Gaijin Smash

It’s So Pretty

Posted in Blog by gaijinsmashnet on November 17, 2004

I really don’t like one of the teachers I sit next to in the teachers’ room. For the longest time, I couldn’t figure out why, but then it finally hit me – he is completely enamored with the sound of his own voice.
He is always talking. Always. If the conversation doesn’t involve him, he’ll butt in. If he can’t do that, then he’ll talk to himself. If he has nothing better to say, then he’ll sing. Or just make sounds. Really, there is no point during the day at which sound is not coming from his mouth.
Not to mention, he’s always on the school’s PA system. It’s like his personal toy at this point. Half the time he’s announcing things that aren’t even important. When there is something to be shared, he’s the first to get up and say, “Shall we communicate it?” I can hear giddiness in his voice as he frolics to the machine. When he’s on it, it’s just pure joy. I can almost hear him thinking, “I like this wonderful machine because it makes my pretty voice big, so that all may hear.”


I like to imagine that on the weekends, he drives up to the mountains, sets up a chair, and just has a conversation with himself using the echoes.
There’s another teacher at that school who also loves his own voice and is always talking. Once he gets started, it’s damn near impossible to shut him up. To say he dominates the morning meeting is a bit of an understatement. Interestingly enough these two guys sit across from each other. Now, you’d probably think this would bring about The Apocalypse, but amazingly it creates a balance. They start talking to each other, but then they both get tired of waiting for the other person to finish so they can hear their own voices, so they give up and go back to talking to themselves.
The first guy is still the champ, though. Last week there was a music performance in the gym. As the concert ended and the students began to leave, I saw this guy giving out directions… with a bullhorn. I couldn’t believe it! Allow me to explain just why this was so ludicrous.
1. The gym isn’t that big. There are only about 330 students. Speaking loudly is enough to elevate your voice above the murmur.
2. He didn’t say much into the bullhorn.
3. What he did say everyone already knew. The sannensei leave first. Of course they leave first! They always leave first! I don’t think there’s been a day in the history of Japanese Jr. High Schools in which the sannensei didn’t leave first.
So when I saw him in particular holding the bullhorn, well, it amused me greatly, and I couldn’t explain to anyone why. I bet that wasn’t even the school’s bullhorn. It was probably his own personal bullhorn he brought from home.
As I was leaving school for the day, I saw him again outside with the tennis club, randomly barking orders into the bullhorn. Of course. Because it’s a wonderful machine that makes his pretty voice big.
I don’t think he even knows how to play tennis.

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30 Responses

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  1. Jeremy said, on May 29, 2006 at 12:23 pm

    god i hate people like that, and they usually end up having whiney voices which makes them even more irritating

  2. Bethany said, on May 29, 2006 at 12:23 pm

    I loved this the first time I read it, and I love it even more this time. Since reading this post for the very first time, I’ve met someone just like that, which makes this post all the funnier…and all the more painful.

  3. mamba said, on May 29, 2006 at 3:45 pm

    keep the Editorials comming. absolutely love them, and the are garunteed to make me laugh no matter what time or how many times iv read them.

  4. Chunky said, on May 29, 2006 at 6:02 pm

    Upload it all at the same time, for christ’s sake.

  5. Crowley said, on May 29, 2006 at 6:30 pm

    I love noisy bastard šŸ™‚ One of my favourites =)

  6. Lolerskates. said, on May 29, 2006 at 9:09 pm

    You should get your own Bullhorn and have a voice contest.

  7. foreverzero3 said, on May 29, 2006 at 10:57 pm

    QUIT POSTING 3 YEAR OLD STUFF WITH TODAY’S DATE ON IT!

  8. foreverzero3 said, on May 29, 2006 at 10:59 pm

    (I made my point the first time, but apparently I wanted to see how well I could copy and paste something)

  9. foreverzero3 said, on May 29, 2006 at 11:00 pm

    (Now I was just being silly)

  10. Azrael said, on May 29, 2006 at 11:22 pm

    There will be updates with new material very soon. Your patience is appreciated.
    As for the date issue, the software automatically posts according to date entry. So perhaps later I can go back and fix things retroactively, but for now I ask that you please have patience about this as well.
    Thank you for your understanding as I continue to sort out the bugs in a new system.

  11. Oathkeeper said, on May 30, 2006 at 12:41 am

    Nice writing, Az. Hope you update all your editorials soon.

  12. JB said, on May 30, 2006 at 1:09 am

    Ahhhh… I’d forgotten how much fun some of these were.
    Good excuse to read through the old ones again.

  13. rhinocero said, on May 30, 2006 at 3:05 am

    hurrah NEW UPDATES!!!!!! praise the lord.
    Also, people complaining – I imagine the reason he’s not uploading it all at once is because it’s being edited.

  14. Fallen_Samurai said, on May 30, 2006 at 4:50 am

    Just remember patitence is a virtue

  15. Dust Singer said, on May 30, 2006 at 5:21 am

    I absolutely love the layout for this page.
    Good luck with the move. I realize something like this can take a while. Here is hoping it goes smoothly.

  16. Parkingtigers said, on May 30, 2006 at 7:50 am

    Hi Az.
    I made a comment on the first post, but forgot to sign in to my Typekey account first. Thought I’d best repost part of it here as it was a bit of a flame-fest in there.
    Posting the articles up will, as you point out, automatically put the current date on it. How about just putting the original date as part of the article itself then? Wouldn’t have to worry about updating it later, or if you do it will at least be a great interim fix. Just put the first line to say something like:
    (Original posting July 21st 2004)
    It would do the job, and you could get on with the task of getting the archives up without having to worry about the technical issue. Just an idea. I’ve always been a fan of the series and I can see how the lack of correct dates would be annoying for a lot of people. I’m assuming you have an edit function, so a few minutes work and you could put the dates onto the top of the articles already posted as well.
    Long time fan of the series, don’t let the moaners get you down. Everyone fears change.

  17. Rebecca said, on May 30, 2006 at 10:01 am

    Hey Az, I’ve been reading for a good year now and I’m solidly in the “congrats and looking forward to new stuff when you get there” camp. People are asses when it comes to free stuff. It seems to make them think that they own a part of it or something. I agree with the post before mine, maybe make the date of the original post a part of the new post? That would clarify. Anyway I for one like reading the old stuff again, so there.

  18. Dex G said, on May 30, 2006 at 1:36 pm

    Az–
    Been reading your stuff for a while, now. I enjoy it, and am looking forward to seeing what you can do with the new site. I agree with the idea of putting something like (originally posted [date]) at the beginning of each repost of old stuff. That would eliminate the confusion over new/old material.

  19. Gil Hamilton said, on May 30, 2006 at 3:12 pm

    I am an long time reader and I have impatient angry comments about how you provide a service that is entirely free! Rwar! Argh!

  20. Kevin said, on May 30, 2006 at 6:24 pm

    I already posted a comment, but I wanted to leave another after reading the announcement over at OP9 about the “lost” editorials. I definitely look forward to reading them.

  21. Kakashi said, on May 30, 2006 at 7:32 pm

    Great fucking stories!! Can’t wait for more!

  22. Rock Lee said, on May 30, 2006 at 7:36 pm

    It’s so nice to be able to comment on these editorials now! Just re-reading them brings a smile to my face. šŸ˜€ I guess it shows through the keyboard, eh?
    I think, aside from that horribly placed ad that interrupts your block of text, the site layout isn’t half bad. Of course, I’ll miss the utter simplicity of the old, but the new one is spiffy.
    About the editorial, is the loud guy still around? I remember you took one on as the nice one because he tried. I think it was Noisy Fucker #2 who became nice. Eh. Also, I do think it was his own bullhorn.
    And about those hate mails you recieved; hilarious! (Small note: English, like for many of your other readers, is not my first language.)
    I hope you stick with this design, and that you eventually get a book deal. I don’t think you;ll be able to post the Octopus Story, though. xD

  23. Bethany said, on May 30, 2006 at 8:34 pm

    To be perfectly honest, I’m not sure why the date posted much matters. The content is still fabulous, and that’s really what we’re all here for, isn’t it?
    I can’t wait for the stories about Ultimate Sweetness to be up for my viewing pleasure again, those are probably my favorites.

  24. Pyro said, on May 30, 2006 at 9:37 pm

    Sweet, I like the new layout. Easier on my eyes. (Gottal love the darkness!) I hope to see the new ones up and such, not to mention the archives. I love to show people this stuff, it’s simply an awesome collection of your stories.

  25. shnoopy said, on May 30, 2006 at 10:39 pm

    i don’t know if you know but what is with the japnese and EATING POOP?? I am befuddled by this.

  26. shnoopy said, on May 30, 2006 at 10:42 pm

    Oh yeah, Great friggin stories! funny funny!

  27. Ryo said, on May 31, 2006 at 12:58 pm

    Haha, Az, patience is a virtue? I’m glad that you’re learning some good in Japan =]
    Pyro > Japanese don’t eat poop. o_o;

  28. Obscured said, on June 8, 2006 at 12:47 am

    Funny stuff. -wants to study to teach English- hopefully my travels will be as cool as this. Thats what makes the world go round. ^0^

  29. YJ said, on November 26, 2006 at 1:24 am

    My, for all we know, these two guys have narcissistic psychological disorders…

  30. PoetJones said, on March 31, 2007 at 11:09 pm

    As a woman of very few words (at most, one hundred and fifty a day) I would probably end up causing bodily harm to both of them. I don’t know how you could stand that!


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