Dr. Watson and Mr. Kancho
I was helping out a female sannensei student after school one day with English – she was concerned about the English part of her high school entrance exams, and wisely sought out my council. We talked about various things, eventually coming to my running rivalry with Watson. “He’s an ‘interesting’ dude, for sure,” she said. “But you know, he’s actually really, really nice. He’s always reminding us “don’t forget, it’s your turn to clean the bathroom” or “hey, don’t forget it’s your turn to erase the blackboard.” And sometimes if he has the time, he just does these things for us. He really is a nice guy.” Huh. This is a side of him I have *never* seen before. Of course, I’ve never seen a side of him that isn’t trying to violate my kibbles and my bits. At the same time, I suppose it’s not at all far-fetched, but I can’t even imagine a reality that involves this kid and not trying to grab someone’s dick. It’s just like what he does. Superman fights against evil and injustice. Jack Bauer is an anti-terrorist hardcore weapon of doom. Watson grabs dicks. That’s just how the world works.
To prove my point, later that week…
There are times in life when you just find yourself in a “Oh shit!” situation. It’s like time just freezes, and the only thing that goes through your brain is the extent of how fucked you are. Like if you were a Robeast, and you were fighting Voltron, and he pulls back and goes “FORM BLAZING SWORD!” You just know you’re fucked, the end.
It’d been a while, but I had one of those moments today. I was on my way to class on the third floor. I was going up the steps when suddenly my Ascended Senses flared up and I turned around to see Watson behind me. On the steps.
For those not familiar with Kancho Dynamics 101, I’ll explain – nailing someone on the steps is like the Perfect Kancho Position. Having the ass above you provides for maximum finger/arm extension, and full Thrust Acceleration. It also puts the bullseye in a prime location, thus improving Thrust Accuracy by a full 67.3%. Kancho has to be one of the only offensive attacks where having the lower ground is actually the advantage.
So yeah, with Watson behind me on the steps, it wasn’t a matter of if I was shit outta luck, but by how much.
I’d love to tell you that nothing happened. I really would. That Watson and I simply went up the stairs and onto our respective classes like any two normal human beings would. I’d love to tell you that. But you and I both know that if that were the case, we wouldn’t be here right now, would we?
With me at a disadvantage, I did the only thing I could with the time I had – turned around and switched targets on him. Now, I know I have just potentially sacrificed my cock for my cornhole, but that’s just the reality of the situation here. Luckily, I caught his hands as usual, and we were once again interlocked into our Endless Waltz.
Watson’s going to graduate soon, so this may be one of the last times I see him. I tried another shot at reasoning with him. “Seriously, dude, it’s been three years. Three whole years. Do you even know what you’re doing anymore?” Watson’s reply? “Honestly, does it even matter at this point?” Is this what we’ve come to now? Is it just now a natural battle of opposing forces? Like Good vs Evil? Hunter vs Prey? Kanchoer/Dick Grabber vs Kanchoee/Dick Dodger? If Watson ever did actually get a grab at my dick, I’m not sure he’d even know what to do next. He’d just be stunned, like “Waitaminute, I got it. So the battle’s over now? Huh?”
Hurry up and graduate, kid. There’s a brand new, shiny, untarnished foreign dick just waiting for you in high school. Unless the English teacher at his school is female, in which case he’ll either be shit outta luck, or the rules of the game will change completely.