Return of the Mack
I was sitting in the teachers’ room, doing whatever it is I do there, probably trying to stay awake and make it look like I’m being productive. It was between classes, so students roamed by in the hallways. I heard my name and looked up to see Watson standing in the doorway. “Watch. Please.” he said in English.
Almost two years now. Almost two years and he is still after my watch. I don’t even think it’s about the watch anymore, now it’s the principal of the matter.
The other teachers, meanwhile, laugh and say, “Oh, he wants your watch huh?” Yeah, it’s funny huh? I was laughing too… two years ago. WHY THE FUCK AREN’T YOU DOING ANYTHING TO DISCOURAGE THIS?! When this kid is a beggar on the street I know who to blame now. That, or one of the old guys who stands in front of the sex salons trying to usher guys in. But never us Gaijin guys. Cause we’re diseased and dirty and we’ll probably beat the whores up or something. Old dudes are probably jealous of our Gaijin Power™ at any rate.
Noisy Fucker came up behind Watson, who is no small kid and was more or less blocking the whole door. Noisy Fucker took one look at him, then without even thinking about it, reached up, grabbed Watson’s wrist, and twisted it a little. Watson recoiled, and Noisy Fucker walked effortlessly through the door. Of course, he didn’t forget to make his obligatory “WAAAAAAAAAAAUGH” “Coming Through the Door” sound.
I was shocked. I have to struggle with Watson for what seems like an eternity, and Noisy Fucker just handled him as if he were nothing. I couldn’t believe it. To make matters worse, another male teacher went to leave with Watson still in the way. Watson then did something… well, I can’t call it surprising, but I certainly wasn’t expecting it. He tried to grab this Japanese teacher’s dick. I always figured Watson was so determined to grab mine because I’m a big black guy, and Japan perpetuates the stereotype. I sort of assumed that Watson didn’t have any interest in his own countrymen’s dicks, but apparently I was absolutely wrong. I no longer felt special. Then I realized I was disappointed because a 15-year old Japanese boy isn’t grabbing my dick exclusively, and let me tell you, 70+ showers later I still feel dirty. What is this country doing to me?
This teacher, acting purely on reaction time, grabbed Watson’s hands, then gave him a gentle shove down the hallway. Watson scampered away, and the teacher was free to go to wherever he was going. Again, I was shocked. I always considered large black men to be sort of overpowering in the grand scheme of things. Most people have a general fear/respect for us, with the notable exceptions of black women and the American police. However, while I had to endure epic struggles against this boy, two Japanese men, one being a Noisy Fucker no less, dispatched him with ease. It left me baffled for the better part of the day.
It was then that I had a life-changing realization. My ANGST! had long since subsided, but my precious Kancho and Dodgedick Senses™ were still down. I’d assumed it was because of the ANGST!, but that wasn’t it at all. Those Senses were kind of like a starter guide, training wheels for the uninitiated foreigner who simply has no idea that at some point in his life, an ambitious Japanese boy (or ten) will be trying to grab his dick, poke him in the ass, or on some occasions, both at the same time. I, however, had gotten too comfortable in them. Egotistical, even. God had to knock me down a few pegs, which is why the Senses disappeared. The point is not to become some sort of Dickdodging Hero, no! (I can’t imagine what crimes you’d stop with those powers anyway.) It’s all about self-preservation. I’d forgotten that.
Once I realized myself, I ascended to a higher level of defense. I don’t have anymore senses. I don’t need them. Now, it’s just natural. Case in point – I was outside, watching the tennis club practice. The tennis club is kind of isolated from the rest of the field, separated by a chain link fence. The baseball club was doing their own thing, and soccer club was miles away. I stood all alone, or so I thought. Suddenly, I turned around. There was nothing going off in my head, no warning signals, not even a thought. I just turned, and as I did I saw an ichinensei girl (the same girl who’d asked me for my profile back when I got molested) coming at me in the classic Kancho Approach – knees bent, shoulders low, arms out in front, fingers at the ready.
“What in the world were you just about to do?” I asked her.
She straightened herself. “Oh, nothing. Nothing at all. …Nice day, isn’t it?”
I’m back bitches. Bring the pain, I’m waiting for it.