Gaijin Smash

Azrael Goes to Tokyo, Part 2

Posted in Blog by gaijinsmashnet on July 2, 2005

Having struck out at the club, I now slept at the base of Tokyo Tower. Outside. There were some young people hanging out in the area, but I didn’t think much of them. I slept lightly, drifting in and out. At one point, I thought they came over to mess with me… but I don’t know if this happened or if I dreamt it.
At some point, a black van drove up and parked just a few meters behind me. At about 3:30, I was awoken by a loud noise. I turned to see that some of the kids had slashed one of the tires on the van. Literally seconds later, a police car came by. The kids tried to run away, but the police eventually caught them. Another police car pulled up and parked directly behind me. I didn’t know if it was ok to be sleeping on the bench like that, so I just sat up. A male police officer came my way. He said good evening to me and I returned it. But I made it look like I was just another random tourist who didn’t speak Japanese. He got that vibe, and with his natural Japanese fear of English kicking in, he walked away… but didn’t leave the area yet.
Meanwhile, yet another police car pulled up. This time a policewoman got out and started talking to me. She told me that it’s ok for me to sleep on the bench, but that I should be careful because there was a murder in Roppongi that night and the murderer was still on the loose. I did not know that. She then started asking me questions like where I was from, what I was doing in Tokyo, where was my ID, etc. She was really nice, so it took me awhile before I realized I was actually being questioned. I think I finally caught on when she asked if I was carrying any sharp knives in my bag. Only in Japan will the police ask you if you happen to have the murder weapon on you.


My answers were satisfactory I guess. The policewoman again warned me to take care, and they were off. I thanked my Lucky Charms I didn’t end up being a murder suspect. I went laid back down, and slept lightly until about 5AM. Since the trains were running, I decided to head out to my next location, Ueno Park. I was still sleepy, so I figured I’d find somewhere nice to sleep there. I bid my Tokyo Tower sanctuary goodbye and was on my way.
Az’s Travel Tip #4 – If you ever find yourself in a position where you don’t have access to a bath or shower, alcohol wet-wipes are the next best thing.
At this point, my feet really hurt. A lot. I wasn’t wearing walking shoes, and had done a whole lot of walking. I was hoping that having rested for a few hours would have helped, but they were still in a lot of pain, especially my right foot. I decided to check it out later.
At Ueno Park there were NO good places to sleep. And there were a lot of old people roaming around doing their morning exercises. I found a somewhat decent rock and laid down again. It was starting to rain very lightly, but not enough to actually get me soaking wet so I paid it no attention. I woke up with various different bugs crawling over me. I shook them off and headed to the station. I was looking for a Starbucks, but somehow I couldn’t find one (which was strange… there’s a Starbucks every 10 feet in Japan). I eventually settled on a Hard Rock Cafe, and had a chili dog for breakfast (Yes. A chili dog. For breakfast.).
At Hard Rock, I was finally able to take a good look at my feet. As I feared, both were blistered up pretty badly. I had one on my right foot that was making it hard to walk. It was right between my big toe and the ball of my foot, and filled with pus. I decided that one had to be popped. Sadly, blister-popping tools weren’t among the things I packed with me on this trip. I almost wished I had the murder weapon from before, maybe I’d be behind bars somewhere in Tokyo but at least I wouldn’t have this giant pulsating blister anymore. I took a quick look around Hard Rock. Nothing really useable…except for maybe the utensils. I briefly considered using one of the butter knives, or the fork. But then my mind jumped ahead, and I pictured the following conversation…
Doctor: So, you tried to pop it…with a fork?
Me: Well, it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Ok, maybe not. Another scan didn’t produce any better tools. I did find toothpicks, but again I could clearly envision the above conversation (substitute “fork” with “toothpick”) so abandoned the thought.
I left the Hard Rock cafe around 11, but unfortunately it was raining quite hard. I didn’t feel like buying anything else, so I went into an Irish bar in the station. Here, I put my Batman-like ingenuity to work, and used my keychain to lace a small hole into the blister, effectively popping it. Popping that blister helped a lot, but my feet were still in bad shape.
Nonetheless, I decided to at least try to get on with my day. I went to Harajuku hoping to find something interesting, but it was nothing more than wanna-be trendy, boring clothes shops (I don’t see what Gwen Stefani is wetting her panties over). I headed out to Shinjuku, and decided to just chill in an arcade for awhile. Japanese gamers are known to be among the top players in the world. While the best of the best didn’t frequent this particular arcade, there were still some good players there. I did allright, even winning a few games.
Eventually I left to find a bank and meet up with my friends from the night before (who were now ready to go clubbing). As I was walking the street, I noticed a foreign guy taking a long, hard look at me. Finally, he spokes up. “Hey, don’t you have a website about teaching in Japan or something? Aren’t you that Azrael guy?”
…Hoooooly shit.
I’m still chalking this one up to random coincidence, though. I don’t really believe I have any e-celebrity status or anything like that. It’s hard to tell though, because most of my days are spent with my friends who could care less, and Japanese people who have no idea. I am starting to wonder if, when I go back to the states, people will be walking up to me and saying stuff like, “Aren’t you that Kancho guy?” I did always want to be famous, but most certainly NOT for that.
My friends and I had dinner at TGI Friday’s in Roppongi. My Australian friend had heard of a Philly Cheesesteak, but never actually eaten one. He decided to give the one on the TGI Friday’s menu a try. That cheesesteak peaced him the fuck out. It looked like it was going down his esophagus kicking and punching. To his credit he finished it all, but he definitely looked like the loser in a prize fight.
God bless American food.
After eating, we began to mentally prepare ourselves for the Godlessness that is the Roppongi strip…
To Be Continued…

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14 Responses

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  1. Tobby said, on October 4, 2006 at 6:54 am

    Sound so AWsome to live in japan:)
    I’m looking forward to read Azrael Goes to Tokyo, Part 3 πŸ™‚
    Btw, how could anyone know who you are, when you don’t have any “about” page or somthing like that on this page. At least i didn’t find any “about me” page or pic’s…
    Anyway,Your blog is awsome.
    GJ:)
    From a Norwegian reader.

  2. Max said, on October 4, 2006 at 9:41 am

    Dude, so what happened to the guy that um…recognised you ?
    Need to let a doc check up on that blister…but considering your past with Jap doctors….meh…
    Good luck !

  3. lulu said, on October 4, 2006 at 7:15 pm

    hey, aren’t you that octopus guy?

  4. Sean said, on October 4, 2006 at 11:07 pm

    I don’t think you realize how famous you are. In fact, this website is sort of like your “second wave” of e-fame. Your original site made the rounds a year or two back: I had friends randomly e-mailing it to me after I had read it. Then everyone discussed it on the TMMB, and now you’re posting new content here that’s great and is getting attention again..
    Hey, it could be worse. You could be the Bunny and be famous for taking big shits.

  5. Sendai Mai said, on October 4, 2006 at 11:34 pm

    Is this a joke??? I read your “Kancho” story and was doubled over laughing at my computer desk. But, I can’t figure out if you are a fiction writer… or if you are really a teacher in Japan. No…you couldn’t possibly be. Your stories are far too amusing to be true. Nonetheless, thank you for giving a sista a real good laugh.
    Creative Mai

  6. Colin said, on October 5, 2006 at 1:39 am

    You’ve definitely achieved major e-celebrity status. Quite a lot of people I know have read your sites (this and the old one), and I’ve been surprised how many times I’ve started to mention something you wrote and people say, “wait, that Azrael guy? The American English teacher in Japan?” I think you’ll be happy to know that not a single person in that situation has mentioned kancho in any way. Even if they did, though, look at it this way; would you rather be famous for being “that Kancho guy,” or famous for being Hard Gay?
    Btw, in regards to one of your essays back on the old site (“Exiled”), my roommate and I have started frequently using the phrase “bat-hit it all night long.” Just thought you’d find that interesting. Or frightening. Or both.

  7. Neil said, on October 5, 2006 at 4:53 am

    I think that most people reading this site must have at least a passing interest in Japan (right?)… anyway, I’m currently on holiday out here (in Osaka today) and when I see any six-feet-plus black guys then I do glance at them just to check it’s not you. Obviously that doesn’t apply to the guys in Roppongi who offer all kinds of deals to various bars to see “titty”, but any other large black gentlemen and I’m trying to take a sneaky glance to see if I recognise you, thinking “is that him? does he look like a dick-dodging ninja? does he have the vacant expression of a man who has been kancho-ed by a young japanese kid?”
    And as somebody earlier commented – I don’t think you realise how many people read this site, and you have put the occasional picture up on it for us to all use to identify/stalk you.
    To be honest, I’m surprised that that was the first time that it has happened to you…
    Thanks for the Kancho stories by the way – I think they saved me from getting Kancho-ed by an eight year old boy in Kanazawa last week. I was walking from the gardens to the modern art museum minding my own business, trying to avoid the million and one kids on school trips. I spotted one group of kids with an obvious rebellious type among them – picking up spiders and throwing them at the girls, trying to trip up his friends etc. As I walked past, I heard a hushed silence come over the group. “hmmm… that’s a little odd” I thought “maybe they don’t see gaijin that often and are in awe of my large size and strangely coloured skin”. Then I heard the faintest of footsteps approaching me from behind at a quick pace, and felt my spidey senses tingle… a flashback to your stories went through my head in an almighty “oh shit” moment. I spun round quick sharp to see the rebellious kid about an arm’s reach (his arm’s reach, not mine) behind me, already moving into a kancho-crouch position. A couple of seconds later and it would have been too late. I haven’t checked my travel medical insurance, but I’m not sure it covers rectal injuries caused by a young child whilst out walking. It would have been difficult to explain that one to my friends and family back home too…
    The kid had the biggest “I’ve just been busted” face on him, and then smiled and just said “hello”. Yeah, because that’s an appropriate reaction to being busted attempting to anally assault a strange looking white guy while you’re on a school field trip… not knowing much (any) Japanese, I just pointed at him and yelled random angry nonsense at him. That kind of scared him (it would scare me too if I was an eight year old japanese kid and a huge strange looking gaijin started yelling at me in a foreign language) and he ran off, followed by his class mates who were all laughing and giggling.
    So…. thanks for saving my ass (literally), I owe you one.
    PS – the chilli dog in part 1… did it come from Vie de France – I had one of theirs today. mmmm… lovely.

  8. Anonymous said, on October 5, 2006 at 6:02 pm

    @ Sendai Mai = They’re all true πŸ™‚

  9. Anonymous said, on October 5, 2006 at 6:02 pm

    @ Sendai Mai = They’re all true πŸ™‚

  10. amirahsyuhada said, on October 5, 2006 at 11:08 pm

    azrael, i had read some of your post at outnine, and some post was post in different date on this site. Why? is this site just you writing? and not your current jurnal? So how about your situation now? are u still at japan, and with your japanese girlfriend.
    hey at my country, we also have game like kancho, but we not call it kancho, it just a game for boys to shock their friend or enemies.

  11. Scott said, on October 6, 2006 at 2:21 am

    Even if Japan is safer, I still don’t think I could fall asleep in a park or inside a bar at all! I’d be way too paranoid.

  12. Genibibiou said, on December 6, 2006 at 11:29 am

    ^.^ I remember this post. I remember thinking back then- “You’d think band-aids would have been a necessity for sleeping outside”. Chili dogs rule- morning, noon, or night.
    I never really got kancho’ed when I ws there. I mean, I guess it’s not really as common in high school, but I’m still glad I was mentally prepared for an Ass Attack in case something were to happen.
    I got a lot of “What are your 3 sizes?” and, “What kinds of pills do you take?” (They were convinced that all American girls take The Pill, along with speed, meth, and other random drugs). I also got guys trying to touch my breasts a lot (being a D-cup in a japanese high school is a curse.) Even the TEACHERS were prone to staring! Here’s one scenario:
    ((4th day of classes, during break in my homeroom))
    Annoying Bastard 1: Hey, what are your 3 sizes?
    Me: What? 3 sizes? (I had never been asked that before)
    A.B.1: Your sizes- how big is your breasts, hips and ass?
    Me: O.o WHAT?!
    Other girls: Yes yes! Tell us!
    Me: O.O. . . . =.= Uh…No. I don’t think so.
    Annoying Bastard 2: Should we guess?
    Me: Guess???
    Girls: Oh yes! Let us guess!!
    Me: Fine. Sure. Go on and guess.
    Annyoying bastard 1: *walks over* I need to feel them to guess right.
    Me: *In english* NO FUCKING WAY! You step back RIGHT NOW, bucko!
    Class:………. “Bucko”?
    Boys: Haha! “Bucko”-kun, she is getting angry!
    Girls: Bucko-kun! Bucko-kun! Heeheehee!
    AB1: Don’t call me that! *looks at me angrily* Let me feel them!! *reaches arms out*
    Me: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!!
    I grabbed his hand and twisted it. I think I heard his wrist pop. He screamed girlier than I did, and that’s when the teacher came in. He and I got lectured by the teacher, and when I told the teacher what happened, he said, “That’s all? Well, you should have just let him feel them. It would have caused a lot less trouble.”
    I hated that teacher…

  13. evil_tennyo said, on December 15, 2006 at 9:42 pm

    LMAO!! omg that is funny!! ur popular now lol πŸ™‚ but im wondering, how come ur friends didnt offer to shack u up??

  14. Corey said, on February 19, 2007 at 12:51 am

    hehehe its about time you met a fan πŸ˜„


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