Ms. Americanized 2
After the Sports Day festival, I went to the drinking party with the other teachers. I feel that Japanese work drinking parties are something that everyone should experience at least once in their lives. Give them a few beers and all the social pressure and self-inflicted misery come crashing down, for a few hours at least. It also lets you see your co-workers go apeshit, which is a very enlightening experience. If you drink enough, you too can get in on the nonsense. Once, at a drinking party for the Ghetto School, I did the Barbie Girl song at karaoke … both parts. I had a Barbie Girl dance going on too and all the male teachers took this opportunity to grope a “real American girl”. It was a special evening I’ll never forget, no matter how hard I try.
Anyway, at this drinking party, I ended up talking to one of the English teachers. She’s 27, and really hot (don’t even think of sending me a “you should hook up with her” email) (Afterthought: you can’t have her either). She did a study abroad at the University of California, Riverside for a year, and as a result her English is pretty good. And much like any Japanese who’s left the country for any length of time, she longs to get out for good.
We were talking about living in Japan, and I was telling her about how when I first came, I considered the possibility of living in Japan for the rest of my life. Now, not so much. I said it was possible, but only if I met a completely awesome girl who I wanted to marry but didn’t want to leave Japan. Oh, and I’d need a REALLY HIGH paying job too. I added that this was highly unlikely though, and I doubted I would get married in Japan. She laughed and asked me why not. I casually told her that Japanese girls may not be what I’m looking for.
She smiled slyly. “Oh, I know what you mean. Fucking Japanese girls, they really suck.”
Homey say what now? Ms. Americanized, is that you?
This is the first time in two years I’ve EVER heard her use swears. I asked where she got that kind of language. “My American friends taught me.” She said, still grinning over having successfully sweared in English.
To all of you back home – if you happen to have a young Japanese exchange student among your circle of friends, or in your care, please do NOT teach them swear words. Sure, it may seem funny to you, but then they’ll go back to Japan and hit me with it at some point, and I just can’t deal with cute young Japanese girls freely saying “fuck” around me. It’s just an unholy combination, like shrimp and mayonnaise on a pizza, a peanut butter and marmalade sandwich, or Elton John and Eminem.
“By the way,” she continues. “how is Ms. Americanized?” Both she and Ms. Americanized are in charge of the basketball clubs at their schools, so they meet when the two schools play each other. I dunno why Ms. Americanized came up at this point in the conversation though, maybe she’s tutoring this teacher about English swear words? I can just see the two of them standing together, watching over the basketball game, and Ms. Americanized turns to Ms. Americanized 2 and says “Now, when you use it as an adjective, it becomes “fucking”, as in fucking bastards, or fucking Japanese girls.”
But there you have it. “Fucking Japanese girls”, straight from the horse’s mouth. I’ve done all I could to stem the tide of Yellow Fever, if you men choose to continue down this path the consequences are all on you.