Gaijin Smash

Drinking Party

Posted in Blog by gaijinsmashnet on February 27, 2007

After a week of dancing with the elderly, the staff at the welfare center took me and my friend out to a drinking party.
The work drinking party is a bit of a custom in Japan. They spend a great deal of their lives enslaved by their work, so the drinking party is a chance to get wasted and let it all out. Although it is a bit counter-productive to go out drinking with the same people you work with, as Ms. Americanized pointed out to me once. We were on our way to the end of the year party for the Ghetto School, and as I was saying how nice it was to finally be on vacation, Ms. Americanized corrected me – “This isn’t a vacation yet. Not as long as I’m with those people.” She said those people with all the conviction as if they had robbed her house, thrown her family dog in a river, and then organized a successful letter-writing campaign to get South Park removed from all Japanese video stores.
Anyway, to thank us for our hard work, the staff took us out to a drinking party. My friend and I agreed, figuring that we could eat and drink to our hearts consent and they would pick up the bill for it aftewards. Don’t think us cheapskates – we worked hard during that week, especially me in all my Golden Matsuken Glory (or shame).
Little did we know though, we’d end up paying for the night in other ways.


I actually arrived a bit late, as I had a job interview beforehand. As I got there, most everybody had finished eating. I sat down with a menu, and all of the welfare center staff were in agreement for their recommendation – the cheese fondue. For those unfamiliar with the cheese fondue, it’s basically just a pot of melted cheese into which you dip bread or vegetables in. The staff recommended it heavily, which I found out later was just an excuse so they could eat more of it.
The cheese fondue was indeed delicious. However, it is melted cheese – this is about as healthy as pouring a case of Velveeta right down your throat. My friend, who is a bit of a health nut (and being Australian, he eats vegemite for pleasure), enjoyed the fondue but with a bit of guilt and self-loathing, much like many women do with the Rocky Road ice cream in front of the Lifetime channel, late at night. “I know I shouldn’t…but I just got dumped, so…” To assuage my guilt, I simply tapped into my American heritage, and downed the cheese covered veggies and bread like Peg Bundy knocking back Bon Bons while watching Oprah.
However, with all the veggies gone and still plenty of melted gooey cheese left, the staff decides to dip other things into the fondue. “Hey, how about this fried chicken?” one guy says, dipping the chicken into the pot. “Wow, this is great!” Inspired, another guy takes a fried fish stick, cheeseifies it, and takes a hearty bite.
My friend meanwhile, has four simultanous heart attacks from just watching this.
Friend: Dude, that’s already been fried in so much grease, and THEN to dip it in melted cheese…
Me: If it makes you feel any better, Japanese people have one of the longest life-expectancies on Earth.
Friend: And how the FUCK does that work? I mean, they’re all so worked up over dipping fried foods in cheese fondue.
Me: And let’s not forget the constant stress levels, the chain smoking, the heavy drinking…
Friend: I just don’t get it. Say, aren’t you keeping track of these Unsolved Japanese Mysteries?
Me: Honestly? I’ve lost count. Forgive me Robert Stack/Ultra Magnus, for I have failed you.
Meanwhile, one of the staff guys goes to dip some steak strips into the cheese fondue. Noticing this, I say to him, “Man, wouldn’t it be great if we could then deep-fry the cheese-dipped steak?” The staff guy lights up at this idea, and I think my friend actually turned a brilliant shade of forest green.
Matsuken Samba Revenge: Mission Complete.
***
At my position at the table, I was sitting in between two mature Japanese women. The one to my right seemed to be in her mid-40’s, and was still kinda cute. Emphasis on “kinda”. Like, if you see a beat-up ’67 Mustang, that’s rusted and the paint is peeling, and it wouldn’t start even if you kicked it, but you know back in the day it was a hell of a car. I can’t tell you anything about the one to my left, because she had the makeup pound on. Even with the makeup, I’d say she was early 50’s.
I know that in recent years, older women have been reclaiming their sexuality. You can see it on TV with shows like Desperate Housewives and Sex in the City. I think there’s nothing wrong with that, in fact I support it – I have a thing for older women myself. That having been said, I dunno, maybe it’s just me, but I would not expect a couple of soccer moms to start getting into a graphic/raunchy conversation right there at the dinner table. Especially not with a man old enough to be their son sitting between them. I wouldn’t expect it in America, and before coming, I certainly wouldn’t have expected it in Japan.
Silly me. When will I ever learn.
You know, I think I’m just going to step back and let the whole thing speak for itself. Do please keep in mind though that I’m sitting in the middle of these two ladies. I shall label the one on my right as Woman 1, with the makeup clown getting to be Woman 2. Woman 1 was married, but apparently has been divorced for 11 years.
Woman 1: (calling the waitress over) Yes, I’d like to order #49.
Woman 2: (giggling uncontrollably)
Woman 1: …What?
Woman 2: …You said “49”.
Woman 1: (thinks about it for a moment) …No silly, you’re thinking of “69”.
Woman 2: 69? Really? It’s not 49?
Woman 1: No. Look. (points to “69” on the menu) If you think of the round part as a head, then see how that works?
Woman 2: …Ah! I get it now. I was wondering why they called it by that number, but I guess 49 was all wrong.
Woman 1: Haven’t you ever done 69 before?
Woman 2: Well, honestly… Hey, what about you? Have you ever done 69?
Woman 1: What are you saying? I was married!
Woman 2: What kind of answer is that? Being married doesn’t necessarily mean you did 69.
Woman 1: Well then, what do you think?
Woman 2: (shyly) I think you did.
Woman 1: And you’re right.
Woman 2: Ok, then what about after marriage? Any 69?
Woman 1: No. No 69, no 49, no anything.
Woman 2: Oh, that’s too bad.
Woman 1: (wistfully) Yes. 11 long years…
Meanwhile, I’m desperately trying to scrub my brain of the image of either of these women engaged in hot clumsy 69. I would also wonder how me doing a benefit program for the elderly would lead to me being sandwiched between two women and their oral sex conversation, but I think we all know the answer to that one.
Meanwhile still, my friend just gives me one of those looks. It’s a look I thought really only existed in TV Land. Like, Steve Urkel bursts into the living room to show off his new invention, and in the process completely shatters the precious, irreplaceable family vase that Carl just got out of storage. And the whole family is about to be pissed off, but then Urkel shrugs and says “Did I do that?” and everyone gives him this “Only you, Steve Urkel, only you” look. That look! That look precisely. All we need is some theme music and canned laughter, and my life will effectively be a sitcom.
Woman 2, however, is far from done.
Near the end of the night, Woman 2 is just absolutely wasted. At one point, the staff guys noticed how fit my friend was (he eats well and practices karate), and lifted up his shirt to check out his abs. Upon being shamed/humbled, the staff guys also lifted up their shirts to compare. As I still have a little Pilsbury Doughboy action going on, I respectfully declined. But, Woman 2 next to me is desperately trying to flag someone’s attention so she can lift up her shirt to them. I begin thinking about Japanese public decency laws, and if I called the police would they really believe me.
A little later, everyone is talking about something, and Woman 2 says something having to do with “her daughter”. This gives the welfare staff pause – “Waitasec, you have a daughter?” Woman 1 asks. “Sure I do,” Woman 2 continues. “The unfertilized egg inside of me, just waiting for somebody’s seed to come along and fertilize her.”
My brain was still trying to wrap itself around that when my friend gave me another TV Land look and cut my thinking time short –
Friend: …Did she just say that she wanted some guy to come and knock her up?
Me: (barely containing laughter) Yep, that what it sounded like.
Friend: Oh Dear Lord. Az, just…just kill me now.
Me: Sure, we can arrange that. (calling for the waitress) Miss? More cheese fondue, please.
Remember my first editorial, way back when, “My Kids are Perverted”? Turns out, 30/40/50 years later, not a damn thing changes.

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56 Responses

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  1. 羽之助 said, on February 27, 2007 at 3:39 am

    So what did she say? 「誰かの精子を待っているわ」 or something?

  2. haafu said, on February 27, 2007 at 4:05 am

    omg priceless! What did the staff say when woman 2 asked to be “fertilized?” Or, did everyone just react in horror?

  3. A-Alas said, on February 27, 2007 at 4:15 am

    Sounds like a lot of fun *laugh* I’m don’t have ‘that’ much information or knowledge about the Japanese culture in their everyday lives, but this Woman 1 (was it), who had been married but divorced 11 years ago. It pretty much seems she’s not grieving anymore and probably wouldn’t oppose a new relationship. But does there happen to be a kind of “divorced women are bad for my health” thing with the Japanese men? ‘Cause you know, 11 years is a long time, especially if she’s kind of cute (I trust your judgement, Az.) Well, just pondering.

  4. ViolentAJ said, on February 27, 2007 at 4:34 am

    It all means 日本人は黒人が嫌いです。
    That’s what everything in Japanese means. “Welcome to the ‘Nam”.
    (Az’s Note: Dude, you have some issues you really need to sort out.)

  5. Jay said, on February 27, 2007 at 4:46 am

    I’ve worked out how I want to die. I’m going to go to Japan and die of laughter.
    Brilliant, and as usual made all the better by your unique writing style.

  6. Anonymous said, on February 27, 2007 at 8:28 am

    Annnnnnd AJ’s black vs Japanese returns in our new episode of Az’s editorial.

  7. Anonymous said, on February 27, 2007 at 8:28 am

    Annnnnnd AJ’s black vs Japanese returns in our new episode of Az’s editorial.

  8. Ruela said, on February 27, 2007 at 8:44 am

    Great idea! But I’d like to live for a while in Japn FIRST and see all these stuff for myself.
    Ok, maybe I don’t wanna be between two horny middle-aged woman… (or not?), but it’s great TV material, you’re right Azrael. Would you please tape a camcorder to your head and film all these hilarious things for us? And post it on YouTube! And maybe one day you’ll have your own sitcom and make lots of money!

  9. Anonymous said, on February 27, 2007 at 10:48 am

    “(and being Australian, he eats vegemite for pleasure)”
    Being Australian myself, this is by far my favourite line in the whole editorial. I haven’t been filled with so much patriotic pride since we won the last Ashes tournament.

  10. Caged Penguin said, on February 27, 2007 at 11:56 am

    Man, this reminds me of a neighbor.
    I used to live near 2 formal navy officers.
    1 of them told me about a 36 year old he sleeping with while stationed in Misawa.
    He told me he’d barely met her 4 hours earlier.. had her out for drinks.. she had 2 beers and a vile of sake, looks at him and asks him to make her orgasm that night.
    He said “I never expected that of a prim proper looking little japanese gal”.
    Welp, I cast my vote for a 30 minute sitcom based on Az’s life.
    Curtis Cage.

  11. Chibi said, on February 27, 2007 at 12:11 pm

    OK,I’m glad you’re back writing terrific editorials again. Keep up the good work!^^
    So I actually have two little experiences of mine to share on just how perverted some of them are.
    I’m from Sweden, and last summer when I rode the subway I happened to sit next to two older Japanese ladies (in their 50’s?), one of them eating chips as if she was a squirrel or something. They were chatting along in japanese and since I had studied some I wanted to practice my listening comprehension… ‘boy was that a mistake. After some minuites two Swedes in their 20’s boarded the train and the ladies changed topic to their handsome asses. I have to admit that I didn’t understand some of the words, but it was obvsious from context and what they stared at…
    The other experience is from the bunch of female friends I made while in Japan last summer. Their favorite topic of discussion were sex, sex and last but not least: sex. I felt that I must have been the first person ever that mastered all different “names” of the genitals and other stuff, in japanse, before I was able to properly order something at McDonald’s in japanese. Heck, my vocabulary of nicknames for the nether regions in japanese may even beat that of my native tongue. ^^;;;
    Me at McDonald’s: What does のみもの mean?
    Me the preceeding day: Oh! I know the meaning of くんに!!
    Weird…

  12. xin said, on February 27, 2007 at 12:42 pm

    i am so happy az has returned to us. I could go on reading this shit for hours and hours

  13. Rae said, on February 27, 2007 at 1:44 pm

    Some of us Women hate the Lifetime channel with a passion. ” Oh no, it’s a g….g….spook! Oh no! It’s actually my own mind playing tricks because of my horrible husband…or is it?” Lady, if you’re haunted, get out of the stupid house and divorce your husband. Also, I seek the return of Black Hard Gay.

  14. eViL_tEnNyO said, on February 27, 2007 at 2:33 pm

    eeeewww!!! *pat pat* cry if you need to lol what were the chances of you sitting right between two japanese women talking about sex? lol

  15. Autolycus said, on February 27, 2007 at 2:34 pm

    I was in Hawaii last month on a matchmaker trip, and I still think the mom might have been the only woman with the hots for me.
    Related but not as cool a story as yours of course!

  16. deathoxy said, on February 27, 2007 at 2:35 pm

    I wonder where Curtis Cage is…
    No comments from him yet. Strange enough =)

  17. Anonymous said, on February 27, 2007 at 3:50 pm

    How is that even perverted? What are you a 12 year old girl who blushes at every mention of sex?

  18. Anonymous said, on February 27, 2007 at 3:50 pm

    How is that even perverted? What are you a 12 year old girl who blushes at every mention of sex?

  19. ViolentAJ said, on February 27, 2007 at 4:24 pm

    Annonymous, it isn’t Japanese vs. Blacks, it’s Japanese don’t like Blacks.
    No Japanese person has ever threatened me physically (well, maybe except my wife, if you know what I mean). However, the majority of Japanese will not be too kind to a Black. Surprisingly, a small handful are quite hospitable.
    I’m going this summer to meet my wife’s parents. She tells me that they really, really hate Black people, but for her sake, she wants me to meet them.

  20. Kosetsu said, on February 27, 2007 at 5:52 pm

    That is a hilarious way to come full circle. “Turns out, 30/40/50 years later, not a damn thing changes.” XD; Nice.

  21. An Australian said, on February 27, 2007 at 5:57 pm

    Hey, we have our vegemite, you have your corn syrup.

  22. purplekitty said, on February 27, 2007 at 7:46 pm

    Violent AJ I don’t know what parts of Japan you’ve been to but never go there again. Your a little screwie man O.o

  23. Mark said, on February 27, 2007 at 9:35 pm

    Great story, but dont knock vegemite 🙂

  24. Shinkada said, on February 27, 2007 at 9:48 pm

    It’s funny, because I was eating a vegemite roll when I was reading this…
    And the great new eds continue! Keep it up Az~

  25. Shinkada said, on February 27, 2007 at 9:48 pm

    It’s funny, because I was eating a vegemite roll when I was reading this…
    And the great new eds continue! Keep it up Az~

  26. ViolentAJ said, on February 27, 2007 at 10:04 pm

    No, I’m just Black. I’m a Black man actually telling the truth. Maybe it is screwie to you. Maybe a Black man with an IQ of 159, far above the mean of 85 is a bit screwy to you? Maybe a Black man with a Japanese wife is screwie to you?
    Don’t worry, I’m not from Bizarro World, she was disowned by her parents. She wants to try to reconcile things though. I love her dearly, but I feel sorry for her a little.
    I digress, back to the subject matter at hand. All of Japan is the same. Japanese love you if you’re non-Black, hate you if you are Black. That’s the truth. There’s the way it is, there’s the way it always will be. Race is the determining factor in one’s life.

  27. cutepiku said, on February 27, 2007 at 11:00 pm

    “To assuage my guilt, I simply tapped into my American heritage, and downed the cheese covered veggies and bread like Peg Bundy knocking back Bon Bons while watching Oprah.”
    That made me SO happy. Married With Children FTW~
    (and to think, I’m only 17, and I remember this show so vividly)

  28. Azrael said, on February 27, 2007 at 11:16 pm

    AJ? Dude, seriously.
    Yes, Japan is xenophobic with a pinch of racism for flavor. It’s something many foreigners who choose to live here have to deal with at some point or another. And yes, black people, especially guys, get it a degree worse.
    But, that doesn’t mean the whole country is “let’s slap on our white hats and go lynch us a negro!” racist. There’s stupid shit in Japan, but there’s stupid shit everywhere else too. I’ve lived here for 4 years, if it was that bad I would have been on the first plane out by year 1.
    I’m sorry to hear that your wife’s parents disowned her. Yes, that kind of thing does happen. But it’s not the norm. My girlfriend was afraid of telling her mother that she was dating Gaijin, but when she ultimately did, her Mom’s response was “Honey, I don’t care if he’s green, as long as he makes you happy.” And I’ve had more than my share of adults offering up their daughters to me to show that not all Japanese are of the “if you date Gaijin, you are scum” variety.
    You have to be careful not to let some bad personal experiences dictate your attitude towards the entire people. Trust me, I understand how you feel – and its something that’s really easy to do. But then to label an entire race of people based on what a few have done to you, is just as bad as the thing you’re angry with them about.
    Anyway, let’s all get back to the topic of the oral sex habits of middle-aged Japanese women.
    (Incidentally, the timing of the next post is just a really, really bad coincidence…)

  29. Josh said, on February 27, 2007 at 11:31 pm

    You should have hit it.
    *wink wink*

  30. Patrick said, on February 27, 2007 at 11:32 pm

    Ummm… Can we change the topic a bit? I really don’t want to know how a 50 year old Japanese woman gives head.
    Unless I want to laugh my ass off. The shit you post is great.

  31. David said, on February 28, 2007 at 12:44 am

    Man I love this stuff. This is honestly the only blog I have ever kept up with.

  32. ViolentAJ said, on February 28, 2007 at 12:44 am

    Hah! Blacks don’t get it a degree worse, we get a pi radians worse. I never said that the Japanese would comit to physical acts of violence, but a Black person is fucked in Japan (not literally of course). If you are Black, I”d advise not going there but for awhile to look at it, and spite the little bastards.
    I do love my wife though, it hurts me a bit to type these things about her race.

  33. Old School said, on February 28, 2007 at 1:27 am

    They must be old women in training. They have the shock factor down pat, but they don’t have the power of indestructibility yet. 15 years later, some drunk businessman won’t know what screwed him.

  34. Excel-2007 said, on February 28, 2007 at 1:27 am

    I assume you’re not going to tell us your viewpoint of 49.

  35. Anonymous said, on February 28, 2007 at 3:36 am

    ViolentAJ
    I really hope your wife’s parents will understand you someday. I think they will understand you and your wife if you make her happy and she makes you happy.
    After all her parents must love her and they want her to be happy: how can they keep hating you if you keep making her happy.
    But keep in mind this kind of things happen even if
    you were Japanese.
    It might take time for Japanese to understand “gaijin”.Maybe you are the first gaijin her parents personally have met in their lives. They will get a picture of Black people through you.
    You said a few Japanese were nice to you.
    I hope the number of such Japanese will increase.
    I think Az helped Japanese a lot to understand what
    a Black person is like at his schools. The students and teachers now know Az, a black person, is pretty
    nice man. I hope Japanese will get this kind of message from black people.
    Japanese don’t know black people as much as you think.

  36. Anonymous said, on February 28, 2007 at 3:36 am

    ViolentAJ
    I really hope your wife’s parents will understand you someday. I think they will understand you and your wife if you make her happy and she makes you happy.
    After all her parents must love her and they want her to be happy: how can they keep hating you if you keep making her happy.
    But keep in mind this kind of things happen even if
    you were Japanese.
    It might take time for Japanese to understand “gaijin”.Maybe you are the first gaijin her parents personally have met in their lives. They will get a picture of Black people through you.
    You said a few Japanese were nice to you.
    I hope the number of such Japanese will increase.
    I think Az helped Japanese a lot to understand what
    a Black person is like at his schools. The students and teachers now know Az, a black person, is pretty
    nice man. I hope Japanese will get this kind of message from black people.
    Japanese don’t know black people as much as you think.

  37. Chris said, on February 28, 2007 at 5:18 am

    Hahaha, a person with a 159 IQ and a penchant for using needlessly complicated math tropes thinks the mean IQ is 85!

  38. Teldar said, on February 28, 2007 at 11:57 am

    Wow,
    AJ, you really need to step back and take a breath, telling us once “Blacks have it hard in Japan” is fine, Im of the opinion that Blacks have it tough socially just about anywhere. But you keep going on and on and on about it, Im not too sure if you are new to posting on the internet, or if this is your version of attention whoring.
    Its fine to point something negative like racism once, but dude, seriously, the way you have beaten your dead horse issue over the last few editorials has pretty much crossed the line into racism yourself.
    I know from Az’s editorials that Japan can be one of the most “cliq-y” places on the planet but I think that to paint an entire race with one brush like you are doing is as bad as what you claim is happening to you.
    Maybe learn from your own experience and try not to judge others as you claim to have been judged

  39. Random Gaijin said, on February 28, 2007 at 12:00 pm

    Damn that is seriously fucked up!

  40. Anonymous said, on February 28, 2007 at 1:22 pm

    ViolentAJ
    As a Japanese I apologize that Japanese people aroud you treated you badly.
    It is true that Japanese lack understanding about black people as much as American people do.
    There are not many Black people around ordinary Japanese, and whatever preconceptoin Japanese have, I think Az contributed a lot to Japanese society in the sense at least people around him understood a black man was extremely kind, torelant, intellingent, humorous, etc.. That maight make another stereotype about Black people, but until Japanese society become mature enough not to have any preconception about race, I think Az has done a good job.
    Again, I am really sorry for your experience in Japan.m(_ _)m
    I hope you and your Japanese wife will lead a happy
    life.

  41. Anonymous said, on February 28, 2007 at 1:22 pm

    ViolentAJ
    As a Japanese I apologize that Japanese people aroud you treated you badly.
    It is true that Japanese lack understanding about black people as much as American people do.
    There are not many Black people around ordinary Japanese, and whatever preconceptoin Japanese have, I think Az contributed a lot to Japanese society in the sense at least people around him understood a black man was extremely kind, torelant, intellingent, humorous, etc.. That maight make another stereotype about Black people, but until Japanese society become mature enough not to have any preconception about race, I think Az has done a good job.
    Again, I am really sorry for your experience in Japan.m(_ _)m
    I hope you and your Japanese wife will lead a happy
    life.

  42. Spoon said, on February 28, 2007 at 1:38 pm

    I love the transformer references you use

  43. Nels said, on February 28, 2007 at 2:42 pm

    “Welcome to the ‘Nam”
    Good gravy, is that a ‘Platoon’ reference?
    *tips hat*

  44. Jonci said, on February 28, 2007 at 3:55 pm

    I think they were just hoping you understood them and would offer up some gaijin lovin’.

  45. purplekitty said, on February 28, 2007 at 4:03 pm

    Alright ViolentAJ this is the last time I’m going to idulge one of your rants. I’m not trying to be mean so don’t take it that way either.
    Your in a interacial relationship. That’s great more power to you for loving someone and not caring about someones skin color! But in ANY interacial relationship, especially when they phsically look like they’re from a different race, there is bound to be some controversy. In fact any and all relationships are meet with some problem or another so there. Also I don’t need to hear about you and your wife everytime you say something. Your not the first black man to have a japanese wife (believe it or not) and you won’t be the last (double shocker!)
    Second the Japanese consensus is that any means needed to preserve their culture are legitimate, even if they may seem “racist” to outsiders. Any race that is not japanese is considered an outsider to them it just dark skin people LOOK the most foregin so yeah your gonna get the short end of the stick. But in case you forgot we’re not the only dark colored race. There are other races who are dark skin and you don’t hear them crying about it.
    Also when I say your screwy don’t insult me by telling me stupid things about your IQ and other things that have nothing to do with what I said. I did not say anything or your intellegence so don’t insult mine. Smart people can to be stupid too. What I meant was something has left a bad taste in your mouth and you need to find a way to rid yourself of that. You come across as very negative and angry and a little prejudice if I do say so myself.
    And last but not least black people are rasicts too. Each race has people like that and they’re that way for a reason and they’re ususally stupid people with stupid reasons so ignore them.
    Anway this is for everybody else go where every you want to go no matter your race! Don’t let anything (or body) tell you differnet. Okay now back to Az cause this dosen’t really have to do with Az’s posts. Sorry for getting serious^^

  46. LJL said, on February 28, 2007 at 8:36 pm

    AJ=
    The angry “successful-and-attactive-africa-american” intellectual jerk
    Race IS the determining factor in one’s life…if thats the way you live it.

  47. Kellie said, on February 28, 2007 at 10:57 pm

    Great post, Az, as always. I now have a reason to look forward to Tuesdays and Thursdays.
    AJ, really? What is up with you using this site as your “rant” board? If it’s that serious, just leave the relationship and stick with a “safe” choice. If Japan’s that loathsome a place, just stay away from it. It’s. that. simple. As Az said, xenophobia does exist in Japan but that does not justify typecasting every Japanese person on account of it. I’m sorry, but I have a difficult time sympathizing with someone who a) admits to having “Yellow Fever” and b) wields his “high IQ”. You honestly come cross as a disgruntled prick. In _YOUR_ case, I don’t think your race is what turns people off.
    P.S. Stop broadcasting your Japanese wife. No on really gives a damn. It doesn’t make you “speshul”.

  48. ViolentAJ said, on March 1, 2007 at 12:08 am

    Purplekitty, hats off to you. You make valid points that I concur with. However, you oughtta be careful in some areas. I am sure as Hell glad that went to Japan despite the negative things that I heard. I had a wonderful time, and I would have never met my wife had I not gone.
    Nels, that is a “Platoon” reference! L337 to know that someone else has a good taste in cinema!
    Thank you for the apologies from the Japanese people posting here. Thank you for your kind wishes. You need not apologize though; you are not the individuals
    LJL, sorry for my little rant there. I’m not all that attractive (I don’t see what my wife sees in me), nor am I the smartest guy on Earth. I know from experience that there are smart stupid people, stupid smart people, etc. I have the book smarts, and a bit of common sense so as not to be swindled. However, when it comes to people, I am still a n00b. My wife has opened a new world to me though, and she is such a fun girl! Alright, with that said, I think that I oughtta hit the sheets hehe.

  49. ViolentAJ said, on March 1, 2007 at 2:22 pm

    Kellie, there’s nothing wrong with liking what you like.
    “Kill me before the war is over will you? Well it seems that you are not the better man.”

  50. killryancooke said, on March 1, 2007 at 4:45 pm

    man that is one goofy ass situation. older people mentioning stuff like that is very awkward and very hilarious. a while back during high school my mother used to wake me up by yelling various genitalia names up the stairs. yep at between 5am and 6am my mom was screaming “VAGINA!” or “COCK” up to me.

  51. Maggie said, on March 3, 2007 at 1:19 am

    Ahahaha. I can’t help thinking that’s what my friends are going to be like in 40 years time… wow that’s scary.
    That said, if you weren’t aware that soccer moms talk about oral sex in public then ypou havn’t been spending enough time on the internet!

  52. Nerissa said, on March 15, 2007 at 9:54 pm

    People say the damndest things. And apparently in Japan, keep saying the damndest things.
    I wonder if a comedian has thought of the idea of living in Japan for a few years to get material.

  53. bbnflpn said, on April 10, 2007 at 7:02 am

    i got one thing to say, vegimite is some nasty stuff. it tastes like a mineral lick for a horse or cow. but it looks like chocolate. (good for playing jokes i found out hehe im so evil)
    wtf down under guys, how can you like that stuff.

  54. Ian Suttle said, on January 2, 2008 at 10:05 pm

    What a bizarre situation…
    Another great editorial (and rebuttal), Az!
    (I’m reading through the editorials I missed over the last 2.5 years backwards, so sorry for the late posting.)
    With reference to the conversation that took place above: Anyone here ever seen “Once Upon a Time in China 3”?

  55. Alicia said, on January 31, 2008 at 1:15 pm

    Hey Az,
    Meanwhile, one of the staff guys goes to dip some steak strips into the cheese fondue. Noticing this, I say to him, “Man, wouldn’t it be great if we could then deep-fry the cheese-dipped steak?
    Here in Philly, once you’ve added some onions and wrapped in egg roll dough, we call this a cheese steak roll. Greatest invention since the actual cheese steak! You can claim you’re share of heart diease for $1.00 to $1.50 a piece at your corner Chinese takeout store. Want one?
    As for the women you need some female friends. You know the kind that forgets your a guy and shouldn’t be in the room. Not only do we talk about personal issues and become very graphic, I’ve found our conversations are worse than guys!
    Great post and keep writtin’!

  56. Cameron said, on August 9, 2008 at 3:22 pm

    Here we go again: I can’t believe the things that would surprise you after growing up in San Fran. Then again, maybe I’m just more than reasonably jaded; I’ve been to clubs where you can just walk into a crowded ladies room and just sit and listen while smoking a cigarette; they don’t bat an eye and keep right on talking raunch. After half an hour of that, nothing that could come out of anyone’s mouth will ever shock or surprise you again. Ever. Any age, size, social situation.


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