Gaijin Smash

Dynamic Duo

Posted in Blog by gaijinsmashnet on June 8, 2005

I like all of my English teachers, I really do. I’m lucky in that respect; not all JET’s can say they do. But working with the Big-Headed Boyfriend teacher and the Americanized teacher at the Ghetto School is especially fun.
One day I was in an ichinensei class with BHB teacher (I really have to think of a better way to refer to her). The ichinensei were playing a “Who are you?” game. They pick one of 4-5 historical Japanese families. They then walk around asking other students, “Are you Nobanaga? Are you Ieyasu?” If yes, then they are members of the same family, and united. To start off, me and the teacher demonstrated how to play. We showed a successful example… after finding out that we were of the same family, we shook hands. Improving a bit, I went to give her a half-hug, to effectively show the “family” concept. She went to give me a half-hug back, but she wasn’t really paying attention to what she was doing. So as she leaned in, she wound up headbutting me. Pretty hard, actually. It took me a moment to stop seeing stars and remember where I was.

After class ended, I was joking around with her about the headbutt. “That was surprisingly strong you know,” I said. “I know,” she replied, “I have a forehead of stone.” She then joked that the next time the bastard boys got out of line, she had a powerful weapon to use against them.
It was only later that I realized the humor of Big-Headed Boyfriend Teacher giving me a stonecutters headbutt. Maybe that’s why she was so opposed to her boyfriend’s large cranium; their potential children would come out as mutant egg-heads or something. With a fatal headbutt.
As we were leaving class, we ran into the Americanized teacher. She asked us how class went. “She headbutted me!” I exclaimed. The Americanized teacher turned to her, gave her the thumbs up and said in English, “You go girl!”
The next day I had class with the Americanized teacher. In this class, the students are supposed to write fan mail to a celebrity/sports star/musician/English teacher (ahem) of their choice. After the class, I casually remarked that I was actually getting fan mail myself now.
Her: Oh really? Why is that?
Me: Well…I kind of have this website where I talk about being a teacher in Japan. Strangely it’s gotten pretty popular.
Her: Oh, I see.
Notice her complete and total apathy here.
Me: Yeah, it seems that Westerners are shocked to learn about things that go on in Japanese schools, like kancho…
Her: That’s right, huh? And the constant talk about sex…
Me: Penis-grabbing…
Her: Those noisy students…
Me: Don’t forget noisy teachers either.
Her: ….Yeah. Japan’s weird, did you know that?
This just completely floored me. How perfect is that? That is one of the greatest sentences I’ve ever heard. I’m going to print it out and hang it as a banner on my wall. I told her that.
Her: Yeah, use that. Use it on your website too. Make me more popular.
Me: They already love you.
Her: Oh, well then, that’s all that matters.
And no, none of you can have her email/contact info, don’t even ask.


26 Responses

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  1. shinnoir said, on September 13, 2006 at 2:19 am

    haha… that was pretty funny XD… makes me look forward even more on living in japan, hehe ;p…

  2. Allen said, on September 13, 2006 at 3:21 am

    Can I have her contact information? /troll off, great article once agian.

  3. Steve said, on September 13, 2006 at 3:56 am

    Sounds like your day was better than mine, ive been evading kanchos all day, like its some stick a finger in and win a prize type deal.

  4. asian dude said, on September 13, 2006 at 5:48 am

    ahh. she sounds so cool! pictures pictures!!

  5. Woo! said, on September 13, 2006 at 8:45 am

    Yo Az, maybe you’ve thought of this before, but would it be cool to have your students ask someone that lives in America any question they’d like (in English)? Then when we respond, they’d have to decipher the English (because I’m sure they won’t understand all of the American colloquialisms) to understand our answers. Seeing as how I can’t find a direct email to you I thought I’d send this idea your way and volunteer myself as someone to answer those questions. I’m an English major at the University of South Florida (Tampa) and I figured after reading this site for so long that maybe I could provide you with something that you could use with your students. Again if you’re interested I’ll provide you with any information about myself so as to make this project easy.
    By the way, you need not post this as a comment – I just figured I’d send you this idea along with my email address in case you were interested. Be easy, Az!

  6. james said, on September 13, 2006 at 10:36 am

    WOW…you know your on Wikipedia?

  7. Highpower said, on September 13, 2006 at 5:01 pm

    So can I have her……oh.

  8. Helniev said, on September 13, 2006 at 8:11 pm

    Awwwww come on, give it up! We want to know what BHB looks like! Cooooooome ooooon Jeff!!
    Awwwwwwwww, party pooper!

  9. Yroc said, on September 13, 2006 at 9:02 pm

    That would be like the ultimate wrestler right? An egg head, stone hard forhead combo? now with that pointed head and the japanese decent, wouldn’t that make kancho interesting when he was a ki……nevermind….

  10. The other one said, on September 13, 2006 at 10:19 pm

    I know it’s a little late in the run of these articles but I was thinking it would be pretty cool if you could get Miss Americanized to write an article. It would be interesting to find out what ends up being weird in her eyes.

  11. Erin said, on September 13, 2006 at 11:48 pm

    The son of one of my coworkers is considering going to Japan to teach English for a year. I told my coworker about kancho and he didn’t believe me. So I sent him and his wife the url to gaijin smash. I wonder if his son will still want to go to Japan now.

  12. Matt said, on September 14, 2006 at 12:53 am

    Genki Desu ka?
    Kick ass; Just read all your stories and I’m loving it man. I’d kill to be where you are. Keep them coming you rock.

  13. wintermute said, on September 14, 2006 at 3:20 am


  14. Cloak said, on September 14, 2006 at 4:07 pm

    That’s awesome that you told them about the site. What would be even MORE hilarious is if they actually found it and read about all the funny stuff you experience.
    Tell me that wouldn’t be the funniest week in school, ever.

  15. xiko said, on September 14, 2006 at 4:30 pm

    what about a pic?

  16. James said, on September 14, 2006 at 6:21 pm

    Hey, new reader, just went through all your archives…. wonderful stuff, keep it going… I should get my bachelor’s in about a year or two and was thinking about joining the JET program, so this stuff is great material 😀
    Does any of your students/co-workers read this blog?

  17. Anonymous said, on September 14, 2006 at 6:39 pm

    Dude she is freakin awesome. I mean her saying that right then, “Perfect.”

  18. Anonymous said, on September 14, 2006 at 6:39 pm

    Dude she is freakin awesome. I mean her saying that right then, “Perfect.”

  19. Cameron said, on September 19, 2006 at 5:03 pm

    Didn’t want it anyway…

  20. Dange said, on September 23, 2006 at 5:10 am

    well hey if we cant get her contact info you COULD always give her mine! lol
    anyway, i love the diferances i read about from you, it goes as far as making me want to go into jet

  21. evil_tennyo said, on December 15, 2006 at 7:08 pm

    i am a big fan of ms. americanized! i was shocked that she watched South Park (though it did explain it).

  22. Corey said, on February 14, 2007 at 11:27 pm

    Yeah Ms.Americanized is kick-ass.

  23. Emily said, on August 18, 2007 at 2:13 pm

    ahaha I love your americanized teacher, she’s kind of awesome.

  24. Anonymous said, on August 24, 2008 at 10:24 pm

    I found this place through a friend today… it’s kinda getting like Densha Otoko, eh? Pretty cool.

  25. Anonymous said, on August 24, 2008 at 10:24 pm

    I found this place through a friend today… it’s kinda getting like Densha Otoko, eh? Pretty cool.

  26. Kade said, on January 20, 2009 at 12:49 am

    Wow, I just realized just how much BHB teacher is like my Japanese teacher here in the States. Her name is Taniguchi-sensei and she is one of the most frightening Japanese people I have ever met. She might be small but she is fierce! She is also fond of English phrases and trying to pronounce weird words with r’s in them O_o
    Love your blog! It’s kept me sane while studying for finals 😀

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