut your sugar intake!” rants as well as “I kicked your ass in bowling!” When I decided to do the third year, we figured that next year’s bowling tournament would decide it all.
I continued to get along great with the sannensei. They were a really good class, and everyone seemed to actually get along with each other. They asked me to come to their graduation – again, I’d been scheduled at the Ghetto School. This time however, I wasn’t willing to just sit back and take it – especially after the sannensei appealed to me as a whole. I put in a request to change my schedule to attend the School of Peace’s graduation, which caused massive controversy. Oh well, at least I got to go.
The ninensei were still as quiet as ever. Really, the only notable thing that happened with them this year was receiving Moeko’s Owl. But I think that’s more than plenty.
The new ichinensei were all also great. Ichinensei class duties fell upon Ms. S, who also became an ichinensei homeroom teacher. She began to whip these kids into tip-top English students from day one. She also set about to create an English after school club – since it was a new club, this year only ichinensei would be able to join (seeing as how other students probably wouldn’t quit their existing clubs, especially just for English). One girl who joined, I would come to know as Ultimate Sweetness. Sweetness would continue to bludgeon me with her mallet made out of Valentines candy hearts and soft, fluffy clouds until the day I finished at the school.
Year 3
In February of the previous year, Ms. Cinderella left the school (rather abruptly) and was replaced by Mr. U, otherwise known as Mr. Horse Face. …Mr. Horse Face is not my nickname for him, its the kids’. He was given the nick because he has a rather long face. One girl compared it to that of an alien, and drew a picture of an alien on the chalkboard, and added his hairstyle to it – there was somewhat of a resemblance. While its not a nice nickname, I use it because I didn’t like the guy either. I don’t know if he didn’t like me or what, but he was terrible to work with. He often wouldn’t tell me we had classes together – he’d just up and go on his own. I’d find out about it later.
Ms. S: So, how was third period?
Me: …Third period?
Ms. S: Didn’t you have class with Mr. U?
Me: If I did, he never said anything about it.
Ms. S: Goddamn that Horse Face…
Hot Nurse also left the school, and with her and Ms. Cinderella’s departures, my chances for any steamy, on-site sexual adventures dropped to nil. Hot Nurse was replaced by another female nurse, who somehow managed to out-average OK Nurse. Sub-OK Nurse could only one day aspire to reach the levels of OK Nurse. At any rate, Sub-OK Nurse seemed to be carrying on some sort of secret tryst with Mr. Horse Face, and the thought of that kind of makes my stomach turn, so we’ll leave her at that.
Although the Wicked Step Mother also left the School of Peace, there was still turmoil in the teachers room, and things only seemed to be getting worse.
The students, however, were still awesome. Though the sannensei remained quiet until the day they graduated, we did get along well. I was sad to see many of them go, especially Moeko. The ninensei didn’t change too much – Ultimate Sweetness found new ways to be disgustingly cute, but that was about it. The new class of ichinensei brought some interesting kids – namely, Penis Boy, Gropey, and Mr. Kancho to name a few. If anything however, their antics did bring some life into the school, and they never really crossed into “bad student” territory. Not even close.
The third year also brought the third and final Bowling Tournament. Marred by last year’s loss, I actually took the time to practice this year. My first game, I wowed everyone with a 250+ score. While my second game was less than impressive, the first was good enough for not only the win against Principal Peace, but to win the entire tournament. Principal Peace treated me to a nice steak dinner, acknowledging that he’d been thoroughly beaten. And I promised not to put anymore sugar in coffee than is absolutely necessary.
By the end of my time on JET, the School of Peace seemed almost like a different school than when I’d started. Every kid that was there when I came, and upwards of 70% of the faculty had left. Mr. F was eventually replaced by a first year young girl, Ms. C. I shit you not when I say that Ms. C IS THE HOTTEST JAPANESE WOMAN IN EXISTANCE. AND SHE HAD TITS, TOO! It’s probably a blessing that I only got to spend a short amount of time with her, I can’t imagine having to work alongside her without my penis straight-up EXPLODING. Ultimate Sweetness and the rest of her class became sannensei – it was strange to see them having grown up. The ichinensei became ninensei – Penis Boy and Gropey calmed down a bit, but still remained active. And a new class of ichinensei came – I honestly didn’t get to work with them nearly as much as I wanted, but they also seemed like they would be a good set of kids. I saw many students who reminded me of students long past, such as the little brother of Spread Your Legs, and Moeko’s little sister.
I consider having worked at the School of Peace to be a real honor. I’m not sure you’ll find another school like it anywhere else in Japan. For whatever headaches and grief the Ghetto School caused, the School of Peace more than made up for it. This was a school I was truly sad to leave.

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27 Responses

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  1. Michael said, on March 27, 2007 at 3:54 am

    Looks like you’re got a missing closing tag on “nicknamed” in paragraph 11. Great post, though.

  2. Saben said, on March 27, 2007 at 3:56 am

    Might wanna fix that formatting…
    Nice to see some schools DO hold up to the exported Japanese cultural ideal. I had a few students that would fit in at the School of Peace when I was teaching at English Jukus in Kansai, but most well fell somewhere closer to the Ghetto school. None went so far as to be physically destructive (because they were ε°ε­¦η”Ÿ as likely as any other reason) but getting them to show any respect or even listen to me was a chore in itself half the time. The School of Peace would be nice, but I still doubt it’d be worth the Ghetto School. A thousand blowjobs instaneously wouldn’t be worth the Ghetto School.

  3. Michael said, on March 27, 2007 at 3:56 am

    Also, the preview button is broken, with this error:
    Build error in template ‘Comment Preview Template’: Error in tag: Can’t find included template module ‘Remember Me’

  4. hurrr said, on March 27, 2007 at 4:18 am

    fix ur htmlz LOL do a barrell roll.

  5. Ihmhi said, on March 27, 2007 at 6:22 am

    That is the coolest principal I have ever heard of.

  6. Brandon said, on March 27, 2007 at 6:59 am

    Two down, one to go. It’s great reading.

  7. Jeff said, on March 27, 2007 at 7:18 am

    “but the closest I ever got to hitting it was getting her on my bed, topless, receiving a massage from me.
    …AND IF THERE WAS ANY WAY TO HAVE GOTTEN FARTHER THAN THAT, TRUST ME, I WOULD HAVE. I tried everything I could, I really did.”
    Whoa, what? Is it traditional for Japanese women to receive topless massages on beds with no sex involved?

  8. hifoid said, on March 27, 2007 at 7:21 am

    You really shouldn’t have added that about Ms.C.
    Makes the whole report feel inadequate, like it just isn’t the full thing; as if it’s just version 1.04 and there’s an expansion being released next spring. Brand new Gaijin(TM) moves, meaner, louder, more obnoxious bastard boys to try them on, and all the sugary love only the ascended Gaijin can handle.
    Seriously, it’s an odd feeling, shouldn’t have added it..

  9. Luke said, on March 27, 2007 at 7:22 am

    Longest. Link. Ever. You might want to fix that, Az. Oh, and love your work, been reading since Outpost 9, blah blah blah. Good luck with your time outside of JET!

  10. Leon said, on March 27, 2007 at 7:35 am

    You lucky bastard πŸ˜‰
    Cheers!
    Leon

  11. Caged_Penguin said, on March 27, 2007 at 7:39 am

    Moving story man.
    Yeah, thats one reason I don’t want to become a teacher.
    Seeing all the great kids come and go.. having to get used to a new set of kids only to miss some of the real special ones from days long past.
    really reminds you just how short life is.
    Rock on Az!
    Curtis Cage.

  12. Shinkada said, on March 27, 2007 at 8:31 am

    “… Without my penis straight-out EXPLODING.”
    Awesome. πŸ˜„ I’m really happy your new entries have been so awesome lately, I was a little worried, though I’m still a little pensive about what you’ll be writing about post-JET. But still, I come here for the funny, so I’m sure it’ll continue to be gold.

  13. Lone One said, on March 27, 2007 at 8:55 am

    Was Ms. C married or something? Did you try to get at her if she was so damn hot? I mean, c’mon! You had probably a couple of months left to attempt it, right? And then, even better, none of that dating coworkers crap to get in the way! Just a suggestion…

  14. Matt said, on March 27, 2007 at 9:57 am

    Its like the Ghetto school is the doppelganger of the School of Peace

  15. Livre said, on March 27, 2007 at 10:04 am

    I’ll miss the stories of Ultimate Sweetness, she sounds like a gem. I found a girl at my university who is EXACTLY LIKE HER however. She just oozes cuteness, like an ooze!
    And even though you’ve left the School of Peace, you can always go and kidnap Ultimate Sweetness from whatever high school she attends.

  16. Ben said, on March 27, 2007 at 12:42 pm

    Any chance you took pics with Mrs C. or Hot Nurse or anything? To you know, share with your loyal readers? O_o

  17. Ruela said, on March 27, 2007 at 2:25 pm

    Awww… now I wanna become a teacher too. Japan, here I go! Do you REALLY NEED to be a native English speaker to be an ALT? (please say it ain’t so)
    pS: Livre, please don’t kidnap Ultimate Sweetness. People would never understand your true feelings, and you’ll end up like R. Kelly.
    “I believe I can fly…”

  18. Cerebomb said, on March 27, 2007 at 3:47 pm

    “the closest I ever got to hitting it was getting her on my bed, topless, receiving a massage from me.”
    Jeezus, man, you really DO fail at dating.

  19. soumakyo said, on March 27, 2007 at 8:23 pm

    ah ah, so that’s how Karma works in Japan! If you let your chances pass, you get fingers up your ass.
    I sure hope I haven’t been too oblivious this year.

  20. xin said, on March 27, 2007 at 8:40 pm

    This is the first time ive heard of Ms. C.
    Also, reading back on your posts, your amazingly wide variety of awesome video game references have dropped off tremendously in the past few months. Get back on that.

  21. Mayhem said, on March 28, 2007 at 6:03 am

    Imagine if Ultimate Sweetness had been at the Ghetto school instead… I wonder just how the world would resolve two undeniable forces?! And the references to God and offering all this for you Az had me cracking up as usual.

  22. Warui Tanuki said, on March 28, 2007 at 9:47 am

    Actually, I’m pretty sure Ultimate Sweetness entering the Ghetto school would cause all of existence to be destroyed. It’s kind of like a matter/anti-matter explosion, but on a metaphysical level.

  23. Mr. Bomberman said, on March 29, 2007 at 6:17 pm

    “…but the closest I ever got to hitting it was getting her on my bed, topless, receiving a massage from me.”
    You’re still the man for doing that. That’s by no means a loss.

  24. Moose Call said, on March 31, 2007 at 5:24 pm

    “the closest I ever got to hitting it was getting her on my bed, topless, receiving a massage from me.”
    haha, friends can give each other massages, no problem. And if at least one party isn’t interested in sex and it doesn’t come to it, that’s perfectly cool; no harm done except maybe some sore hands the next day. Funny how that works, huh? heheheh… eh. *is speaking from uncannily recent personal experience*
    Cheers to people who are good to our hot friends. πŸ˜‰

  25. Nils said, on April 1, 2007 at 2:06 pm

    Damn, I need to show this to my friend Yuko, she doesn’t know your blog yet… I haven’t talked to her very much during the last few years, mostly due to the fact that I had fallen in love with her and found it too painful to be close to her while it was perfectly clear that we’re just friends.
    Anyway, Yuko needs to read your blog. Although of Japanese descent, she’s been living here in Germany most of her life…

  26. NEET said, on September 24, 2008 at 5:59 am

    I know you’ve decided to hang up your teaching mantle, but if in a dire pinch, have you considered applying back in the School of Peace?
    Just a thought/suggestion.
    I wish you good fortune in your new life with your wife. πŸ˜€

  27. Rune said, on February 20, 2009 at 2:04 pm

    Lining up at the gates to greet the teachers? Did they greet them with ‘gokigenyou’? This might sound sarcastic, but I am truely curious.


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