Gaijin Smash

My Kids Are Perverted 2

Posted in Blog by gaijinsmashnet on February 10, 2005

I love the sannensei at the ghetto school. They’re really nice, funny, energetic, and spirited. It’s such a change from the bastard sannensei from last year and the bastard ninensei I have now. I enjoy going to the sannensei classes, because it’s always fun and interesting.
They’re still pervs though.
I know I’ve said this before, but what you are about to read is a completely true story – nothing has been added, changed, or even embellished.
I was in a sannensei class at the ghetto school. This class happened to have two of the boys who’d cornered me and asked if I was a Cherry Boy. Usually I start class by asking the students some random English questions as a warm-up. Today, as my last question, I decided to open it up and ask the students if they had any questions for me. They all looked around nervously, until one boy raised his hand and in English asked, “Do you love your girlfriend?” I replied sharply, “No. Next Question!” This of course got their attention, and they wanted more info. My English teacher (the one with the big-headed boyfriend) was aware of everything, and realizing it was a sensitive subject, silenced the students and ushered them into the lesson.

As soon as we broke for pairwork though, Cherry Boy #1 (I wish I had a better nickname for him) came up to me and asked if I’d separated with my girlfriend. I said I did and he asked why. I tried to wave him off, but he was persistent, so I caved.
Me: She cheated on me.
CB1: Really? You too?
Me: Too?
CB1: Yeah, my girlfriend cheated on me too. It’s terrible.
Me: I know what you mean. My ex cheated on me with 5 guys in 4 months.
CB1: 5 guys. …5 guys?! What a slut!
Me: Tell me about it.
CB1: She was Japanese, right?
Me: Yep.
CB1: Japanese girls kind of suck.
Me: Tell me about it.
Having satisfied his curiosity, I got him to go back to his seat and work on the skit with his partner, Cherry Boy #2. After awhile, CB #1 called me to his chair to “ask a question.” Really it turned out to be another “cheating women suck” rant. I agreed with him, and at this point we had a pointed discussion on the ramifications of being cheated on and how it makes us distrust women. It was quite the man-to-man (man-to-boy?) talk, even if afterwards it left me again pondering the sequence of events that led to me having a pow-wow with a 15-year-old Japanese boy about cheating women.
At one point, he spoke up loudly and, addressing all the girls in the class, said, “You hear that girls? Don’t cheat on your boyfriends. It’s the worst! We’ll never be able to trust you.” I suppose I should have told him to focus on the lesson, but he was giving some good advice so I decided to let it slide.
They went back to working on the skit, but CB1 came up to the front of the class to ask me a question. For some reason, as he approached, he decided to point out all the students in the class who’d had sex. “Yeah… she’s had sex, her too, him, her, and oh yeah, those two had sex with each other.” He pointed to a boy in the first row and a girl in the second. They both looked up at him as he said this, and in response he said simply, “Yeah, you guys had sex together.” The girl, embarrassed, giggled, while the boy gave me a, “Yeah, I hit that.” sheepish smile. This particular boy is really good, and a great English student, if not a bit on the geeky side, so I was kind of happy. I know, I know! Fifteen-year olds having sex is just wrong and I don’t condone it, not in the least. But I still kind of wanted to give him a high-five.
If nothing else, I was really impressed with CB1’s intelligence-gathering skills. The CIA should hire him ASAP.
After a while, he and CB2 were finally ready to present the skit. It was from the lesson, a trip to the doctor’s.
CB1(as “Doctor”): Hi Mark, what’s wrong?
CB2 (as “Mark”: I have a fever.
CB1: When did it start?
CB2: Last night.
CB1: Ok, open your mouth.
CB2: Ahhhhhhhh.
CB1: Ahhhh?
CB2: Ahhhhhhhh. Ahhhhhhh yeah.
CB1: Oh.
CB2: Ohhhhhhhh yeahhhhhh. Oh! Oh! Ohhhhhh yeahhhhhh.
Me: Please stop.
CB2: You get it right? You understand?
Me: Yeah, I get it.
CB2: Of course he does. He’s not a Cherry Boy.
Me: …Yeah… so! Mark has a fever…
They finally got through the skit, and eventually class ended. I read their comments to me on the assignment. CB2 just scribbled, “Ohhhhh yeahhhh!” all over the comments box, but the teacher made him erase it. As students were filing out, CB1 came up to me once more.
CB1: Cheer up. Don’t let your ex get you down, she’s the worst. You’ll find a new girl. How about teacher?
Me: Teacher? Nah. My head’s probably too big for her.
CB1: What?
Me: Sorry. Personal joke. Anyway, she already has a boyfriend.
CB1: Yeah, but you can probably take her from him.
Me: Gaijin Smash?
CB1: What?
Me: Sorry, personal joke again.
So CB1 left, but not before another hearty, “cheating girls suck!” and a thumbs-up approval to hit on the teacher.
I told you I needed to reiterate that this is a 100% true story.


10 Responses

Subscribe to comments with RSS.

  1. KingdoK said, on July 10, 2006 at 11:46 am

    He’s right, you know. That chick sounds awesome to me. Go for it!

  2. krystal said, on July 10, 2006 at 12:43 pm

    Snagging your Teacher Friend from her boyfriend would be the ULTIMATE Gaijin Smash. 1545984 Damage Points right there.

  3. Ihmhi said, on July 10, 2006 at 2:44 pm

    This was by far the most hiliarious post I have seen, and that counts twice as much when you have the background knowledge to know what “Gaijin Smash” means. xD kekeke

  4. "...death by ceiling fan, priceless!" said, on July 10, 2006 at 2:52 pm

    Oooooooohh Ha! Your Gaijin Skills are Legendary! But they are no match for my Fanship!I shall counter your Insightful Wit with my Dedicated Reading Power (infinite damage)!Chall-Onge!

  5. TLF said, on July 10, 2006 at 5:30 pm

    Dude, whats wrong with 15 year olds having sex? I first got laid when I was 14 and thats kinda the norm where Im from. “the boy gave me a, “Yeah, I hit that.” sheepish smile”, priceless!

  6. TLF said, on July 10, 2006 at 5:32 pm

    Dude, whats wrong with 15 year olds having sex? I first got laid when I was 14 and thats kinda the norm where Im from. “the boy gave me a, “Yeah, I hit that.” sheepish smile”, priceless!

  7. Marlon said, on July 11, 2006 at 8:54 am

    I love the stories, they always have me cracking up.
    The Japanese are indeed an interesting people.
    But hold on a second. Kids having sex at 15 is great now? (This is directed at TLF) Do you think that 15 year-olds can really handle the emotional side of sex. It isn’t something to be taken lightly. What if the freebie PP condom breaks and the girl gets pregnant? It happens a lot as is.

  8. Kin said, on July 11, 2006 at 9:12 pm

    Oh wow…thats so funny!! lol, man I cannot see that happening but one of my best friend is Japanese so I guess that is possible.haha..

  9. Felix said, on July 15, 2006 at 6:12 am

    Two words; Scary. Kids.
    I’ve no idea how you do it! I’d be paranoid about EVERYTHING if I were in your situation. Reading through the other entries, you’ve got to cope with Dickgrabbers, Kanchoers, Perverts and Psychos.
    I salute you!

  10. Stuey said, on July 23, 2006 at 12:07 pm

    Man, 15 yr olds having sex isn’t all that bad. I’m not saying it’s great but.
    Where I come from (Adelaide hills, Australia) it’s perfectly normal for a fella to be playing pool with a woman at that age, most people start around 13 / 14, or 15 if you look worse than an infected pussy.
    [Partly in response to Marlon]
    Again, around here, it’s not really an emotional thing, more something we just do for fun, and it’s very common to be sleeping around if you’re single.
    I don’t know about Japan or America, but in Australia, you can get a simple abortion for $500 (remember, AUD$), or, if you can’t afford that, just go in and claim you were raped, they don’t report it if you don’t want them to. Also it’s pretty easy and cheap to get the morning after pill.
    Anyway, fuck me, japanese boys sound like a rowdy bunch of little bastards.
    Keep up the good writing, and I say go for the girl, if she cheats on him then it’s not working anyway =P

Comments are closed.

%d bloggers like this: