Gaijin Smash

Tone Deaf

Posted in Blog by gaijinsmashnet on March 13, 2007

It is often said that music is the universal language. And certainly, it can prove to be a valuable tool in an ESL classroom. I’ve heard of many ALT’s who bring their guitars to class and serenade the students with a nice ballad. I would love to do something like this – however I’m about as musically inclined as a can of tuna, so I’m forced to rely on the professionals.
At all three of my schools, we occasionally have a music lesson. The most common one is to play a song in class, and give the students a lyric sheet with certain words blanked out. The students have to listen to the song and try to pick out the blanked-out words. Some adventerous teachers will attempt to get the students to sing something. This usually leads in Hindenburg-esque disaster, as the students innate hatred of English as well as natural shyness kick in, and we end up with 30 Japanese kids mumbling their way through Celine Dion (which, actually, I prefer better than the real thing*). Given that karaoke is almost the natural pastime here, you’d think the kids would be more receptive to the singing lessons, but eh. Another small annotation in the “Japan’s Weird, Did You Know That?” file.
*Celine Dion fans, please direct your hatemail to
One teacher at the School of Peace though decided that she was going to forge ahead with the singing lesson anyway. She would pick one song, and as a warm-up the students would sing it before class everyday. They would sing it at least three times together with the song, and then once without. However, if the teacher felt they weren’t singing their little hearts out (and most of the time, they weren’t), she’d push them to sing it a fourth, even a fifth time.
And while this was a nice idea, in theory, the song that the teacher picked was “Top of the World” by The Carpenters. Given that we had three classes together, that was “Top of the World”, 10-15 times a day, for an entire week.
There have been very few times in my life where I’ve faced a situation so bleak, so desperate, that I wanted to take my own life. Criss Cross and the backwards clothes fad of the 90’s. Watching the Spawn movie in theaters. Promising a girl I’d go on a date with her to a Yanni concert. But let me tell you, going to work that week, there were a few times where I thought about jumping in front of the oncoming train instead of boarding it.

Miraculously, I somehow survived the week. At the end of the week, the teacher told me that the students would continue to practice “Top of the World” for the next two weeks as I made the rounds at Watson’s School and the Ghetto School. However, by the time I came back to the School of Peace, it would be time to change the song. And at that exact moment, I felt like Rocky Balboa, having taken a severe beating at the hands of Apollo Creed, only to climb back up the ropes just as the referee hit 9 on the 10 count. I’m a survivor (what)!
Two weeks later, I returned to the School of Peace. The kids had endured Carpenter Hell, but I’d dodged that fucking bullet like Neo in the Matrix. As the teacher came by my desk to talk about the lesson plan, I wondered what she was going to change the song to. Hey, you can’t go wrong with the Beatles. Or maybe she’d go soulful with a little Stevie Wonder? Maybe she’d go modern, and play some John Mayer, or even some Smash Mouth.
Turns out, I was being WAY too optimistic.
Teacher: So, we’ve been practicing “Top of the World” for the past three weeks. I think it’s time to change the song.
Me: Great! So, what’s up next?
Teacher: “Yesterday Once More”, by The Carpenters.
I’m fading away…I’m sick of this life…I just wanna scream…how could this happen to me?
Amazingly enough, The Carpenters are not hated in Japan. I have been told that their songs are especially easy to understand for non-native English speakers. Having been away from America for so long, I kind of wondered if there hadn’t been some Carpenters Revival I was in the dark about. However, talking to one of my friends, he confirmed that Carpenter hatred was still as American as apple pie and baseball. As he so eloquently put it, “Americans can’t agree on anything, but we can all band together in our undying hatred for The Carpenters. It doesn’t matter who you are – the KKK and the Black Panthers, Catholics and atheists, gays and Republicans, Cola-Cola drinkers and Pepsi drinkers…all will band together and hold hands, unified by our beautiful contempt for The Carpenters.”
I decided to take the matter up with the one Japanese person who might possibly understand – Ms. Americanized. I told her about my Carpenters Ordeal at the School of Peace, to which she laughed and said, “yeah, The Carpenters are shit, huh?” I knew she would understand. I pointed out once again how radically different Ms. Americanized was from your normal Japanese girl. She responded with, “yeah, I’m not that Japanese. Don’t let the slanty eyes and small tits fool you.”
Speaking of Ms. A, I think I mentioned in an earlier editorial that we once had the kids singing Tupac in class. The reason this happened was because Ms. A happened to have a majority of the bastard boys in one of her English classes. She wanted to do a music lesson, and seeing an opportunity to maybe actually involve the little shitheads in an English class, she asked them if there were any songs they wanted to do. So one of the bastards gave her a CD of songs he liked, filled with MTV-approved rap. Ms. A, realizing the source material, came to me and asked if there were any songs on the CD that she could actually explain to a class of 14-year olds and not be arrested for. She’d tried to screen the CD herself, but after printing out the lyrics to the first song, R.Kelly’s “Ignition”, even with her advanced level of English she found herself completely confused.
Ms. A: I don’t understand, is he talking to a girl, or is he talking to a car he refers to as a girl, or what?
Me: What do you mean?
Ms. A: Well, he says right here that he wants to stick his key in her ignition.
Me: ….Ummmmmm…
Ms. A: I thought maybe he was talking about the car. But then right here, he asks her if she’s ever driven stick, so he can’t be talking to the car. And if there’s a girl in the car with him, who’s driving? If he’s driving, why would she need to drive stick?
Me: Um, wrong stick sweetheart.
Ms. A: …?
Me: There’s a girl all right, but I don’t even think there’s an actual car involved.
Ms. A: …???
Me: …Think about it.
Ms. A: …………….!!!! (wave of realization spreads across her face) Ohhhhhhh, OK, now I get it. (crumples up the lyric sheet) Well, we certainly can’t do THIS song.
Speaking of explicit lyrics, for a little while, J-pop star Koda Kumi was the number one sensation in music. While I suppose her music is all right, Koda’s rise to the top was powered by her sexxed-up image, which she called “Ero-Kakkoii”, or “Erotic-Cool”. Sure, I guess that’s another valid name for $2 Whore. Koda Kumi is, supposedly, hot, but when I look at her all I see is a barely clothed piece of meat*. And not even like the $15 piece of succulent prime rib just waiting for you to tear into it. No, she’s like the beaten and worn flank steak on the corner of the shelf, already half-price but still nobody wants to touch it. And to all you overseas Koda Kumi fans fapping to pictures of her, realize that these pictures have been Photoshopped more than every image that emerged out of the “All Your Base” phenomenon, combined.
*Koda Kumi fans, please see the Celine Dion annotation regarding where to send your hate mail.
The primary age-group that was eating up Koda’s stuff were adolescent girls. Luckily, Japanese people are all talk when it comes to this kind of thing, so while the little girls thought that “Ero-Kakkoii” was the height of awesome, mercifully they didn’t have the guts to do it themselves, and I was spared from having to see 14-year old skirt steak parading around the streets of Japan. Unfortunately though, Koda Kumi’s oversexxed image wasn’t just limited to her appearance – it manifested itself in her songs as well, and much like everything else in my life, I found this out the hard way.
Back at the School of Peace, the English teacher (yes, the one who inflicted Carpenter Hell on me) And I were walking back to the teachers room after class one day. As we walked, three sannensei girls passed by us, holding hands and singing the chorus to one of Koda’s songs, dubiously titled “Ima Sugu Hoshii”, or “I Want It Now”. The chorus, roughly translated, goes a little something like this…
I want it now

Your surging tongue and intense love

Turn on the lights, I want my shining body to feel just right

Until the sun comes up

Just tonight is OK, I want to feel the hot life inside of me

Become free, throw away everything

I want your hot spray

The English teacher and I literally stopped dead in our tracks as the three girls skipped past us singing this verse. It was just one of those WTF?! moments, where no words in any language will ever do it justice. The teacher then turned to me, and in all seriousness, says, “I’m really worried about the kids of this generation.” I don’t blame her. She’s got two elementary-grade school girls as well (one of whom wrote the letter to Santa with the instructions on how to disable the security system). I could only try to imagine her fears, to one day come home and find your pre-pubscent daughter looking like an Amsterdam whore and singing about wanting some dude’s hot spray.
Suddenly, The Carpenters didn’t seem so bad anymore. I mean, yeah, Unifying Carpenter Hatred or whatever. But given the alternatives… I think I’d much rather have my 15-year old girls standing on top of the world looking down on creation, than have them openly requesting hot creamy facials (or I guess, since this is Japan, hot creamy bukkake blasts).
…Great, and now I have this blasted song stuck in my head. By the way, check my “Argh.” post for the full lyrics.


50 Responses

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  1. Anonymous said, on March 13, 2007 at 10:38 pm

    “I’m really worried about the kids of this generation”
    That teacher is made of goodness and win.

  2. Anonymous said, on March 13, 2007 at 10:38 pm

    “I’m really worried about the kids of this generation”
    That teacher is made of goodness and win.

  3. Ben said, on March 13, 2007 at 11:05 pm

    Wow, and I thought American songs were risque. Seriously, though, even the rap song was innuendo, not just straight-up sex scenes.
    By the way… have you even shooped da whoop? Or seen longcat? Or had a power level over 9000?

  4. Becky said, on March 13, 2007 at 11:21 pm

    My english class has a book of lyrics, featuring about l0 Beatles songs, 3 Carpenters, 2 Avril Lavigne, and 1 Spice Girls. Guess which songs the teacher chooses the most? Carpenters. Which ones the students choose? Well, when they can be convinced to have an opinion, its usually the Beatles or Avril Lavigne. But most days, its something from the Carpenters. Thank you thank you thank you for addressing this disturbing phenomena with your characteristic knack of making the sad things funny. To return the favor, if you ever get stuck with the Carpenters again, you can think of ichinensei in my middle school trying desperately to sing Wannabe, and then trying to do it a capella to a rhythm pounded out by a tone deaf teacher who thinks that the correct beats to hit are the eighth notes. Basically, the teacher gives the desk a thorough beating, very quickly, there are 30 quietly mumbling and far behind kids, a few kids who pick out and sing loudly the parts that they do know, and me, the trained first soprano musical theater junkie, thinking that we should really be doing ‘A Modern Major General’ and reading a novel while outsinging everyone in the class.
    Its like a 3 minutes hate, to be honest.

  5. Anonymous said, on March 13, 2007 at 11:24 pm

    First off, I have had the singing trick pulled on me in French class, and while it was rap, thank god it was either French rap or Quebecois rap; either way, it’s better than the American variety.
    Secondly, there are no words for that phenomenon. I’ve studied it. The closest thing that we’ve found is a facial expression that is a cross between shock, rage, mild befuddlement, and abject terror.
    It’s hilarious to watch the contortions as the facial muscles try to move quickly enough to keep up with the brain. We actually had someone cramp up.
    Good times.
    PS: I am also never allowed in that class again. Something about “Disturbing the fabric of reality.”

  6. Anonymous said, on March 13, 2007 at 11:24 pm

    First off, I have had the singing trick pulled on me in French class, and while it was rap, thank god it was either French rap or Quebecois rap; either way, it’s better than the American variety.
    Secondly, there are no words for that phenomenon. I’ve studied it. The closest thing that we’ve found is a facial expression that is a cross between shock, rage, mild befuddlement, and abject terror.
    It’s hilarious to watch the contortions as the facial muscles try to move quickly enough to keep up with the brain. We actually had someone cramp up.
    Good times.
    PS: I am also never allowed in that class again. Something about “Disturbing the fabric of reality.”

  7. KT said, on March 13, 2007 at 11:24 pm

    All right, I just read your last entry and was a little sad I didn’t get to read your newest story.
    As always, this is very great. I love having the insight of the “real Japan”, so to speak. It’s very humorous but also kind of sad and disappointing. Though as you pointed out before, every country has its flaws.

  8. Shinobu07 said, on March 13, 2007 at 11:28 pm

    wow even brittany spears and xtina wasnt that bad…
    i dled the carpenters since they were before my time… yea it is bad… i pity those kids and i pity u.

  9. toneotom said, on March 13, 2007 at 11:54 pm

    …I want to forgot about Kumi’s overly sexual songs and listen to realEmotion and 1000 Words.
    But it’s not gonna happen.

  10. Kami Sama said, on March 14, 2007 at 2:28 am

    The Japanese love unnecessary pain.
    The Japanese love The Carpenters.
    It all adds up…

  11. Barry said, on March 14, 2007 at 5:04 am

    I thought you had to be drunk to do karaoke. Not that I wouldn’t put that past some of those kids, of course.

  12. Malumultimus said, on March 14, 2007 at 7:16 am

    You don’t need to be drunk to sing karaoke. My friends and I always jam out to “Santeria” and “Bohemian Rhapsody.”
    As for the Carpenters… I kinda’ find it hard to believe. I don’t think my generation even knows who the Carpenters are, but if they ever found out, I’m fairly certain they’d find it weird for a country to obsess over them…
    And you’re right! Can’t go wrong with the Beatles. Unless you’re Charles Manson. Well…actually, you CAN go wrong with the Beatles in your situation. Can you imagine Japanese kids trying to decipher “I Am The Walrus”, “Strawberry Fields Forever” or “Come Together”?

  13. Jill said, on March 14, 2007 at 8:16 am

    *dark frown*
    I LIKE the Carpenters! Oh, not every song. However, I do like the music, her voice, and it’s sad that she died the way she did.
    Today my kids were singing little bits of random Beatles songs. This was not MY idea, it was just what they were doing.

  14. J said, on March 14, 2007 at 8:44 am

    I’ve had middle school kids AND elementary school kids chanting “I want to lick you from your head to your toes” and “Promiscuous Giiirrrl”.
    I was surprised that the Japanese teacher was surprised. But then I thought about it, and realized that most people will never get used to the idea of children singing sexually-themed songs. Including me. The objective part of the brain will tell us that young people want to be adults and thus, will sing adult songs to feel that way. It’s natural and I can’t name one person in middle school who hasn’t done something adults frown upon to feel more independent and older.
    But then, at the same time, I seriously don’t want to hear Children and Sex in the same sentence together… ever. Especially when I see an 8-year-old girl singing about “rough sex” and “making it hurt”… it makes me cry too.

  15. Eric said, on March 14, 2007 at 9:22 am

    “yeah, I’m not that Japanese. Don’t let the slanty eyes and small tits fool you.”
    Ms. Americanized has got to be the coolest girl ever. Marry her. Now. Yes, yes, I know she is ‘seeing someone’. Destroy him. Claim her for your own.

  16. Dromeda said, on March 14, 2007 at 9:41 am

    Speaking of dirty songs…have you ever read the lyrics to Gackt’s “Vanilla”? My gods, one part of the song actually has the sound of a girl orgasming in it. And I thought the Americans were sex-crazed.

  17. Anonymous said, on March 14, 2007 at 9:46 am

    Something that doesn’t exist cannot get angry at you.

  18. Anonymous said, on March 14, 2007 at 9:46 am

    Something that doesn’t exist cannot get angry at you.

  19. Dave said, on March 14, 2007 at 10:12 am

    Okay, gotta share a story.
    I went to Japan on an exchange with a junior high a few years back, and we got to attend a special assembly, as we were visitors. “Okay, cool” we all collectively thought. Until that morning we went into an empty classroom and one of the English teachers thrust lyrics sheets into our hands and put on a tape.
    It was The Carpenters. “On Top of the World”. Being teenage boysm we thought the whole thing was lame as hell (and how can you disagree). And so we read it and mumbled the lyrics. We listened to it about 20 freakin’ times and then we were lead into the assembly hall where the whole school and a brass band were assembled. The band then started playing and – oh shit, it was that song. We all mumbled it, and it was barely audible the whole time. We were so quiet, the brass band looked increasingly less enthusiastic and the teachers then looked at the ground in shame.
    But when we thought the embarrassment for the school and the visitors was over, some kid jumped out from behind the stage.
    …dressed as Ultraman. At this point he started posing and jumping around, while the Japanese kids all treated this like it was deadly serious. All us English kids could do was try to keep our composure and not laugh out loud. Then the brass band started playing the Ultraman theme and another kid dressed as I-have-no-fucking-clue-what jumped out and started attacking Ultraman. I hadn’t seen punches that looked so fake since watching pro-wrestling. Within about a minute they exhausted their repertoire of moves and kind of stood around staring each other down and making vague attacking movements, and then as the song drew to a close, the Ultraman kid did the Ultraman pose and the hairy-monster-freak fell over.
    It’s certainly an interesting way to introduce a group of foreigners to your culture. Make them sing a crap song and then get them to sit through an awful mock-up of an Ultraman battle while trying not to laugh.

  20. PKH said, on March 14, 2007 at 10:48 am

    Koda Kumi?
    The Finnish word kumi means rubber. I got an unexpected extra laugh there.

  21. Masanova, master of women said, on March 14, 2007 at 11:56 am

    Didn’t I make a thread about this song in OP9 a few months ago?? I remember you even said something about it.
    One man’s carrion is another man’s fillet mignon, sir. You can have your Mrs. Robinson, I’m still 19 and in the mood for something I’m not supposed to have.
    But eh, to each their own, right?

  22. purplekitty said, on March 14, 2007 at 1:15 pm

    O.O oh my! You know I’ve listened to some koda kumi songs but because she’s not my favorite I don’t really look at the lyrics. This is the first time I’ve ever seen the english lyrics to any of her songs.
    Oh and also why do americans hate the carpenters? I even asked my mom and she was like “I don’t know!” Did I miss something? Where was I during the anti-carpenter rallies? What did they do? I thought they were just some music group nothing more nothing less.

  23. evil_tennyo said, on March 14, 2007 at 1:45 pm

    lol wow. can you imagine if that happened in the states? California could sink and all you would see on the news is “15 yr girl sings about man spray: what has happened to our generation?”

  24. Creston said, on March 14, 2007 at 2:36 pm

    I don’t think Koda Kumi is singing about a facial, either. “feel the hot life inside of me… I want your spray?”
    I’d get really worried if I heard girls that age singing that.
    Then again, parents everywhere freaked out when girls in the 80s starting singing Madonna’s “Like a Virgin”, and look how that generation turned out.
    Oh wait…
    I’m thinking about combining Criss Cross with the Carpenters to REALLY brighten your day.
    Thanks for all the great writing!

  25. commodorejohn said, on March 14, 2007 at 5:47 pm

    I’ll say this about the Carpenters: Karen Carpenter had a nice voice, and the whole anorexia thing was pretty sad (hey, anorexia – maybe THAT’S why the Japanese like her.) However, if you can suck everylast drop of life out of “Fun, Fun, Fun” without even covering the whole song, you’ve got no business being in the music business.
    As to Koda Kumi, wow. I used to feel kinda bad for listening to Nirvana’s “Polly” and “Floyd The Barber,” but I don’t that’ll be a problem any more. Also, has there ever been a sex-appeal-based singer who didn’t look and act like a cheap hooker? Madonna, Britney, Christina, Koda…anyone?

  26. Wayland said, on March 14, 2007 at 6:41 pm

    I’ll stick to my alternative rock. Az, what do you listen to?

  27. CGD said, on March 14, 2007 at 8:06 pm

    I assume hatemail about the Amsterdam whore comment is to the same adress as celine dion’s?
    Coming from Amsterdam, let me assure you- no Japanese girl will ever remotely look like an Amsterdam whore. Our average whore’s weigh twice as much.
    Also, they are way better at the trade.
    Don’t insult our whores.
    (Az’s Note: Man, I’m sorry. Nothing but love for the Amsterdam whores.)

  28. Excel-2007 said, on March 14, 2007 at 8:40 pm

    If those lyrics scare you, maybe you shouldn’t come back to America just yet.

  29. epilepticx said, on March 15, 2007 at 12:51 am

    oops, sorry…i accidentally posted this comment on the previous entry…well, here it goes again…
    in order to defend koda kumi’s honor:
    1) her make up magic’s not too bad (though she admits to getting eyelid surgery):

    2) ima sugu hoshii is a cover of a song originally sung by sugar soul, so she should get some of the blame.
    3) she’s been around since 2000 but her videos didn’t get sexual until late 2004 due to pressure from her record company in order to boost sales. even then, only a fraction of the videos released afterwards are overly sexual, and an even smaller fraction have lyrics which correspond to the video. with the exception of 4 or 5 songs, the lyrics she writes are pretty clean.
    4) i’d like to think that her cool, fierce, independent image is a good contrast to the cute, meek, speak only when spoken to image portrayed by other japanese female celebrities. in america, not good, but i think it’s necessary for japan. no doubt there are some people who want to keep japanese women in schoolgirl uniforms for life.
    at first i thought the same way about her, since it’s the most apparent aspect. but i’d like everyone to know that there’s more to her than just the image and a pair of tits…you know, like talent?
    az and kumi, why can’t you two get along?! i love you both so !

  30. Eclipse said, on March 15, 2007 at 7:22 am

    Just for the record, I’ve met Koda Kumi in Houston before and I’de give her about a 7.5 out of 10. She was here back in 2005 singing at an anime convention I think. It was before her career really took off. She seemed like a nice girl. However….the music industry has a habbit of tainting people. Its like a black hole. My family (me aside) is in the music industry. I’m a cop (MP). Go figure. My point is that before she became a idol in Japan she was just a singer trying to make it big. Now that she’s hit Idol status she’s geeting sucked in that black hole of porn-o-rific lyrics and hoochi fashion. If only she would have kept to her roots…

  31. Warui Tanuki said, on March 15, 2007 at 9:49 am

    “I’m thinking about combining [K]riss [K]ross with the Carpenters to REALLY brighten your day.”
    Looking down on creation will make you.. JUMP! JUMP!

  32. Nemesiss said, on March 15, 2007 at 9:50 am

    poor little AZ…
    Maybe we should search for better alternative songs that sound good, are easy to sing and wont cause brain damage.
    If miss americanized would start her own blog, i’d damn read it. Hell, i would go study japanese for unlimtited years for that. I really want a picture of her, cause she seems the most fun person in Az’s live with a “normal” sense of humanity.
    one thing im very curious about; what’s Az definition of an “amsterdam whore”..
    does he mean the (legal) window prostitution perhaps?

  33. Random Gaijin said, on March 15, 2007 at 10:29 am

    That is seriously fucked up!

  34. hollandguy said, on March 15, 2007 at 11:23 am

    lol@ amsterdam comment somehow i feel offended on the other hand id laugh for the idea :’)

  35. Mr. Bomberman said, on March 15, 2007 at 3:58 pm

    I enjoy rap, I don’t give a fuck what any of you say.
    Another great article, hehe

  36. Azer said, on March 15, 2007 at 7:05 pm

    You should set up Ms. Americanized for a stand-up comedy tour of the States. She’d be a hit!!

  37. Nerissa said, on March 15, 2007 at 9:54 pm

    And now I’m not quite so repulsed by mainstream rap. At least I know that someplace else has worse. :p

  38. Jonci said, on March 16, 2007 at 2:40 pm

    Well it was unavoidable. Even the US had Britney and Christina. Pop-stars are pure teen-corrupting evil. You need to introduce some good hard rock into their world. They may get ansty as a result, but it is better than girls singing about wanting sex in a country full of loli-chasers.

  39. Corey said, on March 16, 2007 at 8:41 pm

    Woooooooooh, that’s like the Paris Hilton of Japan!!! Maybe Worse!!! And i didn’t even think that was possible!!!

  40. not a doktor said, on March 20, 2007 at 1:53 am

    What’s funny is Shoen Knife (a japanese pop-punk band that Kobain loved) did a cover of ‘On Top of the World’ for ‘If I Were a Carpenter’ tribute album

  41. nemuri said, on March 20, 2007 at 8:28 am

    just for you Az
    i’m on the
    top of the world looking
    down on creation and the only explaination i can see
    is that love that i’ve found
    ever since you’ve been around,
    your love has put me on top of ZA WARUDO !!!

  42. DaiKamonohashi said, on March 20, 2007 at 10:38 pm

    You people have obviously never listened to “Je t’aime… moi non plus,” have you? 😛

  43. nemuri said, on March 21, 2007 at 7:15 am

    i have, since i’m french.
    for the record, it’s a duet where serge guinsbourg is buttsexing jane birkin, who is telling him not to hold back. sweeeet.

  44. Jonah Rapp said, on March 21, 2007 at 4:55 pm

    I’m acutally hunting for the best version of that song I can find. Of course, I have to be in a partucular mood range to listen to music like that, but I do like it. Check out some of the Belgian New Beat and acid rock from the ’90s, like Praga Khan, Lords of Acid, and Nikkie van Lierop’s (aka Darling Nikkie”) other bands (like the current Goddess of Destruction).
    Mind you I like just about all forms of music from Gregorian chants and classical Greek fesitval dances to the latest forms of the last decade, with a few exceptions, such as most gansta rap and hammond organ music. Put in perspective, I can’t find too much shocking about Japanese popular music. *heh*

  45. Amy said, on March 23, 2007 at 12:23 am

    Something about this post reminds me of when I was four and I used to love singing along with that Sexual Healing song. I could never figure out why my mom kept cracking up.
    So it’s not a new phenomenon; though nothing beats lyrics like “I want your hot spray.”

  46. Random5 said, on April 8, 2007 at 4:15 pm

    I want your hot spray
    Fortunatly I was sitting down as I read that, I think I may have collapsed into a pile of hilarity otherwise… oh dear, so so wrong.

  47. Josephine said, on May 12, 2007 at 6:18 pm

    Yeah, KODA KUMI. Isn’t just loved by 14 year old girls in Japan. But as well as EVERY MAN IN JAPAN, and possibly if any white guy encounters her. I was talking to one of Japanese defence force soliders, he didn’t know much english, but we were asking him what music he liked he went on to say, “Koda Kumi” and we all noded our heads thinking she was popular at this time, but then he goes on, “Every man in Japan thinks shes sexy and her lyrics aren’t bad either.” with a little smirk on his face.
    (Az’s Note: It’s definitely not every man in Japan. Quite a few men really dislike the slutty image. Japanese men like the cutesy, younger image anyway, which Koda definitely is not)

  48. Skiba said, on November 23, 2007 at 1:49 am

    Okay, seriously, what the hell.
    I happen to LIKE The Carpenters very much and wouldn’t see where the hell this “unifying Carpenter hatred” is coming from. I don’t care about this “send your hatemail here” or anything, but I really can’t see where anyone would get that impression. It just doesn’t make sense. I can see with Celine Dion (who I also like, but whatever), but with The Carpenters I just can’t.
    Honestly. :/

  49. Tsunoba said, on January 1, 2008 at 8:27 am

    I am never going to be able to look at Yuna or Lenne the same way ever again.

  50. Richard said, on June 8, 2009 at 10:54 am

    Not knowing who Koda Kumi is, I googled her. On her wikipedia page I found an interesting fact: she starred in a film called “Cherry Girl”. Take that how you will.

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