Gaijin Smash

Round Three

Posted in Blog by gaijinsmashnet on February 12, 2005

I shouldn’t even have to tell you who this editorial is about.
For those of you lacking Batman-like deductive prowess, this is the return of the “Please!” and “I’ll get it one day” boy.
He also has a thing for trying to take my wristwatch. He asks me to give it to him, and when I tell him ‘no’ he tries to take it off my wrist. I don’t see the appeal. It’s a $20 Mossimo watch from Target, but it’s my cheap Target watch, damnit. I told him to ask his parents to buy him one for Christmas, but he just replied with, “That won’t work!” When he’s not trying to grab my dick, he’s trying to steal my watch.
It’s an interesting life I lead.


This day, he kept pointing to his wrist all day and grinning at me. I responded by pointing at myself and mouthing, “mine.” After class, much to no one’s surprise, he came up to the front and started trying to steal my watch. It’s a banded watch, so all I really have to do to stop him is spread my palm out so he can’t slide it off. He doesn’t have the power to force my hand into a fist either. So, no worries there.
However, suddenly my Dodgedick Sense™ went crazy. I didn’t even know I had a Dodgedick Sense™ but this thing was going off the charts. I started backing away from him, and more or less the second he lost interest in stealing my watch, he started trying to grab my dick. I was quick to catch both his arms and restrain him, much like before. My teacher, the same guy incidentally, looked up and just laughed. So yet again, I’m on my own. Sigh.
I whined about repeatedly being stuck in this situation. My ambitious friend had not come unprepared this time. While I had him good and locked down, another boy came over. “Now, while he’s busy holding me!” the first boy called out, “Grab it, grab it! Aim for the center!”
What the hell is this?! Now they’re networking?! That is not allowed.
So now I had boy #2 advancing on me while I restrained boy #1. I couldn’t very well let him go, so I spun him around, and using him as a shield of sorts, tried to defend against boy #2. My Japanese teacher commented, as I pressed boy #1 up against me for protection, “Oh look! They’ve become great friends! It’s so nice.”
Thanks again.
Boy #1 broke my defenses, turned around, and took a pretty close stab at it. He missed… but not by much. “You got it!” boy #2 said. “How big? Was it this big?” He held out his hands for a visual cue.
“A little bigger than that.” boy #1 responded.
“You didn’t grab anything!” I promptly told him.
“I did! I got it!”
“Then why do I still need to restrain you?”
“I need another grab for confirmation.”
The second boy eventually went off to do his own thing, and my teacher made yet another silent exit. How do Japanese people do that anyway? Batman would be jealous of their “Now I’m here, now I’m not!” space-warping abilities. Before I leave the country, I wanna learn how to teleport around like they do. Unfortunately, I spend most of my time restraining zealous young boys who want to grab my dick.
I carried him out into the hallway, again, and told him I’d carry him back to the teachers’ room if I had to, again. He still wouldn’t give up, so I set him down, gave him a gentle push in the opposite direction, and ran like hell to the staircase. He pursued, but when he realized he wouldn’t catch up to me before I reached the teachers’ room (and there, he’d be yelled at by the guy who loves his own voice), he gave up.
So I did manage to win Round 3, but not by much. Much like The Borg, this boy is adapting to my defenses and evolving new ways to grab my penis. I’m almost afraid to go back, I don’t know if I’ll be prepared for whatever new tactic he has up his sleeve next time. Resistance is futile. You will have your dick grabbed.
Another day…

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25 Responses

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  1. Anonymous said, on July 13, 2006 at 10:15 pm

    the blog is going downhill.

  2. Anonymous said, on July 13, 2006 at 10:15 pm

    the blog is going downhill.

  3. Derek Chappell said, on July 13, 2006 at 10:21 pm

    Nice… I recommend a forward-facing groin-mounted bear trap. There will not be another round after that.

  4. shenty said, on July 14, 2006 at 7:36 am

    Round 3 a riot, I’m wishing you the best of luck for round 4
    I think it’s time to upgrade, perhaps get some armour? Think about wearing a cup.

  5. dev said, on July 14, 2006 at 1:54 pm

    I’ve been reading you since I found out I was accepted into JET this year. My friend passed you along.
    Anyway, I’ve also been reading my predecessor’s blog from Iwate.
    You two have had entirely different experiences…
    I’m just happy I don’t have a penis.

  6. mob1900 said, on July 14, 2006 at 2:03 pm

    For Christ’s sake just let him grab it and wallow in eternity knowing he’ll never have the size! You could probably teach him German along the way, Sauerkraut!

  7. katie said, on July 14, 2006 at 3:18 pm

    Maybe it’s time to buy a cup? that way they can never grab it and all you have to do is stand there laughing at their stupidity rather than restrain them out-think them

  8. Axel said, on July 14, 2006 at 4:19 pm

    Never in life.

  9. Joey said, on July 14, 2006 at 8:26 pm

    Rofl.
    Just wear a large suit of chain mail next time you go in. 😛

  10. Anonymous said, on July 14, 2006 at 8:49 pm

    SHEESH. Nah, this guy swore he’d never wear a cup, and I wouldn’t want him to go soft on us now!

  11. Anonymous said, on July 14, 2006 at 8:49 pm

    SHEESH. Nah, this guy swore he’d never wear a cup, and I wouldn’t want him to go soft on us now!

  12. The Blake said, on July 15, 2006 at 12:20 am

    If you’re willing to carry him all the way to the teachers’ lounge, I think that swirly one hallway away is definitely worth it.

  13. J said, on July 16, 2006 at 3:16 pm

    Why dont you just floor the kid, then no one will touch you.

  14. Anonymous said, on July 18, 2006 at 3:06 pm

    I think you mean bratwurst?

  15. Anonymous said, on July 18, 2006 at 3:06 pm

    I think you mean bratwurst?

  16. Anonymous said, on July 24, 2006 at 6:20 pm

    Your blog rocks.
    Now I know who you are, from BT.
    you should have said you had it, I could have read up long ago.

  17. Anonymous said, on July 24, 2006 at 6:20 pm

    Your blog rocks.
    Now I know who you are, from BT.
    you should have said you had it, I could have read up long ago.

  18. deathberry said, on July 27, 2006 at 9:20 pm

    you forget you’re in japan! if you have gaijin super powers the have MAD NINJA SKILLZ! that’s why they seem to pop in and out all over the place!

  19. Jordan said, on August 12, 2006 at 11:59 pm

    Just start wearing a cup.

  20. DyobolikaL said, on August 20, 2006 at 12:09 am

    They are gay or they just want to feel a really big dick that they will never have.

  21. Orioza said, on September 11, 2006 at 9:49 am

    Reminds me of the story of “the little train who could”. Now that is determination.

  22. celestial said, on September 21, 2006 at 3:13 am

    have you thpght about mabye punishing one of these people. you keep leting them get away with it.
    give the kid a ditention or something.

  23. kens said, on September 25, 2006 at 6:22 pm

    why dont u just let them grab it…..lol

  24. Lee said, on October 7, 2006 at 4:33 pm

    Omoshirosugiru yo! Ano gaki wo yamesasete ne! (lol) Ganbatte ne.

  25. Erin said, on May 7, 2007 at 12:19 am

    I actually find this game of Dodgedick really creepy! What the hell is wrong with this little boy? Is Japan really that ok with grabbing each other’s penises? I know any high school boy in America would not have some ongoing game like that with any teacher for fear of having their sexuality questioned, at the very least. Plus, the fact that the other adults in the room don’t find this creepy creeps me out even more.


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