Gaijin Smash

Don’t Get Fat in Japan

Posted in Blog by gaijinsmashnet on January 25, 2007

Gaijin Smash Original Content
I got sick the night of December 30th. I shouldn’t even have to tell you, this is an awful time to get sick. It pretty much ensures that come New Years, the only horn you’re going to be blowing is your own. So yes, I welcomed 2007 hacking up sexy bits of phlegm and fondly remembering back when my nose was more than just a facial decoration.
Getting sick in Japan is usually a bad deal. In America, we can buy wonderful meds over the counter which are as about as potent as Wilt Chamberlain in his prime. Our cold/flu viruses don’t stand a chance. Unfortunately in Japan, over the counter meds pack all the punch of an asthmatic girl scout. You pretty much have to go to the doctor in order to get medicine that will actually do something, and even then it’s medicine made for Japanese people so the cold/flu ends up lingering around longer than it ever should.
Given all my other stellar experiences with Japanese doctors, suffice it to say I didn’t want to go. However, my girlfriend insisted, and with my birthday only two weeks after New Years, I didn’t want to chance the sniffles raining down on my birthday paraade. I bit the bullet and went to the hospital. …Which was actually OK this time around. I got a nice doctor who spoke English – he’d done a fellowship in Maryland or something, and prescribed me medicine. Great.
The problem came when I went back for my checkup. Thanks to the meds, I was feeling better, but still had a nasty cough, and was feeling far more tired than usual. Unfortunately, the nice, English speaking doctor I’d seen the first time wasn’t there. Instead, I got some crusty old dude. I have to stress here that this conversation really actually took place. I mean, I know I say that a lot, but this feels like one of those conversations I’d make up to emphasize a point, except it’s not fiction, it actually did happen.
Doc: So, how are you feeling?
Me: Better, but I still have a terrible cough and am experiencing fatigue.
Doc: I see. Hmm. *checks my file…then pulls out a calculator to do some math* I see you’re a little overweight.
Me: *annoyed* I could probably stand to lose a few kilos, sure, but anyway, about the coughing and fatigue…
Doc: This isn’t good. Have you tried dieting?
Me: *more annoyed* I eat balanced meals and go to the gym 3-4 times a week. Anyway, so my cold/flu…
Doc: *looking at my chest x-ray* …Your heart is too big. Obviously, it’s having to work extra hard to support all your extra weight.
Me: *extremely annoyed* You know, I didn’t have any problems with exhaustion until after I caught this virus…
Doc: At this rate, your life is in danger. The sooner you diet, the longer you may be able to live.
Me: *annoyed to the point where if I were to speak, mothers in the neighborhood would have to cover their children’s ears*
Incidentally, my “fatal obesity” is really just a beer-gut. Which isn’t even that big anymore. But, obviously, these few extra kilos are singlehandedly responsible for the virus I caught, any bones I’ve broken in the past and may break in the future, and the fatal heart attack I’ll suffer at the tender age of 30. I’m sure that, as we speak, Japanese scientists are trying to find a way to link my love handles to global warming, the extinction of the Bali Tiger, and Kim Jong-il’s rise to power.


***
There’s a new burger at McDonalds in Japan. Not the McWhale or the Filet of Even More Fish as you might anticipate, no. The Mega Mac. They basically just took the volume of the original Big Mac, and doubled it. I fear words will never do this beast justice, so here – check it out for yourselves.
At first, I thought that this monstrousity was an American creation that someone had foolishy decided to bring over to Japanese shores. But after talking with one of my friends who’d just come back from America, he confirmed that the Mega Mac has yet to invade the West – apparently it’s a Japanese concoction. And this just boggles my mind. As a big American guy, just thinking about the Mega Mac is causing my arteries to clog up a little (more trouble for my overburdened heart I guess…). How the hell is your average Japanese person going to take on the Mega Mac? Any Japanese person who’s been to America makes sure to regale their friends with stories of the massive plates of food they were hit with in restaurants…
Japanese person: Um, hello, excuse me? I’m afraid there’s been a mistake in my order. Surely, you’ve brought me the family plate or something.
Waitress: Nope, that’s for one person.
Japanese person: Sweet mother of all that is holy and pure! How is one person supposed to eat all this food!
Waitress: Actually…waitaminute…there IS a mistake in your order. This is the KIDS plate. I’m sorry, here’s your regular portion…
Japanese person: *head explodes*
So with the Mega Mac, I was kind of thinking that you’d have to have a family of four split it up and eat it over the course of a week (…there’d probably be leftovers too). However, upon my next trip to my local McDonalds I discovered a rather disturbing sign posted on the registers – McDonalds was going to have to put a limit on how many Mega Macs they can serve in one day, because it was far too popular and they were running out of food supplies.
(Insert your favorite “What the shit?”-esque exclamation here.)
And much like everything else in this country, here’s something that just doesn’t add up. Who the hell is eating Mega Macs? Even if every Gaijin suddenly stormed their local Japanese McDonalds that wouldn’t be enough to cause a shortage of supplies. The only possible explanation I can come up with is that Japanese people realized that a burger of that magnitude could quite possibly kill them, and has thus attracted the suicide crowd. At least, that’s the demographic *I* would have gone for it the task of advertising this beast had been assigned to me. “The Mega Mac: Because there are other, less-convienent-to-everybody-else methods of killing yourself besides jumping in front of a train. Supersize your fries and cola to die even faster!”
Also, note on the Japanese McD’s website that you can buy this sucker in a value meal with fries, coke, AND nuggets. Okay, seriously, what in the jumpin’ jehosefat fuck?
And, just in case you didn’t believe me about the popularity of this thing, there’s a news story just released today about it. How conveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeniet.[/Church Lady] Anyway, here it is.
***
A TV program here advertised that a natto diet would produce significant weight loss results. This then resulted on a massive run on natto in all stores, mostly by young women.
For those not in the know, simply put, natto is fermented soybeans. Frankly put, natto is Satan’s most evil creation to date. Seriously, natto is like the worst thing to have ever voluntarily crossed my lips, and that’s taking into account my relationship with my ex. Natto tastes like despair, famine, plague, strife, and constipation all rolled up into sticky bean paste and sold in little styrofoam containers. My girlfriend eats natto, and she actually smiles while doing so and says ridiculous things like “it’s delicious!” Every time she eats natto I just want to break up with her.
Her: You know, it’s really healthy for you.
Me: I don’t care. It could cure cancer. It could make my penis 50 inches longer. It could make me develop Cyclops laser-eyes. The very act of eating it could produce a sensation as if I was getting a blowjob from the non-Beyonce members of Destiny’s Child. I don’t care. It’s nasty, and I can’t handle it.
Her: That’s too bad. It’d be awesome if we could eat natto together…
Me: Yeah. It would also be awesome if you could just punch me in the face, right now. I think I’ll pass on both though.
The TV show which caused the frenzy later announced that they falsified data making the natto diet look more effective than it actually is. Which in turn caused the appropriate Japanese chain reaction of public apologies, higher-ups at the TV station – who probably directly had nothing to with the show – resigning, and anyone connected to the show, including the studio janitors, taking a severe pay cut. Satan’s minions, aka natto manufactuers, also whined about the sudden cancellation of natto orders they’d gotten and the overproduction of natto.
But the “frenzy” only goes to show you just how concerned Japanese people are with their weight. Which is odd, because the vast majority of them don’t need to be. My girlfriend was watching some program on MTV called Girls Meet Beauty. I don’t really understand it well, but the premise was girls who wanted to become more beautiful by going through a program or something. The first step was to lose weight – all the girls wore a two-piece bathing suit, and talked about their goals – how much weight they wanted to lose, how they were going to do it, et al. Now, aside from maybe three or four girls who could afford to lose a kilo or two, the rest of them had absolutely no business being there. About half, I kind of wanted to pin down on the ground and force-feed Mega Mac’s.
But that’s just how it is here. Thin = attractive, and there’s no upper limit on how thin. Take a group of Japanese people to Ethopia and they’ll be like “Wow, so many supermodels!” I was walking with my girlfriend once, and I spotted a woman with toothpick legs. That’s not even an exaggeration, I probably could have wrapped my hand around the fattest part of her thigh, and have my fingers touch with room to spare. Just as I was wondering how her legs didn’t just snap in two with every step she took, my girlfriend hits me with –
Her: Oh wow, look at her! She’s so thin and sexy!
Me: Surely, you can’t be talking about Ms. Rickets up there…
Her: Of course! I wish I could have legs like that. …Huh? What’s that look for? Hey, where are you taking me?
Me: …..McDonalds.
Her: We just ate.
Me: I know.

Advertisements

89 Responses

Subscribe to comments with RSS.

  1. moros06 said, on January 25, 2007 at 12:53 am

    Hi I’ve been a fan for along time but this is my first comment.
    When I saw the burger my jaw was on the floor! That thing was massive! Holy Hell (hell isn’t holy I know)was it inspired by Godzilla?

  2. MibuKyo said, on January 25, 2007 at 1:00 am

    In Canada, we call it a double big-mac. It’s been around for quite a while. I’m not sure if the megamac is any different.

  3. Anonymous said, on January 25, 2007 at 1:02 am

    Best post in a long time =]

  4. Anonymous said, on January 25, 2007 at 1:02 am

    Best post in a long time =]

  5. soumakyo said, on January 25, 2007 at 1:10 am

    yay natto ! it will make you thinner (and consequently heal your flu, magic !)
    did that program advertised that it makes you thinner because it’ll make you throw up all the food you may have ingurgited in the previous two days ? (damn and people would still buy it !)
    Mc Donalds should try to launch the natto megamac, it’ll be the biggest hit ever.

  6. Mac Attack!!! said, on January 25, 2007 at 1:13 am

    Holy shit! Doctors are concern about staying skinny, Mega Mac comes out, it’s selling fast, but Japan thinks skinny is sexy. Wow… if this was in America, those burgers would not have lasted long, both selling and banning.

  7. Tazz said, on January 25, 2007 at 1:52 am

    Hey dude, first of all: Great post! Secondly, Happy Birthday! I hope you keep living until you turn… well whatever age I would die + 1 day, so I can always read your stories. Keep up the good work. And yes we do have that in Canada, double Big-Macs aren’t so big, Japanese people probally buy it to keep it like an antique? Haha!

  8. KD said, on January 25, 2007 at 2:48 am

    Well, I’d probably try the natto, but I’m a Newf living in a filipino neighbourhood. This means I was brought up on flipper pie and occasionally chow down on dinuguang – that is to say, I am not to be trusted. πŸ˜‰
    On the other hand, here’s someone who probably agrees with you, Az:
    http://www.thesneeze.com/mt-archives/000169.php

  9. Jester said, on January 25, 2007 at 2:59 am

    Ah, the Mega Mac, if I remember correctly it was called the Double Big Mac and it no longer exists in most McDonald’s in North America. I believe it was the immense pressure on McDonald’s from the movie Super Size Me and the rampant obesity spreading over the land caused by McDonald’s. That burger scares the living bajesus out of me.
    Love your blog by the way.

  10. Festival6667 said, on January 25, 2007 at 3:09 am

    Hey Az, just to tell you but we have the Mega Mac in France and most probably in about all of Europe, and the name is the same too. It was first introduced around 1998 I think (maybe it was 97 or 99, my memory isn’t too good, maybe I should diet too :p) and there were two bigger burgers, the Mega Mac and another with a kinda similar name but a bit smaller (only 3 steaks).
    Only the Mega Mac proved succesful though but unlike Canada -from what I can judge- we only have it from time to time, usually around summer (kind of a limited burger, only it comes back like every year and stays on the menu for like 5 months!)

  11. Putter said, on January 25, 2007 at 3:23 am

    I sure could go for a mega mac right about now…

  12. chris said, on January 25, 2007 at 4:39 am

    fantastic, they just get better and better…
    Happy new year Az

  13. Gregg said, on January 25, 2007 at 4:40 am

    Ye gods! Looking at the Mega Macβ„’ makes me squirm uncomfortably… and I used to eat things like that regularly! There’s a Wendy’s near me that “accidentally” puts four patties on a Classic Triple. Every Time! Perhaps McDonald’s /was/ going for the suicidal fast food gourmand demographic…

  14. Ale said, on January 25, 2007 at 4:42 am

    Also, remember, whenever you’re new in Japan, people will constantly ask you: “Have you tried natto yet?” Being from Sweden, they don’t know jack shit about my country. Seriously, I asked some of them what they know about Sweden and they just stared into space. But they couldn’t shut up about natto… When I asked why they said: “Well, no foreigners seem like natto…” Damn straight we don’t!
    P.S I’m not an avid McD-eater, but I don’t think we have the MegaMac or anything as such here in Sweden. The burger scene here is pretty tame, latest scream now is the return of El Maco. D.S

  15. Spring Hare said, on January 25, 2007 at 5:22 am

    We had that junk in Finland too. Can’t remember exactly when, but i think it was around 97-99. Our was called Big Big Mac :p and yeah, you could get the whole value meal set. sniff, too bad they’re not around anymore.

  16. Bully said, on January 25, 2007 at 7:16 am

    You BASTARD. So YOU’RE responsible for Global Warming!

  17. backwards7 said, on January 25, 2007 at 8:50 am

    The Mega Mac looks like it was inspired by an old episode of Scooby Doo.

  18. Tyra said, on January 25, 2007 at 9:15 am

    Yea, Canada has the double mac which is the same thing. When I worked there *shudders* people would come in and ask to DOUBLE there double big mac. wtf.
    Maybe the Japanese men have figured out that the MEGA MAC is the key to making their girlfriend’s breast larger.

  19. Hamburgler said, on January 25, 2007 at 9:18 am

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/McDonald's_menu_items#Former_menu_items
    I remember that America has the Double Big Mac back in the mid 90s so Japan didn’t start it; McDonalds had it for a short while. I don’t think it’ll be back since they are already in deep shit because of those damn activist.
    BRING THE MEGA MAC TO THE STATES!!

  20. La Maestra said, on January 25, 2007 at 9:22 am

    You’re from California, right? Ever eaten a Double-Double at In ‘N Out? A MegaMac looks basically like an off-menu item they’ve had for years called a 4×4, which is two Double-Doubles slapped together.
    I tried to eat one, once. I managed to cram the whole thing down, but wanted to die after that. Too.Much.Food.

  21. Will said, on January 25, 2007 at 10:01 am

    Hey Az, been reading for years ! I really enjoyed this post best in a long time. I really like your new stuff.
    Off to Japandia soon so will be fun to get a glimpse of all these things you speak of.

  22. Haughton in AZ (no, not THAT AZ..Arizona!) said, on January 25, 2007 at 11:02 am

    I have to say I don’t see the big deal. This is nothing more than the double quarter pounder with an extra piece of bread. Think about it. The patties used for the Big Mac are only the small burger patties…approximately 1/10th of a pound. So it is actually less meat than a double quarter pounder.
    I’m still not going to run out and buy one, but people buy those double quarter pounders all the time, or go to In N Out and buy a double or triple which has much more meat.
    Love your column and glad to see an update! And Happy B-Day!

  23. cutepiku said, on January 25, 2007 at 11:08 am

    Yeahhh… I work at Wendy’s, and they have triples, which I think are just gross… and then we get those crazy people that want it as a grand slam (4 patties), and that crazy man that comes in once a month, and gets 11 patties O_o;
    It must be only once a month so he can go to the hospital, and get his monthly stomache pumping.

  24. Mary Catherine said, on January 25, 2007 at 11:29 am

    “…there’s no upper limit on how thin.”
    The Math major in me wants to say “shouldn’t that be a *lower* limit since the weight decreases?”
    Oh! Bad math joke!
    Happy Birthday a little late!!
    Ahhhh, always something to look forward to in these posts! They never get old πŸ˜€

  25. Kremmy said, on January 25, 2007 at 12:41 pm

    We had the Mega Mac in Australia for a while. It didn’t last. The ‘double quarter pounder’, or ‘McGreaseball’ is still here tho.
    Oh tell me, how does Natto compate to Vegemite?

  26. Genibibiou said, on January 25, 2007 at 1:04 pm

    Holy Mother of GOD. I’m sitting next to a girl with a bulemia problem right now, and just to mess with her, I showed her the picture of the Mega Mac, and told her that’s what the school cafeteria was going to serve next week. The look on her face was a mix between “Someone-just-killed-my-dog” and “I’m-gonna-KILL-those-mothaf*ckers!!”.
    Priceless.
    Anyway- great post. I’ve been waiting around for some new content, and this DEFINATELY lived up to my expectations. I used to work at Wendy’s, and SO MANY people would add a pattie or two, until we couldn’t even WRAP the burger anymore, it was so tall. I think the biggest we made was a 6 pattie burger once. It was G-R-O-S-S. The guy squeezed the ever-livin’ out of that burger and just chowed down like it was his JOB. Ugh. Just thinking about it makes me want to follow that bulemia girl to the bathroom….

  27. schiebs said, on January 25, 2007 at 1:57 pm

    To get a rough idea of what natto tastes like, imagine coffee beans covered in flavorless slime. The crazy thing is that Japanese people I know eat that shit up, but won’t even use normal toothpaste because it’s too strong. WTF.

  28. AutumnFire said, on January 25, 2007 at 2:14 pm

    I do hope that you either ripped the second doctor a new one or insisted on having SOMEONE who was able to treat you competently! If that had been me (and I AM very overweight), I would’ve leveled up and applied the GaijinBitchSlapSmash. Frickin’ quack.

  29. Nicole said, on January 25, 2007 at 2:21 pm

    Wow, I loved this entry. It’s amazing how Japanese women are obsessed with being thin…is there a high level of eating disorders amongst women in Japan?

  30. Crowley said, on January 25, 2007 at 2:27 pm

    Top quality.

  31. Mr. Bomberman said, on January 25, 2007 at 2:55 pm

    OH MY GOD! Won’t that MegaMac cause…. death?
    I’m never gonna eat that… ever. Shit.
    They’d call me fat too, if I was over there, but I’m “stocky” as in “I look skinny”.

  32. Erin said, on January 25, 2007 at 4:58 pm

    From the news story you linked to:
    “Each Mega Mac contains 754 kilocalories of nutritional energy…”
    ” ‘I guess the convenience of being able to hold a decent meal in one hand has gotten the thumbs-up…’ ”
    They make the whole thing sound so sunshiney and positive, eh?

  33. Matt Metford said, on January 25, 2007 at 5:27 pm

    I saw the Mega Mac just yesterday at McD’s. There was a sign, but my Japanese wasn’t good enough to make out quite what it said. I think it was something negative, so probably the same thing.
    I’ve been to the ENT doctor about three times now, and I still have a sinus infection and nasty cough after about three months. It’s ridiculous. They just can’t figure out how much medication to give me, but of course they charge me every time.

  34. manny said, on January 25, 2007 at 5:35 pm

    dude i work in roppongi at a club as a security guard. now im a big guy but not big enough to want to eat a heart attack like the mega mac! they should call it the hambaga steak mac! jesus the size of that burger and they still havent managed to serve the supersize drinks over here yet. i see they are finally bringing the morning death sandwich to japan as well! the fatal heart attack called the mcgriddle! holy christ!

  35. MistyKoopa said, on January 25, 2007 at 5:43 pm

    Japanese McDonalds boggle my mind. They’ll serve a Big Mac with twice the meat, but serve the tinest drinks possible? I’d expect it to be completely reversed, American sized drinks, and microscopic portion of food, small enough that you’d have to order 3 extra large meals to even feel slightly full.

  36. Anonymous said, on January 25, 2007 at 5:50 pm

    Yeah, Double Big Macs here in Canada are pretty tasty, along with the Double Quarter Pounders πŸ™‚

  37. Anonymous said, on January 25, 2007 at 5:50 pm

    Yeah, Double Big Macs here in Canada are pretty tasty, along with the Double Quarter Pounders πŸ™‚

  38. Ihmhi said, on January 25, 2007 at 6:06 pm

    Burger King has a sandwich called the BK Stacker now… it is basically cheese, patty, bacon, and some sort of mildly spicy and tangy sauce. It is very good.
    The issue is that it comes in different sizes… the double, the triple, and holy mother of God, the *quadruple*.
    Now, I am not a small man by any means. I am 193 cm tall (6’4″) and I weigh about 130 kilos (about 290 lbs.) at the moment. (And yes, I could stand to lose some weight, which I am working on miss/mister-criticize-the-comment-writer.) But anyway, I tried the quadruple all of once. I could not actually fit the burger into my mouth, it is that big.
    It should not exist.
    If I am ever so stricken with famine that I have to have four patties, I will just order two doubles. Only Burger King could design a food that tastes so good and yet have some sort of sadomasochistic size designed to torture you into not quite fully enjoying it. Bastards.

  39. Kerii-chan said, on January 25, 2007 at 6:22 pm

    XD Your birthday is two weeks after New Years? Mine is two weeks and one day (the 15th XDD I get to share a birthday with Martin Luther King, lucky-ness XDDD).

  40. Vidgmchtr said, on January 25, 2007 at 7:01 pm

    I honestly don’t get it. They HATE fatness in Japan, yet they have:
    1. Sumo wrestling
    2. Tanuki statues everywhere
    3. Hotei, one of the Shichi Fukujin
    Does kanji for “hypocrisy” exist there?
    Anyway, I stand at 5 feet 8 inches, and weigh somewhere around 190 pounds. I definitely could lose weight, but I’m not someone who places much importance on stuff like that. I like what I am now, to the point where I am narcissistic about it (heh heh). I definitely would not tolerate it if a doctor (or pretty much anyone) constantly told me to lose weight over there.
    Besides, my doctor over here has not complained about my weight. Why should anyone else?
    As for the Mega Mac, DAAAAAYUUUUM. I’m not one who eats hamburgers, though, so…

  41. Ned said, on January 25, 2007 at 8:03 pm

    Hey there.
    I haven’t read any of your stuff in months- not since the move to Rudius Media- so it’s great to see some new content again. Keep it up, you’re entertaining rather a lot of people =)
    I hope you recover soon. Actually, would you write more if you were housebound? Hmm…

  42. Kosetsu said, on January 25, 2007 at 8:32 pm

    Um… actually, that MegaMac looks kinda’ tasty. I put away the normal BigMacs with no problem, and even have enough room to drain my soda dry. So, maybe a MegaMac’ll stop me.
    My problem would be -Japanese- MegaMac’s – if every order arrives picture-perfect, than that -would- be too much for me. It sounds weird, but the food -looks- bigger, and thus puts a dent into my appetite.
    Also, Natto isn’t that bad. My Kendo instructor once brought us some… I was one of… what, three people who liked it. The key is MUSTARD. You must smother those suckers in MUSTARD, stir it around, and then eat it with RICE. LOTS AND LOTS OF MUSTARD AND RICE.
    All that’s left after that is the weird after-taste. That you wash down with water.

  43. Chase said, on January 25, 2007 at 8:49 pm

    I’ve been trying to get one of those Mega-Macs since they came out, but even if I go at 11 am they are sold out and they just give me a coupon for the next time. Grrr

  44. Runs With Scissors said, on January 25, 2007 at 10:23 pm

    ewww. My host family asked if I wanted to try natto, but I politely refused; there is something wrong with the way it’s so sticky that when you pull the topp off the strands stick to it for like five feet. ick.

  45. Jorah said, on January 25, 2007 at 11:58 pm

    Oh god, natto. As a child in an Asian family, I can vouch that natto is one of the most disgusting concoctions in the history of man. Even watching other people eat it is disgusting. With the goop and the strands and uggghh.

  46. JC said, on January 26, 2007 at 12:09 am

    I actually like natto, the first time I tried it was at a japanese women’s university satellite campus here in the states. Its pretty good, of course, about all of the other Americans with me hated it. I think I was the only one who enjoyed eating it. I think the trick in it is having no sense of smell as well as no taste buds, to me, alot of stuff tastes the same due to my insane consumption of hot sauce. Anyways, I like natto and always look forward to eating it at a japanese place I know.
    The BK stacker is awesome, bacon, four meat patties and cheese, quite possibly the greatest thing to ever come from BK since curly fries, which they dont serve anymore. The quad, and megamac in japan, should be so easy for you Az, I ate the whole thing along with a 5 piece chicken tenders. Keep in mind I’m about 5’6-7 and less than 140 lbs. Try one! Can’t guarantee you’ll love it, but the experience is sure to last a long time,

  47. Old School said, on January 26, 2007 at 12:36 am

    I think I remember McD’s doing something like this to celebrate the anniversary of their Big Macs or something like that. They went so far as to have a triple decker Big Mac and the Mega Mac you see before you, but they didn’t last long.
    Ihimi, The BK Stacker isn’t even that big! The Quad Stacker had no effect on me. You are just a wussy! But the days of eating a Triple Whopper without going to sleep are past. At least I’m not as foolhardy as some of these people:
    http://youtube.com/results?search_query=bk+stacker&search=Search
    Finally, Az, don’t just force-feed the skinny girls; make them go through a strict weight training regiment as well. People seem to forget that.

  48. Anonymous said, on January 26, 2007 at 2:56 am

    Growing up in Japan as a girl is not good for your health. I don’t have the rabbit metabolisim so many of my asian friends do, so, as a result, I always felt I was too fat. I was/still am bulimic since 15 years old.
    And the funny part… when I went to ameerica, the doctor there said I was underweight. But I still feel huge here.

  49. Anonymous said, on January 26, 2007 at 2:56 am

    Growing up in Japan as a girl is not good for your health. I don’t have the rabbit metabolisim so many of my asian friends do, so, as a result, I always felt I was too fat. I was/still am bulimic since 15 years old.
    And the funny part… when I went to ameerica, the doctor there said I was underweight. But I still feel huge here.

  50. Gennai said, on January 26, 2007 at 6:58 am

    Funun as hell man! BTW Az, What is the diameter of the Big Mac? How many inches around is it?

  51. James said, on January 26, 2007 at 7:34 am

    I worked at a mcdonalds when i was younger, and we used to sell “Mega Mac’s” as double big mac’s… not that bad if you made it yourself(ie could take the grease off, put a little extra mac sauce, and make it a bit neater).

  52. evil_tennyo said, on January 26, 2007 at 8:25 pm

    OMG that’s crazy!! Even more so that its making a huge profit over there!!!!
    ……
    they need to bring that here.

  53. Jeffrey Friedl said, on January 27, 2007 at 2:20 am

    I’ve heard that they’re limiting the Mega Mac to just 20 burgers per day per location, not because of a lack of ingredients, but due to a lack of money. Before launch, they flooded the market with coupons that allow you to get 4 at 310 each, which is a pretty low price, so now they’re regretting it.
    I’m waiting for a DOUBLE Mega Mac…. with natto.

  54. Brad said, on January 27, 2007 at 3:08 am

    Holy shit. I would totally spend seven and change to eat a kill-you-dead burger with fries and nuggets.

  55. paul lewis said, on January 27, 2007 at 5:09 am

    yea i’m surprised i thought the double big mac was liek worldwide already, and ever more yet i’m surprised that america is supposed to be fatter than canada, yet WE have the double burgers. And the patties on those hamburgers aren’t even like regular sized patties.
    (Have you seen the special order animal burgers at A&W az? it puts those double big macs to shame. Like six patties three bread, lettuce, tomatoe, its almost to damn big. )

  56. GLC said, on January 27, 2007 at 2:51 pm

    Sweet God on a stick, those Mega-Macs look horrible.
    Speaking of natto, just tell your gf that it tastes like ass soup. πŸ™‚

  57. JT said, on January 27, 2007 at 11:55 pm

    I just went to McDs and had a mega mac haha. Was ok, I wasn’t bloated or anything (17 year old average 165cm girl). I was wondering if you would mention it in your blog!
    One thing I won’t be missing when this exchange ends is natto.
    Even worse: natto covered mochi.

  58. Kelly said, on January 28, 2007 at 12:39 am

    Holy Crap! [/PeterBoyle]
    How do you get your mouth around that burger!?

  59. Scott said, on January 28, 2007 at 2:37 am

    “jumpin’ jehosefatfuck” is the funniest shit I have heard in a long time.
    Side note – The Hardeez (Or Carl’s Jr) Monster burger owns all of mankind.

  60. Lyndon Reid said, on January 28, 2007 at 6:07 am

    Hey man, up here in Canada we have a word for the Mega Mac, we call it the Double Mac, and it’s been here for a few years. Honestly though, I work at McD’s as a pimply faced teenager, and I’ve discovered some things. First of all, the lettuce and sauce and cheese and pickles on a single Big Mac cover up the taste of the meat, and if blindfolded, you actually CAN’T tell the difference between one with meat or one without, so I think it’s pointless to buy a Big Mac unless it’s double. Anyhow, I can also customise my burgers a bit, and have found that with the extra meat- it then takes away from the sauce and everything else good, so I triple the sauce and double the cheese and put on some extra lettuce. I can tell that it was a good burger if it looks like someone puked in the box after I’m done- a mix of the Thousand Island sauce and shredded lettuce looks just like it. Anyhow, I’m surprised that this burger’s not in the U.S. but apparently a lot of country’s have a McD’s sandwich called The Big Tasty, one similar to a Big Extra but with a far bigger patty- like, more than a quarter pounder patty, and we don’t have that in Canada. I guess I’ll ask my friend Yuka more about McDonald’s in Japan but I’ll have to hurry because she’s going back to Hiroshima in two weeks after her two year stint in Canada. See ya.

  61. Sharon L. said, on January 28, 2007 at 11:58 am

    The Mega Mac is nothing…ever heard of Carl’s Jr.’s Monster Burger? 1420 calories, 107 grams of fat. http://jimmysweblog.net/2005/04/gentleman-start-your-pacemakers.html
    The winner of Nathan’s hot-dog-eating contest, eating 40-something hot dogs, was a skinny Japanese guy.

  62. Excel-2007 said, on January 28, 2007 at 3:11 pm

    Do they have plates and knives and forks in the McDonald’s?

  63. Jonah Rapp said, on January 28, 2007 at 4:28 pm

    Hey, Az? The natto diet actually DOES work. Just substitute natto for your regular meals and the weight just drops off because you’re not eating anything. πŸ˜‰ Surefire route to success!

  64. Shinkada said, on January 28, 2007 at 8:44 pm

    You people should try asking for the Double Big Mac. I only found out recently that McD’s aren’t too bad with stuff they don’t actually advertise, when I go there (about once a month) I usually pig out on a Triple Cheeseburger; one day I was ridiculously hungry, I asked for a Quad Cheeseburger and they ACTUALLY made it for me!
    No food should be banned, ever. You should just be warned what’s in it. I hate the way the health junkies try to tell us what we can’t eat, even though it’s our own responsibility. If you become obese through food, it’s your own fault, you can’t blame it on what the store offers. Fast Food fans should start a petition to ban Subway ‘cus it tastes like crap. “If you can ban our food for what you think of our food, then we can ban yours.” It’ll keep going until all food is banned… Except Natto. And Satan laughed.

  65. risa said, on January 29, 2007 at 6:13 am

    Natto looks, feels, smells and tastes like those alien foetuses from the ALIEN movies would if they were real.

  66. Kate said, on January 30, 2007 at 9:12 am

    Japanese friends always ask me if I like natto. I tell them yes, of course. Then, after they start beaming and commenting on how Japanese I am, I add ….well, aside from the taste, the smell, and the texture, that is.
    Also? Sometimes, going up the escalator, I want to tap the woman in front of me and say, Excuse me, but I think you forgot your butt when you got dressed this morning. On the plus side, skin and bones means no muscle, so I get a huge kick out of the teeny girls at the gym marveling at the “fat” gaijin lifting their body weight. That’s right, girls, stare away. I could break you.

  67. draglancer said, on January 30, 2007 at 11:32 am

    OMG!! I wanna try a Megamac!! They should bring those back to the US. C’mon Mcd!! Bring em back!!!

  68. Dave said, on January 31, 2007 at 12:15 pm

    I wish i could have eaten that mega mac…i swear to god it might actually fill me up. this country just needs to up the food portions!!!!

  69. Hrez2kx said, on February 1, 2007 at 7:02 am

    I’ve had the mega mac and was sorely disappointed. I was expecting four BIG patties and a triple bypass being necessary, but alas. Yes, there are 4 patties, but they are the same size as the kid’s patties back in the states. After finishing the entire burger, I was still hungry. To put it in perspective, a Wendy’s Classic Double with cheese in America has more meat and is much more filling.

  70. nate said, on February 2, 2007 at 3:24 pm

    dude, I’m really confused. I’m still readying your backlog stuff and I wasn’t aware you got a new girlfriend. You need to have a directory system for new articles and old articles. I would love to know what’s going on in your life currently.

  71. ViolentAJ said, on February 11, 2007 at 6:23 pm

    WTF dude. How’d you get a Japanese GF. Nihonjin ha kokujin ga kirai da you n00b!1!!!11one!1!ein

  72. Tina said, on February 11, 2007 at 7:00 pm

    Luckily I never had to go to a doctor while being in Japan (I guess the annual health check at university doesn’t count), but I heard terrible- terrible!- stories from my friends.
    Like one who fell down really badly and couldn’t see for some time, and only black and white after that. She went to the university’s doctor and told the nurses that she had fallen quite badly – first question “Who fell? You?”
    Or another friend who was experiencing bad health problems after coming to Japan. She went to a doctor with a Japanese friend. He gave her some drugs – and told her friend that he wouldn’t give those drugs to a Japanese, because these are way too strong. The thing is my friend isn’t much taller or stronger than an average japanese girl. What kind of person did the doctor see in front of him?! It’s funny though that most of them still speak German… even though it’s just some random words. It’s quite confusing if a doctor is talking to you in Japanese and suddenly throws in a German word…
    Man.. Japanese never failed to shock me XD But still I hope I can go back to Japan soon…

  73. LoR said, on February 18, 2007 at 4:35 pm

    Based on your earlier editorial, I’m trying to imagine what a fully assembled ad-style MegaMac would look like, but I can’t even imagine it. I can believe your little scenario. I can sorta imagine it being an inch or two tall from an American joint, though.

  74. Kfisher said, on March 3, 2007 at 8:35 am

    Wow, after seeing that mega mac, I was like “Woah, looks like the Japanese are gonna start catching up with Americans when it comes to weight.” I wonder how many calories that shit is.

  75. KC said, on April 6, 2007 at 11:15 pm

    i personally like natto. it tastes good =0
    .. but then again, i grew up in japan. so i guess my judgement can’t really be trusted here.

  76. ParadoxMind said, on April 17, 2007 at 8:41 pm

    *sniff*…….its…..its beautifull. if we had MegaMacs in the US i wouldnt have to order 4 double quarter-pounder meals, i could just get two of these puppies. wait, they come with fries AND nuggets?! glorious.
    for the record i am 6’1 185lbs, i just have a high metabolism, so dont be calling me ‘fatty’ and such-like; im solid muscle.

  77. Anonymous said, on April 18, 2007 at 2:59 am

    The weight thing is what worries me about going to Japan (JET or otherwise). I’m overweight by American standards, so I’m probably going to be the fattest woman a Japanese person has ever seen. I really hope I don’t get sick, I can see it now “you are too fat, this is why you have the flu, got stabbed, broke an arm, etc.” Maybe I’ll just stock up on good meds before I leave the states and hope nothing happens to me that the pills can’t fix. “please customs guy, ignore my suitcase of pills, kthx”
    Oh, and the MegaMac makes me want to puke just thinking about it.

  78. Anonymous said, on April 18, 2007 at 2:59 am

    The weight thing is what worries me about going to Japan (JET or otherwise). I’m overweight by American standards, so I’m probably going to be the fattest woman a Japanese person has ever seen. I really hope I don’t get sick, I can see it now “you are too fat, this is why you have the flu, got stabbed, broke an arm, etc.” Maybe I’ll just stock up on good meds before I leave the states and hope nothing happens to me that the pills can’t fix. “please customs guy, ignore my suitcase of pills, kthx”
    Oh, and the MegaMac makes me want to puke just thinking about it.

  79. Kei said, on April 23, 2007 at 6:04 am

    What happens to genuinely heavy Americans or others visiting Japan? I have to assume from your writing that they are stared at, mocked and treated rather poorly – or at least given the polite face and then a great deal of laughter and mockery as soon as they turn away.
    I remember one editorial in which you discussed a girl at one of the schools who wasn’t a stick figure, just a normal weight girl, and she was treated horribly by the school doctor who said her ankle couldn’t support her weight. That made me want to cry, talk about screwing her head up…
    Someone else asked but I didn’t notice a reply – what is the incidence of bulimina and such in Japan? Anorexia? I have been reading under-eating as a way to feel better and live longer, but under-eating in the country is relative to everyone else’s over-eating. It can’t be healthy to have no muscle and be skin and bone, yet it has to be healthier than the percentage of people who are obese in North America – or perhaps both are equally unhealthy.
    Az, what you are doing with a girl who admired stick legs as “very sexy”? She can’t possibly have the figure you’ve said you prefer… or does she (and lament about it?)
    The North American obsession with tiny thin Japanese women stems from a belief that as they are smaller physically, more petite, less demanding, more submissive, playing into all the insecurities American men have with regard to women who actually are present, physically and otherwise – although having grown up in this culture, one can’t help wishing for that tiny petite body and long black hair that so many men seem to find so very entrancing.

  80. Xin said, on September 8, 2007 at 7:13 am

    Hm, the links to the news article and Mega Mac didn’t work for me.
    However, after google imaging that sucker… Holy crap!

  81. Sophia said, on December 26, 2007 at 5:03 pm

    Apparently some natto manufacturers advertise natto with collagen.
    Ew! X_x

  82. Jonadab the Unsightly One said, on February 22, 2008 at 9:46 pm

    In America, of course, we have the Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese, which if I calculate correctly actually has 25% more beef than the Mega Mac. And we can get SuperSize fries and pop with that, if we are so inclined. Yes, I have seen one person singlehandedly eat a Super Size Double Quarter Extra Value Meal in a single sitting. (No, it wasn’t me. I’m not that big a fan of beef, personally.) Come to that, when I worked at McDs in the late nineties we had a regular customer who came through the Drive Through just about every day for *two* Super Size Double Quarter EVMs, and we used to speculate about whether there was a second person back home or not; most employee estimates leaned toward not, but maybe we were just a cynical bunch.
    In my estimation, the main reason the Double Big Mac failed in the US where the Double Quarter succeeded is because the Big Mac is pretty specifically targetted at people who like a lot of condiments on their burger (hence the lettuce and special sauce and so forth on _both_ halves of the sandwich; however, the person who said you can’t taste the beef at all is full of bologna). Doubling the amount of beef without increasing the condiments in proportion messes up the taste. People who just want a lot of beef and don’t care about the condiments are generally going to go for the Quarter or Double Quarter anyhow, either of which only has condiments on the top (except for the second slice of cheese).
    Apparently, if the MegaMac is very popular in Japan, the dynamic is somewhat different there. (Yeah, go figure. Japan, different from the United States? You can feel free to faint at the thought, just keel right over in astonishment if you want.) Then again, didn’t you say in another post that they don’t have the QPC? That right there could explain why the MegaMac is more marketable in Japan than in the US, because it doesn’t have to compete head-to-head on the same menu with something even beefier.
    As far as health goes, the size of the burger is a relatively minor point. I mean, it does matter, but really the more important issue is how *frequently* you eat fast food. Because if it’s something you do a couple of times a year, then you can pretty much pack away a Triple Whopper with Extra Bacon and a bucket of fries each time and still have a healthier diet overall than the person who eats a Filet-o-Fish and small fries every day for lunch. (Depending on what you eat the rest of the time, of course. If your home-cooked meals consist of batter-dipped deep-fried Snickers bars, Twinkies, and Spam, then you’re pretty much knackered whether you eat out regularly or not.)
    > Japanese person: Sweet mother of all that is holy and pure!
    I find the notion of a Japanese person using a Roman Catholic expression of awestruck surprise particularly amusing.

  83. Cameron said, on August 9, 2008 at 1:50 pm

    I can just imagine this, going to a Japanese doctor with a cold, casually smoking a cigarette while he looks me over…good shape, good weight…no, sorry Gaijin-san, we just can’t figure out where your cough could be coming from…
    I say with irony that we’re a dying breed, smokers. You couldn’t possibly say that any other way.

  84. Azharul said, on September 25, 2008 at 8:42 am

    hi iv been a fan for agesss… but this is my first comment, i live in england and iv had a mega mac once, i asked for a realy big burger…somting new, he thought for a long time then muttered somting to a colleague, 5 mins later… the fattest thing i had seen in ages, i asked for the name; he though long and hard and he sed “megamac”

  85. Brenton said, on November 1, 2008 at 3:45 am

    Some time reader, first time commenter.
    The Mega Mac had some competition recently here in Australia. It was called the Quad, and it was from Hungry Jacks.
    It was a limited-time offer burger, with 4 meat patties – **and no salad**. The circumference is also quite a lot larger than the Big Mac, for even more beefy goodness.
    Link here: http://www.news.com.au/adelaidenow/story/0,22606,24285222-5006301,00.html
    And here: http://www.news.com.au/adelaidenow/story/0,22606,24291311-2682,00.html
    After the anime club I go to finishes, a bunch of the people who go, go to a nearby Hungry Jacks for a late dinner and chat. One of the members bought a Quad and ate it – he reckoned it was good, but it looked a bit gross to me – and this is from someone who *likes* McDonald’s. I should emphasize that it was quite massive – though shorter than the Mega Mac because it had no salad.
    There was a big public backlash against it though. Quoting from the article:
    A FAST food chain’s “gross” 1080-calorie burger is irresponsible and a sign that the industry is ignoring health warnings about the obesity epidemic, experts say.
    TV commercials are promoting the Hungry Jack’s Quad Stack Burger, which contains four beef patties, four slices of cheese, two rashers of bacon, barbecue sauce and two sugared buns.
    It contains 71g of fat, 34.7g of saturated fat, 1930 milligrams of sodium, and 74.8g of protein.
    The burger, which sells for $5.95, has no salad and the calorie content equates to more than half of a woman’s recommended daily energy intake and nearly one-third of a man’s.
    Have you tried this gastronomic delicacy? Tell us what it was like in the comment box below and vote in our poll on the lower right of the page
    When shown a photo of the burger by The Advertiser yesterday, Health Minister John Hill said: “This is just gross and encourages binge eating.”
    “It is unbelievable in this time of heightened awareness of obesity that a junk food producer would sell this product,” he said.
    Life Personal Trainers dietitian Tanya Lewis said Hungry Jack’s was being “irresponsible” in selling the new burger.
    “I was quite surprised that with so much media about healthy eating and the whole anti-supersize thing that they would come out and do the exact opposite,” she said.
    “I wasn’t too impressed when I saw it on the TV and even the people who watched it with me who weren’t dietitians said the same thing. It was a bit like: `What are they thinking?’.
    “It seems a bit irresponsible to me – even the way they’re marketing it, you would think they might offer a free salad with it to try and even things up but they haven’t even done that.”
    Since 2006, the same burger has been sold by the Hungry Jack’s equivalent in the U.S, Burger King, sparking similar outrage there and across the globe.
    In that time, companies such as McDonald’s and KFC have introduced healthy alternatives on their Australian menus while providing nutrition information of their products.
    Associate Professor Jane Scott, from the Flinders University’s Nutrition and Dietetics department, said burgers like the Quad were “often marketed as a challenge”.
    “It challenges people to over-consume and this is just overkill,” Professor Scott said.
    “Once you’ve had one of these burgers all you can really eat for the day is fruit and vegies because you’ve already reached your daily intake in most of the food groups.”
    ————-
    Interesting, amirite?

  86. Anonymous said, on February 10, 2009 at 4:34 am

    Haha, when I read this, it made me laugh. The megamac has invaded Singapore, along with the local mega McSpicy. Never seen a McSpicy overseas before so I may be wrong.
    http://www.mcdelivery.com.sg/

  87. Anonymous said, on February 10, 2009 at 4:34 am

    Haha, when I read this, it made me laugh. The megamac has invaded Singapore, along with the local mega McSpicy. Never seen a McSpicy overseas before so I may be wrong.
    http://www.mcdelivery.com.sg/

  88. Rune said, on February 16, 2009 at 8:04 pm

    According to reading I have done at the old japundit blog and at the j-list side blog, it seems that the Mega Mac was a seasonal item that was made regular. As you yourself described about Peach Qoo, the japanese take the ‘limited’ part of ‘limited tiem offer’ very seriously… truely strange that the Mega Mac was the one to break the mold.

  89. thearkive said, on July 2, 2009 at 10:26 pm

    Way back in the early to mid 90’s there was the monster mac, a limited menu item during the Halloween season. Lain knows when they changed its name to the mega mac.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: